Ahhhhhnold, but where's the dong?
I took the kids to see Terminator Salvation on Saturday, and I must say, I was rather pleased with it, on the level of sheer entertainment. My review will be in the format similiar to the Ruthlessreview's 80's action guide.
Terminator Salvtaion
Tagline: "The End Begins"
Entire Story in Fewer Words Than Are in This Sentence:
Man spends more time with machine than other men.
Homoeroticism:
Sadly, not as much as one would think considering the franchise. The Governator makes a cameo, but the shadows conceal that juicy hog of his (or rather, his body double that had Arnold's face cgi'd on), much to my disappointment. Females in the resistance really cramp down overt ass slapping or other gay-ity often seen in military themed movies. John Connor and Common share a quiet moment testing the Skynet shutdown signal, but the PG-13 rating prevents anything else from happening. Marcus wrestles a giant robo snake to prevent it from entering Connor's ass in the river, but since Marcus is a terminator, nothing gay could've really developed. Marcus saving Connor in the end because his doctor wife couldn't is about the closest we get, albiet in a subtle way.
Corpse Count:
At least 20 people, and a bunch of machines, but they don't count. The PG-13 rating really limits this, because Skynet captures people for some reason never alluded to in the film, so most perfect terminating moments were ruined by some grabby giant robot. The bad ass towers of destruction we all remember from the first movie don't even HIT anything. What the fuck? Most people die in explosions, so you don't really see anything. Hell, they might have survived and get taken too for all I know.
Was there a stupid chief?
Michael Ironside fills the role in a minor way; yelling at Connor a few times and relieving him of command of his unit later on, but they only have one real face down since Ironside lives on a sub, and no glass rattles. Lame.
Memorable One-Liners:
This movie was a real letdown; instead of something new we get more rehashing of the shit from the first two movies. "I'll be back", "There is no fate but for what we make", etc. We get it. I honestly can't recall any real catchy one liners at all. At least Arnold's "She'll be back" from T3 earned a minor chuckle. They even rehash a one liner from the Hunt for Red October right before the sub gets blown to shit.
Stupid Political Content:
Thankfully, not. No hidden agenda like "if we don't recycle now, the terrorists win" garbage here. Straight forward "it's us against the machines" for the most part. Humanity is not united against this, it seems, but it's still early in the war. Closest you get is if you don't pick up arms against them, you're next. Pretty standard Sci-fi fare.
Novelty Death:
They're machines, so they don't really count. A terminator gets caught in a snare trap and then gets crushed by a piece of a train, but the rest is mostly explosions and the like.
Was There an Atomic Explosion at the End?
The one thing the got right was the nuking. San Fransisco is wiped off the face of the earth when all the Arnold batteries go off (they're nuclear, remember?).
What You Learned:
Do not move to California. Ever. From all the nukes and killer robots to bad haircuts and over the top liberal douchery, it doesn't seem like the ideal place for a summer cottage.
My Thoughts:
As far as in depth character development, there was little, even for a Terminator movie, but I did enjoy Sam Worthington's performance as a death row inmate remade into the perfect infiltration unit machine. He sold the idea of him believing himself to be a guy woken up in the post apocalyptic wasteland and trying to figure out what the hell was going on. His convict abilities help move things along (hotwiring jeeps, etc) in a way not too hokey, and he kicks some terminator ass, survives tumbling into a river from falling off a Hunter Killer, totally almost scores with (it's PG-13) Moon Bloodgood from Burn Notice, and is ironically, the most convincing person in the cast. Christian Bale, who I think is one of the most overrated actors working today, personally, is not too over the top in this one, which was good. No crazy Batman/Tom Waits gravelly voices, or going on a shooting spree in LA to "feel what Conner feels" or any of his usual schenanigans for a role. Here, Connor is still trying to work his way to the top as leader of the resistance, so he has to be humble. Common suprised me, because ethnicity in Sci-fi is usually a death sentence, and it was awesome to see Michael "Jester" Ironside working again. All in all, I was entertained, but it sure as hell didn't make me think. Go to this with the notion of escapism, and don't ask questions about anything. ^_^
Terminator Salvtaion
Tagline: "The End Begins"
Entire Story in Fewer Words Than Are in This Sentence:
Man spends more time with machine than other men.
