Respite (5/5) by larsfarm77 & icedteainthebag
Title: Respite (5/5)
Authors: larsfarm77 & icedteainthebag
Summary: She wondered if he remembered what it felt like to bury his face in her hair; it wasn't so long ago.
Spoilers: Through The Road Less Traveled
Pairing: Adama/Roslin
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 3,590
Authors' Notes: More than three months ago, icedteainthebag posted this little drabble in rememberlaura. As can be read in our responses, it inspired much laughter, a wonderful friendship/collaboration and, eventually, this 20,000+ word fic. Huge thanks to tjonesy and somadanne for beta awesomeness.
We'd like to thank everyone for reading and taking this journey with us. The encouragement and feedback have meant so much to us. You've made this an incredible experience.
Link to Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5
***
Laura stood up as he sat down, steadying herself against his knee at the sudden lightheadedness the movement caused. His hand caught her hip, palm warm against her skin.
As she stood between his parted legs, her fingers drifted through the sparse hairs of his thighs. She let her eyes wander up his body, her heartbeat quickening. He was still and she could feel his eyes on her. She traced her fingers over the gentle curve of his cock and heard his breath hitch as she circled the smooth skin of its head.
“You gonna stare at me all night?” he asked, his voice low. She smiled and ran her hand along her ear, still half-expecting a few tresses of hair to slip between her fingers.
“All this time,” she said softly, nudging her knee against his thigh, “and you haven’t asked me for anything. What do you want, Bill?”
He shook his head, a look crossing his face that she could only describe as guilt. “This isn’t about me,” he murmured.
“You keep saying that,” she replied, putting a hand on her bare hip. “Who takes care of you?”
He looked briefly confused, yet smiled gently when she climbed into his lap, steadying her knees on either side of his hips. She slid her hands up his chest, palming his nipples, and bent over to kiss his ear. “Mmm?”
He took an unsteady breath as her tongue ran over the shell of his ear. “I’m not sick.”
“Ah.” She began to kiss along his neck and collarbone, whispering against his skin. “Some nights when you thought I was asleep, I felt you lying there behind me, felt how hard you were. You think that I don’t know what it was like for you? To have to feel guilty about wanting me when I couldn’t… to have to come home each night to a lover so angry and sick…” She slid down his body and parted her lips over his nipple, sucking on the tiny bud.
His voice rumbled through his chest, vibrating against her lips. “I love coming home to you.”
Damn you, Bill. Don’t make me cry.
Chest aching, she rolled his nipple between her teeth and kissed a wet path down along his scar. He groaned when her chin brushed the tip of his cock. When she spoke, her voice was thick and high. “You need this, too.”
He let out a long, slow breath.
Settling on her knees on the deck, she ran the back of her fingernail over his shaft, tracing the heavy vein on the underside. She nodded toward the jar of custard on the table, her voice low and sultry. “I’d love a taste.”
His eyes glazed over, and she smiled, watching as he reached for the jar. She licked her lips in anticipation, as he dipped a finger in, and drew a thick line just under the head of his penis. He chuckled. “Probably should just go ahead and coat the whole thing.”
Thing?
She laughed. Running a finger over the rim of the jar, she assessed its diameter, before pointedly eyeing his girth. “Do you think?…”
“Let’s leave that experiment for another… uuh,” he gasped as she leaned forward, stroking her hands over his thighs as she ran her tongue along his shaft. She smiled against his skin as his hips shifted up toward her, his legs opening farther, loose and relaxed.
Taking him in hand, she pulled his cock gently away from his belly and began to circle with her tongue, eagerly lapping the odd combination of musky tang and sweetness from his hot flesh.
He moaned, lifting his hips again. Sliding her hand down to cup his balls, she took him fully into her mouth.
***
His breath caught. Eyes closed, his head fell back against the sofa as his hips surged again, pressing his cock into the wet heat of Laura’s mouth. She worked him eagerly, somehow managing to take a little more of him each time. A series of half-formed words and groans escaped him, his focus on the feel of her around him, the swirling of her tongue, the suction of her mouth. He had to concentrate to ease the motion of his hips so he wouldn’t push too far, so he’d stay just under the threshold of release. It had been so long since she’d touched him this way.
