a chapter in your book
a chapter in your book
Sooyoung-centric (mentions Kyuhyun/Sooyoung, onesided-Changmin/Sooyoung/Yoona),
PG. 1,243w | dedicated to bamthegreat
Sooyoung has always pictured her life as a book.
Each standstill, each bump in the road - each crease folded into her palm is just another chapter in the novel that is her life. It’s something to leaf through whenever she's feeling nostalgic about the past and considering all the events that have occurred in her two decades worth of breathing. By now she thinks that it might as well be divided into volumes for her life has been anything but calm since she joined the business. Her life written up into a thick, hardbound book was inevitable at this point.
She didn’t mind though. Just as long as she could look over her chapters again anytime she wished.
At least… except for one.
Kyuhyun.
Giving up on him had shattered her heart into tiny fragments, and every time she thinks about the way her hand trembled when she wrote him the letter that would end it all, her eyes prick with the threat of tears and she forces herself to focus her mind on something else.
Letting him go had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, and she remembers spending weeks after that day cooped up in her bedroom, listening to sad Japanese songs and letting the tears run down her face as the feeling of loss and self-pity swallowed her whole. The only solace she found in the whole situation was knowing that she had done the right thing.
Idling over a relationship that could have been was insane, and neither of them wouldn’t have been able to sustain it even if they hard enough at such a young age. They weren’t ready for something as serious as love - or true love as he’d so jokingly said so once, way back when she was just Choi Sooyoung and he was Cho Kyuhyun.
She turns her head a little to Changmin sitting a way off her right and she guesses that he feels her eyes on him, because he turns as well and gives her a small smile before going back to listening to Victoria rant about how Chinese buns in Korea never taste as good as the real thing something or other. It’s a fleeting smile, hardly anything really but it was loaded with sadness and ache and Sooyoung takes a deep guilty breath when she realizes Yoona - her friend, her sister - was looking at her (them) as well.
It is a secret that no one else knows but her, and it kills her a little bit every time she watches her doe-eyed friend step away - shielding her heart when it was so obvious Yoona felt more than she let on because she was afraid of stepping onto her boundaries.
As if Sooyoung owned Changmin, when in reality she didn’t want him at all.
She tried to give a relationship with Changmin a chance. She really did. But every time they held hands, or kissed, or even made eye contact - it felt wrong. She couldn't summon up enough willpower to try and endure the relationship, because he deserves better and so does she. Sooyoung deducts that she really only wanted to be with him because he’d been vocal enough to show his interest (unlike Kyuhyun), but once they’d gone to more than that first date… well-
A functioning relationship needs more than the ghosting presence of a so-called mutual love to survive. It wasn’t fair to keep his heart left grasping for something that would never be his anyway.
Still… they agreed to be friends. Changmin is, first and foremost, a dependable man and good friend, and Sooyoung knows that if and whenever she feels alone, he would be there to accompany her no matter what.
She loves him, yes but she's not in love with him - not like how Yoona loves him secretly. And maybe if Sooyoung were strong enough to let his hope for her float away, then maybe she’d help him see and love her friend too.
Maybe then, she’d be glad.
Maybe.
Siwon squeezes her hand and she throws a smile halfheartedly in her friend's way as he pulled her out of her thoughts and back into the real world. He rolls his eyes in Victoria's direction, who has taken it upon herself to start conversing loudly with Onew in intelligible Chinese slurs. The sight makes her laugh - and in that instance she forgets her worries about books and chapters and pages she’d rather miss.
It is also at that instance that Kyuhyun turns around upon hearing a familiar giggle and his eyes widen slightly when he finds out it was her - Sooyoung - laughing. Their eyes meet and she can feel hers softening as they take in his hair and his beautiful eyes and his surprised - albeit confused - expression. She bites the inside of her lip anxiously as she waits for him to do something, but he only gives her a slight nod as he turns back around and waits for his best ‘girl’ friend to rejoin him and his line.
