Doctor Who/Red Dwarf crossover 2
Well, thanks for all the overwhelmingly positive feedback I've received for Light Years, which you can read here. The general concensus was for the story to continue so here in all its glory (I hope) is:
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim over either the Doctor or Red Dwarf, they belong to Aunty Beeb and Grant Naylor and whoever else actually owns them. I just continue to fiddle with them, but I’ll give them back good as new when I’m done. This is done purely for love and fun.
Light Years Part II
The Doctor grinned amicably as Kryten set the steaming mug in front of him. “Ah, tea. There’s nothing in the universe like a good cup of tea.” He lifted the mug and took a large mouthful, letting it linger in his mouth before swallowing. He waited another moment before pulling a face and saying, “And that’s nothing like a good cup of tea.”
“Sorry sir. The tea is three million years past its use-by date and we’ve run out of cow’s milk.”
“Really?” The Doctor questioned taking another exploratory sip, “What kind of milk is it then?”
“Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” Lister interrupted before Kryten could answer. “So Doctor, how exactly did you end up in our corridor? Not that we’re not glad of the company like, but it’s not everyday a blue phonebox materialises on deck fourteen.”
“Ah, sorry about that. My ship has a mind of its own.” The Doctor replied.
“AI gone a bit senile has it?” Rimmer enquired and the other three crew grinned at a shared joke that the Doctor didn’t understand, so he just grinned anyway.
“Not exactly. So, three million light years into deep space, hey? How…” The rest of his question was cut off by a violent judder that sent the four solid beings in the room hurtling across it. Rimmer watched with a mix of amusement and concern before turning to one of Holly’s monitors.
“Holly!” he called. The blonde computer’s face appeared on the monitor even more confused than usual. “What was that?” Rimmer enquired in an even but slightly patronising tone.
“What was what?” Holly replied.
“What was that jolt? You senile old Spectrum.”
“There’s no need for abuse like that. What jolt? My scanners aren’t indicating anything.”
“So what you’re saying Hol, is that none of your scanners are working?” Lister asked as he staggered to his feet.
“Correct.” Holly answered.
“Inside or outside the ship?” Kryten asked.
“Correct.” Holly replied.
“So in fact we’re flying completely smegging blind?” Rimmer asked.
“Correct.” Holly answered.
“So we could have just crashed into an asteroid and you wouldn’t know it?” Lister asked.
“Correct.” Holly replied.
“Or crashed into a planet?” Rimmer asked.
“Oh no. We couldn’t have crashed into a planet.”
“Why not?” asked Rimmer.
“We’d be dead.” Holly replied. Rimmer rolled his eyes.
“Just once, couldn’t you behave like the computer with an IQ of 6000 that you’re supposed to be? Just once. Maybe not embarrass me in front of the alien?” He turned to the Doctor and gave him his most ingratiating smile, clasping his hands together and bowing slightly.
“Without the scanners operating sirs, there’s no way of knowing what the ship just struck, or how much damage the impact had. We will have to manually examine the ship, all six miles and 247 decks.” Kryten offered, ever the pragmatist.
“But that would take months!” Rimmer opined.
“Seven months, two weeks, four days, twenty hours, forty seven minutes and eighteen seconds by my calculations sir.”
“Right then” The Doctor exclaimed, pulling out his sonic screwdriver, “We’d better get those scanners fixed then.”
Lister escorted the Doctor to the main computer banks to begin repairing Holly while the others began, after much protesting from Rimmer and Cat, to search the ship for damage, starting with critical systems.
“I am missing some serious nap time.” Cat whined as he sloped off down the corridor.
Lister and the Doctor were riding in the lift to get to the bottom of the ship where Holly’s main circuitry resided. Fortunately they didn’t have to sit through the in-car safety video because Cat had shot the screen with a bazookoid after the fiftieth time of watching.
“This is a really big ship. Must get lonely sometimes.” The Doctor commented.
“Sometimes. The others don’t really get why I want to go home. Cat and Kryters are great, but they’ve never seen Earth and Rimmer…well Rimmer’s Rimmer. I like to go to the empty parts of the ship sometimes. Just to get away from them for a while. It gets a bit too much some days. Knowing that I’m the last human, you know?” Lister’s question had been rhetorical, but to his surprise the Doctor answered,
“Yeah, I know.” The Doctor looked immensely sad as he said this and Lister looked at him curiously. “I’m the last one left of my people too.”
“Smeg, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“No, that’s okay. I never thought I’d find someone who’d understand.” He smiled to himself, “So that’s what the old girl was up to.” He chuckled.
“Sorry?” Lister asked.
“Nothing.” The Doctor replied, visibly brightening, “Just musing on life’s little coincidences.” He chuckled again. The lift came to a stop and the doors opened onto a room in complete chaos. Wires were hanging loose from the ceiling and open wall panels and circuitry buzzed and sparked.
“What the smegging ‘ell is going on here?” Lister demanded. The Doctor pointed toward the corner and following his gaze Lister spotted one of the skutters merrily tearing out wires from a console. “Smegging ‘ell!” he cried, rushing forward to stop the crazed skutter from causing any more damage. Lister managed to restrain the malfunctioning domestic droid while the Doctor used his screwdriver to repair him.