Her fingernails traced light circles over his balls and sent tiny currents of pleasure along his spine. Her free hand swept up his leg, clutching at the thick muscles of his thigh and what she could reach of his ass.
When she moaned softly around him, he nearly lost it completely, blindly reaching for the thick mane of her… his eyes snapped open, panic running through him, hands frozen in the air. It was such a frakking stupid mistake.
Looking down at her, he let go of the breath he’d been holding. Her eyes were closed. Her bare head was in his lap, her lips wrapped around him as she sucked and licked contentedly. She looked so beautiful, fragile, every bone along the gentle curve of her back exposed to him. His heart clenched in his chest. Here she was, nervous about how she might look to him, barely recovered from a brutal round of treatment, yet so content, so willing to do this for him.
I love you so much, Laura.
He dropped his hands, gently caressing her shoulders as she moved. Tightening his grip he coaxed her away, his cock slipping free of her swollen lips.
“I need you,” he managed, his vision blurry.
***
“I want you,” she whispered back, the words sending a sizzle down her spine. He helped her to stand, and she moaned when she felt his soft, smooth hands slide up her thighs to her ass. “I miss you inside of me.”
She climbed into his lap, her hips hovering over him. Not wanting to waste another moment, she slid her hand between them and guided him to her.
Their eyes met as the head of his cock nudged against her. His moan was barely audible as his fingers traced up her back.
Her hands on his shoulders, she pressed her mouth to his and slowly took him in-she shivered at the intensity and gave herself a moment as her body relaxed around him.
It’s been so long, too long… take it easy.
He broke the kiss with a tug on her lower lip. “You okay?” he asked, his fingers grazing her sides.
“Yeah,” she breathed. She raised her hips, then lowered them again, taking more of him inside her with a moan. “You feel… it’s so…”
He cupped her cheek as he kissed her more firmly, his tongue tracing her lips. She slid her hands through the back of his hair and opened her mouth to him. The surge of heat she felt at the touch of their tongues incited the first roll of her hips in his lap, and Gods, it was nearly too much to take, his mouth and their chests pressing together and the slow movement of him inside of her…
She felt the tentative rise of his hips, then felt him back down just as quickly.
Don’t hold back.
She slid her tongue into his mouth and started riding him, ignoring the weakness in her thigh muscles.
She wasn’t going to stop, didn’t want to stop. She needed to show him this was okay, that he could take her, as he had so many times before.
This is my body, and it’s mine to give.
She felt herself tighten around his cock as he slid in and out of her, slick and hard. The sensation was on the verge of overwhelming, but she wanted more, felt greedy for it. Everything about him-the way he felt inside her, the way he responded to her mouth, his breath whispering across her cheek, the muscles under her palms, made her want him more. He broke their kiss to tilt his head back with a soft groan. Hands moving to her breasts, he cupped them, his fingers lightly pinching her peaked nipples. She gasped and pressed her chest into his hands.
“Gods, Laura.”
The sound of him growling her name, full of desire, made her whimper.
“Frak me,” she said breathlessly, twisting her hips in his lap, feeling his cock angle inside her, just enough friction to make her groan with pleasure.
Don’t want to stop, just frak me, please, frak me.
His hands immediately grasped at her hips and she steadied herself by grabbing the back of the couch. He thrust up into her, hard and quick, and she cried out softly.
“There?”
She moaned and flicked her tongue over her lips as her body quivered around him.
“Yeah,” she managed between breaths. “Yeah… yeah.”
He thrust into her again with a soft grunt and she moved in rhythm with him, her knees tight against his hips. She watched him, his head lowered, his gaze focused where they were joined. He listened to her moans and cries, varying the angle and strength of his thrusts in response.
Her legs were growing unsteady and her breathing ragged, more than just a result of her growing arousal. Letting her head fall back, she closed her eyes and gave herself over to his skillful movements.
“Laura, are you-”
“Close.” She clenched her inner muscles around him, his fingers digging into her hips in response. “So close.”
