Episode 1: This is a Terrible Start
This is kind of lazy of me but has anyone really not played at least the beginning of Pokemon Red/Blue/Green/Yellow/etc. four hundred times? Allow me to spare you most of Oak's ranting.
vgcatsjoke.jpg
Next, he asks for my name. Sadly, I couldn't really think of something actually funny to call myself.
I'll have to compensate with Rival. Call him something really, truly demeaning.
Anyway, with the awkward intro out of the way, off to actually playing I go! First thing I'm gonna do is head over to the PC in Red's room...
For FREE SHIT #1! I'm gonna need some goddamn potions, so let's just get that out of the way. Ignoring my mom entirely, I head straight for the tall grass like some kind of idiot who doesn't realize wild animals will eat me.
Thank you for saving me, Superman. I could swear I got at least one screencap of Oak talking about giving me and BF Pokemon, but I guess I didn't, so you know what? I invoke You Have All Played This Shit again.
In accordance with overwhelming public opinion, I select Charmander!
In accordance with being a douche, BF selects Squirtle! I prepare to get out of here and never look back, but suddenly the shocking and unexpected happens.
This seems a good time to mention my working Nickname Theme for this run: mecha pilots. I can make jokes most of my limited audience won't get with them!
The screen goes dark every ten seconds in this battle so Oak can tell me things everyone on earth already knows about playing Pokemon. I tried fiddling with the brightness and contrast but it didn't look great so oh well. The tedious uneventful stacked-in-my-favor battle of attrition begins! Nothing unusual will--
Okay that doesn't bode ill or anything. It doesn't make much difference, as I still narrowly yet predictably win.
Ding!
BF's grandfather seriously hates him. Anyway, time to take a look at my first Pokemon's status!
Not an ideal nature for either a Charizard or someone named Ryoma, but going forward I am not at all going to have the luxury of caring about shit like Nature, so I won't comment on it again unless I really, really have to go "Fuck" because I have an Adamant Kadabra or something.
Time to hit the road!
Spoilers: free Potions are goddamn everywhere up through Viridian.
Ah, my first wild encounter. Would that I had Pokeballs; as is, The Rules now dictate that I can't catch anything on Route 1. No long-term loss, as there'll be dozens of Pidgeys. Once I get to Viridian City, I feel some kind of psychic pull to go to the PokeMart.
Meh. Something much more interesting happens on the way back to Pallet:
KILLING IT WITH FIRE: Now and forevermore an option!
Blahblahblah I deliver Oak's parcel and get the Pokedex.
BF takes some time out to be a shithead!
One brief trip to his home later...
I guess BF's whole family hates him.
Anyway, back to Viridian and to the first place where I can catch a wild Pokemon!
But first...
MORE FREE SHIT
Once in the grass, my first encounter is rather lucky.
Less lucky than a Nidoran or a Mankey, but hey! Level 5 is pretty good. Now to weaken it and capture it. Shouldn't be hard! Its attack back, though...
Huh, another enemy critical. What are the odds this early on, righ
Oh goddammit. Ryoma accidentally kills his would-be first teammate, so no Pokemon from this area. We all know there's a rematch with BF just steps ahead, and that my starter probably can't do it alone. Fortunately there's another couple of places to catch a new Pokemon. Heading to one of them...
But first, healing.
Don't mock me old man that Rattata was a fluke.
Tedious.
AHEM, finally. No need to go to Viridian Forest, though I could, as there's a patch of grass outside it.
Much better!
Man, I haven't used a Pidgey/Pidgeotto/Pidgeot since the old, old, old old days when we just caught Pokemon Ash did because we were in fifth grade. I never grew unfond of them, though. Lal'c just knows Tackle now but I'm gonna train her and we're gonna kick BF's ass and we'll be best friends forever and ever and--
A critical hit!
(I thought I could afford to not record grinding, so this was the only screencap I got.)
what
I swear to god I'm not actually that incompetent. It was going fine, but then... oh goddammit, I'd just caught her... this is. What the hell am I supposed to do about BF's Pidgey and Squirtle now? Fuck my life.
TO BE CONTINUED
Pokemon Caught: 2
Fatalities: 1
Badges: 0