Crack: Paranormal (SGA/Supernatural Fusion) (John/Ronon)
Okay, this requires an explanation. I was going to do a Five John/Ronon A/Us I'm never going to write thing, and do a para or two for each AU. But the first idea I got was this *points down* and it kind of grew legs and smoked crack.
Title: Supernatural Paranormal
Pairing: John/Ronon
Rating: R
Word Count: 726
Warnings: Crack. Pseudo-Incest. And did I mention the crack?
Summary: the one in which they're demon-hunting brothers (who are both adopted)
It's been four and a half years since they've seen one another, and so John plants a non-threatening smile on his face while he waits for his knock to be answered, and also fondles his Glock.
"No," Ronon says when he opens the door, before John can say so much as hello and without even letting John in. "Whatever it is, no."
Then he slams the door in John's face. "Elizabeth is kinda...missing," John calls though the door.
The door opens again and Ronon yanks John inside. "Talk."
*
"You lost Elizabeth," Ronon growls, arms crossing.
John fidgets. "Technically, she got herself lost--"
"Ronon?" The voice is undeniably feminine, and more than a little pissy-sounding. When John turns, he sees a petite strawberry blonde, holding a Beretta at her side loosely, dressed in camo-patterned panties with a matching tank top.
John smiles slowly and cocks his hip. "Hey," he says, cool and smooth and guaranteed to get some action.
The gun comes up faster than John was expecting, followed by the click of the safety being released. "Who the fuck are you? Ronon!"
"John, Laura; Laura, John," Ronon says, then points at each of them and adds, "Girlfriend. Brother."
Laura lowers the gun and stares from one to the other in disbelief.
"He's adopted," Ronon and John say at the same time.
*
Ronon comes with him, just like John knew he would, because no matter what he says, Hunting has got to be way more exciting than library science. Plus, their adopted sister is missing.
"I have to go," Ronon tells Laura, and she sees him off with a kick to the nuts and a vulgar hand gesture. "I love that woman," he says, staring at the doorway she just flounced through.
John arches a brow. "Right. Come on, night's burning."
They're halfway to John's car when Ronon stops short, a look of horror on his face. When John follows his gaze he grins.
"Tell me that is not yours," Ronon says flatly, staring at John's pride and joy.
John walks the rest of the way to the car and turns to grin at Ronon. "She totally is," he says happily, reaching out to pet her roof. "I've named her Shelly."
"What happened to the El Camino?" Ronon asks dangerously.
John resolutely keeps his smile in place. "I traded it for this."
Ronon looks like he's just sucked a lemon. "It's a DeLorean."
"I know," John sighs softly and lifts the driver's side door open. "Saddle up. You mind holding the weapons trunk on your lap? Kinda lacking in trunk space."
*
They don't find Elizabeth, but they do vanquish a Woman in White, and the DeLorean survives being driven through a freaking house.
"That was so cool," John says, and Ronon stares at him for a moment before picking John up by his collar. "Um, hey, wait!"
"Elizabeth," Ronon says when they're nose-to-nose.
John takes a deep breath. "We'll keep looking," he swears and Ronon lets him go and slumps against the car, looking the decade and change younger than John that he is.
"If Jack finds out you lost her and didn't tell him..." Ronon says.
John has been spending a lot of time specifically not thinking about what might happen if their adopted father finds out about any of this, so he ignores the mention of him. "For the fifth time, she got herself lost! Anyway, look, we've got Elizabeth's journal, we know where to go next. It'll be a piece of cake."
Ronon rolls his eyes. "No, it won't."
"Probably not."
"Laura's going to dump me when I tell her," Ronon says unhappily. John blinks because, wow, that wasn't a fuck-you-we're-through goodbye that he witnessed.
"Anytime you need a 'nad smack, or to be flipped off, you just let me know, little brother."
Ronon slumps miserably. "She was wild in the sack."
John narrows his eyes. "Really."
"Best sex ever," he tells John wistfully.
*
"Maybe not the best," Ronon concedes later, on a dark empty road, bent over with his face smashed against the roof of the DeLorean.
John smirks and thrusts one more time before sliding his dick out of Ronon's ass. "Yeah, I thought so," he says smugly, then clutches Ronon's sides when his legs almost give out.
Ronon grunts. "This car still sucks, though."
"Bite me."
