Title: Breath In
Author:
ienvy Fandom: South Park
Pairing: Craig/Thomas
Rating: Borderline NC-17?
Summary: #41 Fixation
The TableWarnings: This fic contains sexual themes. If you chose to read this, you are agreeing that you are legally allowed to view material with adult themes.
Notes: Written for
norikumi ---
For someone like Thomas, being loved so very throughly and completely was not an experience that went unnoticed or ignored. It wasn't as if he didn't have friends and he knew that his family loved him, even through the tics and random bursts of swears, but he had never truly been told so many things that made his heart race and quiver inside of his chest as when he knew Craig Tucker. The name even made his eyes widen and his back straighten, like an expectant puppy dog, ready to receive more strings of approvals and doting, loving comments that made him smile to himself. No one had ever looked up to him so completely as Craig had. No one had ever wanted to hang out with him, at least no one really outside of his group of 'special' friends that were like him. No, Craig was the first normal person who had ever shown any sort of interest in him as a person. Hell, from what he could tell back then, Craig actually admired him and could stand his Tourettes, as if they were just... him.
That's why it was so easy to trust him.
Throughout the years, their friendship fluctuated, disturbed and interrupted by life -- Craig's work, Thomas' appointments, Craig's 'other' friends -- and yet they still fought to make time for each other. It never worked. Something always came up. Some part of Craig's real life that wasn't as important as his side life with Thomas, the life that seemed to resemble a freak show more than it did a life. Thomas wasn't as important as Craig's real life and his real friends, after all, why would he be? He was just some random kid that met Craig on accident and that was that.
But why, oh why couldn't he be more . . . ?
He craved the attention, needed it. As he grew older, he came to love and hate his condition. Swearing loudly in the middle church was generally frowned upon but it was worth it everytime Craig would circle his eyes back to stare with awe at him. The awe that turned slowly to quiet knowing, to grey-blue eyes with quiet reassurances and hardly-there-brush-of-a-fingertip-against-your-skin touches. For all the times that he cursed having Tourettes now more than ever he wished that he could take it all back, as long as Craig would just please look at me.
Deep Breath. Deep Breath. Deep Breath.
Better.
Sort of.
Craig was coming over today. Weeks had stretched on since their last visit and Thomas' hunger had grown to the point of starvation before Craig finally agreed to set aside a block of time just for Thomas. Which meant no one else had to be there. Which meant it would be them, alone. No one to distract Craig's attention, no one to stress Thomas out. Because, alone with Craig was something out of a Disney movie. Perfect. Looking back on their last alone sessions, he could see the line up of a perfect, classic princess story line. He, the princess, waiting with bated breath for his prince to come and rescue him, to bring him into a new, separate world where everything was perfect. Perfect.
Cool, calm, immovable internally. If Craig could be anything, Thomas thought that he would be gelatin. Or maybe pudding. Was that weird? Maybe even ice cream. Or mercury. Maybe Craig was like mercury. It was definitely weird.
He sat beside the door, waiting patiently, his legs crossed, mind wandering as he trailed his finger up and down the smooth wood of the arm of his chair. He could remember the times that they had spent together. Of the both of them eating frozen pizza and watching scary movies, munching on popcorn and drinking until their bellies burst with soda and then slithering out of their clothes, sliding on their pajamas and crawling into Thomas' bed. They laid there, talking quietly (aside from the sudden outburst from Thomas) almost until the sun rose and it was awfully relaxing, even if Thomas brought up most of the topics and tried to do most of the talking. It was still nice. In the morning, they had waffles and then Craig left and it felt awfully empty, especially when he walked around, picking up leftover messes from their night together.
He didn't want Craig to leave this time. He didn't want to feel that emptiness that he felt whenever the other left him.
The soft knock at the door was anticipated, yet he jumped to his feet and strode to it very quickly, murmuring some curse beneath his breath as he let Craig into his house, his body trembling ever so slightly.
"H-Hi!" Thomas said, trying to hold down his excitement as he stepped back, watching with wide eyes as the other joined his company. Finally. "I-I thought for a second that you weren't going to be able to -- shit --- make it over." He managed to say. Before, Craig had always smiled each and every time Thomas swore, as if relishing in the fact that he could do so without getting into any trouble. Now, Thomas' condition was nothing more than that. It was something that was there. Something that made him look up now and then, but nothing that he really seemed to notice anymore. And thinking about that made Thomas panic. He couldn't lose Craig to anyone, not for any reason. Not yet. He hadn't even been able to show the other what he really had to offer.
