story # 2
this is the version before the rewrite. i got a B-/B. the new version is due tomorrow.. oops. i am such a procrastinator. you'd think i would have learned that i stress out over the teeniest little thing and would have gotten it done already. fuck me! lol.
Stormy Weather
It was late at night and the dark clouds that had been threatening rain all day finally had released what weather forecasters would call “the worst storm in years.” Gale, caught on a deserted and dimly lit road, maneuvered her small car through the intense thunderstorm.
I knew I should have left earlier she thought as the wind pushed her car from all directions. She struggled to keep control. The sky lit up as lightning struck a tree in a nearby field causing sparks to fly.
Rain pelted the windshield and the wiper blades moved in rhythm to brush it aside. Soft music played on the radio. Stopping was not an option. Her mind slowly began to wander to earlier in the evening.
Marcus, the guy Gale had been seeing for the last year, was supposed to accompany her to her parent’s house for an informal dinner. Ten minutes prior to stepping foot outside her door she received a call. Marcus couldn’t make it. Coughing, he explained that he seemed to have come down with something. He had gone to the doctor and was awaiting test results.
Shaking, Gale sank into a chair. Now what, she thought. On the other end of the phone Marcus’ voice could be heard, “You can do it babe. I have faith in you. Call me if you need anything.”
Slowly she hung up the phone. She needed Marcus to attend. He was supposed to provide the strength and support her from the torrent of objections from her parents, not to mention the outside family view. She climbed into the car and headed out.
Once driving she felt better. Gale never minded long drives. It gave her time to think, reflect, and possibly come up with some answers. Right now, that answer was how the hell would she do this alone?
Her current job, writing for a small music magazine, had offered her a position heading up a spin-off. Relocating came with the package. It would be a great opportunity. She would see a pay increase and get to live in an exciting city. There was only one problem, she would be moving to the west coast. San Francisco, California to be exact. Take it? She had to. Who knew if it would ever happen again? Marcus was willing to drop whatever he had in Pennsylvania so she wouldn’t be totally alone. She dreaded telling her parents.
Gale remembered having gone on a trip to the lush island of Bermuda. She had looked forward to enjoying the relaxing vacation all year. Finally, a chance to get away. She was wrong. The clouds came and the sun disappeared ruining the lovely climate for most of the week she was there. The shrill ring of the room phone seemed to disturb Gale every fifteen minutes. Alas, if not the room's phone, then her cell phone would start chirping.
Her parents flooded her with calls and would not let go. Everyday it was something. Most of the time they called to make sure she was alive. Stuck on what they had heard on television news special, her parents warned her about all the criminals who would try to take advantage of innocent tourists. A few times it had to do with her dad having pains in his stomach. “Maybe you should come home,” Gale’s mom would say. “It’s only a week Mom, I’ll be home soon” Gale replied curtly.
Despite the ridiculousness of her parents, Gale still felt guilty. This is why she needed Marcus. He helped her say no and if he wasn’t here she was afraid she’d fail. She didn’t want to give in, but she couldn’t even take a week vacation much less move across the country. It had caused her more stress to be in beautiful Bermuda then to be at home in the cold.
Growing up was the same way. Details, details, details. Her parents had to know everything or else Gale was stuck inside, captive in her own house. Privacy was a privilege and family came first at all times. Dinner was at 6pm and you had to be there.
However, once she got her driver’s license things changed, slightly anyway. The open road called. Gale savored the long drives that took her far away from her parents looking for any excuse possible to take a ride. Throughout college and past it, Gale had to come over at least once a week, if not more. If she had another commitment there was hell to pay.
“Crack.” Thunder rumbled and brakes squealed. Gale shook out of her thoughts and slammed on the brakes nearly missing the car in front of her. She breathed heavily. Time to pay attention. She forced herself to concentrate the rest of the way.
As she pulled into her parent’s steep driveway, she sighed deeply. At least the storm has stopped she thought. The last thing she heard before she turned the car off was the too-early forecast for next week. “According to our charts, we expect to have a repeat of tonight’s devastating storm…”
© lauren d., 2004
feel free to share any thoughts. this actually got workshopped last week by my class so i got inundated (right word? have to leave to so can't check) with ideas/opinions/etc... my professor did say that i had a casual, easy-going style, my story was tight, and i am excellent at grammar (i know my mom is proud of that. haha.) the flip side is that my writing is sometimes too quiet and i have a tendency to tell instead of show. go figure. ;o)
okay, gotta run!
later
Stormy Weather
It was late at night and the dark clouds that had been threatening rain all day finally had released what weather forecasters would call “the worst storm in years.” Gale, caught on a deserted and dimly lit road, maneuvered her small car through the intense thunderstorm.
