If I Kissed You, Would You Be Mad?
Kuan, as she is called, has long brown hair, slightly thin, and ends around her waist. Her skin is lightly tanned and pretty much perfect save for the birthmark barely hidden just above her left temple. She had a beautiful smile, if only she would show it more often and she has quite the insight, probably the result of reading so many different books.
She is a sweet girl, and an understanding one at that. She has been my confidant since I met her. She is smart - fluent in almost 3 languages including Korean and Chinese - and is at the top of most of her classes, and she barely tries. She’s a dancer and a pianist, a painter and a sketch artist. Anything she sets her mind to, she can do and I am slightly envious of that. But, she knows when to show her talent, and when not to. I admire Kuan very much; maybe that’s why I find her to be a great friend?
After saying goodbye to Hankyung, with a chaste kiss in an empty hallway, I made my way to our meeting spot.
Every morning, it was easy to find Kuan. She would always be found, sitting under the same weeping willow tree in the school yard, reading a book it was hardly ever the same book twice. And sure enough, there she was, sitting criss-crossed under the shade of the tree, her backpack next to her and a book in hand.
I kneeled before her, sitting on my toes, and shouted, “Yah! Kuan!” and I took her book from her hands. At one time, I had tried to not take her book away from her, but I found she wouldn’t pay attention if I didn’t. So I took her book and kept her attention but I nearly laughed when I saw the cover of her newest book. “Twilight? Really? I didn’t think you were one to follow trends.”
Kuan glared at me and ripped her book back from my hands. “I don’t.”
I laughed, watching her put a book mark in her page - one with beautiful Chinese calligraphy I couldn’t read - and put the book in her bag. “Then why are you reading it?” I asked, lifting the cover of her bag and examining the book a little closer. I found that the typescript, although the same as English, was one in which I couldn’t read, but I recognized it. An old friend of mine in my old neighborhood/country studied it. “In German of all languages?!”
“Because you understand Chinese and Korean,” she told me, simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Pinyin anyway,” she mumbled, adding that fact to her previous statement. So, she could have chosen to read it in Chinese after all.
I ignored her mumblings and proceeded to ask, “So, you purposefully got a copy of a book in a language you don’t fully comprehend to make sure I didn’t understand?” Kuan was a cool girl, but her logic was sometimes…strange. For example, one day, her parents scolded her for not coming home in time to fully prepare for a business party later that evening, and according to her logic, to defy her parents equaled to getting a third ear piercing in her left ear.
“Yes,” Kuan answered, “precisely.” I rolled my eyes. See? Strange. Kuan comes from China, like Hankyung, but unlike him, she hadn’t taken on a Korean name. She told me once before it was because she wanted to remain Chinese, and not be Korean-Chinese mix. She likes her heritage so much that sometimes she makes me feel guilty I don’t know as much about my own culture.
“Anyway,” Kuan began, looking up at me with her big black eyes. There was hardly a time I recalled an emotion on Kuan’s face, besides her semi-smile one, the one she wore now. Usually she wore an expression of complete indifference, scaring away any possibility of making friends. “How is Hankyung?”
“Hankyung?” I repeated. I sighed and rolled onto my heels, my arms resting on my knees. It was a familiar name to say, one that brought a sense of comfort to my mind, but also a sense of worry and fear. “Alright, I guess. You know he never tells me anything. I have to decipher everything out on my own with him.”
Kuan nodded and pulled her simple black messenger bag onto her lap. “I see.” Kuan is very plain for such a rich girl. Her clothes are almost Wal-Mart worthy, save for the ones she has to wear to her family dinners and social gatherings and such, her tennis shoes have a hole in the toe (she can’t wear them to school because its not a part of the regulated uniform) from the time we went ‘exploring’ in the woods near the school and she tripped over a log. Although I think it’s cool that she doesn’t spend her money on the big-name brands, I think she could use another pair of tennis shoes.
“He handles everything so well, in such great stride I have nothing left to do but watch him and wish I was more like that,” I confessed. Like I have said before, Kuan was my confidant. I feel like I could trust her with anything, and she would always know what to do.
