Nano Shots 2011 "And if life is your stage I'll be watching" Part 2
Part 2: the next step on the list
“You’re an animal. Really, how can you eat all this and so fast?”
Jared just shrugs and goes on devouring the deliciousness that is the burger in his hands. He hasn’t had a burger in way too long and since cheer practice took way too long today he thought he’d indulge. And no one, not even someone with pretty green eyes and gorgeous lips, will ruin this moment for him.
Sadie barks up from where she’s settled under the table.
“Yes, sorry. This is actually an insult to all animals. Your dog eats less messy than you do. And she is an animal.”
Jared loves that he can get Jensen riled up about so many different things that it has become some sort of sport for him to find new ones. He never knew that him eating a burger in his kitchen would be one of them.
He glares down at Sadie and mumbles through bread crumbs and half-digested meat. “You’re not gonna get any now.” Only he thinks it comes out as “Ymmoh nompf gunnhmp genog anymog nowmpgf.” At least Jensen looks at him like it does. Jared grins.
“God, Padalecki. Learn some manners before you try to be human.”
Some days though Jared wishes the times back when Jensen barely got a word out. Well, not really. He loved listening to Jensen talk. Really loved it, so much so that he sometimes only calls to hear Jensen’s voice.
Chad called him pathetic every time Jared so much as let it slip that he spent two hours on the phone with Jensen again. Jared can’t even say anymore how they fell into this … this friendship. Jensen was just there at the beginning of the school year. And they got talking one day.
They just never stopped.
They are good friends now, closer and on the way to becoming best friends. The only person Jared has ever felt this close to is his big brother and he’s family after all. Jared is spending more time with Jensen after school and practice than he does with Chad or Chris or Nike or any of his other friends. It’s weird but that’s how things are now.
And nobody is complaining. Well, nobody but Chad who has developed the sixth sense when it comes to disrupting Jared’s time with Jensen. Chad’s a little jealous and Jared gets it. He’s not distributing his time equally anymore. He can’t help it, though. It’s Jensen.
Jensen is still looking mildly disgusted when Jared looks at him again, but his eyes have softened and Jared barely catches himself from staring back. In moments like this Jared feels hope flare up. Hope that he’s not reading things wrong and Jensen might really be interested in something more than just best friends.
Only, Jensen never follows through. He looks, smiles and touches back. But that’s it and it frustrates Jared to a degree where he just wants to jump up sometimes and scream at Jensen. He never does it in the end and wants to kick himself for the cowardice.
And lately, Jensen has been distant. Looks sadly at Jared sometimes only to say everything is fine when Jared asks. And Jared doesn’t know what to do anymore. Sandy’s already making fun of him for staying after cheer practices to watch the football team train.
More than once Jared missed swim training because of it. But watching Jensen from a distance being brilliant at something he seems to love is just too enticing to ignore it. Jared’s just glad he gave up basketball, not that the team is any good this year anyway, when the cheer squad asked him to be a full time member. There wouldn’t have been time to moon over Jensen at all.
And Jared’s aware that he’s mooning over the other boy. It didn’t take Sandy and Katie telling him, or Chad having a laughing fit over it.
He just doesn’t know how to talk to Jensen about it. Jensen, who so far has never even indicated that he might be rooting for the same team - and Jared will kill Chris for coming up with this stupid euphemism.
It’s all very complicated.
“You done?” Jensen asks with not a little impatience in his voice.
“Almost. There’s ice cream yet to have,” Jared answers with a decisive nod and almost laughs out loud at Jensen’s twisted grimace.
“Seriously? Jay, training has been over for hours and I know for certain you’ve had waffles afterward. And you are still hungry?”
Jared just shrugs because it’s true. Sandy had dragged him to Miss Betty’s right after training to have waffles and talk about their new choreography. How Jensen knows this Jared can only imagine. The sad look Jensen gives him for a second is even sadder than the usual ones.
Jared really has to figure what’s up with that and how to talk to Jensen about it.
“’M always hungry.”
“And isn’t that the truth?”
“A party! We’ll have one. We haven’t had one in a while and I miss us hanging out. Everyone’s busy with their teams or clubs or whatever else,” Sandy actually pouts and that doesn’t happen all that often anymore.
Jared has to agree. The last party he has been on took place around Christmas and it’s almost March now. Everyone has been busy. It’s their senior year and everyone is flailing around due to tests and tests and some more tests. Then there’s the thing about college applications. Jared’s not even sure what he wants to do, so trying to figure out a college to apply to is hard.
And really, he doesn’t have the time for parties these days. There aren’t many anyway, as Sandy just pointed out. Swimming is in full force again as is cheer training. Then there is the school paper and the yearbook committee he volunteers for. Not to forget the drama club and the spring musical. Jared’s just damn happy he can do the deco and doesn’t have to be on stage and sing.
He’s very happy just being able to watch Jensen doing it. Jensen is fantastic, as an actor and a singer. Having both on one stage is like dream came true for Jared, who wanted to hear Jensen sing again ever since that one drunken party gig right after Thanksgiving.
And then there’s Jensen’s birthday to think of. Jared knows Jensen forbade him to plan anything, no party, not even a surprise one but Jared still wants to do something for him.
So a party during the coming weekend really isn’t a good idea. Sandy looks so hopeful that Jared doesn’t have the heart to tell her no. How he’ll explain this to Jensen Jared has no idea. But Sandy somehow got the brilliant idea to include Jensen’s birthday in the party theme.
***
To say Jensen’s pissed about the party would be an understatement. Jared has never seen that kind of disappointment in someone’s eyes. And it being over something that isn’t really important anyway.
