anti-bush forward
i'm sorry to get all political again, but i just thought this was really funny and had to post it....
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California
will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us.
In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and
the urban half of Ohio.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact,
God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30
pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back
in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and
Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it
goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the
Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay
marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States
citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask
your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to
their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't
show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears
off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)
Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV
shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You
get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with
something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a
really funny show.)
We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope,
you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.
Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California
will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us.
In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and
the urban half of Ohio.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact,
God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30
pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back
in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and
Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it
goes.) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the
Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay
marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States
citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask
your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to
their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't
show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears
off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)
Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV
shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You
get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with
something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a
really funny show.)
We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope,
you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.
Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California