I watched Kuan take a rubber band from her wrist and tie her long black hair into a bun at the top of her head, and I wondered how she could do that. Come to think of it, my mom can do that too…weird. “Well, how I see it, if I may speak bluntly?” I nodded. No use sugar-coating a mess like this anyway. “You and Hankyung are to become brothers. In this society, falling in love with your step brother, even loving another man, is typically frowned upon.”
I frowned. I knew that. C’mon, Kuan! You’re supposed to be on my side! Not society’s! Kuan saw my frown and frowned as well. “Don’t give me that look, Henli. I haven’t finished yet.” I nodded and waited for her to continue. “Hankyung is a smart guy, Henli. He knows both things that I have just told you, and yet, he still allowed himself to fall in love with you.”
“You two met to become brothers; whether he was your tutor before, it doesn’t matter. He fell in love with you after the second introduction. Now, remember, Hankyung is a smart man, he knows what he is doing. Although, your relationship is frowned upon, anyone who understands you will protect the both of you. That’s why you have me, right?” Kuan flashed a quick, almost overly confident smirk, but I liked it. She hardly ever does it, and when she does, her beauty rivals that of the most beautiful ancient goddess. “No matter what may happen, Henli, don’t forget you have me to stand up for you.”
Sadly, I don’t have lunch with Kuan. She eats earlier while I have lunch the last rotation. But, there was a bright side. There is always a bright side, and this has a very nice one. I have lunch with Hankyung.
“Yah! Henli! Over here!”
The table I usually sat at everyday was always covered with Hankyung’s friends. From upperclassmen to lowerclassmen, Hankyung was virtually friends with everyone. I knew some of them, like Ryeowook who was in some of my classes and Heechul and Siwon who always seemed to be with Hankyung. But not today, I couldn’t see Hankyung anywhere.
Ryeowook must have seen the confusion I must have displayed on my face because he smiled at me and said, “Hankyung-hyung will be here soon. He had something he had to take care of before lunch.” He then, ushered me to an empty space, near him and across from Heechul and Siwon. I tried my best to smile at them, it was so awkward without Hankyung there to guide a conversation, and set my lunch bag on the table.
Heechul snickered. “You seem so lost without Hannie,” Siwon, the stronger built of the two (I haven’t seen such muscles before on a kid just a few years older than me before!) sent a glare towards the skinnier, pretty boy, who ignored it. “Do you have any friends besides him?”
“Knock it off, Heechul,” Eeteuk scolded him. Eeteuk was like the father figure of the group, I guess. I don’t know the guy too well, but if he’s sticking up for me, well, he can’t be all that bad. He had the aura of a father, strong and protecting, and I liked that. I wish to know him better, but our schedules won’t allow it, seeing as he;s about to graduate and I’m still a first year.“Hankyung will murder you if he finds out you bullied his adored baby brother.”
“Kick your ass inside out!” laughed Donghae, adding in his own two-bits worth. I guess it was a joke, it must have been because he was almost rolling on the floor in laughter. He was a grade above me, but I didn’t know him real well either. I could tell he was a bit of an odd-ball though.
Heechul grimaced, looking me over. I could feel it, I could tell he was looking for a flaw and it gave me a chill “I don’t know what he sees in you, brat.”
“Hey now, now,” Kyuhyun said, petting his boyfriend’s dark hair. He and Zhou Mi, another Chinese student at this school, were the first male couple I met here and they seem to be doing pretty well in society. No one really yells at them, and I see many girls swoon. “Just because Hankyung-hyung chose lil’ Henli over you, there’s no reason to be jealous, or mean to Henli.”
“Who’s being mean to Henli?” Everyone turned around (if they had their backs facing that way, I didn’t because he was across the table, in front of me) and there was Hankyung, eyeing all of his friends suspiciously. I gulped. That face was scary; it was the one he gives to Uncle when Uncle is being overly boisterous.
Siwon sighed. “No one is being mean to Henli,” he said, “Come and eat, Hannie.”
