Laura Roslin's Cougar Academy of Excellence.
So...
There once was a President named Laura Roslin, and she had a lot of spare time on her hands, and decided to open an academy for young men to excel. Due to her vast (legendary, and presumed) experience in training younger men in the importance of certain aspects of life, President Roslin seemed the best candidate to open Deep Space's newest educational institution.
A message From the Principal
Laura Roslin’s Cougar Academy of Excellence is a selective, all-men’s preparatory institution which
provides its students with many opportunities to excel in an innovative, challenging,
and rewarding program in which hard work is rewarded in kind.
Cougar Academy offers rigorous academic and extracurricular activity, as well as opportunities
for volunteerism and studying abroad, under the very close direction of Principal Roslin.
Cougar Academy seeks to admit the most interesting, able, and diverse class of young men possible.
Admission to Cougar Academy is extremely selective and prospective students must present compelling cases
for admission, demonstrating they are well-rounded, eager individuals in all aspects of their
academic and personal lives.
They must also be hot.
Cougar Academy provides for many opportunities to
develop and nurture existing skills and proclivities, as demonstrated
by this first-year curriculum:
First-year curriculum:
"Stalk-and-Ambush Predators: A Survivalist's Field Guide"
"Serving at the Pleasure of the President"
"Looking Hot in Deep Space on a Budget"
"The Biological Aspects of Political Science"
"Advanced Home Economics: From White Wine to Sushi"
"How To Not Be A Whiny Little Bitch for Dummies”
____________________________________________________
Without further adieu, we present to you this year's candidates for admission.
____________________________________________________
Samuel T. Anders
Name: Samuel T. Anders
Nickname: Sammy; Pyramid Boy
Hair color: Light Brown
Eye color: Blue
Occupation: Hybrid
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I am in touch with and can see all the beauty in the universe and the rhythm of everything.
Career Goals: To sail quietly into the sunset.
Billy Keikeya
Name: William Keikeya
Nickname: Billy
Hair color: Light Brown
Eye color: Blue
Occupation: Corpse
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I am more than willing to serve at the pleasure of the president.
Career Goals: To no longer be a corpse!
Felix Gaeta
Name: Felix Gaeta
Nickname: Mr. Gaeta
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Dark Brown
Occupation: Former Tactical Officer, Battlestar Galactica
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I’m an idealist. I’m a good kid. I have a good voice. I have an appreciation of good porn.
Career Goals: To ensure that others see the world through my eyes.
Karl C. Agathon
Name: Karl Agathon
Nickname: Helo
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Blue Green
Occupation: Electronic Countermeasures Officer, CAG, XO, I’m a man of many talents, what can I say?
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I’m good with my hands, have an acute attention to detail, and if it’s dark, I’ll think you’re my wife.
Career Goals: To keep on being sexy.
Corporal Venner
Name: Corporal Venner
Nickname: none
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Marine, Battlestar Galactica
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I fully support the policies of the president, and am willing to do whatever it takes to see to her happiness and safety.
Career Goals: To be able to pray regularly as my ancestors did.
Leland Joseph Adama
Name: Leland Joseph Adama
Nickname: Lee, Apollo, Fat!Lee, Leemo, Towel Boy
Hair color: Light brown
Eye color: Blue, like my dad’s, and you like my dad’s eyes...
Occupation: Captain, CAG, Whiny Quorum Delegate, President, Explorer
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I know how to grab my gun and bring in the cat.
Career Goals: To pwn my dad by frakkin’ the principal.
Sean Allison
Name: Sean Allison
Nickname: Caprica’s Hottest Schoolboy
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Pyramid player, Schoolboy, Cougar Hunter
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: Because all it took was some sushi and wine for Miss Roslin to bend over backward to please me.
Career Goals: To look hot and make enough money to afford my veneers.
Galen Tyrol
Name: Galen Tyrol
Nickname: “Chief”
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Former deck chief Battlestar Galactica; current member of the Final Five.
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I had one of Gaius Baltar’s lovers interested in me. I work very, very hard at everything I do.
Career Goals: To settle my own island.
