Comments | ideal_fairytale: KHR Fic: Loophole

ideal_fairytale

KHR Fic: Loophole

Jul 03, 2011 03:02

Title: Loophole
Prompt: Public Embarrassment
Rating: T
Word Count: 2550
Character(s): Hibari, Chrome, Mukuro and smidgeons of Tsuna, Gokudera and Yamamoto
Pairing(s): 6996
Summary: In which Chrome is confused, Mukuro is amused and Hibari is violent.
Notes: Written for the third round of write_and_run . It's a bit rushed and I apologize for that. I feel like writing a ( Read more... )

katekyo hitman reborn, fanfiction

Comments 6

eclats_de_voix July 3 2011, 12:34:03 UTC

wowowowowowowow. this is sooo good pris. Like seriiously. I love how you write how mukuro and crhome talk to each othe rin her head - its so real, so in character, plus you do add something to the interpretation - how chrome is blushing to herself for no apparent reason - love these little details. Then theres the whole mystery of what happened. The plot, everything flows very well, and I love how this shoves directly into a plot. Its good how you say things like 'She nodded hurriedly' when you can see their personality through their actions. I always like characterization like this compared to the train-of-thought pieces.

Though I do not think hibari would blush ^^; thats just the yaoi coming through, but everything else is spot on for all the characters - I even think mukuro would do this kind of trick, het or yaoi~

Shame it isn't ryohei though XD

100paperfans July 3 2011, 16:08:40 UTC

Character Interpretation - 10 points for keeping Chrome in character, 10 points for keeping Mukuro as his manipulative self, and 8 points for Hibari - but only because I can't see him blushing, as much as I like the image and enjoyed reading that part from Tsuna's pov.
Grammar/Spelling - I can't find anything wrong~ It's fixed up nicely. I'll give you a well-deserved 10.
Story Flow - Hmmm, I'll give you a 16. It flowed well, but the beginning was kind of confusing until later on when we realize it was actually taking place after Hibari's conversation with Chrome. Other than that, this was a fun read! I enjoyed it a lot and I'm glad you finished it in time to enter it.
Prompt Usage - Automatic 15! I lol'ed at the title and Mukuro's use of a 'loophole'. I think Mukuro would make a good lawyer in a future (or past?) life.
Originality - 11, but only because drunken antics can often be seen as a cliche as fun as they are. The story itself? Very nice. Your conveyed Mukuro and Chrome's personality through simple but meaningful conversations ( ... )

fuwacchi July 10 2011, 06:36:12 UTC

Character Interpretation:
Chrome - 10
Mukuro - 10
Hibari - 10
I don't think I need to explain why.
Grammar/Spelling: 9 ; I noticed a few mistakes, but nothing that makes the story itself unreadable.
Story Flow: 18 ; It was kind of confusing as we were jumping from scene to scene, but otherwise it was a good read and I enjoyed it heaps!
Prompt Usage: 14 ; One of the fics that actually have the embarrassment as clear as day.
Originality: 14 ; Rather different to the other entries I've read. Finally, one of the few that doesn't really have much 1896! -is not much of a 1896 fan-
Bonus: 10

TOTAL: 95/100

FFT. CLOSE, GIRL. CLOSE! I THINK YOU'RE SECOND IN MY VOTING AT THE MOMENT.

ichigocherry July 28 2012, 10:50:52 UTC

<3333333333 I AM ABSOLUTELY VERY AMUSED RIGHT NOW. XD blushing hibari killed me *A* WAIT NO THE PICTURES KILLED ME. HAHAHAHA.

If you're wondering I was in your lj to find your icon comm then I saw this. I REGRET NOTHING HOHOHO.

I actually agreed about the confusion in the beginning but that cleared up well soon enough. I love the Chrome/Mukuro interaction just because they sounded so IC. :3

Great job! :D

ideal_fairytale July 28 2012, 16:20:04 UTC

oh geez, it's great to see that people (okay, ONE person) is still reading this! i was really surprised when i saw this e-mail and also really confused since i kind of forgot about this fic. i'm also really glad you liked it LOL and thought Chrome and Mukuro were IC!

actually, i'm posting on a new icons comm. now by the name of cinco_dulcinea! there's plenty of new icons there from some other users and i, so check it out if you're ever bored or such. (:

ichigocherry July 29 2012, 06:31:10 UTC

that kinda makes me sound like a stalker or somesort hoho. xD its too awesome to not like it <33

/STALKER SKILLZ SWITCHED ON/ I think the name sounded familiar, maybe it popped up on my flist, iuknow. :p Will check it out for sure~