It's in His Kiss
Fandom: Angel (Buffyverse)
Rating: T
Pairing: Spangel
Word Count: 659
Warnings: Angst with a happy ending,
Summary: When Spike gets what he wants, he starts to second-guess himself.
A/N: Written for asphaltcowgrrl 's Rainy Days and Mondays over on 1_million_words. Was tempted to make this a full fic, and may still do so someday. For now, it's a ficlet.
Spike broke the unexpected kiss with a soft shove to Angel’s chest, urging the older vampire back a step so he could slip past him. His hand was on the doorknob when Angel stopped him, his hand curling around his arm, voice confused and slightly pleading.
“You’re just gonna leave? I kiss you, and you just leave? No yelling, no hitting, nothing, not even trying to pull me to the elevator to take this upstairs; just leaving. Dammit, Spike!” Angel whirled Spike around to face him, crowding him against the door and leaving him no space to look away. “I thought this was what you wanted? All week you’ve been throwing yourself in my face, egging me on, and now, what? You don’t want this…don’t want me? Jesus, Spike, was this just some game to drive me insane? Speak to me!”
“I made a mistake, Angel, I’m sorry. It’s better I just go.”
“Not enough, William! Explain yourself; I think you owe me that much after the hell you’ve put me through the past few days. I mean, you do remember I can smell you, right? You can’t tell me you didn’t want this to happen.”
“I can leave now, or I can stay, and say things I’ll regret later.”
Spike looked up at Angel, eyes wide and guileless, hoping against hope that Angel would let the matter drop and let him go. If he stayed, he’d end up baring his heart to the one person most likely to use it as ammunition against him during the next inevitable argument that broke out between them. He’d take his feelings and play with him, just like Angelus had.
“Spike…fine. Don’t leave. You don’t have to say anything, but, please, don’t leave.” Angel pressed closer against the blonde, their chests touching as he backed Spike against the door, his head lowering as he spoke, inching closer to the kiss-bitten lips he finally had a taste of after so many years apart. “We both want this, you know it. You knew we’d always end up right back here, you pushed for this, don’t deny it.”
“Angel…”
“Please, Spike, don’t. Don’t tell me you don’t still feel it, that what we had before isn't still there. I'm tired of pretending I don't still want you, need you. I'm tired of watching you walk out of this office and regretting how I walked out on you first. So, please, stay. Stay, and I'll do anything it takes to keep either of us from regretting anything else when it comes to each other. Stay with me, William."
Spike stared up into Angel's eyes, dead heart twisting at the pleading earnestness he found there. He leaned up a fraction and closed the sparse distance between them to capture Angel's lips in a soft kiss, feeling Angel slowly relax into the kiss, and as the brunette responded, deepening it, Spike let the kiss tell him what he needed to know to make his decision. As Angel’s tongue swiped tentatively across his bottom lip, seeking permission, he knew.
This wasn’t Angelus. Angelus would never have waited for an invitation. Wouldn't have waited for Spike's lips to part of their own accord. Angelus would have taken. Angelus would have nipped at his lips with sharp fangs, eliciting a pained gasp from him, before plundering his mouth with forceful abandon. Angelus wouldn't have coaxed and teased his tongue into the playful tangling they now took part in, he would have dominated the kiss fully, mapping out his boy's mouth but never letting the younger vampire reciprocate.
Panting against Angel’s mouth, Spike broke the kiss once more, placing one fleeting peck to the lips that sought to recapture his before pulling back to meet the fevered, desperate, chocolate gaze. He knew his fears were unfounded; this man would not take his feelings and use them against him. How could he, when he felt exactly the same? He had his answer.
"Okay."