Gods, you feel so good.
She could feel him begin to tense under her, his movements growing more erratic as he approached the edge of his control. Her body was humming, vibrating on the second to last note of the scale. She’d been here before. This time she felt none of the desperation, no bitterness when the sensations seemed to plateau. There was comfort in the fullness, in the feel of him moving, thick and hot, inside her. He looked beautiful, pleasure tightening his muscles, a thin sheen of sweat on his olive skin. His eyes were fixed on her bare body.
“Let go, Bill. Let me see you come.”
One of his hands suddenly curved around to her ass and pressed her hips forward, and his tempo grew short and rapid. The orgasm hit her so suddenly that a loud peal of laughter spilled from her as she tumbled over the edge, writhing as she throbbed around him, heat washing up over her belly and breasts. A slight pain echoed through her haze of pleasure as he thrust up hard, her name on his lips when his cock pulsed against her deep inside. Utterly spent, she collapsed down onto him, her head against his shoulder, her arms heavy and loose against the back of the sofa. She felt his chest slick against hers as they both struggled for breath.
***
Every muscle in his body was deliciously relaxed. He wrapped his arms around her, absently running a hand along her back as he felt her breathing begin to settle. He could feel her heart beating. Pressing his cheek against her head, he eased them back against the sofa, reveling in the weight and softness of her against his chest. Sick or well, it wasn’t every day that Laura Roslin stopped long enough for him to hold her. Most of the time he felt he’d accomplished something if he’d just managed to run in the same direction. Her illness, the seeming miracle that was Kara’s reappearance, it had all served to convince her that Earth was closer than ever before, had only increased her drive. That was until the first round of diloxin had knocked her back, harder than either of them had expected.
Sometimes he wondered if he was a burden to her and he felt guilty for wanting her when she had so little to give. He worried that it was selfish to want her here with him, that maybe she stayed more for him, and to escape the public nature of sickbay, than because it was what she wanted.
Then she would bury herself against him in the middle of the night, lay her head in his lap while he read to her or watch him while he dressed, heat in her eyes. Just a few of these moments, a sound, like the pure joy in the laugh that had escaped her as she came, and his fears melted away.
She stirred, pressing warm kisses against his neck. He felt her smile. “So good…” she mumbled, her body slack against him. “Mmm, sorry… gonna sleep.”
He briefly considered trying to move them to the rack. He was soft inside her, the evidence of their activities pooled wetly in his lap. She shifted slightly. Her skin stuck to him in places and the air hung with an odd mix of sex and vanilla.
Not going anywhere.
He stroked his hand down her back, sliding lower to gently caress the soft curve of her ass. “Rest, Laura,” he whispered, kissing what he could reach of her cheek and head.
“We’re a mess,” she murmured lazily, her breathing already starting to even out.
“I know. S’okay.” They could take care of it later; right now he was content just to hold her, his own body heavy and sated. “Everything comes up off this couch.”
The flutter against his chest might have been a giggle. Worried that her legs would cramp, he eased them both over until he lay on his back, her body draped over him, still joined.
The shower would still be there in an hour.
***
She watched him turn on the shower and test the water with his hand. She could feel the sticky remnants of the custard on her skin, her body thrumming.
He held the curtain aside for her and she stepped in, the spray of the water dousing her back with warmth. He stepped into the shower in front of her and his eyes flickered to the rivulets of water cascading over her chest. He reached for the soap and lathered his hands, then slid them up her torso, over her breasts. She hummed softly at the sensation of his palms gliding over her nipples, up to her shoulders, down her arms.
He had seen her, had embraced her and relearned her. They both had.
She tilted her head back, the spray hitting her bare scalp-she hadn’t gotten used to it yet, the lack of heaviness that her drenched hair used to provide. But it felt soothing as the water gently beat away at her nerve endings, echoing softly in her head.
He spread soap across her hips, down under her belly button, his hands silky smooth against her flushed skin.
“We should have done this before.” Years ago. She hadn’t meant to say it aloud. Pausing to listen to the pattering of the shower spray upon her forehead, she half hoped that her words had simply become lost. She didn’t abide regrets.
