001 || Accidental Video

[idkmybfftrash]

[The video feed cuts in to offer you a view of one (1) tanned, scarred, mafia assassin, face eating lawn. Said face turns toward the camera and red eyes blink open, glaring death, murder, dismemberment, mass genocide and likely nuclear strike somewhere in there as well, which is all kind of ruined the next second when he spits out a couple blades

Comments

[Text] God, this is going to end horribly.

[urnewkingbitch]

yet another person in need of anger management classes and lots of fucking chill pills
protip spine-hammocks are bitching uncomfortable
so im going to go out on a long-ass limb and say its for effect and decoration if you really mean youll do that
just grab a tide pen if there are grass stains shit
no need to fire people on account of being a pansy with a little staining

[Text] S-So horribly :'D Sleep with one eye open, brodawg.

[idkmybfftrash]

[ Very calmly Xanxus files this one away in the 'People To Hunt Down And Brutally Murder' cabinet. Just going to completely wax over that spine-hammock nonsense because he has no interest in your dickery. ]

I've killed for less. Losing their job should be the least of their worries.

Do you have anything to say actually worth listening to, trash?

[Text] He already does, man. His bro is a terrifying ninja. ;;

[urnewkingbitch]

[Psh, he wouldn't be the first one to put Dave there.]

depends
what do you know already

[Text] :'D Oh good, well at least he's prepared.

[idkmybfftrash]

Some bullshit about 'Wonderland' and 'no exit'. None of you retards have actually gotten around to explaining what it is, aside from having to do with some opium junkie's dumbass book.

[Text] /adds Xanxus to his People to Avoid list

[urnewkingbitch]

okay well
theyre right about the no exit bullshit unfortunately
the mansion takes care of you pretty damn awesomely for a prison
apparently if you kill someone they come right back to life but that doesnt mean people should press their luck on that
also were being spied on by people in the mirrors that are apparently our doubles with a reversed personality
like if youre a cold cant-give-a-shit-about-other-people dude then your mirror self is the complete opposite

[Text] Good choice, bro. Not like he'd recognize him if he saw him, though

[idkmybfftrash]

...You sure you're not just all fucking batshit? It's sounding like that.

[But he's making a mental note to test out this 'coming back to life' and 'mirror people' business.]

[Text] Thank God. XD

[urnewkingbitch]

pretty fucking sure man
this is shit i couldnt possibly make up
but then if you say that then with you being here youre just as insane as we are
were all mad here i guess

[Text] Just don't give him your name, man :'D

[idkmybfftrash]

...You fucking kidding me? Did you really just make that joke after telling me we're stuck in Wonderland?

[Text] There will never be a name. :D

[urnewkingbitch]

that is the beauty of irony
besides why the hell not
it seemed perfectly appropriate at the time

[Text] :D Oh good

[idkmybfftrash]

If I don't kill myself just from sheer, mind-numbing bored here first it'll be to get away from you morons and your shit senses of humor.

[Text]

[urnewkingbitch]

aw that hurts my feelings
it really does

[Text]

[idkmybfftrash]

Cry me a fucking river. That all you have? Information-wise and smartass comments aside?

[Text]

[urnewkingbitch]

other than the dining room that makes food magically appear whenever you think of what you want
the closets in the rooms that also make shit appear and free rooms in general
yeah think that about sums it up for
oh wait shit i forgot all about those stupid events that come up every now and then
not sure what that shits all about since i just got here a week ago but apparently things go super freak around here for about a week

[Text]

[idkmybfftrash]

So everything else is fucking Pleasantville, Harry Potter style fantastic except we're imprisoned and every now and again, what? Shit hits the fan? Godzilla rises out of the goddamn ocean? Define 'super freak'.

[It does occur to him that you probably don't know if you're new too but that's not going to stop him from demanding answers.]

[Text]

[urnewkingbitch]

yep thats about it
super freak as in i heard that the last event thing that happened involved imagination
you imagine it and it appeared
and apparently this place was underwater at some point

[Text]

[idkmybfftrash]

...Makes about as much sense as the rest of it.

What is it with you and the other trash using the obnoxious, weird text?