Hankyung looked over his friends once more before rounding the table and taking the empty seat beside me. He smiled at me, and I wished everyone in the Cafeteria would be gone so I could kiss him. That smile was way too handsome. “How was your morning classes, baby?”
“They were morning classes, Hankyung,” I said, almost yawning. I hated morning classes. It almost always seemed to be that you are forced into the most boring classes in the morning, where the teachers drone about nothing no normal teenager cares about, nonetheless these rich kids.
Hankyung laughed. “I guess I didn’t do a good job waking you up this morning, huh?” He opened his lunch and began to pick at the rice my mom must have packed for him. We got the same lunch I think…rice and leftover pork from dinner the night before.
“Don’t make me kick you,” I mumbled under my breath, pouting, but Hankyung just laughed. Truth be told, I didn’t mind the way Hankyung kissed me in the morning, but his ego is large enough without me adding to it by telling him that. Besides, he probably knows already.
At the end of lunch, Kuan was waiting for me. She always did wait for me, her class was close to the cafeteria and it wasn’t too far out of her way to get to, and we would walk to class together. I think her last class was Korean, and that was really close to the Cafeteria.
“Henli,” she called as I exited the cafeteria. I walked alongside Hankyung for as long as I could before we had to separate; I don’t get to see him much in school. Kuan locked eyes with Hankyung, and she nodded her greeting, which Hankyung warmly returned with a soft smile. She turned to me and asked, “Ready to go?”
“Uhm, yeah,” I said and began walking towards her, but something caught my wrist and held me back. I turned and saw Hankyung’s hand firmly holding my wrist and keeping me from going any further. I looked up at him, the small smile was still there, but fading, being replaced with one more of worry. It looked that way to me.
Hankyung finally spoke after a few moments of silence between us, Kuan and the few friends of his to exit with us. “I’ll see you later, Henli. By the front gate, as usual?” Was that really what he wanted to say? I didn’t think so. But, I don’t think I would have heard what he really wanted to tell me even if I urged him, so I smiled and nodded; agreeing to our meeting spot, not that it was anything different than where we usually met at the end of the day.
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please comment!! So i know if its good or not
besides, i like hearing what everyone thinks :)
She is a sweet girl, and an understanding one at that. She has been my confidant since I met her. She is smart - fluent in almost 3 languages including Korean and Chinese - and is at the top of most of her classes, and she barely tries. She’s a dancer and a pianist, a painter and a sketch artist. Anything she sets her mind to, she can do and I am slightly envious of that. But, she knows when to show her talent, and when not to. I admire Kuan very much; maybe that’s why I find her to be a great friend?
After saying goodbye to Hankyung, with a chaste kiss in an empty hallway, I made my way to our meeting spot.
Every morning, it was easy to find Kuan. She would always be found, sitting under the same weeping willow tree in the school yard, reading a book it was hardly ever the same book twice. And sure enough, there she was, sitting criss-crossed under the shade of the tree, her backpack next to her and a book in hand.
I kneeled before her, sitting on my toes, and shouted, “Yah! Kuan!” and I took her book from her hands. At one time, I had tried to not take her book away from her, but I found she wouldn’t pay attention if I didn’t. So I took her book and kept her attention but I nearly laughed when I saw the cover of her newest book. “Twilight? Really? I didn’t think you were one to follow trends.”
Kuan glared at me and ripped her book back from my hands. “I don’t.”
I laughed, watching her put a book mark in her page - one with beautiful Chinese calligraphy I couldn’t read - and put the book in her bag. “Then why are you reading it?” I asked, lifting the cover of her bag and examining the book a little closer. I found that the typescript, although the same as English, was one in which I couldn’t read, but I recognized it. An old friend of mine in my old neighborhood/country studied it. “In German of all languages?!”
“Because you understand Chinese and Korean,” she told me, simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Pinyin anyway,” she mumbled, adding that fact to her previous statement. So, she could have chosen to read it in Chinese after all.