“How could we have? You were so sick, Laura.” She felt his hands move down the sides of her thighs, then up her abdomen again, in a slow, circular motion that eased the tremors that had started to run along her heavy limbs. Her throat was thick, her nose and eyes filling at his misinterpretation of her words, at his unconscious use of the past. Suddenly feeling more vulnerable than when she had lain open and bare in front of him, she drew her head out of the water and her hands along his shoulders to his neck.
She felt a lump in her throat, even as she pulled him closer and his soapy hands caressed her back. Pressing her lips to his, she let go of the emotion that was constricting her chest, trying to put the words she couldn’t say into the depth and intensity of the kiss. He opened his mouth to her, responding as he always did, with everything he had.
In the year after she’d lost her family, when she’d had to slowly put her life back together, she had told herself that she would never feel like that again-that she couldn’t bear it, that she had been right to live the life she had chosen. Mostly alone.
Her mouth moved over his, her hands smoothing over his bare back, her body warm and supported. There was a hint of her own flavor on his tongue, barely perceptible under his own taste, mixed with the salt of her tears and the hardness of the water.
From that now bleary night on New Caprica, he had wanted to give this to her. Even after his failed marriage, even after Zak, even knowing, though not perhaps understanding, the risk that came with her cure. For a man whose greatest fear was rooted in loss, he seemed to set himself up for it more than anyone she had ever known. She hadn’t understood why, maybe even hadn’t felt deserving of his heart, until now. She didn’t want to go through this without him, didn’t want to be without him.
She broke the kiss and quickly reached for the soap, needing to gather herself again. She ran her hands, thick with lather, up the muscles of his chest to his neck. He didn’t say anything, just watched her, his expression soft and open. She bent her knees to crouch before him and ran her hands over his calves and thighs, each leg in turn, before rising slowly, cupping and stroking the softness of his genitals. She soaped up his arms and felt a pulse of warmth deep inside at the feel of his body under her palms. She loved every part of him, always had-the thick muscles where his neck met his shoulders, the scar down his chest, his well-toned thighs, and every spot in between.
She slid her arms around his neck, her wet chest slick against the heat of his skin. He pulled her close, his forearms tight against her back. His chin nudged against the top of her head and she pressed her cheek to him, hearing his heartbeat.
Why did I wait so long? Only to find this now, when everything is ruin and there’s so little time left.
She felt his chest move, the depth of his breath against her own more shallow draws of air.
“All of these changes are leading up to this end that I’ve been running from for years now,” she murmured, her throat constricting again, like it hadn’t wanted those words to escape.
“It’s not an end.” His body was still, his voice low. He said it so simply, so matter of fact, that hearing it made her ache in the pit of her stomach.
I’m not going to get better. That’s not what these treatments are for.
She felt him kiss the top of her bare head and leave his lips there.
“You can’t give up, Laura,” he murmured against her skin.
Bill, you don’t know how much it hurts sometimes, to keep existing in this body that’s giving up on me.
It was in his voice, a hint of the thrill of victory they’d both experienced when she’d fallen over the edge with him. Her soldier would see that victory as a beginning, the first of a winning campaign, and she suddenly found herself incapable of taking that from him.
Earth is still out there.
“Kara said something to me a few hours after the Cylons landed on New Caprica.” She traced circles on the small of his back, over and over. Never stopping. “That sometimes, the only thing left is to fight until you can’t.”
His arms tightened around her. She realized that it didn’t matter whether she had days or months or years, whether he understood or faced the reality of her outcome. He wouldn’t give her any less of himself just because there was more or less time. There was so little hope to spare these days.
“Smart girl,” he said, his voice watery and soft. She smiled and nudged her cheek against his chest.
She felt the fatigue in her body settling in like an uninvited guest, her limbs heavy, her breath shallow. Her weight pressed against his body.
One day, you’ll have to let me fall.
“When you touched me just now… when I finally let you touch me again, I forgot about it. The running, the fear. The fight.”
He held her head in his hands, pulling back enough to look at her, tears staining his cheeks. “So did I.”