This party doesn’t mean a thing to Jared and he’d do anything to make it up to Jensen. But Jensen’s avoiding him and Chris makes sure that Jared doesn’t come too close during the entire disaster of a party.
Jared’s so desperate that he doesn’t even ask what’s in the cup Chad hands him. In hindsight he should have known that it was a bad idea not to question Chad’s generosity. The stuff in the cup tastes strange but not bad, so Jared keeps going.
He feels weird when he finally manages to track Jensen down in the backyard.
“Jen.”
Jared knows he’s too loud when Jensen flinches and turns around to face him, scowl morphing into a frown when Jared almost face-plants in front of him.
“Are you drunk?”
“Maybe?” Because Jared doesn’t really know if he is. He has no idea what’s been in his cup during the evening.
“Great,” Jensen sounds even more pissed now and Jared doesn’t really get it anymore. The guy is hot and then cold and leaves Jared floundering all the time. That’s so not cool.
“Wha’s ya problem?” And Jared cringes at the slurred words leaving his mouth. This is not the way he pictured having a meaningful conversation with Jensen. Jensen, who’s looking at him with the shimmer of candles reflected in his eyes and Jared wants to blurt out ‘holy shit, you are beautiful’ but doesn’t get a chance.
“No problem here, Jay. I just didn’t want a huge party. You promised.”
“Wasn’t my idea. Was Sandy’s.”
“Oh… that’s even better,” and even Jared can hear the sarcasm in there.
“What? What’s up with you anyway? Being all pissy? It’s your birthday and your friends are here.” Because Jared really doesn’t get it and Jensen apparently thinks so as well because he almost shoves Jared aside on his way back inside.
Jared stands there, in the backyard, wobbly and confused. He doesn’t know if he should follow Jensen or give him time.
“You, Jared Padalecki, are a moron,” Chris’ voice makes him jump, the stumble and in the end crashing down onto the wooden steps leading up to the deck.
“Huh?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake…. Jensen wanted to spend the day and probably the evening with you. The way you promised. Just with you. No party, no friends and especially no Sandy. God, he makes the first step and you go and ruin it all. Man, figure it out already or I’ma gonna bash ya heads together.”
The way he promised? And yeah, Jared remembers telling Jensen they'd spend his birthday together. Dammit. This party was definitely not a good idea.
Jared blinks against the glare of the light coming from inside his house. For a second he thinks he parents will kill him if he leaves the house the way it looks right now but then he remembers that they are gone for two days. Chris’ words finally sink in and Jared whirls around. But Chris is already gone and the only good his flailing does is him smacking his elbow into the edge of the deck.
He curses. Loudly and almost groans at the way the sound reverberates through his body. His head’s starting to ache and Jared feels a little nauseous. He’ll kill Chad. Later, when he’s sober again.
Jensen wanted to spend the day with him. Only with him. Jared feels his heart skip, feels it pounding in his chest and then feels the grin spreading over his lips. Only with him.
And he went and ruined it by agreeing to a party. He suddenly understands Jensen’s mood so much better now, feels guilty for fucking it all up.
What Sandy has to do with Jensen’s mood is still beyond him though
“Dance. Come on, dance with me!” Katie whirls around and grabs him when he walks back into the house. But Jared doesn’t have the mind for it now. He needs to find Jensen … before it’s too late. He knows what he wants to say and hopes that is intoxicated mind stays with him until he actually does say.
He searches the house, actually smacks Chad when they cross path and then goes back to searching. He eventually finds Jensen in the garage and is so happy that Jensen is still there that he hugs him close. Cuddles him even. Later Jared will deny all knowledge of it but for now he’s enjoying having Jensen in his arms.
Until Jensen pulls back. Not with force, never that when Jared’s close but with some kind of insistence. Jensen’s looking at him curiously and confused. The dim light coming from the house into the garage isn’t really helping Jared deciphering the emotions on Jensen’s face.
“Jay… “
“’M sorry. So sorry. I din’t wanna ruin ya.. birth… birthday. An’ I did. Just Sandy and Katie looked so sad. Pouting. But I wan..wanted to spend it with ya. Ya know? Just with you.” Jared nods and hopes that the words making it out of his mouth are understandable. He’ll kill Chad, slowly.
“Okay. So it was the girls?”
“Yep. Complained about not getting’ together for so long,” Jared shrugs because it’s the truth. Jensen isn’t looking at him anymore but at his feet. There’s a slight blush visible on his neck where the shirt is hanging open. Jared wants to lick the stripe of skin there.
“Jay?”
“Huh?”
Jensen chuckles a little and Jared realizes that he’s been caught staring. He doesn’t mind it. There are things he really wants to be out in the open right now and him staring at Jensen is one of them.
“I just asked you if Sandy isn’t looking for you.”
“Why would she?”
“Well, she’s here with you so it’s kinda rude to get drunk and leave her alone on a party.”
Jared isn’t sure what Jensen is talking about but he thinks Jensen has the wrong idea about him and Sandy. It’s like a light bulb being flicked on inside his head and Jared finally gets it. A laugh escapes and he has to draw Jensen back against him when the other boy tries to get back inside the house.
“Dance with me.”
Music’s filtering through the closed door, slow and soothing. Jared smiles. It’s so like Jensen to listen to something like that when he feels down. And Jensen does feel down, that much Jared knows.
Even if the other boy has been avoiding him for some days now.
After the party and Jared making them dance in the garage things have been weird. Jensen is barely looking at him during class, never waits around for Jared anymore and claims being busy when Jared asks if they can hang out.