Gaius Baltar
Name: Gaius Baltar
Nickname: Weasely Motherfrakker, Gaius Christ, Gaius Frakkin’ Baltar, Fleet Man-Ho, I uh...that's a plethora of unsavory nicknames, isn't it?
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Computer Scientist, Defense Researcher, Laura Roslin’s Lead Scientific Bitch, Savior and Whore to the Lost Minions of the Fleet, Literal Cause of the Apocalypse
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: Well quite frankly I, uh...you know, I really just want to learn, and learn quite intensively at that, and several times over, if time allows.
Career Goals: To enhance my skills at habitually womanizing.
Part two of this epic project comes in the form of a mix. Songs were chosen by both of us to represent all aspects of Laura’s sexy,
but in particular with regard to those applicants to the Cougar Academy of Excellence.
Madame President, Are you Trying to Seduce Me?
A Mix about Laura’s Sexy
download this awesome sexy mix by clicking here
Enjoy!!!
complete and utter tasteless crackiness brought to you by nnaylime and icedteainthebag.
There once was a President named Laura Roslin, and she had a lot of spare time on her hands, and decided to open an academy for young men to excel. Due to her vast (legendary, and presumed) experience in training younger men in the importance of certain aspects of life, President Roslin seemed the best candidate to open Deep Space's newest educational institution.
A message From the Principal
Laura Roslin’s Cougar Academy of Excellence is a selective, all-men’s preparatory institution which
provides its students with many opportunities to excel in an innovative, challenging,
and rewarding program in which hard work is rewarded in kind.
Cougar Academy offers rigorous academic and extracurricular activity, as well as opportunities
for volunteerism and studying abroad, under the very close direction of Principal Roslin.
Cougar Academy seeks to admit the most interesting, able, and diverse class of young men possible.
Admission to Cougar Academy is extremely selective and prospective students must present compelling cases
for admission, demonstrating they are well-rounded, eager individuals in all aspects of their
academic and personal lives.
They must also be hot.
Cougar Academy provides for many opportunities to
develop and nurture existing skills and proclivities, as demonstrated
by this first-year curriculum:
First-year curriculum:
"Stalk-and-Ambush Predators: A Survivalist's Field Guide"
"Serving at the Pleasure of the President"
"Looking Hot in Deep Space on a Budget"
"The Biological Aspects of Political Science"
"Advanced Home Economics: From White Wine to Sushi"
"How To Not Be A Whiny Little Bitch for Dummies”
____________________________________________________
Without further adieu, we present to you this year's candidates for admission.
____________________________________________________
Samuel T. Anders
Name: Samuel T. Anders
Nickname: Sammy; Pyramid Boy
Hair color: Light Brown
Eye color: Blue
Occupation: Hybrid
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I am in touch with and can see all the beauty in the universe and the rhythm of everything.
Career Goals: To sail quietly into the sunset.
Billy Keikeya
Name: William Keikeya
Nickname: Billy
Hair color: Light Brown
Eye color: Blue
Occupation: Corpse
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I am more than willing to serve at the pleasure of the president.
Career Goals: To no longer be a corpse!
Felix Gaeta
Name: Felix Gaeta
Nickname: Mr. Gaeta
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Dark Brown
Occupation: Former Tactical Officer, Battlestar Galactica
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I’m an idealist. I’m a good kid. I have a good voice. I have an appreciation of good porn.
Career Goals: To ensure that others see the world through my eyes.
Karl C. Agathon
Name: Karl Agathon
Nickname: Helo
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Blue Green
Occupation: Electronic Countermeasures Officer, CAG, XO, I’m a man of many talents, what can I say?
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I’m good with my hands, have an acute attention to detail, and if it’s dark, I’ll think you’re my wife.
Career Goals: To keep on being sexy.
Corporal Venner
Name: Corporal Venner
Nickname: none
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Marine, Battlestar Galactica
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I fully support the policies of the president, and am willing to do whatever it takes to see to her happiness and safety.
Career Goals: To be able to pray regularly as my ancestors did.