***
Fin.
Authors: larsfarm77 & icedteainthebag
Summary: She wondered if he remembered what it felt like to bury his face in her hair; it wasn't so long ago.
Spoilers: Through The Road Less Traveled
Pairing: Adama/Roslin
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 3,590
Authors' Notes: More than three months ago, icedteainthebag posted this little drabble in rememberlaura. As can be read in our responses, it inspired much laughter, a wonderful friendship/collaboration and, eventually, this 20,000+ word fic. Huge thanks to tjonesy and somadanne for beta awesomeness.
We'd like to thank everyone for reading and taking this journey with us. The encouragement and feedback have meant so much to us. You've made this an incredible experience.
Link to Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5
***
Laura stood up as he sat down, steadying herself against his knee at the sudden lightheadedness the movement caused. His hand caught her hip, palm warm against her skin.
As she stood between his parted legs, her fingers drifted through the sparse hairs of his thighs. She let her eyes wander up his body, her heartbeat quickening. He was still and she could feel his eyes on her. She traced her fingers over the gentle curve of his cock and heard his breath hitch as she circled the smooth skin of its head.
“You gonna stare at me all night?” he asked, his voice low. She smiled and ran her hand along her ear, still half-expecting a few tresses of hair to slip between her fingers.
“All this time,” she said softly, nudging her knee against his thigh, “and you haven’t asked me for anything. What do you want, Bill?”
He shook his head, a look crossing his face that she could only describe as guilt. “This isn’t about me,” he murmured.
“You keep saying that,” she replied, putting a hand on her bare hip. “Who takes care of you?”
He looked briefly confused, yet smiled gently when she climbed into his lap, steadying her knees on either side of his hips. She slid her hands up his chest, palming his nipples, and bent over to kiss his ear. “Mmm?”
He took an unsteady breath as her tongue ran over the shell of his ear. “I’m not sick.”
“Ah.” She began to kiss along his neck and collarbone, whispering against his skin. “Some nights when you thought I was asleep, I felt you lying there behind me, felt how hard you were. You think that I don’t know what it was like for you? To have to feel guilty about wanting me when I couldn’t… to have to come home each night to a lover so angry and sick…” She slid down his body and parted her lips over his nipple, sucking on the tiny bud.
His voice rumbled through his chest, vibrating against her lips. “I love coming home to you.”
Damn you, Bill. Don’t make me cry.
Chest aching, she rolled his nipple between her teeth and kissed a wet path down along his scar. He groaned when her chin brushed the tip of his cock. When she spoke, her voice was thick and high. “You need this, too.”
He let out a long, slow breath.
Settling on her knees on the deck, she ran the back of her fingernail over his shaft, tracing the heavy vein on the underside. She nodded toward the jar of custard on the table, her voice low and sultry. “I’d love a taste.”
His eyes glazed over, and she smiled, watching as he reached for the jar. She licked her lips in anticipation, as he dipped a finger in, and drew a thick line just under the head of his penis. He chuckled. “Probably should just go ahead and coat the whole thing.”
Thing?
She laughed. Running a finger over the rim of the jar, she assessed its diameter, before pointedly eyeing his girth. “Do you think?…”
“Let’s leave that experiment for another… uuh,” he gasped as she leaned forward, stroking her hands over his thighs as she ran her tongue along his shaft. She smiled against his skin as his hips shifted up toward her, his legs opening farther, loose and relaxed.
Taking him in hand, she pulled his cock gently away from his belly and began to circle with her tongue, eagerly lapping the odd combination of musky tang and sweetness from his hot flesh.
He moaned, lifting his hips again. Sliding her hand down to cup his balls, she took him fully into her mouth.
***
His breath caught. Eyes closed, his head fell back against the sofa as his hips surged again, pressing his cock into the wet heat of Laura’s mouth. She worked him eagerly, somehow managing to take a little more of him each time. A series of half-formed words and groans escaped him, his focus on the feel of her around him, the swirling of her tongue, the suction of her mouth. He had to concentrate to ease the motion of his hips so he wouldn’t push too far, so he’d stay just under the threshold of release. It had been so long since she’d touched him this way.