She sighs as a way to cover up how much the short amount of eye-contact bothered her as she stares at the back of his head longingly. It’s cruel really, how fate could trick her into thinking that she could move on when clearly she could not. Would not.
There's a string holding their hearts together, and she refuses to let it go. Although she'd never admit it (not to him or Changmin or Yoona or Siwon, not to anyone), Sooyoung knows that she wouldn't let that string go even if her life depended on it.
She wonders if Kyuhyun's hold on it has loosened over the time they've spent apart. If his hold had pulled away at each step they took farther and farther away.
She's not really paying much attention to the room, so when Tiffany says something about Hyoyeon’s nasty-ass skirt and totally taking her shopping, Sooyoung can’t help but laugh heartily again and catching his eye.
The way he's smiling down at his lap when he hears her laugh - that adorable, beautiful, evil little puppy-dog smile that always makes her heart melt in less time than it takes her to come up with all those adjectives - shows her that it hasn't, and she closes her eyes for a moment, a smile growing on her face as she relishes the fact that their story is far from over.
They may not be together. He may be finding his place within his band of brothers for now as she was marking hers with her sisters, and looking at each other for more than twenty seconds at a time may cause some more pain to their fresh wounds… but that's okay.
They'll find their way back to each other. Eventually.
His story in her book is far from over, and she’s not at all clawing to skip to end right away.
She can wait for him, because yes - her heart is practically nonexistent right now, but Kyuhyun is the only one able to pick up the pieces and glue it back together so imperfectly that it might just end up becoming more whole and spacious and wonderful than it was before.
The journey she's traveled with Kyuhyun and the one they have yet to travel will be a novel in itself instead of a simple chapter.
After all, their hold on each other’s string only strengthens over time.
* * * *
Author's Note: For bamthegreat ♥ This is my first time writing Kyuhyun/Sooyoung. I hope it's not too angst-y... esp. considering I wrote this on yellow paper inside a tricycle on the way home today. Took me awhile to decipher what I had wrote. Lots of incoherent letters. -_-;
Thanks for always being there to listen to me, Bam. I appreciate it a lot. ♥
Sooyoung-centric (mentions Kyuhyun/Sooyoung, onesided-Changmin/Sooyoung/Yoona),
PG. 1,243w | dedicated to bamthegreat
Sooyoung has always pictured her life as a book.
Each standstill, each bump in the road - each crease folded into her palm is just another chapter in the novel that is her life. It’s something to leaf through whenever she's feeling nostalgic about the past and considering all the events that have occurred in her two decades worth of breathing. By now she thinks that it might as well be divided into volumes for her life has been anything but calm since she joined the business. Her life written up into a thick, hardbound book was inevitable at this point.
She didn’t mind though. Just as long as she could look over her chapters again anytime she wished.
At least… except for one.
Kyuhyun.
Giving up on him had shattered her heart into tiny fragments, and every time she thinks about the way her hand trembled when she wrote him the letter that would end it all, her eyes prick with the threat of tears and she forces herself to focus her mind on something else.
Letting him go had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, and she remembers spending weeks after that day cooped up in her bedroom, listening to sad Japanese songs and letting the tears run down her face as the feeling of loss and self-pity swallowed her whole. The only solace she found in the whole situation was knowing that she had done the right thing.
Idling over a relationship that could have been was insane, and neither of them wouldn’t have been able to sustain it even if they hard enough at such a young age. They weren’t ready for something as serious as love - or true love as he’d so jokingly said so once, way back when she was just Choi Sooyoung and he was Cho Kyuhyun.
She turns her head a little to Changmin sitting a way off her right and she guesses that he feels her eyes on him, because he turns as well and gives her a small smile before going back to listening to Victoria rant about how Chinese buns in Korea never taste as good as the real thing something or other. It’s a fleeting smile, hardly anything really but it was loaded with sadness and ache and Sooyoung takes a deep guilty breath when she realizes Yoona - her friend, her sister - was looking at her (them) as well.
It is a secret that no one else knows but her, and it kills her a little bit every time she watches her doe-eyed friend step away - shielding her heart when it was so obvious Yoona felt more than she let on because she was afraid of stepping onto her boundaries.