It took Chris sitting him down for Jared to realize that Jensen was having an existential crisis all on his own and didn’t know if he could talk to Jared about it. Jared still feels a little sore that Chris had to be the one opening his eyes. But dammit, he’s seventeen and never really had to deal with that much drama before.
After dancing with Jensen Jared had actually tried to kiss him. Only to stumble over something on the floor and crash them both into the wall. Jensen had then decided that staying close to Jared was maybe a little too dangerous. Well, okay not exactly, he had helped Jared back into the house and then into his bed, wrapping the covers gently around him and placing Advil and a glass of water on the bedside table.
Jared didn’t see neither hair nor hide of Jensen during the rest of the weekend. And the ignoring Jared thing continued in school. The times Jared saw Jensen, he looked pale and sad, head hanging and shoulders hunched. There wasn’t even a hint of the snarky boy that could make Jared laugh with a single word. It should have been a really big blinking sign that something was up. And it was.
So really, Jared thinks he should have known about Jensen was freaking out because Jared was doing the same, only not as obviously. And Chris being the one ripping him a new one doesn’t sit too well with him.
It’s Friday again now and it took Jared a day and a really long talk with mom to figure what he could do. His mom’s awesome when it comes to teenage kids angsting over things and just told Jared to go over to Jensen’s and talk to him. Best advice ever.
Only now Jared’s standing in front of Jensen’s door and doesn’t really know what to do next. He has raised his hand several times but never went through with the actually knocking, instead just stands there now and listens to the music coming from Jensen’s room.
Donna, Jensen’s mom, startles him something serious when she just reaches around him and knocks. Jared’s staring at her wide-eyed and gapes even more at her words.
“Jensen? Jared’s been standing here for ten minutes not daring to knock. Would you please open the door for him before he grows roots?”
Sometimes, moms can be really cruel.
But it works and a second later the door is ripped open to reveal an equally shocked looking Jensen. Jared has never been one to blush but he’s pretty sure that he’s doing it now.
“Talk it out boys. I only can stand moping Jensen so much longer,” Donna says and leaves them facing each other. Jared fidgets a bit, trying to come up with something witty to say and fails miserably. The silence that follows Donna’s departure must be one of the most awkward ones of his young life.
“Uh… Hi?”
Jensen startles, whips his head up and blinks at Jared. Then he shakes his head and walks back into his room. Jared thinks he should be happy that the door is still open. So he walks in as well and flops down on Jensen’s bed the way he always does. Internally he grins at the way Jensen is staring at him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Trying to figure out if your excuses are just that, excuses. Or if you really are that busy that you skipped on our weekly ritual,” Jared says towards the ceiling. The music is still on; playing on low now and Jared feels himself relax.
“Jay… I just… I was… am really busy. I need to get the applications done.”
Jared nods, it’s not like Jensen hadn’t moaned about college every time the talked about the future.
“Still set on UT?”
“Uh… yeah,” Jensen sounds suddenly shy and unsure in a way Jared has never heard before. He turns his head and is surprised to see that Jensen is actually looking at him. “It depends.”
“On what?” Jared asks, confused and doesn’t really know what’s going on here anymore. Things are not going the way he thought they would.
“If I can stand staying in Texas after high school.”
Jared sits up then, swings his legs down on the floor and is on his knees in front of Jensen a second later. He doesn’t know when he moved but he’s looking up into Jensen’s eyes and knows that what he says next will be very important.
“Jensen. Why would there be a reason for you not to want to stay around any longer? I thought you loved being back?”
Jensen nods, scratches the back of his neck and slides his hand through his hair. He’s nervous, so much so that it’s showing in his mannerisms. He’s not looking at Jared… again, and Jared doesn’t like it. He slides his hand up, holds it against Jensen’s cheek and almost smiles when Jensen leans into the touch.
“I do. Love it here,” Jensen whispers.
“But?”
“But I can’t stay around… if things go on like that.”
Jared hears Chris’ voice suddenly; lets the words from the party and from the sitting-Jared-down-and-rip-him-a-new-one sink in all over again. He should have talked to Jensen way sooner.
“If things go on like that? You mean, you thinking I’m dating Sandy and me being too stupid to realize it? Yeah, I guess I can assure you that those times are over.”
“What?” Jensen’s looking so cute, all wide-eyed-shocked that Jared draws him even closer and smiles.
“I never dated Sandy, Jensen. I also don’t know how you got the idea or why you never asked me about. But that doesn’t really matter, because I’ve been an idiot and never told you that I want to go out with you.”
“What?” Jensen says again, this time though there’s a smile working its way through the shock on his face. Jared likes where this is going.
“Well, kinda had a crush on you from day one. Just never dared to ask because... well this is high school and I already got enough shit for dating guys. Didn’t want to destroy our friendship and hit on a maybe straight guy at the same time,” Jared says shrugging.
“Wow.”
“Again with the few word answers. I thought we were past those since week two of our acquaintance,” Jared says and is aware that he’s almost talking against Jensen’s lips.
“Fuck you.”
“Proving my point there.”
Jensen chuckles, shakes his head a little and Jared likes the way Jensen’s feels under his hand. He really should have done something way sooner. So much wasted time.
“Kiss me.”
And Jared does.
Jared feels s little stupid carrying flowers around in school. But Katie roped him into helping out with the spring ball and Jared couldn’t say no. Jensen has been mocking him all week.
Jared can see why, since it’s pink flowers and pink banners all over. He’s been seen on more than one carrying varying pink deco stuff through the hallways of James Madison High School. He’s trying to turn a deaf ear on all the mocking words his friends have for him.