"Yeah," Craig muttered in agreement as his eyes wandered around the living room, as if it were the first time he had ever stepped foot in it. Craig was like that. Finding things to stare at, to single out, so that way he didn't have to speak. Maybe he didn't know that he was doing it, but Thomas could tell. He did that sometimes, too. "What's up?"
Thomas watched Craig take another step towards the middle of his living room before he smiled to himself, running his hands together. He should be nervous. Very nervous.
He wasn't. Craig helped that go away.
The blonde stepped after Craig, for once the tics staying quiet, as if even they knew and understand the fragile importance of this moment. Craig, aware that he wasn't speaking, turned, his lips slightly parted, his brow furrowed as he prepared to ask the question again, no doubt. Thomas didn't let him. They stood at roughly the same height, so it didn't take much of a boost from Thomas' toes before he was able to press his lips hard against Craig's, feeling the other's surprise and beginning to panic once again. What had he done? He had ruined their friendship, for sure, and now Craig was going to slap him and get angry and --
Craig was kissing him back.
Holy cocksucking tits, Craig Tucker was kissing him back.
He made a soft noise against the other's mouth, surprised, no doubt swearing even beneath his breath as they kissed. Yes, kissed. Craig's lips were moving with expertise and one of his hands was at Thomas' back, tipping him in such a way that made the blonde feel inexperienced and panicked and --- jealous.
If Craig kissed like this, it only could have meant that he had kissed someone else before Thomas. That meant that there was a threat.
A threat that he couldn't handle.
Gripping harder onto the darker haired male, Thomas moved into action. He kissed Craig back with all of his might, breaking past the barrier in order to wriggle his tongue around Craig's, to tease the other and show him that he knew how this worked. Craig made no move to push him away and he took it that he was doing well and pressed against him harder, fingers tightening at his shoulder and at his side. Thomas would be better than those others (surely there had to be more than one), he would show Craig how good he could be -- especially to Craig.
He pressed a final, hard kiss against the other's lips, pulling away in a fleeting and oh so breathless manner that he was sure had to be sexy. He thought of everything he had seen in pornos, thought of how a girl (or another guy) did things that made their partner groan and moan for more, thought of ways that he could surely trap Craig up in his hands and make sure that this was something he never forgot.
Craig was panting as they separated from the kiss, his eyes opening slowly, lips moving to ask a question but it didn't register in Thomas' brain. The blonde was trailing his hands down, along Craig's chest and to his waistline. Craig seemed to stiffen and go quiet then, his eyes widening slowly as Thomas' hand slipped past the clothing and into Craig's pants. He was in Craig's pants.
Nervousness suddenly striking him, even if in the slightest, he paused and felt out the shape and outline of Craig's member. His friend groaned suddenly, a noise that almost made Thomas withdraw completely before he saw that the other was fine with it, biting down on his lower lip, not making any movements to shove him away. Thomas let his digits continue, lightly cupping out and feeling the heated length, imagining how it was going to harden and how Craig would think him the best in the entire world when he crammed the entire thing into his mouth and sucked it.
Craig's lips had fallen apart and he was panting, gasps that wrung out of him like they were forced to do so, his eyes tightly screwed up, one hand pressing against Thomas' shoulder, a suggestive action that excited the blonde. Craig wanted him to please him! And once he was done with it, then he would see, Craig would know -- it would be all better.
He began his descent to the floor, licking his lips out of anxiety, softly murmuring things beneath his breath as he moved to undo Craig's pants, his eyes a bit wide as they watched, waited for ---
Craig let out a noise that he hadn't heard thus far, an angry, sudden noise that made him pull back and stare up at him with huge, wide eyes. The dark-haired male was still panting as he took a step or two backwards, shaking his head, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, to regain some sort of composure. "N-No," he finally managed to say, firmly. "No..." Thomas thought he felt the tears beginning to well up in his eyes and wondered if, maybe, this was all a mistake. He was about to lose Craig forever. "You have to do this right."
The words that came from his mouth both shocked and disturbed Thomas. Do it right? He had been doing it right, up until Craig pulled away! In a rush that he didn't quite expect, he snapped. "What -- shit -- else can I do?! I tried to show -- cocksucker! --- you how good I would be, but you won't let me! You never -- fuck -- let anyone close to you!" He closed his eyes and sat there, drawing in deep breaths, wondering how long it would be before he was able to forget this incident and move on.
A warm pressure rested upon his shoulder and he knew that Craig was standing there, right above him, watching him.
"Try starting with, 'I like you'."