As if Sooyoung owned Changmin, when in reality she didn’t want him at all.
She tried to give a relationship with Changmin a chance. She really did. But every time they held hands, or kissed, or even made eye contact - it felt wrong. She couldn't summon up enough willpower to try and endure the relationship, because he deserves better and so does she. Sooyoung deducts that she really only wanted to be with him because he’d been vocal enough to show his interest (unlike Kyuhyun), but once they’d gone to more than that first date… well-
A functioning relationship needs more than the ghosting presence of a so-called mutual love to survive. It wasn’t fair to keep his heart left grasping for something that would never be his anyway.
Still… they agreed to be friends. Changmin is, first and foremost, a dependable man and good friend, and Sooyoung knows that if and whenever she feels alone, he would be there to accompany her no matter what.
She loves him, yes but she's not in love with him - not like how Yoona loves him secretly. And maybe if Sooyoung were strong enough to let his hope for her float away, then maybe she’d help him see and love her friend too.
Maybe then, she’d be glad.
Maybe.
Siwon squeezes her hand and she throws a smile halfheartedly in her friend's way as he pulled her out of her thoughts and back into the real world. He rolls his eyes in Victoria's direction, who has taken it upon herself to start conversing loudly with Onew in intelligible Chinese slurs. The sight makes her laugh - and in that instance she forgets her worries about books and chapters and pages she’d rather miss.
It is also at that instance that Kyuhyun turns around upon hearing a familiar giggle and his eyes widen slightly when he finds out it was her - Sooyoung - laughing. Their eyes meet and she can feel hers softening as they take in his hair and his beautiful eyes and his surprised - albeit confused - expression. She bites the inside of her lip anxiously as she waits for him to do something, but he only gives her a slight nod as he turns back around and waits for his best ‘girl’ friend to rejoin him and his line.
She sighs as a way to cover up how much the short amount of eye-contact bothered her as she stares at the back of his head longingly. It’s cruel really, how fate could trick her into thinking that she could move on when clearly she could not. Would not.
There's a string holding their hearts together, and she refuses to let it go. Although she'd never admit it (not to him or Changmin or Yoona or Siwon, not to anyone), Sooyoung knows that she wouldn't let that string go even if her life depended on it.
She wonders if Kyuhyun's hold on it has loosened over the time they've spent apart. If his hold had pulled away at each step they took farther and farther away.
She's not really paying much attention to the room, so when Tiffany says something about Hyoyeon’s nasty-ass skirt and totally taking her shopping, Sooyoung can’t help but laugh heartily again and catching his eye.
The way he's smiling down at his lap when he hears her laugh - that adorable, beautiful, evil little puppy-dog smile that always makes her heart melt in less time than it takes her to come up with all those adjectives - shows her that it hasn't, and she closes her eyes for a moment, a smile growing on her face as she relishes the fact that their story is far from over.
They may not be together. He may be finding his place within his band of brothers for now as she was marking hers with her sisters, and looking at each other for more than twenty seconds at a time may cause some more pain to their fresh wounds… but that's okay.
They'll find their way back to each other. Eventually.
His story in her book is far from over, and she’s not at all clawing to skip to end right away.
She can wait for him, because yes - her heart is practically nonexistent right now, but Kyuhyun is the only one able to pick up the pieces and glue it back together so imperfectly that it might just end up becoming more whole and spacious and wonderful than it was before.
The journey she's traveled with Kyuhyun and the one they have yet to travel will be a novel in itself instead of a simple chapter.
After all, their hold on each other’s string only strengthens over time.
* * * *
Author's Note: For bamthegreat ♥ This is my first time writing Kyuhyun/Sooyoung. I hope it's not too angst-y... esp. considering I wrote this on yellow paper inside a tricycle on the way home today. Took me awhile to decipher what I had wrote. Lots of incoherent letters. -_-;
Thanks for always being there to listen to me, Bam. I appreciate it a lot. ♥