It’s been two weeks since the kiss. Two weeks of secretly sneaking away to kiss some more and just be together. It’s exhilarating how much Jared loves to have this little secret with Jensen. They are close again and their friends seem to like it much better than what was going on before. Jensen even talks more to Sandy again and even though she seems a little confused she takes it with a smile.
Their friends have no idea what they do when no one is looking. Jared’s never been one to play footsie. Now he does and loves the faces Jensen makes to either hide his laughter or his arousal during lunch. Jared doesn’t find it so funny when Jensen retaliates with a hand sliding up his thigh.
They haven’t really talked about it. This thing between them and where they want to take it. They’ve been busy just taking what they can get in between study sessions, DVD evenings, games and practice and classes. Jared just wants to have Jensen for himself for a while and Jensen seems to agree.
He’s never been in any kind of serious relationship before. Hook ups, yes, but not something where his heart skips every time the other person so much as texts him and where he can’t wait to see them again.
Everything else surprisingly stays the same. Nothing much changes between them. Okay, so there’s the additional kissing, cuddling and touching. But they still spend hours on the phone, walk into each other’s houses as if they belong to their respective families and still team up to mock their friends through wit and sarcasm no one else around them seems to understand.
There are still friends. Jared grins at the fact that maybe their relationship has been something else right from the start. It just took them so long to realize it.
Jared’s almost through the doors leading into the room the ball committee meets in when he stops short, whirls around on his heel, apologizes to a squeaking Sandy who had been walking right behind him with hands full of more flowers, and walks straight back to the rows of lockers they just passed.
“Jared?”
“In a minute. Go on ahead. I gotta do something.”
“’Kay. Just don’t take too long.”
Jared grins at her and she rolls her eyes. He’s in front of Jensen’s locker, pulls one flower out of the bouquet he’s holding and slides it into the vent slits. Just thinking about Jensen’s face makes him grin in glee.
An hour later, in the middle of the committee meeting, his phone vibrates against his hip. A new message. Jared has to bite his lip to stop the laughter that’s bubbling up in his throat. Sandy’s looking curiously at him but he ignores her for now. The text is all he sees and it makes his heart beat faster.
A rose? Seriously? You should know that I like lilies way better. What kind of boyfriend are you?
Boyfriend. It sounds better and better every tome Jensen says it. And Jensen only started yesterday, let it slip when they were lying on Jared’s bed discussing how to write the best resumes for applications. Jensen was rambling on how college will be so very different and how it would be nice to have his boyfriend close. Jared only stared, then grinned, then kissed Jensen within an inch of his life and then grinned some more. Jensen told him smug doesn’t suit and then tried to hide his blush in Jared’s pillow.
Jared types out one word as an answer, sorry :(. Then follows it up with only had roses. gesture counts. Right?
Jensen’s answer doesn’t take long.
Sure does. Thanks for the flower. But I’d say pink is more your color. Demand red next time! Jen
It’s so Jensen to watch grammar and punctuation even in texts. That he signs with Jen makes Jared smile even more.
Sunshine is filtering through the kitchen window. Spring in full bloom about to give away into summer and the school year is about to end. Jared’s not sure what to think about it.
Sure, he wants to be done with school, wants to grow up and get a life of his own. But he’s kind of scared as well. There are new places to go, new people to meet and his parents will probably be far away. He’ll have to make his own decisions and he’s afraid to make the wrong ones.
He’s also afraid to open the letters in front of him.
Jensen’s looking just as nervous and nauseous then he is. Their stags of letters are equally high and both of them know that their sports will mostly likely get them into most of them. But they’ve only applied to two universities together and Jared’s so damn scared that this will mean the end of them.
He’s just coming to terms with the fact that he’s so damn crazy about Jensen that calling it a crush would be insulting. His momma knows, Jensen’s momma knows - because he couldn’t keep it from her when she was plying him with peanut butter cookies and cocoa. Only Jensen doesn’t know it yet.
They still haven’t really said anything to their friends but Chris caught them kissing a few days ago and Jared’s pretty sure that their whole group of friends knows by now. No one came demanding answers but they’ve all be unusually quiet over the weekend, so Jared thinks there will be hell to pay come Monday.
“We can open each other’s?” Jensen says quietly and keeps picking at the edge of one of the envelopes. Jared just nods and slides his pack over and grabs Jensen’s at the same time. On top are the school they’ve only picked because the scouts send them offers, Jensen for football and Jared for swimming.
But they both really just those two schools they both want to get in to work out for both of them. And none of them would be based on any kind of sports scholarships.
Jensen starts, opens the first letter and smiles. “Michigan is a yes.”
“Iowa for you,” Jared says and puts the letter aside.
Jensen nods and goes through the next three letters. All of them a yes and all of them out of option. The same goes for Jensen’s next three. And then Jared’s holding the first one of the important envelopes in his hands. They are shaking, just as much as Jensen’s are. They open them at the same time and then there’s silence.
“Jen?” Jared asks anxiously, not sure if he wants to even know.
“Yes.”
“What does it say?”
“Yes.”
“Jen…”
“No, Jared. Really, it says “Dear Mr. Padalecki, we are very happy to welcome you….”
Jared squeaks at a little and then just gets up to hug Jensen close. Like, really close, so close that Jensen gasps and then laughs.
“Guess mine says the same?”
“Yep.”
“Awesome.”
“Do we want to open the last two or is that enough already?”
Jared wants to and they both open the last two letters. Jensen’s grin and Jared’s matching one is the picture their parents walk in on. There congratulations and hugs and happy laughs.
In the morning sunshine four letters lay open on the kitchen counter. Two of them with the UT insignia, the other two sporting the Dartmouth emblem.