Her fingernails traced light circles over his balls and sent tiny currents of pleasure along his spine. Her free hand swept up his leg, clutching at the thick muscles of his thigh and what she could reach of his ass.
When she moaned softly around him, he nearly lost it completely, blindly reaching for the thick mane of her… his eyes snapped open, panic running through him, hands frozen in the air. It was such a frakking stupid mistake.
Looking down at her, he let go of the breath he’d been holding. Her eyes were closed. Her bare head was in his lap, her lips wrapped around him as she sucked and licked contentedly. She looked so beautiful, fragile, every bone along the gentle curve of her back exposed to him. His heart clenched in his chest. Here she was, nervous about how she might look to him, barely recovered from a brutal round of treatment, yet so content, so willing to do this for him.
I love you so much, Laura.
He dropped his hands, gently caressing her shoulders as she moved. Tightening his grip he coaxed her away, his cock slipping free of her swollen lips.
“I need you,” he managed, his vision blurry.
***
“I want you,” she whispered back, the words sending a sizzle down her spine. He helped her to stand, and she moaned when she felt his soft, smooth hands slide up her thighs to her ass. “I miss you inside of me.”
She climbed into his lap, her hips hovering over him. Not wanting to waste another moment, she slid her hand between them and guided him to her.
Their eyes met as the head of his cock nudged against her. His moan was barely audible as his fingers traced up her back.
Her hands on his shoulders, she pressed her mouth to his and slowly took him in-she shivered at the intensity and gave herself a moment as her body relaxed around him.
It’s been so long, too long… take it easy.
He broke the kiss with a tug on her lower lip. “You okay?” he asked, his fingers grazing her sides.
“Yeah,” she breathed. She raised her hips, then lowered them again, taking more of him inside her with a moan. “You feel… it’s so…”
He cupped her cheek as he kissed her more firmly, his tongue tracing her lips. She slid her hands through the back of his hair and opened her mouth to him. The surge of heat she felt at the touch of their tongues incited the first roll of her hips in his lap, and Gods, it was nearly too much to take, his mouth and their chests pressing together and the slow movement of him inside of her…
She felt the tentative rise of his hips, then felt him back down just as quickly.
Don’t hold back.
She slid her tongue into his mouth and started riding him, ignoring the weakness in her thigh muscles.
She wasn’t going to stop, didn’t want to stop. She needed to show him this was okay, that he could take her, as he had so many times before.
This is my body, and it’s mine to give.
She felt herself tighten around his cock as he slid in and out of her, slick and hard. The sensation was on the verge of overwhelming, but she wanted more, felt greedy for it. Everything about him-the way he felt inside her, the way he responded to her mouth, his breath whispering across her cheek, the muscles under her palms, made her want him more. He broke their kiss to tilt his head back with a soft groan. Hands moving to her breasts, he cupped them, his fingers lightly pinching her peaked nipples. She gasped and pressed her chest into his hands.
“Gods, Laura.”
The sound of him growling her name, full of desire, made her whimper.
“Frak me,” she said breathlessly, twisting her hips in his lap, feeling his cock angle inside her, just enough friction to make her groan with pleasure.
Don’t want to stop, just frak me, please, frak me.
His hands immediately grasped at her hips and she steadied herself by grabbing the back of the couch. He thrust up into her, hard and quick, and she cried out softly.
“There?”
She moaned and flicked her tongue over her lips as her body quivered around him.
“Yeah,” she managed between breaths. “Yeah… yeah.”
He thrust into her again with a soft grunt and she moved in rhythm with him, her knees tight against his hips. She watched him, his head lowered, his gaze focused where they were joined. He listened to her moans and cries, varying the angle and strength of his thrusts in response.
Her legs were growing unsteady and her breathing ragged, more than just a result of her growing arousal. Letting her head fall back, she closed her eyes and gave herself over to his skillful movements.
“Laura, are you-”
“Close.” She clenched her inner muscles around him, his fingers digging into her hips in response. “So close.”
Gods, you feel so good.