I ignored her mumblings and proceeded to ask, “So, you purposefully got a copy of a book in a language you don’t fully comprehend to make sure I didn’t understand?” Kuan was a cool girl, but her logic was sometimes…strange. For example, one day, her parents scolded her for not coming home in time to fully prepare for a business party later that evening, and according to her logic, to defy her parents equaled to getting a third ear piercing in her left ear.
“Yes,” Kuan answered, “precisely.” I rolled my eyes. See? Strange. Kuan comes from China, like Hankyung, but unlike him, she hadn’t taken on a Korean name. She told me once before it was because she wanted to remain Chinese, and not be Korean-Chinese mix. She likes her heritage so much that sometimes she makes me feel guilty I don’t know as much about my own culture.
“Anyway,” Kuan began, looking up at me with her big black eyes. There was hardly a time I recalled an emotion on Kuan’s face, besides her semi-smile one, the one she wore now. Usually she wore an expression of complete indifference, scaring away any possibility of making friends. “How is Hankyung?”
“Hankyung?” I repeated. I sighed and rolled onto my heels, my arms resting on my knees. It was a familiar name to say, one that brought a sense of comfort to my mind, but also a sense of worry and fear. “Alright, I guess. You know he never tells me anything. I have to decipher everything out on my own with him.”
Kuan nodded and pulled her simple black messenger bag onto her lap. “I see.” Kuan is very plain for such a rich girl. Her clothes are almost Wal-Mart worthy, save for the ones she has to wear to her family dinners and social gatherings and such, her tennis shoes have a hole in the toe (she can’t wear them to school because its not a part of the regulated uniform) from the time we went ‘exploring’ in the woods near the school and she tripped over a log. Although I think it’s cool that she doesn’t spend her money on the big-name brands, I think she could use another pair of tennis shoes.
“He handles everything so well, in such great stride I have nothing left to do but watch him and wish I was more like that,” I confessed. Like I have said before, Kuan was my confidant. I feel like I could trust her with anything, and she would always know what to do.
I watched Kuan take a rubber band from her wrist and tie her long black hair into a bun at the top of her head, and I wondered how she could do that. Come to think of it, my mom can do that too…weird. “Well, how I see it, if I may speak bluntly?” I nodded. No use sugar-coating a mess like this anyway. “You and Hankyung are to become brothers. In this society, falling in love with your step brother, even loving another man, is typically frowned upon.”
I frowned. I knew that. C’mon, Kuan! You’re supposed to be on my side! Not society’s! Kuan saw my frown and frowned as well. “Don’t give me that look, Henli. I haven’t finished yet.” I nodded and waited for her to continue. “Hankyung is a smart guy, Henli. He knows both things that I have just told you, and yet, he still allowed himself to fall in love with you.”
“You two met to become brothers; whether he was your tutor before, it doesn’t matter. He fell in love with you after the second introduction. Now, remember, Hankyung is a smart man, he knows what he is doing. Although, your relationship is frowned upon, anyone who understands you will protect the both of you. That’s why you have me, right?” Kuan flashed a quick, almost overly confident smirk, but I liked it. She hardly ever does it, and when she does, her beauty rivals that of the most beautiful ancient goddess. “No matter what may happen, Henli, don’t forget you have me to stand up for you.”
Sadly, I don’t have lunch with Kuan. She eats earlier while I have lunch the last rotation. But, there was a bright side. There is always a bright side, and this has a very nice one. I have lunch with Hankyung.
“Yah! Henli! Over here!”
The table I usually sat at everyday was always covered with Hankyung’s friends. From upperclassmen to lowerclassmen, Hankyung was virtually friends with everyone. I knew some of them, like Ryeowook who was in some of my classes and Heechul and Siwon who always seemed to be with Hankyung. But not today, I couldn’t see Hankyung anywhere.
Ryeowook must have seen the confusion I must have displayed on my face because he smiled at me and said, “Hankyung-hyung will be here soon. He had something he had to take care of before lunch.” He then, ushered me to an empty space, near him and across from Heechul and Siwon. I tried my best to smile at them, it was so awkward without Hankyung there to guide a conversation, and set my lunch bag on the table.