Now they only have to decide which way to go.
Part 3
“You’re an animal. Really, how can you eat all this and so fast?”
Jared just shrugs and goes on devouring the deliciousness that is the burger in his hands. He hasn’t had a burger in way too long and since cheer practice took way too long today he thought he’d indulge. And no one, not even someone with pretty green eyes and gorgeous lips, will ruin this moment for him.
Sadie barks up from where she’s settled under the table.
“Yes, sorry. This is actually an insult to all animals. Your dog eats less messy than you do. And she is an animal.”
Jared loves that he can get Jensen riled up about so many different things that it has become some sort of sport for him to find new ones. He never knew that him eating a burger in his kitchen would be one of them.
He glares down at Sadie and mumbles through bread crumbs and half-digested meat. “You’re not gonna get any now.” Only he thinks it comes out as “Ymmoh nompf gunnhmp genog anymog nowmpgf.” At least Jensen looks at him like it does. Jared grins.
“God, Padalecki. Learn some manners before you try to be human.”
Some days though Jared wishes the times back when Jensen barely got a word out. Well, not really. He loved listening to Jensen talk. Really loved it, so much so that he sometimes only calls to hear Jensen’s voice.
Chad called him pathetic every time Jared so much as let it slip that he spent two hours on the phone with Jensen again. Jared can’t even say anymore how they fell into this … this friendship. Jensen was just there at the beginning of the school year. And they got talking one day.
They just never stopped.
They are good friends now, closer and on the way to becoming best friends. The only person Jared has ever felt this close to is his big brother and he’s family after all. Jared is spending more time with Jensen after school and practice than he does with Chad or Chris or Nike or any of his other friends. It’s weird but that’s how things are now.
And nobody is complaining. Well, nobody but Chad who has developed the sixth sense when it comes to disrupting Jared’s time with Jensen. Chad’s a little jealous and Jared gets it. He’s not distributing his time equally anymore. He can’t help it, though. It’s Jensen.
Jensen is still looking mildly disgusted when Jared looks at him again, but his eyes have softened and Jared barely catches himself from staring back. In moments like this Jared feels hope flare up. Hope that he’s not reading things wrong and Jensen might really be interested in something more than just best friends.
Only, Jensen never follows through. He looks, smiles and touches back. But that’s it and it frustrates Jared to a degree where he just wants to jump up sometimes and scream at Jensen. He never does it in the end and wants to kick himself for the cowardice.
And lately, Jensen has been distant. Looks sadly at Jared sometimes only to say everything is fine when Jared asks. And Jared doesn’t know what to do anymore. Sandy’s already making fun of him for staying after cheer practices to watch the football team train.
More than once Jared missed swim training because of it. But watching Jensen from a distance being brilliant at something he seems to love is just too enticing to ignore it. Jared’s just glad he gave up basketball, not that the team is any good this year anyway, when the cheer squad asked him to be a full time member. There wouldn’t have been time to moon over Jensen at all.
And Jared’s aware that he’s mooning over the other boy. It didn’t take Sandy and Katie telling him, or Chad having a laughing fit over it.
He just doesn’t know how to talk to Jensen about it. Jensen, who so far has never even indicated that he might be rooting for the same team - and Jared will kill Chris for coming up with this stupid euphemism.
It’s all very complicated.
“You done?” Jensen asks with not a little impatience in his voice.
“Almost. There’s ice cream yet to have,” Jared answers with a decisive nod and almost laughs out loud at Jensen’s twisted grimace.
“Seriously? Jay, training has been over for hours and I know for certain you’ve had waffles afterward. And you are still hungry?”
Jared just shrugs because it’s true. Sandy had dragged him to Miss Betty’s right after training to have waffles and talk about their new choreography. How Jensen knows this Jared can only imagine. The sad look Jensen gives him for a second is even sadder than the usual ones.
Jared really has to figure what’s up with that and how to talk to Jensen about it.
“’M always hungry.”
“And isn’t that the truth?”
“A party! We’ll have one. We haven’t had one in a while and I miss us hanging out. Everyone’s busy with their teams or clubs or whatever else,” Sandy actually pouts and that doesn’t happen all that often anymore.
Jared has to agree. The last party he has been on took place around Christmas and it’s almost March now. Everyone has been busy. It’s their senior year and everyone is flailing around due to tests and tests and some more tests. Then there’s the thing about college applications. Jared’s not even sure what he wants to do, so trying to figure out a college to apply to is hard.
And really, he doesn’t have the time for parties these days. There aren’t many anyway, as Sandy just pointed out. Swimming is in full force again as is cheer training. Then there is the school paper and the yearbook committee he volunteers for. Not to forget the drama club and the spring musical. Jared’s just damn happy he can do the deco and doesn’t have to be on stage and sing.
He’s very happy just being able to watch Jensen doing it. Jensen is fantastic, as an actor and a singer. Having both on one stage is like dream came true for Jared, who wanted to hear Jensen sing again ever since that one drunken party gig right after Thanksgiving.
And then there’s Jensen’s birthday to think of. Jared knows Jensen forbade him to plan anything, no party, not even a surprise one but Jared still wants to do something for him.
So a party during the coming weekend really isn’t a good idea. Sandy looks so hopeful that Jared doesn’t have the heart to tell her no. How he’ll explain this to Jensen Jared has no idea. But Sandy somehow got the brilliant idea to include Jensen’s birthday in the party theme.
***
To say Jensen’s pissed about the party would be an understatement. Jared has never seen that kind of disappointment in someone’s eyes. And it being over something that isn’t really important anyway.