Homoeroticism:
Sadly, not as much as one would think considering the franchise. The Governator makes a cameo, but the shadows conceal that juicy hog of his (or rather, his body double that had Arnold's face cgi'd on), much to my disappointment. Females in the resistance really cramp down overt ass slapping or other gay-ity often seen in military themed movies. John Connor and Common share a quiet moment testing the Skynet shutdown signal, but the PG-13 rating prevents anything else from happening. Marcus wrestles a giant robo snake to prevent it from entering Connor's ass in the river, but since Marcus is a terminator, nothing gay could've really developed. Marcus saving Connor in the end because his doctor wife couldn't is about the closest we get, albiet in a subtle way.
Corpse Count:
At least 20 people, and a bunch of machines, but they don't count. The PG-13 rating really limits this, because Skynet captures people for some reason never alluded to in the film, so most perfect terminating moments were ruined by some grabby giant robot. The bad ass towers of destruction we all remember from the first movie don't even HIT anything. What the fuck? Most people die in explosions, so you don't really see anything. Hell, they might have survived and get taken too for all I know.
Was there a stupid chief?
Michael Ironside fills the role in a minor way; yelling at Connor a few times and relieving him of command of his unit later on, but they only have one real face down since Ironside lives on a sub, and no glass rattles. Lame.
Memorable One-Liners:
This movie was a real letdown; instead of something new we get more rehashing of the shit from the first two movies. "I'll be back", "There is no fate but for what we make", etc. We get it. I honestly can't recall any real catchy one liners at all. At least Arnold's "She'll be back" from T3 earned a minor chuckle. They even rehash a one liner from the Hunt for Red October right before the sub gets blown to shit.
Stupid Political Content:
Thankfully, not. No hidden agenda like "if we don't recycle now, the terrorists win" garbage here. Straight forward "it's us against the machines" for the most part. Humanity is not united against this, it seems, but it's still early in the war. Closest you get is if you don't pick up arms against them, you're next. Pretty standard Sci-fi fare.
Novelty Death:
They're machines, so they don't really count. A terminator gets caught in a snare trap and then gets crushed by a piece of a train, but the rest is mostly explosions and the like.
Was There an Atomic Explosion at the End?
The one thing the got right was the nuking. San Fransisco is wiped off the face of the earth when all the Arnold batteries go off (they're nuclear, remember?).
What You Learned:
Do not move to California. Ever. From all the nukes and killer robots to bad haircuts and over the top liberal douchery, it doesn't seem like the ideal place for a summer cottage.
My Thoughts:
As far as in depth character development, there was little, even for a Terminator movie, but I did enjoy Sam Worthington's performance as a death row inmate remade into the perfect infiltration unit machine. He sold the idea of him believing himself to be a guy woken up in the post apocalyptic wasteland and trying to figure out what the hell was going on. His convict abilities help move things along (hotwiring jeeps, etc) in a way not too hokey, and he kicks some terminator ass, survives tumbling into a river from falling off a Hunter Killer, totally almost scores with (it's PG-13) Moon Bloodgood from Burn Notice, and is ironically, the most convincing person in the cast. Christian Bale, who I think is one of the most overrated actors working today, personally, is not too over the top in this one, which was good. No crazy Batman/Tom Waits gravelly voices, or going on a shooting spree in LA to "feel what Conner feels" or any of his usual schenanigans for a role. Here, Connor is still trying to work his way to the top as leader of the resistance, so he has to be humble. Common suprised me, because ethnicity in Sci-fi is usually a death sentence, and it was awesome to see Michael "Jester" Ironside working again. All in all, I was entertained, but it sure as hell didn't make me think. Go to this with the notion of escapism, and don't ask questions about anything. ^_^