[no mercy: seokwon/yoonho] with a name like mine
title: with a name like mine
fandom: no mercy
pairing: seokwon/yoonho
word count: 1,267
a/n: angrily channels yoonho feelings into fic and writes to too much radical face
with a name like mine (i still dream of you)
his phone goes off in the middle of practice, hyosung’s goodnight kiss, and seokwon flushes red as he recalls that yoonho was the one to change it, kicking him away with socked feet as his laughter filled the room. he glances up at hoseok, who nods at him as sweat drips down on his face. as seokwon reaches for the phone, a nervous feeling builds up inside of his stomach as he rushes over to the side of the room.
frozen, seokwon stands there as his phone continues to go off. “it’s yoonho,” he says and he turns around to look at the rest of the members. kihyun is rapidly draining his water bottle and seokwon bites his lower lip as he waits for a response.
“go and get it,” hoseok looks at him knowingly as he bends down to stretch his back. “ten minute break everyone,” and he slides down to the floor as he uses his shirt to wipe off his sweat.
everyone else promptly breaks out into chatter and seokwon pauses for another moment. he locks eyes with changkyun and his breathing is more ragged than it was during practice. seokwon stumbles over his own feet as he rushes out the door, cradling the phone to his ear. minhyuk laughs as the door slams shut behind him.
outside of the building small puffs of vapor hang in the air as seokwon rubs at his arms, waiting for the call to finally connect. “hello?” an all too familiar voice comes out, too light and too teasing.
“yoonho,” he breathes and he watches his breath. “i forgot to change my ringtone,” he blabs and his mouth is moving of its own accord now. “it was embarrassing.”
there’s light laughter on the other end and a pang in seokwon’s chest becomes even more glaringly obvious. “was it hyunwoo who started gaping, i bet it was him wasn’t it.”
“minhyuk almost fell on his face when it started ringing,” he tells yoonho and he moves over so he’s resting against the railing. the metal is cold and sharp against his forearms, and seokwon nearly hisses as the he begins to lose the feeling in his toes.
“are you outside?” yoonho asks.
“yeah,” seokwon replies as he kicks his foot against the lower railing. it stings but not as much as the pain in his heart. “it’ll just be for a few minutes, don’t worry about.”
there’s a disapproving hum through the phone and seokwon can picture yoonho with a frown on his face, eyebrows sloping downward as he attempts to look as disappointed as possible. “just make sure to-”
“i know,” he sticks out his tongue and regrets it soon afterwards. the nipping air is too much for his tongue to handle, and yoonho isn’t here to see him anyway. “i’ll make sure to bundle up next time.” what seokwon doesn’t say is that if he were to have grabbed his jacket, he’d lose precious time with yoonho on the phone. the cold is nothing compared to these ten minutes.
“how are you?” there’s a beat of silence and it would be awkward and unsettling if it were someone like hyunwoo, who’s just about awkward as awkward can get. if there’s anything that seokwon can’t stand, it’s small talk and trivial questions, but it’s yoonho and talking to him right now, about anything, is more than seokwon deserves.
“alright,” he responds not a second later. he kicks off some of the ice on the side and watches it tumble down to the asphalt below. “just you know,” he grinds a different piece of ice. “practice,” seokwon kicks attempts to squash the block of ice, but then decides at the last moment to kick that down as well.
looking up at the sky, seokwon squints as he tries to make out the clouds from the monotonous background. “hey,” yoonho’s voice comes out softer this time and seokwon has to strain to make out his voice. “debut for me will you?”
he tenses, body going rigid and he’s no longer leaning against the railing. there’s a large lump forming in his throat, similar to the one that was there a week ago. seokwon opens his mouth to answer, then closes it as he tightens the grip on his phone. he’s shaking, and this time it’s not from the cold.
“seokwon?” yoonho begins tentatively.
“i,” and seokwon has to pinch the bridge of his nose and squeeze his eyes shut. when he blinks them open they only start to water even more. he tries to open his mouth again, tries to swallow the lump in his throat, tries to stop the aching feeling in his chest from expanding even more. “i’ll try my best, for you.”
it goes unspoken that seokwon is unsure whether or not he even wants to debut without yoonho. it’s not the same, he wants to sob. instead, he clenches his fist and grits his teeth. i don’t want to debut without you, i don’t want to stand on stage without you, i don’t want to be without you.