This party doesn’t mean a thing to Jared and he’d do anything to make it up to Jensen. But Jensen’s avoiding him and Chris makes sure that Jared doesn’t come too close during the entire disaster of a party.
Jared’s so desperate that he doesn’t even ask what’s in the cup Chad hands him. In hindsight he should have known that it was a bad idea not to question Chad’s generosity. The stuff in the cup tastes strange but not bad, so Jared keeps going.
He feels weird when he finally manages to track Jensen down in the backyard.
“Jen.”
Jared knows he’s too loud when Jensen flinches and turns around to face him, scowl morphing into a frown when Jared almost face-plants in front of him.
“Are you drunk?”
“Maybe?” Because Jared doesn’t really know if he is. He has no idea what’s been in his cup during the evening.
“Great,” Jensen sounds even more pissed now and Jared doesn’t really get it anymore. The guy is hot and then cold and leaves Jared floundering all the time. That’s so not cool.
“Wha’s ya problem?” And Jared cringes at the slurred words leaving his mouth. This is not the way he pictured having a meaningful conversation with Jensen. Jensen, who’s looking at him with the shimmer of candles reflected in his eyes and Jared wants to blurt out ‘holy shit, you are beautiful’ but doesn’t get a chance.
“No problem here, Jay. I just didn’t want a huge party. You promised.”
“Wasn’t my idea. Was Sandy’s.”
“Oh… that’s even better,” and even Jared can hear the sarcasm in there.
“What? What’s up with you anyway? Being all pissy? It’s your birthday and your friends are here.” Because Jared really doesn’t get it and Jensen apparently thinks so as well because he almost shoves Jared aside on his way back inside.
Jared stands there, in the backyard, wobbly and confused. He doesn’t know if he should follow Jensen or give him time.
“You, Jared Padalecki, are a moron,” Chris’ voice makes him jump, the stumble and in the end crashing down onto the wooden steps leading up to the deck.
“Huh?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake…. Jensen wanted to spend the day and probably the evening with you. The way you promised. Just with you. No party, no friends and especially no Sandy. God, he makes the first step and you go and ruin it all. Man, figure it out already or I’ma gonna bash ya heads together.”
The way he promised? And yeah, Jared remembers telling Jensen they'd spend his birthday together. Dammit. This party was definitely not a good idea.
Jared blinks against the glare of the light coming from inside his house. For a second he thinks he parents will kill him if he leaves the house the way it looks right now but then he remembers that they are gone for two days. Chris’ words finally sink in and Jared whirls around. But Chris is already gone and the only good his flailing does is him smacking his elbow into the edge of the deck.
He curses. Loudly and almost groans at the way the sound reverberates through his body. His head’s starting to ache and Jared feels a little nauseous. He’ll kill Chad. Later, when he’s sober again.
Jensen wanted to spend the day with him. Only with him. Jared feels his heart skip, feels it pounding in his chest and then feels the grin spreading over his lips. Only with him.
And he went and ruined it by agreeing to a party. He suddenly understands Jensen’s mood so much better now, feels guilty for fucking it all up.
What Sandy has to do with Jensen’s mood is still beyond him though
“Dance. Come on, dance with me!” Katie whirls around and grabs him when he walks back into the house. But Jared doesn’t have the mind for it now. He needs to find Jensen … before it’s too late. He knows what he wants to say and hopes that is intoxicated mind stays with him until he actually does say.
He searches the house, actually smacks Chad when they cross path and then goes back to searching. He eventually finds Jensen in the garage and is so happy that Jensen is still there that he hugs him close. Cuddles him even. Later Jared will deny all knowledge of it but for now he’s enjoying having Jensen in his arms.
Until Jensen pulls back. Not with force, never that when Jared’s close but with some kind of insistence. Jensen’s looking at him curiously and confused. The dim light coming from the house into the garage isn’t really helping Jared deciphering the emotions on Jensen’s face.
“Jay… “
“’M sorry. So sorry. I din’t wanna ruin ya.. birth… birthday. An’ I did. Just Sandy and Katie looked so sad. Pouting. But I wan..wanted to spend it with ya. Ya know? Just with you.” Jared nods and hopes that the words making it out of his mouth are understandable. He’ll kill Chad, slowly.
“Okay. So it was the girls?”
“Yep. Complained about not getting’ together for so long,” Jared shrugs because it’s the truth. Jensen isn’t looking at him anymore but at his feet. There’s a slight blush visible on his neck where the shirt is hanging open. Jared wants to lick the stripe of skin there.
“Jay?”
“Huh?”
Jensen chuckles a little and Jared realizes that he’s been caught staring. He doesn’t mind it. There are things he really wants to be out in the open right now and him staring at Jensen is one of them.
“I just asked you if Sandy isn’t looking for you.”
“Why would she?”
“Well, she’s here with you so it’s kinda rude to get drunk and leave her alone on a party.”
Jared isn’t sure what Jensen is talking about but he thinks Jensen has the wrong idea about him and Sandy. It’s like a light bulb being flicked on inside his head and Jared finally gets it. A laugh escapes and he has to draw Jensen back against him when the other boy tries to get back inside the house.
“Dance with me.”
Music’s filtering through the closed door, slow and soothing. Jared smiles. It’s so like Jensen to listen to something like that when he feels down. And Jensen does feel down, that much Jared knows.
Even if the other boy has been avoiding him for some days now.
After the party and Jared making them dance in the garage things have been weird. Jensen is barely looking at him during class, never waits around for Jared anymore and claims being busy when Jared asks if they can hang out.
