sometimes i just want to be stable. i want to own an apartment, have a 6piece matching bedroom set, and a landline. a career in place with a salary. i fucking hate moving. and not knowing what i'm doing with my life. it's not not knowing. that's the worst.

a lot of my friends went on vacation, all at once. mexico, italy, prague, what the FUCK??? and i don't have enough work right now. therefore, i do a lot of: lying in bed staring at the ceiling(which is just a few feet above my head, as it is a loft. sometimes i mix it up by putting my feet up against the ceiling. it stretches my hamstrings). it's ( Read more... )

i quit drinking. i quit drugs. i quit sex. i quit relationships. i'm trying to quit flirting, or at least seeking validation from the opposite sex. i quit smoking. i want to quit caffeine and am cutting down ( Read more... )

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i feel so fucking weird. i feel awful. i am so deflated. what if i've lost myself with the cigarettes? maybe i should smoke again. who cares about stupid lung cancer and smelling bad. i just want to feel normal again. this is absolutely exhausting. fuck this. life is never going to be fun again. i'm never going to be happy again. i'm never going to ( Read more... )

it's 12:32 pm, and i want a FUCKING cigarette. today is quitting day, me and my roommate decided two weeks ago. i've been mentally preparing, praying for the willingness, and smoking my fucking brains out. i've made a point to smoke at least half a pack after the hour of 10 every night, and i would get entirely grossed out and feel like shit and ( Read more... )

i am so traumatized. we have mice, and as cute as they are, they have diseases and stuff, plus it's really freaky when you're walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night and a small animal runs over your feet. so i set out to buy traps. the traditional ones that break their backs seemed so awful, so i went for the glue traps, which are ( Read more... )

annie's birthday! let's all take a moment to be grateful for the birth of annie waldman 21 years ago.

i don't know how to deal with it when i see people i care about for a few days and then they leave again and i know i'm not going to see them again for like a year. everyone is gone now and i feel so weird and empty. in my apartment, after a whirlwind week of nostalgic conversations and laughter and feeling comfortable in this old, deep way, and it ( Read more... )

when i am in love, or lust, or infatuation, or whatever you want to call that urgent, overwhelming feeling of gooshiness when i'm with someone, i become insane, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. when i am consciously single, like now, i become sane(r, let's not kid anyone here). will i ever find a balance? do i even want balance? i have to if i' ( Read more... )