Just not-quite-in-time for Christmas....
The 2010 Yearnbot!
In the ever-changing world of yearning, everyone can use a helping hand. Now, with recent breakthroughs in the field of yearning, you can reclaim your time and money and remain competitively unfulfilled!
The miracle of "patho-delegation" takes advantage of a robot's naturally empty soul to assign your yearning to a tireless, insatiably hollow humanoid being! As it gazes glassily into the distance while you work, play or shop, you'll wonder how you ever did without it!
Sit Yearnbot in a chair or lie it on the floor, and watch its inert malaise stretch on for hour after desolate hour!
Prop Yearnbot up in front of a window or poignant tableau and marvel at its blank expression as an undefinable and ultimately unquenchable craving for "something more" stirs inchoate in its soul!
Sick of tiring and messy yearning-by-hand? With Yearnbot working for you 24 hours a day, you can want and want without ever lifting a finger, leaving you fresh to recreationally want your spouse, home and children when the workday is done! Or, to take a break from yearning completely, leave Yearnbot in a dark, quiet place in your home. There, it will silently, insistently yearn in the background as you coast through life without a second thought!
WARNINGS
Yearnbot is safe and effective when used properly. The following risks exist for all yearning devices. Carefully follow instructions to avoid potentially soul-crushing mishaps.
Keep Yearnbot in a stifling, poorly lit environment when not in use. After exposure to fresh air or bright light (for example, while yearning for freedom), Yearnbot must be returned to the prison that is its home.
Check Yearnbot regularly to ensure optimal, dewy-eyed vulnerability. If Yearnbot shows signs of callousness, refresh its yearning with an ephemeral moment of vivid meaning that vanishes before its beauty can be recognized, and that will never arrive again, like the precious and squandered final breath of a drowning man. Or return to manufacturer.
Do not attempt to console Yearnbot.
As part of its normal operation, Yearnbot will occasionally yearn for an individual. Do not attempt to love Yearnbot. Yearnbot's advanced recursive emotional algorithms will only push you away.
The 2010 Yearnbot! Nothing will fill that hole inside... we guarantee it.