Language spam

[iceprincess324]

Sorry if you've seen this before, but clever language things make me giggle. The e-mail says these analogies are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement.

It made me realize I almost never use analogies in my writing. My mind goes stagnant, like the Emergency Broadcast System

Comments

[handlet]

Ha, I am seven hours into the workday (and it's Monday!), so summoning the brainpower to come up with a metaphor is... well, I assume here is where I'd work one in. ;) However! Do you ever watch The Colbert Report? If so, did you see Stephen vs. Sean Penn metaphor-off? (If not, here it is!)

[iceprincess324]

I did see the metaphor-off! :D It was a late night for me, though. My eyes usually get really heavy round about 11:15, so I don't usually make it all the way through Colbert's show.

Lol...I think it's good that Sean really committed to the "soiled and bloodstained underwear" thing; I mean, if you're gonna pull off a metaphor like that, you gotta commit. ;)

[jchammonds]

My mind is blank, as blank as the box I typed my comment in before I began.

:D Fun! But I am brain dead at the moment.

[iceprincess324]

Yay! Winna!

My soul leaps at language play, like this goofy leaping bird they keep showing on the Planet Earth commercials (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUAPNy1fG6A).

[marsgirl_73]

"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"

Okay, okay, I didn't write that...but for more examples of the worst writing ever, go to http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/.

[iceprincess324]

"She looked at her hands and saw the desiccated skin hanging in Shar-Pei wrinkles, confetti-like freckles, and those dry, dry cuticles--even her "Fatale Crimson" nail color had faded in the relentless sun to the color of old sirloin--and she vowed if she ever got out of the Sahara alive, she'd never buy polish on sale at Walgreen's again."

Hee! Great stuff!

[becofoz]

I can't think, my brain is as dead as a doornail...

I was reading some spoilers the other day for one of my TV shows and it said "...someone turns up missing." How can you turn up missing? Please explain...

[iceprincess324]

Ut oh... If you're brain dead, how will you ever know how many extra bonus metaphor points you got? And how much more impressive you managed it...while brain dead?! You are one smart brain dead Ozzie. ;) *high five*

'Tis a good question about the "turning up missing." It would seem that the someone is contradicting himself, what with the turning up and being missing. Perhaps he/she was having an out-of-body experience? Like so: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astral_projection

[becofoz]

How 'bout...I struggled like a fish out of water to come up with one, let alone two, metaphors!

Why is it you can never think of them when you want to?

[iceprincess324]

Hey, that's one more than anyone else came up with! You're practically prolific--like a literary JS Bach on speed...