.End
Um, there might also be the one in which John is a too-thin attorney, who's found himself working at the same firm as his childhood through college sweetheart, Ronon. *hides*
Title: Supernatural Paranormal
Pairing: John/Ronon
Rating: R
Word Count: 726
Warnings: Crack. Pseudo-Incest. And did I mention the crack?
Summary: the one in which they're demon-hunting brothers (who are both adopted)
It's been four and a half years since they've seen one another, and so John plants a non-threatening smile on his face while he waits for his knock to be answered, and also fondles his Glock.
"No," Ronon says when he opens the door, before John can say so much as hello and without even letting John in. "Whatever it is, no."
Then he slams the door in John's face. "Elizabeth is kinda...missing," John calls though the door.
The door opens again and Ronon yanks John inside. "Talk."
*
"You lost Elizabeth," Ronon growls, arms crossing.
John fidgets. "Technically, she got herself lost--"
"Ronon?" The voice is undeniably feminine, and more than a little pissy-sounding. When John turns, he sees a petite strawberry blonde, holding a Beretta at her side loosely, dressed in camo-patterned panties with a matching tank top.
John smiles slowly and cocks his hip. "Hey," he says, cool and smooth and guaranteed to get some action.
The gun comes up faster than John was expecting, followed by the click of the safety being released. "Who the fuck are you? Ronon!"
"John, Laura; Laura, John," Ronon says, then points at each of them and adds, "Girlfriend. Brother."
Laura lowers the gun and stares from one to the other in disbelief.
"He's adopted," Ronon and John say at the same time.
*
Ronon comes with him, just like John knew he would, because no matter what he says, Hunting has got to be way more exciting than library science. Plus, their adopted sister is missing.
"I have to go," Ronon tells Laura, and she sees him off with a kick to the nuts and a vulgar hand gesture. "I love that woman," he says, staring at the doorway she just flounced through.
John arches a brow. "Right. Come on, night's burning."
They're halfway to John's car when Ronon stops short, a look of horror on his face. When John follows his gaze he grins.
"Tell me that is not yours," Ronon says flatly, staring at John's pride and joy.
John walks the rest of the way to the car and turns to grin at Ronon. "She totally is," he says happily, reaching out to pet her roof. "I've named her Shelly."
"What happened to the El Camino?" Ronon asks dangerously.
John resolutely keeps his smile in place. "I traded it for this."
Ronon looks like he's just sucked a lemon. "It's a DeLorean."
"I know," John sighs softly and lifts the driver's side door open. "Saddle up. You mind holding the weapons trunk on your lap? Kinda lacking in trunk space."
*
They don't find Elizabeth, but they do vanquish a Woman in White, and the DeLorean survives being driven through a freaking house.
"That was so cool," John says, and Ronon stares at him for a moment before picking John up by his collar. "Um, hey, wait!"
"Elizabeth," Ronon says when they're nose-to-nose.
John takes a deep breath. "We'll keep looking," he swears and Ronon lets him go and slumps against the car, looking the decade and change younger than John that he is.
"If Jack finds out you lost her and didn't tell him..." Ronon says.
John has been spending a lot of time specifically not thinking about what might happen if their adopted father finds out about any of this, so he ignores the mention of him. "For the fifth time, she got herself lost! Anyway, look, we've got Elizabeth's journal, we know where to go next. It'll be a piece of cake."
Ronon rolls his eyes. "No, it won't."
"Probably not."
"Laura's going to dump me when I tell her," Ronon says unhappily. John blinks because, wow, that wasn't a fuck-you-we're-through goodbye that he witnessed.
"Anytime you need a 'nad smack, or to be flipped off, you just let me know, little brother."
Ronon slumps miserably. "She was wild in the sack."
John narrows his eyes. "Really."
"Best sex ever," he tells John wistfully.
*
"Maybe not the best," Ronon concedes later, on a dark empty road, bent over with his face smashed against the roof of the DeLorean.
John smirks and thrusts one more time before sliding his dick out of Ronon's ass. "Yeah, I thought so," he says smugly, then clutches Ronon's sides when his legs almost give out.
Ronon grunts. "This car still sucks, though."
"Bite me."
.End
Um, there might also be the one in which John is a too-thin attorney, who's found himself working at the same firm as his childhood through college sweetheart, Ronon. *hides*