Fic: Take You Away (9) - part 2
“But, what, please?”
“I want you to kiss me,” he says hopefully, could cry in relief when Maxim actually kisses him. “I want-” Kevin starts, shakes his head, “my painkillers are kicking in, we should talk about this tomorrow.”
“But - please, don’t make me wait, please.” Maxim’s pleading, helpless want in his eyes, and Kevin’s never been able to say no to him.
“I want things you can’t give me,” he admits. He wants things he can’t even articulate, feelings he doesn’t know how to ask for, reassurance he isn’t sure exists.
“What can’t I give you?” Maxim asks, like the idea hurts him.
“I want you to say things - even though I know they’re not true. I want to hear you say them, I want to know what they sound like - in your voice. I want to know what it feels like to hold you when you say it and feel your breath in my ear, so I can remember it and think about it and dream about it and just know what it’s like, what I want.” He could cry from how much he wants this, just wants to know, because if he can’t have it, he at least wants to know, wants it so badly.
“Why do you think I can’t give you that for real?”
“Because it’s not true,” Kevin manages, “but I still want to know what it sounds like.”
“But what do you want to hear?”
“Will you say it? Will you do that for me, Maxi? Would you let me hear it, just once? Please?” God, he sounds too hopeful, he does, but - oh, he wants it, wants Maxim always and can’t have that, but he just wants - anything. Just to know what it feels like.
“Say what, moitié?”
“Tell me…” Kevin starts, falters with nervousness. He licks his lip, tries to go on, “tell me you love me. Tell me you want me. Tell me you’ll never leave me.” His voice cracks on the last words, and he wants to beg, to plead don’t leave me please oh please don’t ever do that again.
“But if I told you that, I’d mean it,” Maxim says, hugs Kevin closer, “I’d mean it, I really do.”
“But -” Kevin can’t keep up, doesn’t know what they’re saying, “you don’t tell me that.”
“I thought you wouldn’t want to hear it,” Maxim says. Kevin bites his lip, hopes Maxim didn’t draw him out this far just to abandon him again, act like he’ll do it and not, and Kevin couldn’t stand to feel humiliated again, he couldn’t. “But I do love you, Kev. And I‘m never going to leave you, because I love you.”
Hearing it from him - oh. Kevin shivers, almost wants to plead to have it taken back. He can’t handle this, knowing what it sounds like, not getting to hear it for real, this hurts. “That’s… pretty convincing,” he says, fights to hold himself together.
“Because I do love you,” Maxim breathes, “I never tell you because I was afraid it’d make you hate me, and I can’t lose you, you’re the most important thing, and I just really love you.” He sounds desperate with the need for Kevin to understand, and Kevin doesn’t get it, doesn’t know what’s real and what isn’t, what’s meant and what he just really wishes was his.
“Are you… just being nice to the injured guy?”
“This isn’t being nice to you,” Maxim says, his voice shaking. “It’s being in love with you really bad.”
“Is this a drug-induced hallucination?” Kevin asks, can’t believe this, because it can’t be real. It just - can’t. It’s Maxim being nice to him because he’s hurt, it’s Maxim giving him what he wants, nothing more.
“You’re killing me.” Maxim sounds like he’s going to fall apart, and he shakes his head. “Kev.”
“Okay, that’s what I figured.” It’s - a letdown. It’s having hope for the first time only to be crushed immediately, it’s knowing just what it’d feel like, having everything, and it’s not really his.
“I really love you,” Maxim nearly whimpers, “I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”
“You love me,” Kevin repeats, just - no. “Since when?” He looks up to meet Maxim’s gaze, and oh, his eyes are filled with tears.
“Since I got here and you were so sweet and Kev, you’re my best friend and I know you better than anyone, how could I not love you?” He whimpers, brings a hand up to rub at his eyes.
“Why’re you crying?” Kevin asks, holds Maxim tight. Maxim sniffles, clinging to him.
“Why won’t you believe me?”
“If - if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”
“By that logic, you couldn’t even exist,” Maxim says tearfully. The painkillers are starting to make it hard to work out anything, and Kevin just can’t follow this, and this, all this, he can’t really have this.
“What’s that even mean,” he pleads, and Maxim smiles faintly.
“It means you’re perfect and I love you.”
“And tomorrow?” Maybe - oh, maybe it’s real. Maybe he can believe this. Maybe, impossibly, Maxim might - oh please please.
“Tomorrow?”
“Is everything different now?” Kevin asks hopefully. He wants - he wants so many things, and it all comes down to just wanting Maxim, nothing but him.
“Good different,” Maxim promises, sounds a little steadier now. Kevin just hugs him tight, buries his face against Maxim’s chest. Maxim strokes over his hair, hugs him close.
“I’ve missed you, moitié, I love you,” Maxim murmurs, and it feels real. Somehow, impossibly, Kevin might really have everything he wants - maybe Maxim really loves him back.
He doesn’t believe it until the next morning. In the morning, he wakes up and Maxim’s still here. He’s asleep on Kevin’s chest, sprawled over him, and he blinks awake when Kevin hugs him hard.
“I can’t believe you’re still here,” he says, and Maxim nuzzles closer against him.
“I am.”
“For how long?” Kevin asks, almost afraid of the answer.
“For, euh, always?” Maxim lifts his head, and he’s biting his lip, smiles coyly. “I mean, we have to get out of bed sometime, but. You know.”
“I forgot to tell you something,” Kevin says. He can’t stop touching Maxim, stroking his back and holding him close. “I love you. I guess you figured that out.” Maxim smiles up at him brilliantly, eyes bright.
“Que je t’aime,” he says, leans up to kiss Kevin. He climbs up to straddle Kevin’s hips, kissing him harder and deeper, biting at his lip and licking into his mouth. Kevin wants - wants him, so much, but there’s still - he’s just not sure, can’t really count on this entirely. He kisses Maxim back hungrily, grateful for even this much, involuntarily thrusts up against him when Maxim makes a little moaning sound. “I want-” Maxim starts, pulls back from him. Kevin’s going to protest, but then he sees that Maxim’s pulling off his own shirt and tossing it aside, tugging at the hem of Kevin’s. Kevin throws off his own shirt eagerly, and then Maxim’s kissing down his chest, making pleased little humming sounds. “Just want you,” Maxim finishes, breathless, and he looks like Kevin like he’s the only thing in the world, like he always has been.
This time - somehow, this time’s different. This is long and lingering, Maxim kissing him over and over, and when Maxim moans his name, this time Kevin knows he’s saying love you, saying want you and need you. It’s everything he’s wanted since the first time he woke up without Maxim after falling asleep with him, since he first got to kiss Maxim, since Maxim first came into the locker room and took the locker next to Kevin’s and said nothing but looked at Kevin like he was asking talk to me please, and since Kevin figured out he’s the only one Maxim allows to say Maxi, he’s wanted to be the only one for everything.