Comments | icyblue: My short story

icyblue

My short story

Feb 23, 2003 15:20

Please keep in mind that I am very out of practice. I'm not looking for perfection, but just a pretty good work of short fiction. I'd appreciate comments, please! Even if you hate it, pretend you don't. :) Just kidding. Tell me if you hate it! I'm going to link it and also copy & paste it behind this LJ cut. The formatting is probably pretty crappy ( Read more... )

Comments 18

movieman February 23 2003, 14:51:20 UTC

Ahh, I love that song. I love Magnolia.

Sorry, I have to rush to school and finish up some work before everything closes, but when I get back I'll read the story.

Re: icyblue February 25 2003, 06:37:46 UTC

I love that song, too.

And thank you!

finiteham February 23 2003, 15:07:32 UTC

I can't read this right now, ms. quinn but if i get 20 minutes in the next 48 hours i will, and i promise to be abraHAM honest.

littlekasino February 23 2003, 16:04:56 UTC

first off, i want you to know that i enjoyed it very much =)
so, i'll add my two cents owning that you don't need to change a single word out of this story:
on the beginning, when telling the story from Fiona's point of view - i understand that you often used the name to avoid repeating she, but it sort of stressed it out. perhaps you could manage avoiding it with a different construction?
second - is this supposed to remain a short story or is it going to continue? because as it is now it sounds more like some good ideas for a novel. but perhaps i might be wrong and as a short story it's just as good.

Also, I was wondering: is this somewhat based on your own experience? the descriprion of certain procedures is quite accurate =)
Anyway, it was a good reading, thanks for sharing ^^

Re: icyblue February 23 2003, 18:01:48 UTC

I've changed a few of the Fionas to 'she'. :) You were right about it seeming a bit fragmented.

I've been to Ireland and my sister had a German exchange student as a friend last year. Other than that, it's pretty much fiction. I did do a bit of research.
What procedures were you referring to, specificially?

Thanks SO much for reading it and giving me your input! ♥ to you!

littlekasino February 24 2003, 00:52:42 UTC

traveling / booking into hostels. I wish I were that informed of what to do when I went on an interail three years ago =)

Re: icyblue February 24 2003, 06:21:21 UTC

I bet you learned pretty quickly, though! :)

(The comment has been removed)

Re: Somebody's apt to tell me I own polar bears that I've never even met icyblue February 23 2003, 17:52:40 UTC

Thank you, Mr. Flore. You definitely have a great eye for detail.
Thanks for catching my typos. :)

And thanks for the lovely comments! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Somebody's apt to tell me I own polar bears that I've never even met finiteham February 23 2003, 16:22:43 UTC

It was a very nice story. It does seem like it could go on further in someany direction but it's a nice short story as it is.

only things...

busses is buses here in America. I'm not sure if busses is a Canadian thing or if that was a mistake...

also when the bartender pours five drinks, bring three to the table then goes back to grab three? more...shouldnt that be two?

And also "That it is. That is is."
should it be "That it is. That it is."?

And that's it on productive criticism...

Otherwise, like I said, a nice short story.
Some of the descriptions of some simple (no)things like pouring a beer were very very good. I love that.

Re: Somebody's apt to tell me I own polar bears that I've never even met icyblue February 23 2003, 17:55:33 UTC

I wrote this to your deleted post, and am not sure if you'll still get it. So I'm reposting it.

Thank you, Mr. Flore. You definitely have a great eye for detail.
Thanks for catching my typos. :)

And thanks for the lovely comments! I'm glad you liked it. :)