“just wait wait for me a bit, okay? what’s another few years to seven?” the way he says it is so nonchalant that seokwon wants to nothing more than to hold yoonho in his arms, tell him that it’s not true that he’s good. yoonho laughs and seokwon knows the thing again, where he pretends everything is alright.
“are you crying?” he asks lightly, as he tries to to turn the corners of his his lips upward.
there’s a long, drawn out shudder and seokwon waits. it’s almost a full minute before yoonho responds, with more levity than should be possible, “shouldn’t i be the one asking you that?”
“haha,” he says dryly as he reaches up with his free hand to dab the corners of his eye. “very funny.” seokwon exhales shakily and the hole in his heart is only growing larger every second.
“i miss you,” yoonho whispers quietly and his voice crackles. “i miss you a lot, seokwon.”
“i wish you were still here,” seokwon blurts out without thinking. it’s selfish but its true, “i wish we were still together, next to each other and playing pranks on all the hyungs. i wish you were here so i could have someone’s bed to crawl into at night.”
it’s different, without yoonho here. he finds himself looking over his shoulder, only to find an empty space. or, sometimes, he’ll expect a soft brush of hands against his and a warm grip in his own, only to have his own hand feeling much too light. seokwon misses it, the occasional days where they rush to school early in the morning, kwangji sending them off with lunch. he misses bumping into yoonho’s back, playing footsie underneath the table. most of all, he just misses yoonho.
soft footsteps pad up behind him, and it’s gunhee bundled up in a large coat, nose peeking out as he sniffs. “gunhee’s here, i have to go back now,” he whispers into the phone. seokwon doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to hang up the phone but he’s lucky enough that hoseok decided to call a break and doesn’t want to push it. “i love you,” he murmurs softly enough so he hopes that gunhee can’t hear.
“i love you too,” yoonho whispers back and seokwon pretends not to hear the crack in his voice and the sniff that follows afterwards. there’s a small click as the phone hangs up and seokwon feels ten times emptier and heavier as he heads back inside.
i am not vibrating with anger over yoonho's elimination!! im not upset over it!! it's not as though yoonho is my one and only son and no mercy is a complete and utter mess eliminating their trainee of 7 years!! "we need more rappers" they say as they eliminate two of them.
who am i kidding im actually so mad over this entire thing and starship can fight me.
no yoonho deserved so much better than this.
fandom: no mercy
pairing: seokwon/yoonho
word count: 1,267
a/n: angrily channels yoonho feelings into fic and writes to too much radical face
with a name like mine (i still dream of you)
his phone goes off in the middle of practice, hyosung’s goodnight kiss, and seokwon flushes red as he recalls that yoonho was the one to change it, kicking him away with socked feet as his laughter filled the room. he glances up at hoseok, who nods at him as sweat drips down on his face. as seokwon reaches for the phone, a nervous feeling builds up inside of his stomach as he rushes over to the side of the room.
frozen, seokwon stands there as his phone continues to go off. “it’s yoonho,” he says and he turns around to look at the rest of the members. kihyun is rapidly draining his water bottle and seokwon bites his lower lip as he waits for a response.
“go and get it,” hoseok looks at him knowingly as he bends down to stretch his back. “ten minute break everyone,” and he slides down to the floor as he uses his shirt to wipe off his sweat.
everyone else promptly breaks out into chatter and seokwon pauses for another moment. he locks eyes with changkyun and his breathing is more ragged than it was during practice. seokwon stumbles over his own feet as he rushes out the door, cradling the phone to his ear. minhyuk laughs as the door slams shut behind him.
outside of the building small puffs of vapor hang in the air as seokwon rubs at his arms, waiting for the call to finally connect. “hello?” an all too familiar voice comes out, too light and too teasing.
“yoonho,” he breathes and he watches his breath. “i forgot to change my ringtone,” he blabs and his mouth is moving of its own accord now. “it was embarrassing.”
there’s light laughter on the other end and a pang in seokwon’s chest becomes even more glaringly obvious. “was it hyunwoo who started gaping, i bet it was him wasn’t it.”
“minhyuk almost fell on his face when it started ringing,” he tells yoonho and he moves over so he’s resting against the railing. the metal is cold and sharp against his forearms, and seokwon nearly hisses as the he begins to lose the feeling in his toes.
“are you outside?” yoonho asks.