It took Chris sitting him down for Jared to realize that Jensen was having an existential crisis all on his own and didn’t know if he could talk to Jared about it. Jared still feels a little sore that Chris had to be the one opening his eyes. But dammit, he’s seventeen and never really had to deal with that much drama before.
After dancing with Jensen Jared had actually tried to kiss him. Only to stumble over something on the floor and crash them both into the wall. Jensen had then decided that staying close to Jared was maybe a little too dangerous. Well, okay not exactly, he had helped Jared back into the house and then into his bed, wrapping the covers gently around him and placing Advil and a glass of water on the bedside table.
Jared didn’t see neither hair nor hide of Jensen during the rest of the weekend. And the ignoring Jared thing continued in school. The times Jared saw Jensen, he looked pale and sad, head hanging and shoulders hunched. There wasn’t even a hint of the snarky boy that could make Jared laugh with a single word. It should have been a really big blinking sign that something was up. And it was.
So really, Jared thinks he should have known about Jensen was freaking out because Jared was doing the same, only not as obviously. And Chris being the one ripping him a new one doesn’t sit too well with him.
It’s Friday again now and it took Jared a day and a really long talk with mom to figure what he could do. His mom’s awesome when it comes to teenage kids angsting over things and just told Jared to go over to Jensen’s and talk to him. Best advice ever.
Only now Jared’s standing in front of Jensen’s door and doesn’t really know what to do next. He has raised his hand several times but never went through with the actually knocking, instead just stands there now and listens to the music coming from Jensen’s room.
Donna, Jensen’s mom, startles him something serious when she just reaches around him and knocks. Jared’s staring at her wide-eyed and gapes even more at her words.
“Jensen? Jared’s been standing here for ten minutes not daring to knock. Would you please open the door for him before he grows roots?”
Sometimes, moms can be really cruel.
But it works and a second later the door is ripped open to reveal an equally shocked looking Jensen. Jared has never been one to blush but he’s pretty sure that he’s doing it now.
“Talk it out boys. I only can stand moping Jensen so much longer,” Donna says and leaves them facing each other. Jared fidgets a bit, trying to come up with something witty to say and fails miserably. The silence that follows Donna’s departure must be one of the most awkward ones of his young life.
“Uh… Hi?”
Jensen startles, whips his head up and blinks at Jared. Then he shakes his head and walks back into his room. Jared thinks he should be happy that the door is still open. So he walks in as well and flops down on Jensen’s bed the way he always does. Internally he grins at the way Jensen is staring at him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Trying to figure out if your excuses are just that, excuses. Or if you really are that busy that you skipped on our weekly ritual,” Jared says towards the ceiling. The music is still on; playing on low now and Jared feels himself relax.
“Jay… I just… I was… am really busy. I need to get the applications done.”
Jared nods, it’s not like Jensen hadn’t moaned about college every time the talked about the future.
“Still set on UT?”
“Uh… yeah,” Jensen sounds suddenly shy and unsure in a way Jared has never heard before. He turns his head and is surprised to see that Jensen is actually looking at him. “It depends.”
“On what?” Jared asks, confused and doesn’t really know what’s going on here anymore. Things are not going the way he thought they would.
“If I can stand staying in Texas after high school.”
Jared sits up then, swings his legs down on the floor and is on his knees in front of Jensen a second later. He doesn’t know when he moved but he’s looking up into Jensen’s eyes and knows that what he says next will be very important.
“Jensen. Why would there be a reason for you not to want to stay around any longer? I thought you loved being back?”
Jensen nods, scratches the back of his neck and slides his hand through his hair. He’s nervous, so much so that it’s showing in his mannerisms. He’s not looking at Jared… again, and Jared doesn’t like it. He slides his hand up, holds it against Jensen’s cheek and almost smiles when Jensen leans into the touch.
“I do. Love it here,” Jensen whispers.
“But?”
“But I can’t stay around… if things go on like that.”
Jared hears Chris’ voice suddenly; lets the words from the party and from the sitting-Jared-down-and-rip-him-a-new-one sink in all over again. He should have talked to Jensen way sooner.
“If things go on like that? You mean, you thinking I’m dating Sandy and me being too stupid to realize it? Yeah, I guess I can assure you that those times are over.”
“What?” Jensen’s looking so cute, all wide-eyed-shocked that Jared draws him even closer and smiles.
“I never dated Sandy, Jensen. I also don’t know how you got the idea or why you never asked me about. But that doesn’t really matter, because I’ve been an idiot and never told you that I want to go out with you.”
“What?” Jensen says again, this time though there’s a smile working its way through the shock on his face. Jared likes where this is going.
“Well, kinda had a crush on you from day one. Just never dared to ask because... well this is high school and I already got enough shit for dating guys. Didn’t want to destroy our friendship and hit on a maybe straight guy at the same time,” Jared says shrugging.
“Wow.”
“Again with the few word answers. I thought we were past those since week two of our acquaintance,” Jared says and is aware that he’s almost talking against Jensen’s lips.
“Fuck you.”
“Proving my point there.”
Jensen chuckles, shakes his head a little and Jared likes the way Jensen’s feels under his hand. He really should have done something way sooner. So much wasted time.
“Kiss me.”
And Jared does.
Jared feels s little stupid carrying flowers around in school. But Katie roped him into helping out with the spring ball and Jared couldn’t say no. Jensen has been mocking him all week.
Jared can see why, since it’s pink flowers and pink banners all over. He’s been seen on more than one carrying varying pink deco stuff through the hallways of James Madison High School. He’s trying to turn a deaf ear on all the mocking words his friends have for him.