Heechul snickered. “You seem so lost without Hannie,” Siwon, the stronger built of the two (I haven’t seen such muscles before on a kid just a few years older than me before!) sent a glare towards the skinnier, pretty boy, who ignored it. “Do you have any friends besides him?”
“Knock it off, Heechul,” Eeteuk scolded him. Eeteuk was like the father figure of the group, I guess. I don’t know the guy too well, but if he’s sticking up for me, well, he can’t be all that bad. He had the aura of a father, strong and protecting, and I liked that. I wish to know him better, but our schedules won’t allow it, seeing as he;s about to graduate and I’m still a first year.“Hankyung will murder you if he finds out you bullied his adored baby brother.”
“Kick your ass inside out!” laughed Donghae, adding in his own two-bits worth. I guess it was a joke, it must have been because he was almost rolling on the floor in laughter. He was a grade above me, but I didn’t know him real well either. I could tell he was a bit of an odd-ball though.
Heechul grimaced, looking me over. I could feel it, I could tell he was looking for a flaw and it gave me a chill “I don’t know what he sees in you, brat.”
“Hey now, now,” Kyuhyun said, petting his boyfriend’s dark hair. He and Zhou Mi, another Chinese student at this school, were the first male couple I met here and they seem to be doing pretty well in society. No one really yells at them, and I see many girls swoon. “Just because Hankyung-hyung chose lil’ Henli over you, there’s no reason to be jealous, or mean to Henli.”
“Who’s being mean to Henli?” Everyone turned around (if they had their backs facing that way, I didn’t because he was across the table, in front of me) and there was Hankyung, eyeing all of his friends suspiciously. I gulped. That face was scary; it was the one he gives to Uncle when Uncle is being overly boisterous.
Siwon sighed. “No one is being mean to Henli,” he said, “Come and eat, Hannie.”
Hankyung looked over his friends once more before rounding the table and taking the empty seat beside me. He smiled at me, and I wished everyone in the Cafeteria would be gone so I could kiss him. That smile was way too handsome. “How was your morning classes, baby?”
“They were morning classes, Hankyung,” I said, almost yawning. I hated morning classes. It almost always seemed to be that you are forced into the most boring classes in the morning, where the teachers drone about nothing no normal teenager cares about, nonetheless these rich kids.
Hankyung laughed. “I guess I didn’t do a good job waking you up this morning, huh?” He opened his lunch and began to pick at the rice my mom must have packed for him. We got the same lunch I think…rice and leftover pork from dinner the night before.
“Don’t make me kick you,” I mumbled under my breath, pouting, but Hankyung just laughed. Truth be told, I didn’t mind the way Hankyung kissed me in the morning, but his ego is large enough without me adding to it by telling him that. Besides, he probably knows already.
At the end of lunch, Kuan was waiting for me. She always did wait for me, her class was close to the cafeteria and it wasn’t too far out of her way to get to, and we would walk to class together. I think her last class was Korean, and that was really close to the Cafeteria.
“Henli,” she called as I exited the cafeteria. I walked alongside Hankyung for as long as I could before we had to separate; I don’t get to see him much in school. Kuan locked eyes with Hankyung, and she nodded her greeting, which Hankyung warmly returned with a soft smile. She turned to me and asked, “Ready to go?”
“Uhm, yeah,” I said and began walking towards her, but something caught my wrist and held me back. I turned and saw Hankyung’s hand firmly holding my wrist and keeping me from going any further. I looked up at him, the small smile was still there, but fading, being replaced with one more of worry. It looked that way to me.
Hankyung finally spoke after a few moments of silence between us, Kuan and the few friends of his to exit with us. “I’ll see you later, Henli. By the front gate, as usual?” Was that really what he wanted to say? I didn’t think so. But, I don’t think I would have heard what he really wanted to tell me even if I urged him, so I smiled and nodded; agreeing to our meeting spot, not that it was anything different than where we usually met at the end of the day.
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please comment!! So i know if its good or not
besides, i like hearing what everyone thinks :)