(no subject)
I've tried, over the last few days to find a good way to explain this, but really, I don't think there is any good way to explain this kind of thing. Nothing I write sounds good, I doubt this will either, but I'm going to post it this time...
In the last few months things have been coming out about certain members of my dad's side of the family. Things I was told by my mother, And my mother would not talk about these things if they weren't true.
Firstly it seems that my dad's father(I can no longer think of him as my grandfather, I only have one now, and that's my moms' dad.) had been molesting my dad's sister. This scares me, because we had to live on my dad's parent's property until around six years ago, a few times me actually being alone with him. Thankfully nothing happened with him.
The second is neither more, nor less pleasent, but effects me much, much more. Accourding to mom, a certain one of my dad's brother's children had been caught with his younger sister in a suspious scene where he was playing 'doctor' with her, he's five years older then her so that raises a red flag there. however their father and the other uncle that knew, failed to do anything like let my father know, meanwhile I, being the best friend of early mentioned younger sister, headed over to that house maybe every day to hang out with her, while her parents were off at work. But enough being bitter, on to the point. Hearing about that brought up old memories, incidents in some uncertain span of time, from what I've been able to guess, when I was between the ages of six to eleven. I wish I could remember better, but I can't recall how old I was beyond that.
But yeah... had remember the aforementioned male cousin doing things, things that confused me then, but bother me now. A couple times, he coaxed me into some bushes to lift my skirt up, and me, being the passive doll like child I was, went along with it, despite my complete ignorance of the matter. The last time he ever did anything was the time that confused me the most, it was in an attic somwhere, a part that was closed off from the rest of the attic, I was doodling a flower on a peice of paper, he... er... I'm gonna be blunt... he called me over, unzipped his pants and showed me his penis, asking me if I knew what this is. Of course I did, had helped my mom with changing the dipers on my younger brother... After the shock wore off, I told him yes, I knew what it was. He then tried to convince me it was just his finger and all a big joke, or something, then told me to not tell anyone. I didn't know what that was about but I knew it was wrong, somehow. I spent a long time after that peering around corners, and never going alone if possible.
Looking back, I wish I'd said something to my parents about that, any of it... *sighs* It still bothers me, even though it's been roughly ten years, I suppose, all things considered, I got off lucky, very lucky, it could have been a lot worse, if I'd said the wrong thing that day. Still, it's disturbing that it even happened... something like that can plegue your mind in the worst sort of ways.
I don't hate guys because of it, nor do I freak out at the mention of sex or anything... It's just... you guys have a right to know, and I'm sorry if I troubled anyone...
And I've rambled long enough, sorry guys...
In the last few months things have been coming out about certain members of my dad's side of the family. Things I was told by my mother, And my mother would not talk about these things if they weren't true.
Firstly it seems that my dad's father(I can no longer think of him as my grandfather, I only have one now, and that's my moms' dad.) had been molesting my dad's sister. This scares me, because we had to live on my dad's parent's property until around six years ago, a few times me actually being alone with him. Thankfully nothing happened with him.
The second is neither more, nor less pleasent, but effects me much, much more. Accourding to mom, a certain one of my dad's brother's children had been caught with his younger sister in a suspious scene where he was playing 'doctor' with her, he's five years older then her so that raises a red flag there. however their father and the other uncle that knew, failed to do anything like let my father know, meanwhile I, being the best friend of early mentioned younger sister, headed over to that house maybe every day to hang out with her, while her parents were off at work. But enough being bitter, on to the point. Hearing about that brought up old memories, incidents in some uncertain span of time, from what I've been able to guess, when I was between the ages of six to eleven. I wish I could remember better, but I can't recall how old I was beyond that.
But yeah... had remember the aforementioned male cousin doing things, things that confused me then, but bother me now. A couple times, he coaxed me into some bushes to lift my skirt up, and me, being the passive doll like child I was, went along with it, despite my complete ignorance of the matter. The last time he ever did anything was the time that confused me the most, it was in an attic somwhere, a part that was closed off from the rest of the attic, I was doodling a flower on a peice of paper, he... er... I'm gonna be blunt... he called me over, unzipped his pants and showed me his penis, asking me if I knew what this is. Of course I did, had helped my mom with changing the dipers on my younger brother... After the shock wore off, I told him yes, I knew what it was. He then tried to convince me it was just his finger and all a big joke, or something, then told me to not tell anyone. I didn't know what that was about but I knew it was wrong, somehow. I spent a long time after that peering around corners, and never going alone if possible.
Looking back, I wish I'd said something to my parents about that, any of it... *sighs* It still bothers me, even though it's been roughly ten years, I suppose, all things considered, I got off lucky, very lucky, it could have been a lot worse, if I'd said the wrong thing that day. Still, it's disturbing that it even happened... something like that can plegue your mind in the worst sort of ways.
I don't hate guys because of it, nor do I freak out at the mention of sex or anything... It's just... you guys have a right to know, and I'm sorry if I troubled anyone...
And I've rambled long enough, sorry guys...