It’s been two weeks since the kiss. Two weeks of secretly sneaking away to kiss some more and just be together. It’s exhilarating how much Jared loves to have this little secret with Jensen. They are close again and their friends seem to like it much better than what was going on before. Jensen even talks more to Sandy again and even though she seems a little confused she takes it with a smile.
Their friends have no idea what they do when no one is looking. Jared’s never been one to play footsie. Now he does and loves the faces Jensen makes to either hide his laughter or his arousal during lunch. Jared doesn’t find it so funny when Jensen retaliates with a hand sliding up his thigh.
They haven’t really talked about it. This thing between them and where they want to take it. They’ve been busy just taking what they can get in between study sessions, DVD evenings, games and practice and classes. Jared just wants to have Jensen for himself for a while and Jensen seems to agree.
He’s never been in any kind of serious relationship before. Hook ups, yes, but not something where his heart skips every time the other person so much as texts him and where he can’t wait to see them again.
Everything else surprisingly stays the same. Nothing much changes between them. Okay, so there’s the additional kissing, cuddling and touching. But they still spend hours on the phone, walk into each other’s houses as if they belong to their respective families and still team up to mock their friends through wit and sarcasm no one else around them seems to understand.
There are still friends. Jared grins at the fact that maybe their relationship has been something else right from the start. It just took them so long to realize it.
Jared’s almost through the doors leading into the room the ball committee meets in when he stops short, whirls around on his heel, apologizes to a squeaking Sandy who had been walking right behind him with hands full of more flowers, and walks straight back to the rows of lockers they just passed.
“Jared?”
“In a minute. Go on ahead. I gotta do something.”
“’Kay. Just don’t take too long.”
Jared grins at her and she rolls her eyes. He’s in front of Jensen’s locker, pulls one flower out of the bouquet he’s holding and slides it into the vent slits. Just thinking about Jensen’s face makes him grin in glee.
An hour later, in the middle of the committee meeting, his phone vibrates against his hip. A new message. Jared has to bite his lip to stop the laughter that’s bubbling up in his throat. Sandy’s looking curiously at him but he ignores her for now. The text is all he sees and it makes his heart beat faster.
A rose? Seriously? You should know that I like lilies way better. What kind of boyfriend are you?
Boyfriend. It sounds better and better every tome Jensen says it. And Jensen only started yesterday, let it slip when they were lying on Jared’s bed discussing how to write the best resumes for applications. Jensen was rambling on how college will be so very different and how it would be nice to have his boyfriend close. Jared only stared, then grinned, then kissed Jensen within an inch of his life and then grinned some more. Jensen told him smug doesn’t suit and then tried to hide his blush in Jared’s pillow.
Jared types out one word as an answer, sorry :(. Then follows it up with only had roses. gesture counts. Right?
Jensen’s answer doesn’t take long.
Sure does. Thanks for the flower. But I’d say pink is more your color. Demand red next time! Jen
It’s so Jensen to watch grammar and punctuation even in texts. That he signs with Jen makes Jared smile even more.
Sunshine is filtering through the kitchen window. Spring in full bloom about to give away into summer and the school year is about to end. Jared’s not sure what to think about it.
Sure, he wants to be done with school, wants to grow up and get a life of his own. But he’s kind of scared as well. There are new places to go, new people to meet and his parents will probably be far away. He’ll have to make his own decisions and he’s afraid to make the wrong ones.
He’s also afraid to open the letters in front of him.
Jensen’s looking just as nervous and nauseous then he is. Their stags of letters are equally high and both of them know that their sports will mostly likely get them into most of them. But they’ve only applied to two universities together and Jared’s so damn scared that this will mean the end of them.
He’s just coming to terms with the fact that he’s so damn crazy about Jensen that calling it a crush would be insulting. His momma knows, Jensen’s momma knows - because he couldn’t keep it from her when she was plying him with peanut butter cookies and cocoa. Only Jensen doesn’t know it yet.
They still haven’t really said anything to their friends but Chris caught them kissing a few days ago and Jared’s pretty sure that their whole group of friends knows by now. No one came demanding answers but they’ve all be unusually quiet over the weekend, so Jared thinks there will be hell to pay come Monday.
“We can open each other’s?” Jensen says quietly and keeps picking at the edge of one of the envelopes. Jared just nods and slides his pack over and grabs Jensen’s at the same time. On top are the school they’ve only picked because the scouts send them offers, Jensen for football and Jared for swimming.
But they both really just those two schools they both want to get in to work out for both of them. And none of them would be based on any kind of sports scholarships.
Jensen starts, opens the first letter and smiles. “Michigan is a yes.”
“Iowa for you,” Jared says and puts the letter aside.
Jensen nods and goes through the next three letters. All of them a yes and all of them out of option. The same goes for Jensen’s next three. And then Jared’s holding the first one of the important envelopes in his hands. They are shaking, just as much as Jensen’s are. They open them at the same time and then there’s silence.
“Jen?” Jared asks anxiously, not sure if he wants to even know.
“Yes.”
“What does it say?”
“Yes.”
“Jen…”
“No, Jared. Really, it says “Dear Mr. Padalecki, we are very happy to welcome you….”
Jared squeaks at a little and then just gets up to hug Jensen close. Like, really close, so close that Jensen gasps and then laughs.
“Guess mine says the same?”
“Yep.”
“Awesome.”
“Do we want to open the last two or is that enough already?”
Jared wants to and they both open the last two letters. Jensen’s grin and Jared’s matching one is the picture their parents walk in on. There congratulations and hugs and happy laughs.
In the morning sunshine four letters lay open on the kitchen counter. Two of them with the UT insignia, the other two sporting the Dartmouth emblem.
Now they only have to decide which way to go.
Part 3