There Is No End (1/1)
title: there is no end
chapter: 1/1
author: ieopon
genre: romance, angst, friendship
fandom: b2st
pairing: junhyung/hyunseung
rated: pg-13
summary: how can you love someone who isnt there?
a/n: my first junseung. wheee~
THERE IS NO END
The first time Hyunseung meets Junhyung, he thinks he is dreaming.
He appears so suddenly - one moment nonexistent, the next real as can be - that Hyunseung first thinks of him as a ghost: an otherworldly apparition stopping by his bedroom for rest before continuing its eternal haunt.
Hyunseung has had other ghosts stop by before and he knows how to handle them. He knows they’re not real.
When they begin squabbling like hens in a henhouse - Hyunseung is very territorial - the blows that Junhyung lands feel very real and they hurt.
Hyunseung’s mother claims she cannot see her own son’s antagonist when she comes upstairs to check on what the loud noise was all about. “Take your pills, Hyunseung,” she says instead, “and whoever is attacking you will go away.”
He swigs the water and winces as the big pills slowly make their way down his throat but Junhyung is still there, smirking, not a scratch on his face.
“My mom didn’t see you,” Hyunseung accuses him.
It is then he decides for sure that Junhyung is only another ghost.
From then on, Junhyung is always waiting for Hyunseung every day after school, sitting in his exact spot at the foot of his bed. And every time, Hyunseung attributes the fact that his weight makes not an indent on the bed to the reality that Junhyung is a ghost that doesn’t even exist.
But a ghost different from all the others.
Every day, Junhyung looks over Hyunseung’s shoulder nosily and makes snide remarks as the latter struggles to complete his schoolwork.
“Will you shut up?” Hyunseung always shouts.
“Eat your pills, Hyunseung,” his mother always instructs him when he complains. These days, she doesn’t bother to trek up the stairs and shouts from below instead.
And he does, hoping that they’ll rid him of his ghosts.
But one day, Hyunseung doesn’t. He doesn’t eat his pills.
He has had enough of the lying and the deception and the tiptoeing his family does around him, as if he were a bomb wired to go off at any moment. He hates the indifferent way his mother talks to him, as if she couldn’t be bothered to actually care about her son.
He’s heard enough of the late night whispering shared between his parents to know how they really feel about him.
They know he’ll never go far.
They know he’ll never succeed.
He’s a burden, a freak.
He knows they hate him the way he is - sick, twisted, and messed-up - and that they wish he were normal. They try to make him normal with medication and support groups and psychiatric evaluations and turn the other cheek when it doesn’t work.
But they never work. Especially not the pills.
They’re meant to seduce him into thinking that all the world’s problems can be solved with one tiny swallow; that his parents will like him if he eats it; that Junhyung and all the taunting voices will disappear; that he’ll live a normal life; that he’ll be loved by someone, anyone, because he sure isn’t getting it from his family.
But they lie and everyone hates him and Hyunseung finds himself spilling this all to a ghost who doesn’t even exist.
Hyunseung is surprised when he feels Junhyung’s lips on his and when they pull apart, his lips tingle with frigidness and he knows he’s tasted the kiss of death.
“I don’t hate you.”
From then on, Hyunseung is possessed by a deep desire to escape this dreadful life. He yearns to be where he knows Junhyung has been and where he will go.
He has fantasies of them roaming endlessly together and takes particular enjoyment in the ones that involve them tormenting his wretched family.
When he tells this to Junhyung, the ghost shakes his head sadly and tells him that that is not the answer. Quite the opposite, actually. If Hyunseung takes himself out of this world, Junhyung will cease to exist.
“I’m not a ghost.”
“But you are.”
“You’ll kill me.”
“You are a ghost. You’re already dead.”
And they kiss and Junhyung is made to promise to never disagree with Hyunseung again.
But the fantasies are spreading like wildfire, coursing through Hyunseung’s body like poison, gripping him with an almost maniacal desire.
He has to be with Junhyung for eternity.
He can’t stand another moment in this abject world.
He needs to be free.
He settles on pills, feeling like it is a suitable way to go.
When his mother asks why he has a bottle of Ambien in his hands that night, he lies without shame and tells her that the ghosts visit him when he is awake and he needs to sleep.
What a terrible mother she is, believing her abnormal son, wanting so much for him to be normal that she doesn’t have the good enough sense to take the bottle from him and give him only the recommended dosage.
But Junhyung, shrewd Junhyung, knows exactly what Hyunseung plans to do and he is waiting when Hyunseung steps into his bedroom.
“I can’t stop you. I’m only a ghost.”
“Damn straight.”
“But…I can do other things.”
And that night Hyunseung loses his purity to a ghost that doesn’t even exist.
Hyunseung likes to think he ended on a happy note.
He likes to think that he did Junhyung a favor by not telling him he already overdosed before entering his room.
Death is cold but not unpleasantly so. It is crisp like morning snow and slowly creeps on you when you least expect it. It lulls you into a false sense of security and sings you lullabies and leads you away from the world you belong into one where you dreamlessly slumber for an eternity, tucking you away as an addition to its collection.
As he follows it, Hyunseung asks Death where Junhyung is, still convinced that they can be together.
“Who is he?”
“He’s my ghost.”
“Boy, you were hallucinating.”
“But I love him. Where is he?”
“He never was.
better never to have met you in my dream
than to wake and reach for
hands that are
not there
a/n: quote by Otomo No Yakamochi. please leave me a commentt. and for those of you who were wondering, hyunseung is schizophrenic. im angsty, i know. its a new trend. oh and i dont know when TIMC will be updated regularly again and i apologize. TT.TT i hope you enjoyed this junseung. ^^