“Good as new.” The Doctor proclaimed after a couple of minutes. “Now, let’s take a look at poor Holly, shall we?”
The story now continues in Part III...
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim over either the Doctor or Red Dwarf, they belong to Aunty Beeb and Grant Naylor and whoever else actually owns them. I just continue to fiddle with them, but I’ll give them back good as new when I’m done. This is done purely for love and fun.
Light Years Part II
The Doctor grinned amicably as Kryten set the steaming mug in front of him. “Ah, tea. There’s nothing in the universe like a good cup of tea.” He lifted the mug and took a large mouthful, letting it linger in his mouth before swallowing. He waited another moment before pulling a face and saying, “And that’s nothing like a good cup of tea.”
“Sorry sir. The tea is three million years past its use-by date and we’ve run out of cow’s milk.”
“Really?” The Doctor questioned taking another exploratory sip, “What kind of milk is it then?”
“Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” Lister interrupted before Kryten could answer. “So Doctor, how exactly did you end up in our corridor? Not that we’re not glad of the company like, but it’s not everyday a blue phonebox materialises on deck fourteen.”
“Ah, sorry about that. My ship has a mind of its own.” The Doctor replied.
“AI gone a bit senile has it?” Rimmer enquired and the other three crew grinned at a shared joke that the Doctor didn’t understand, so he just grinned anyway.
“Not exactly. So, three million light years into deep space, hey? How…” The rest of his question was cut off by a violent judder that sent the four solid beings in the room hurtling across it. Rimmer watched with a mix of amusement and concern before turning to one of Holly’s monitors.
“Holly!” he called. The blonde computer’s face appeared on the monitor even more confused than usual. “What was that?” Rimmer enquired in an even but slightly patronising tone.
“What was what?” Holly replied.
“What was that jolt? You senile old Spectrum.”
“There’s no need for abuse like that. What jolt? My scanners aren’t indicating anything.”
“So what you’re saying Hol, is that none of your scanners are working?” Lister asked as he staggered to his feet.
“Correct.” Holly answered.
“Inside or outside the ship?” Kryten asked.
“Correct.” Holly replied.
“So in fact we’re flying completely smegging blind?” Rimmer asked.
“Correct.” Holly answered.
“So we could have just crashed into an asteroid and you wouldn’t know it?” Lister asked.
“Correct.” Holly replied.
“Or crashed into a planet?” Rimmer asked.
“Oh no. We couldn’t have crashed into a planet.”
“Why not?” asked Rimmer.
“We’d be dead.” Holly replied. Rimmer rolled his eyes.
“Just once, couldn’t you behave like the computer with an IQ of 6000 that you’re supposed to be? Just once. Maybe not embarrass me in front of the alien?” He turned to the Doctor and gave him his most ingratiating smile, clasping his hands together and bowing slightly.
“Without the scanners operating sirs, there’s no way of knowing what the ship just struck, or how much damage the impact had. We will have to manually examine the ship, all six miles and 247 decks.” Kryten offered, ever the pragmatist.
“But that would take months!” Rimmer opined.
“Seven months, two weeks, four days, twenty hours, forty seven minutes and eighteen seconds by my calculations sir.”
“Right then” The Doctor exclaimed, pulling out his sonic screwdriver, “We’d better get those scanners fixed then.”
Lister escorted the Doctor to the main computer banks to begin repairing Holly while the others began, after much protesting from Rimmer and Cat, to search the ship for damage, starting with critical systems.
“I am missing some serious nap time.” Cat whined as he sloped off down the corridor.
Lister and the Doctor were riding in the lift to get to the bottom of the ship where Holly’s main circuitry resided. Fortunately they didn’t have to sit through the in-car safety video because Cat had shot the screen with a bazookoid after the fiftieth time of watching.
“This is a really big ship. Must get lonely sometimes.” The Doctor commented.
“Sometimes. The others don’t really get why I want to go home. Cat and Kryters are great, but they’ve never seen Earth and Rimmer…well Rimmer’s Rimmer. I like to go to the empty parts of the ship sometimes. Just to get away from them for a while. It gets a bit too much some days. Knowing that I’m the last human, you know?” Lister’s question had been rhetorical, but to his surprise the Doctor answered,
“Yeah, I know.” The Doctor looked immensely sad as he said this and Lister looked at him curiously. “I’m the last one left of my people too.”
“Smeg, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“No, that’s okay. I never thought I’d find someone who’d understand.” He smiled to himself, “So that’s what the old girl was up to.” He chuckled.
“Sorry?” Lister asked.
“Nothing.” The Doctor replied, visibly brightening, “Just musing on life’s little coincidences.” He chuckled again. The lift came to a stop and the doors opened onto a room in complete chaos. Wires were hanging loose from the ceiling and open wall panels and circuitry buzzed and sparked.
“What the smegging ‘ell is going on here?” Lister demanded. The Doctor pointed toward the corner and following his gaze Lister spotted one of the skutters merrily tearing out wires from a console. “Smegging ‘ell!” he cried, rushing forward to stop the crazed skutter from causing any more damage. Lister managed to restrain the malfunctioning domestic droid while the Doctor used his screwdriver to repair him.
“Good as new.” The Doctor proclaimed after a couple of minutes. “Now, let’s take a look at poor Holly, shall we?”
The story now continues in Part III...