Leland Joseph Adama
Name: Leland Joseph Adama
Nickname: Lee, Apollo, Fat!Lee, Leemo, Towel Boy
Hair color: Light brown
Eye color: Blue, like my dad’s, and you like my dad’s eyes...
Occupation: Captain, CAG, Whiny Quorum Delegate, President, Explorer
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I know how to grab my gun and bring in the cat.
Career Goals: To pwn my dad by frakkin’ the principal.
Sean Allison
Name: Sean Allison
Nickname: Caprica’s Hottest Schoolboy
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Pyramid player, Schoolboy, Cougar Hunter
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: Because all it took was some sushi and wine for Miss Roslin to bend over backward to please me.
Career Goals: To look hot and make enough money to afford my veneers.
Galen Tyrol
Name: Galen Tyrol
Nickname: “Chief”
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Former deck chief Battlestar Galactica; current member of the Final Five.
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: I had one of Gaius Baltar’s lovers interested in me. I work very, very hard at everything I do.
Career Goals: To settle my own island.
Gaius Baltar
Name: Gaius Baltar
Nickname: Weasely Motherfrakker, Gaius Christ, Gaius Frakkin’ Baltar, Fleet Man-Ho, I uh...that's a plethora of unsavory nicknames, isn't it?
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Brown
Occupation: Computer Scientist, Defense Researcher, Laura Roslin’s Lead Scientific Bitch, Savior and Whore to the Lost Minions of the Fleet, Literal Cause of the Apocalypse
Why I should be admitted to Cougar Academy: Well quite frankly I, uh...you know, I really just want to learn, and learn quite intensively at that, and several times over, if time allows.
Career Goals: To enhance my skills at habitually womanizing.
Part two of this epic project comes in the form of a mix. Songs were chosen by both of us to represent all aspects of Laura’s sexy,
but in particular with regard to those applicants to the Cougar Academy of Excellence.
Madame President, Are you Trying to Seduce Me?
A Mix about Laura’s Sexy
download this awesome sexy mix by clicking here
- Come Here Boy - Imogen Heap
Where I’ll be touching and holding caressing and giving you
Your every fantasy
I’ll get you dreaming and lusting burning and praying
For more of this ecstasy
- Never Take the Place of Your Man - Goo Goo Dolls
I said "Baby don't waste your time
I know what's on your mind
I may be qualified for a one night stand
But I can never take the place of your man"
- Milk - Garbage
I am milk
I am red hot kitchen
I am cool
Cool as the deep blue ocean
- Maneater - Nelly Furtado
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
make you fall real hard in love
- Pretty Boys - Veruca Salt
Last July I came untied
My trousers, my bra, and my pride
You were so confident that I would let you inside.
- Teacher’s Pet - Doris Day
Teacher's pet
I wanna be teacher's pet
I wanna be huddled and cuddled as close to you as I can get
(That's the lesson we're guessin' you're best in)
- Mrs. Robinson - The Lemonheads (cover)
Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Ev'ry way you look at it, you lose
- Hot For Teacher - Van Halen
I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher.
- Fucking Boyfriend - The Bird and the Bee
When you laid down with me, you took the other side.
When you laid down with me, you never slept that night
- Summerboy - Lady Gaga
Maybe this time, I’ll be yours you'll be mine
c-c-c-crazy, get your ass in my bed
Baby you'll be, just my summer boyfriend
Summer boy
- My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I was just beginning
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake
- Boys Boys Boys - Lady Gaga
Boys boys boys
We like boys in cars
Boys boys boys
Buy us drinks in bars
Boys boys boys
- Sweet Child O’ Mine - Sheryl Crow
He's got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
- Sugar Boy - Beth Orton
Angel loving but the things you do
Listen boy I'm getting tired of you
Sugar boy, whatcha tryin' to do
- Black Velvet - Alannah Miles
Black velvet and that little boy's smile
Black velvet with that slow southern style
A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees
Black velvet if you please
- Stacy’s Mom - Fountains of Wayne
You know, I'm not the little boy that I used to be
I'm all grown up now, baby can't you see
Enjoy!!!
complete and utter tasteless crackiness brought to you by nnaylime and icedteainthebag.