“yeah,” seokwon replies as he kicks his foot against the lower railing. it stings but not as much as the pain in his heart. “it’ll just be for a few minutes, don’t worry about.”
there’s a disapproving hum through the phone and seokwon can picture yoonho with a frown on his face, eyebrows sloping downward as he attempts to look as disappointed as possible. “just make sure to-”
“i know,” he sticks out his tongue and regrets it soon afterwards. the nipping air is too much for his tongue to handle, and yoonho isn’t here to see him anyway. “i’ll make sure to bundle up next time.” what seokwon doesn’t say is that if he were to have grabbed his jacket, he’d lose precious time with yoonho on the phone. the cold is nothing compared to these ten minutes.
“how are you?” there’s a beat of silence and it would be awkward and unsettling if it were someone like hyunwoo, who’s just about awkward as awkward can get. if there’s anything that seokwon can’t stand, it’s small talk and trivial questions, but it’s yoonho and talking to him right now, about anything, is more than seokwon deserves.
“alright,” he responds not a second later. he kicks off some of the ice on the side and watches it tumble down to the asphalt below. “just you know,” he grinds a different piece of ice. “practice,” seokwon kicks attempts to squash the block of ice, but then decides at the last moment to kick that down as well.
looking up at the sky, seokwon squints as he tries to make out the clouds from the monotonous background. “hey,” yoonho’s voice comes out softer this time and seokwon has to strain to make out his voice. “debut for me will you?”
he tenses, body going rigid and he’s no longer leaning against the railing. there’s a large lump forming in his throat, similar to the one that was there a week ago. seokwon opens his mouth to answer, then closes it as he tightens the grip on his phone. he’s shaking, and this time it’s not from the cold.
“seokwon?” yoonho begins tentatively.
“i,” and seokwon has to pinch the bridge of his nose and squeeze his eyes shut. when he blinks them open they only start to water even more. he tries to open his mouth again, tries to swallow the lump in his throat, tries to stop the aching feeling in his chest from expanding even more. “i’ll try my best, for you.”
it goes unspoken that seokwon is unsure whether or not he even wants to debut without yoonho. it’s not the same, he wants to sob. instead, he clenches his fist and grits his teeth. i don’t want to debut without you, i don’t want to stand on stage without you, i don’t want to be without you.
“just wait wait for me a bit, okay? what’s another few years to seven?” the way he says it is so nonchalant that seokwon wants to nothing more than to hold yoonho in his arms, tell him that it’s not true that he’s good. yoonho laughs and seokwon knows the thing again, where he pretends everything is alright.
“are you crying?” he asks lightly, as he tries to to turn the corners of his his lips upward.
there’s a long, drawn out shudder and seokwon waits. it’s almost a full minute before yoonho responds, with more levity than should be possible, “shouldn’t i be the one asking you that?”
“haha,” he says dryly as he reaches up with his free hand to dab the corners of his eye. “very funny.” seokwon exhales shakily and the hole in his heart is only growing larger every second.
“i miss you,” yoonho whispers quietly and his voice crackles. “i miss you a lot, seokwon.”
“i wish you were still here,” seokwon blurts out without thinking. it’s selfish but its true, “i wish we were still together, next to each other and playing pranks on all the hyungs. i wish you were here so i could have someone’s bed to crawl into at night.”
it’s different, without yoonho here. he finds himself looking over his shoulder, only to find an empty space. or, sometimes, he’ll expect a soft brush of hands against his and a warm grip in his own, only to have his own hand feeling much too light. seokwon misses it, the occasional days where they rush to school early in the morning, kwangji sending them off with lunch. he misses bumping into yoonho’s back, playing footsie underneath the table. most of all, he just misses yoonho.
soft footsteps pad up behind him, and it’s gunhee bundled up in a large coat, nose peeking out as he sniffs. “gunhee’s here, i have to go back now,” he whispers into the phone. seokwon doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to hang up the phone but he’s lucky enough that hoseok decided to call a break and doesn’t want to push it. “i love you,” he murmurs softly enough so he hopes that gunhee can’t hear.
“i love you too,” yoonho whispers back and seokwon pretends not to hear the crack in his voice and the sniff that follows afterwards. there’s a small click as the phone hangs up and seokwon feels ten times emptier and heavier as he heads back inside.
i am not vibrating with anger over yoonho's elimination!! im not upset over it!! it's not as though yoonho is my one and only son and no mercy is a complete and utter mess eliminating their trainee of 7 years!! "we need more rappers" they say as they eliminate two of them.
who am i kidding im actually so mad over this entire thing and starship can fight me.
no yoonho deserved so much better than this.