Who Says You Can't Go Home Again? (Chapter 8/13)
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Media: fanfic
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Kurt/Rachel/Mercedes/Tina friendship
Rating: R
Warnings [for whole story] (highlight): sexual assault, bullying, hinting of eating disorder
Somehow, Kurt made his way home. He wasn't 100% sure how he got there or when. All he knew was that he woke up in his bed, still in his school clothes, and his clock read 3:16 AM. He couldn't go back to sleep. He tried flipping through his chemistry book, but the words just flowed into one big blob without making any sense. He grabbed his phone from his nightstand, and saw a dozen messages from his friends asking what had happened and where he went.
It all came back in one nauseating wave: Karofsky's belt buckle, the cold bathroom tile, the taste of bile in his mouth. Kurt thought he was going to vomit again, but his stomach was empty. He flipped through the messages again, and stopped at a text from Blaine. It simply read: "r u ok? worried about u. call me." Kurt smiled a bit at Blaine's text-speak. He sent a message back, knowing that Blaine would probably be dead asleep at this point, but feeling like it was the right thing to do all the same.
Less than a minute later, Blaine called. "Sorry to wake you," Kurt started.
"Not a problem. Are you okay? I was so worried." Blaine whispered.
"I'm fine." Kurt lied. "Just a stomach bug."
"So you'll be back tomorrow? We've got that intense practice after school tomorrow."
Kurt didn't want to think about going back to the walls of McKinley, not after what had happened. He couldn't even imagine staying after school to practice. "I don't know, Blaine. I'm thinking maybe I should quit Glee for the rest of the semester." The words fell out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry, what?" Blaine asked, his voice raising an octave. "But you love Glee."
"Yeah, but I'm so far behind on my studying. I need to concentrate on school." Kurt felt as though someone else was using his mouth to say the things he was saying.
"I mean, if that's what you want. Just sleep on it, okay?" Blaine sighed. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret."
"I won't regret it." Kurt lied again, "I just need some me-time is all."
After he hung up the phone, Kurt opened the blinds in his room. The sky was pitch dark, not even a star shining. He curled back up in his bed, watching the flickering lights of airplanes streak over the sky. He had always watched the airplanes as a kid when he couldn't go to sleep. Somehow, though, this was different. Everything around him was different- bigger, scarier, like the backdrop of a horror film. He knew he wouldn't go back to sleep, but stay in bed anyhow.
The next day at school, Kurt felt like an animal in a zoo. He could have sworn that everyone was staring at him the whole day, gawking. He tried to brush his bangs forward into his eyes to hide himself, but only felt stupid. Every word spoken to him felt like an accusation. Even English class with Mercedes felt like a trial. Their conversation of A Streetcar Named Desire was no help, either. Normally, Kurt would have jumped at the chance to act in class, but today he declined. Speaking or reading would just feel like he was putting himself out in the open to be picked apart.
Although he had plans to quit Glee, he was still enrolled in the class, and had to sit through all of fourth period surrounded by happy, singing people. There was nothing in the world he wanted less. Rachel, always the optimist, tried to cheer him up with a song. It didn't work. She even offered him the chance for a duet at Regionals, but he declined.
"I'm just not in the mood to stand out lately," he sighed. Everyone looked at him curiously, but decided not to ask questions.
"Regionals are next week, Kurt." Rachel shrugged. "We can't win without you."
"Well, you'll have to." He snapped. "I'm not really feeling like a winner right now, so maybe it's best to go on without me." He stormed out of the room, and collapsed against a wall in the hallway, crying.
Blaine ran out after him. "What's going on? I thought you were feeling better." He asked.
"I'm just in a bad place right now." Kurt mumbled into his hands.
"Can I help you with anything?" Blaine cooed. "I'm your boyfriend, that's what I'm here to do." He gently touched Kurt's shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Kurt yelled, the words reverberating off the cinderblock walls.
Blaine backed away, his hands in the air. "Something is wrong, Kurt. I know it. You can deny it and say that you're fine all you want, but I don't believe you. When you're ready to talk, I'm here." He slowly turned away, and walked back into the Glee room.
Kurt laid his head back against the cold, white wall. Blaine was right, something was very, very wrong. But Kurt couldn't exactly reveal that kind of thing to someone he had just started dating. Blaine would think he was damaged goods and instantly break up with him. He couldn't tell Finn, he couldn't tell his father, not even Mercedes or Tina would understand. They would tell him to call the police, but he couldn't It would just make a bigger deal out of something that he wanted to forget altogether.