I knew I should have left earlier she thought as the wind pushed her car from all directions. She struggled to keep control. The sky lit up as lightning struck a tree in a nearby field causing sparks to fly.
Rain pelted the windshield and the wiper blades moved in rhythm to brush it aside. Soft music played on the radio. Stopping was not an option. Her mind slowly began to wander to earlier in the evening.
Marcus, the guy Gale had been seeing for the last year, was supposed to accompany her to her parent’s house for an informal dinner. Ten minutes prior to stepping foot outside her door she received a call. Marcus couldn’t make it. Coughing, he explained that he seemed to have come down with something. He had gone to the doctor and was awaiting test results.
Shaking, Gale sank into a chair. Now what, she thought. On the other end of the phone Marcus’ voice could be heard, “You can do it babe. I have faith in you. Call me if you need anything.”
Slowly she hung up the phone. She needed Marcus to attend. He was supposed to provide the strength and support her from the torrent of objections from her parents, not to mention the outside family view. She climbed into the car and headed out.
Once driving she felt better. Gale never minded long drives. It gave her time to think, reflect, and possibly come up with some answers. Right now, that answer was how the hell would she do this alone?
Her current job, writing for a small music magazine, had offered her a position heading up a spin-off. Relocating came with the package. It would be a great opportunity. She would see a pay increase and get to live in an exciting city. There was only one problem, she would be moving to the west coast. San Francisco, California to be exact. Take it? She had to. Who knew if it would ever happen again? Marcus was willing to drop whatever he had in Pennsylvania so she wouldn’t be totally alone. She dreaded telling her parents.
Gale remembered having gone on a trip to the lush island of Bermuda. She had looked forward to enjoying the relaxing vacation all year. Finally, a chance to get away. She was wrong. The clouds came and the sun disappeared ruining the lovely climate for most of the week she was there. The shrill ring of the room phone seemed to disturb Gale every fifteen minutes. Alas, if not the room's phone, then her cell phone would start chirping.
Her parents flooded her with calls and would not let go. Everyday it was something. Most of the time they called to make sure she was alive. Stuck on what they had heard on television news special, her parents warned her about all the criminals who would try to take advantage of innocent tourists. A few times it had to do with her dad having pains in his stomach. “Maybe you should come home,” Gale’s mom would say. “It’s only a week Mom, I’ll be home soon” Gale replied curtly.
Despite the ridiculousness of her parents, Gale still felt guilty. This is why she needed Marcus. He helped her say no and if he wasn’t here she was afraid she’d fail. She didn’t want to give in, but she couldn’t even take a week vacation much less move across the country. It had caused her more stress to be in beautiful Bermuda then to be at home in the cold.
Growing up was the same way. Details, details, details. Her parents had to know everything or else Gale was stuck inside, captive in her own house. Privacy was a privilege and family came first at all times. Dinner was at 6pm and you had to be there.
However, once she got her driver’s license things changed, slightly anyway. The open road called. Gale savored the long drives that took her far away from her parents looking for any excuse possible to take a ride. Throughout college and past it, Gale had to come over at least once a week, if not more. If she had another commitment there was hell to pay.
“Crack.” Thunder rumbled and brakes squealed. Gale shook out of her thoughts and slammed on the brakes nearly missing the car in front of her. She breathed heavily. Time to pay attention. She forced herself to concentrate the rest of the way.
As she pulled into her parent’s steep driveway, she sighed deeply. At least the storm has stopped she thought. The last thing she heard before she turned the car off was the too-early forecast for next week. “According to our charts, we expect to have a repeat of tonight’s devastating storm…”
© lauren d., 2004
feel free to share any thoughts. this actually got workshopped last week by my class so i got inundated (right word? have to leave to so can't check) with ideas/opinions/etc... my professor did say that i had a casual, easy-going style, my story was tight, and i am excellent at grammar (i know my mom is proud of that. haha.) the flip side is that my writing is sometimes too quiet and i have a tendency to tell instead of show. go figure. ;o)
okay, gotta run!
later