Seething Hatred and Starvation
I cant do it, I cant figure out how to describe what its like to quit methodone cold turkey. To be more honest, i really dont want to think about it all that much so here goes the 5 minute version...
Roll up in a ball, puke non-stop for 16 days in a row and don’t eat anything and that is a nice framework to get started. Did you just read that and glance by the phrase “16 days in a row…” What does that mean to you, 16 days of no eating and constant puking. Its almost inconceivable to me and I was there.
Close your eyes and say, “Day 1 - Puked 6 times, Day 2 - Puked 6 times, Day 3 - etc etc etc…” It goes off into the “whatever…” category of too fucked up to make sense. I have described my overly intense phobia of needles… by day FOUR I was BEGGING for huge IV injections of anti-nausea medication. Course after tons of stabs, the medication didn’t do jack shit.
Of course I didn’t sleep at all, and 16 days in a row with nothing to do in bellvue is a feat unto itself, but this was too much. My brain was too fried to read anything for sure, and I couldn’t even take the noise from the television, so basically I just sat in bed wretching doing nothing, for 16 days in a row.
Every morning they would plop a breakfast tray down infront of me and the smell of hospital food breakfast would cause an immediate kneejerk reaction and I would lean over the side of the bed and puke up the water, I had had onto the floor. And every day they brought more.
Of course there was also the emotional rollercoaster of screaming for help one second and wanting to chop people up the next which added to my popularity. Add in maniacal hallucinations, pleas to god, pleas to the devil, pleas to ross perot, and anyone else I might think of to…
JUST MAKE IT STOP FOR 10 SECONDS!
And the best part was twice a day I got to stare at the vial of liquid methodone, and actively refuse my prescription. Who needs drug dealers when there are nurses in the world.
FUCKERS!
It is without a doubt the most intense horrific thing that can be done to you, I never understood why anyone ever needed to invent torture methods once opiates had been discovered… Just get people good and loaded on them for a month or so, then take em away.. take 2 or 3 days, and they will be selling their mother for 2 seconds of relief.
Roll up in a ball, puke non-stop for 16 days in a row and don’t eat anything and that is a nice framework to get started. Did you just read that and glance by the phrase “16 days in a row…” What does that mean to you, 16 days of no eating and constant puking. Its almost inconceivable to me and I was there.
Close your eyes and say, “Day 1 - Puked 6 times, Day 2 - Puked 6 times, Day 3 - etc etc etc…” It goes off into the “whatever…” category of too fucked up to make sense. I have described my overly intense phobia of needles… by day FOUR I was BEGGING for huge IV injections of anti-nausea medication. Course after tons of stabs, the medication didn’t do jack shit.
Of course I didn’t sleep at all, and 16 days in a row with nothing to do in bellvue is a feat unto itself, but this was too much. My brain was too fried to read anything for sure, and I couldn’t even take the noise from the television, so basically I just sat in bed wretching doing nothing, for 16 days in a row.
Every morning they would plop a breakfast tray down infront of me and the smell of hospital food breakfast would cause an immediate kneejerk reaction and I would lean over the side of the bed and puke up the water, I had had onto the floor. And every day they brought more.
Of course there was also the emotional rollercoaster of screaming for help one second and wanting to chop people up the next which added to my popularity. Add in maniacal hallucinations, pleas to god, pleas to the devil, pleas to ross perot, and anyone else I might think of to…
JUST MAKE IT STOP FOR 10 SECONDS!
And the best part was twice a day I got to stare at the vial of liquid methodone, and actively refuse my prescription. Who needs drug dealers when there are nurses in the world.
FUCKERS!
It is without a doubt the most intense horrific thing that can be done to you, I never understood why anyone ever needed to invent torture methods once opiates had been discovered… Just get people good and loaded on them for a month or so, then take em away.. take 2 or 3 days, and they will be selling their mother for 2 seconds of relief.