Media: fanfic
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Kurt/Rachel/Mercedes/Tina friendship
Rating: R
Warnings [for whole story] (highlight): sexual assault, bullying, hinting of eating disorder
Somehow, Kurt made his way home. He wasn't 100% sure how he got there or when. All he knew was that he woke up in his bed, still in his school clothes, and his clock read 3:16 AM. He couldn't go back to sleep. He tried flipping through his chemistry book, but the words just flowed into one big blob without making any sense. He grabbed his phone from his nightstand, and saw a dozen messages from his friends asking what had happened and where he went.
It all came back in one nauseating wave: Karofsky's belt buckle, the cold bathroom tile, the taste of bile in his mouth. Kurt thought he was going to vomit again, but his stomach was empty. He flipped through the messages again, and stopped at a text from Blaine. It simply read: "r u ok? worried about u. call me." Kurt smiled a bit at Blaine's text-speak. He sent a message back, knowing that Blaine would probably be dead asleep at this point, but feeling like it was the right thing to do all the same.
Less than a minute later, Blaine called. "Sorry to wake you," Kurt started.
"Not a problem. Are you okay? I was so worried." Blaine whispered.
"I'm fine." Kurt lied. "Just a stomach bug."
"So you'll be back tomorrow? We've got that intense practice after school tomorrow."
Kurt didn't want to think about going back to the walls of McKinley, not after what had happened. He couldn't even imagine staying after school to practice. "I don't know, Blaine. I'm thinking maybe I should quit Glee for the rest of the semester." The words fell out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry, what?" Blaine asked, his voice raising an octave. "But you love Glee."
"Yeah, but I'm so far behind on my studying. I need to concentrate on school." Kurt felt as though someone else was using his mouth to say the things he was saying.
"I mean, if that's what you want. Just sleep on it, okay?" Blaine sighed. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret."
"I won't regret it." Kurt lied again, "I just need some me-time is all."
After he hung up the phone, Kurt opened the blinds in his room. The sky was pitch dark, not even a star shining. He curled back up in his bed, watching the flickering lights of airplanes streak over the sky. He had always watched the airplanes as a kid when he couldn't go to sleep. Somehow, though, this was different. Everything around him was different- bigger, scarier, like the backdrop of a horror film. He knew he wouldn't go back to sleep, but stay in bed anyhow.
The next day at school, Kurt felt like an animal in a zoo. He could have sworn that everyone was staring at him the whole day, gawking. He tried to brush his bangs forward into his eyes to hide himself, but only felt stupid. Every word spoken to him felt like an accusation. Even English class with Mercedes felt like a trial. Their conversation of A Streetcar Named Desire was no help, either. Normally, Kurt would have jumped at the chance to act in class, but today he declined. Speaking or reading would just feel like he was putting himself out in the open to be picked apart.
Although he had plans to quit Glee, he was still enrolled in the class, and had to sit through all of fourth period surrounded by happy, singing people. There was nothing in the world he wanted less. Rachel, always the optimist, tried to cheer him up with a song. It didn't work. She even offered him the chance for a duet at Regionals, but he declined.
"I'm just not in the mood to stand out lately," he sighed. Everyone looked at him curiously, but decided not to ask questions.
"Regionals are next week, Kurt." Rachel shrugged. "We can't win without you."
"Well, you'll have to." He snapped. "I'm not really feeling like a winner right now, so maybe it's best to go on without me." He stormed out of the room, and collapsed against a wall in the hallway, crying.
Blaine ran out after him. "What's going on? I thought you were feeling better." He asked.
"I'm just in a bad place right now." Kurt mumbled into his hands.
"Can I help you with anything?" Blaine cooed. "I'm your boyfriend, that's what I'm here to do." He gently touched Kurt's shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Kurt yelled, the words reverberating off the cinderblock walls.
Blaine backed away, his hands in the air. "Something is wrong, Kurt. I know it. You can deny it and say that you're fine all you want, but I don't believe you. When you're ready to talk, I'm here." He slowly turned away, and walked back into the Glee room.
Kurt laid his head back against the cold, white wall. Blaine was right, something was very, very wrong. But Kurt couldn't exactly reveal that kind of thing to someone he had just started dating. Blaine would think he was damaged goods and instantly break up with him. He couldn't tell Finn, he couldn't tell his father, not even Mercedes or Tina would understand. They would tell him to call the police, but he couldn't It would just make a bigger deal out of something that he wanted to forget altogether.