She could feel him begin to tense under her, his movements growing more erratic as he approached the edge of his control. Her body was humming, vibrating on the second to last note of the scale. She’d been here before. This time she felt none of the desperation, no bitterness when the sensations seemed to plateau. There was comfort in the fullness, in the feel of him moving, thick and hot, inside her. He looked beautiful, pleasure tightening his muscles, a thin sheen of sweat on his olive skin. His eyes were fixed on her bare body.
“Let go, Bill. Let me see you come.”
One of his hands suddenly curved around to her ass and pressed her hips forward, and his tempo grew short and rapid. The orgasm hit her so suddenly that a loud peal of laughter spilled from her as she tumbled over the edge, writhing as she throbbed around him, heat washing up over her belly and breasts. A slight pain echoed through her haze of pleasure as he thrust up hard, her name on his lips when his cock pulsed against her deep inside. Utterly spent, she collapsed down onto him, her head against his shoulder, her arms heavy and loose against the back of the sofa. She felt his chest slick against hers as they both struggled for breath.
***
Every muscle in his body was deliciously relaxed. He wrapped his arms around her, absently running a hand along her back as he felt her breathing begin to settle. He could feel her heart beating. Pressing his cheek against her head, he eased them back against the sofa, reveling in the weight and softness of her against his chest. Sick or well, it wasn’t every day that Laura Roslin stopped long enough for him to hold her. Most of the time he felt he’d accomplished something if he’d just managed to run in the same direction. Her illness, the seeming miracle that was Kara’s reappearance, it had all served to convince her that Earth was closer than ever before, had only increased her drive. That was until the first round of diloxin had knocked her back, harder than either of them had expected.
Sometimes he wondered if he was a burden to her and he felt guilty for wanting her when she had so little to give. He worried that it was selfish to want her here with him, that maybe she stayed more for him, and to escape the public nature of sickbay, than because it was what she wanted.
Then she would bury herself against him in the middle of the night, lay her head in his lap while he read to her or watch him while he dressed, heat in her eyes. Just a few of these moments, a sound, like the pure joy in the laugh that had escaped her as she came, and his fears melted away.
She stirred, pressing warm kisses against his neck. He felt her smile. “So good…” she mumbled, her body slack against him. “Mmm, sorry… gonna sleep.”
He briefly considered trying to move them to the rack. He was soft inside her, the evidence of their activities pooled wetly in his lap. She shifted slightly. Her skin stuck to him in places and the air hung with an odd mix of sex and vanilla.
Not going anywhere.
He stroked his hand down her back, sliding lower to gently caress the soft curve of her ass. “Rest, Laura,” he whispered, kissing what he could reach of her cheek and head.
“We’re a mess,” she murmured lazily, her breathing already starting to even out.
“I know. S’okay.” They could take care of it later; right now he was content just to hold her, his own body heavy and sated. “Everything comes up off this couch.”
The flutter against his chest might have been a giggle. Worried that her legs would cramp, he eased them both over until he lay on his back, her body draped over him, still joined.
The shower would still be there in an hour.
***
She watched him turn on the shower and test the water with his hand. She could feel the sticky remnants of the custard on her skin, her body thrumming.
He held the curtain aside for her and she stepped in, the spray of the water dousing her back with warmth. He stepped into the shower in front of her and his eyes flickered to the rivulets of water cascading over her chest. He reached for the soap and lathered his hands, then slid them up her torso, over her breasts. She hummed softly at the sensation of his palms gliding over her nipples, up to her shoulders, down her arms.
He had seen her, had embraced her and relearned her. They both had.
She tilted her head back, the spray hitting her bare scalp-she hadn’t gotten used to it yet, the lack of heaviness that her drenched hair used to provide. But it felt soothing as the water gently beat away at her nerve endings, echoing softly in her head.
He spread soap across her hips, down under her belly button, his hands silky smooth against her flushed skin.
“We should have done this before.” Years ago. She hadn’t meant to say it aloud. Pausing to listen to the pattering of the shower spray upon her forehead, she half hoped that her words had simply become lost. She didn’t abide regrets.
“How could we have? You were so sick, Laura.” She felt his hands move down the sides of her thighs, then up her abdomen again, in a slow, circular motion that eased the tremors that had started to run along her heavy limbs. Her throat was thick, her nose and eyes filling at his misinterpretation of her words, at his unconscious use of the past. Suddenly feeling more vulnerable than when she had lain open and bare in front of him, she drew her head out of the water and her hands along his shoulders to his neck.
She felt a lump in her throat, even as she pulled him closer and his soapy hands caressed her back. Pressing her lips to his, she let go of the emotion that was constricting her chest, trying to put the words she couldn’t say into the depth and intensity of the kiss. He opened his mouth to her, responding as he always did, with everything he had.
In the year after she’d lost her family, when she’d had to slowly put her life back together, she had told herself that she would never feel like that again-that she couldn’t bear it, that she had been right to live the life she had chosen. Mostly alone.
Her mouth moved over his, her hands smoothing over his bare back, her body warm and supported. There was a hint of her own flavor on his tongue, barely perceptible under his own taste, mixed with the salt of her tears and the hardness of the water.
From that now bleary night on New Caprica, he had wanted to give this to her. Even after his failed marriage, even after Zak, even knowing, though not perhaps understanding, the risk that came with her cure. For a man whose greatest fear was rooted in loss, he seemed to set himself up for it more than anyone she had ever known. She hadn’t understood why, maybe even hadn’t felt deserving of his heart, until now. She didn’t want to go through this without him, didn’t want to be without him.
She broke the kiss and quickly reached for the soap, needing to gather herself again. She ran her hands, thick with lather, up the muscles of his chest to his neck. He didn’t say anything, just watched her, his expression soft and open. She bent her knees to crouch before him and ran her hands over his calves and thighs, each leg in turn, before rising slowly, cupping and stroking the softness of his genitals. She soaped up his arms and felt a pulse of warmth deep inside at the feel of his body under her palms. She loved every part of him, always had-the thick muscles where his neck met his shoulders, the scar down his chest, his well-toned thighs, and every spot in between.
She slid her arms around his neck, her wet chest slick against the heat of his skin. He pulled her close, his forearms tight against her back. His chin nudged against the top of her head and she pressed her cheek to him, hearing his heartbeat.
Why did I wait so long? Only to find this now, when everything is ruin and there’s so little time left.
She felt his chest move, the depth of his breath against her own more shallow draws of air.
“All of these changes are leading up to this end that I’ve been running from for years now,” she murmured, her throat constricting again, like it hadn’t wanted those words to escape.
“It’s not an end.” His body was still, his voice low. He said it so simply, so matter of fact, that hearing it made her ache in the pit of her stomach.
I’m not going to get better. That’s not what these treatments are for.
She felt him kiss the top of her bare head and leave his lips there.
“You can’t give up, Laura,” he murmured against her skin.
Bill, you don’t know how much it hurts sometimes, to keep existing in this body that’s giving up on me.
It was in his voice, a hint of the thrill of victory they’d both experienced when she’d fallen over the edge with him. Her soldier would see that victory as a beginning, the first of a winning campaign, and she suddenly found herself incapable of taking that from him.
Earth is still out there.
“Kara said something to me a few hours after the Cylons landed on New Caprica.” She traced circles on the small of his back, over and over. Never stopping. “That sometimes, the only thing left is to fight until you can’t.”
His arms tightened around her. She realized that it didn’t matter whether she had days or months or years, whether he understood or faced the reality of her outcome. He wouldn’t give her any less of himself just because there was more or less time. There was so little hope to spare these days.
“Smart girl,” he said, his voice watery and soft. She smiled and nudged her cheek against his chest.
She felt the fatigue in her body settling in like an uninvited guest, her limbs heavy, her breath shallow. Her weight pressed against his body.
One day, you’ll have to let me fall.
“When you touched me just now… when I finally let you touch me again, I forgot about it. The running, the fear. The fight.”
He held her head in his hands, pulling back enough to look at her, tears staining his cheeks. “So did I.”
***
Fin.