Sign me up for punching Barry Bonds!
Below is a list as found at Esquire.com of the 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For. I found it quite funny/interesting/disturbing.
1. Danger dogs.
The Tijuana delicacy -- a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo -- has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate. See also:
2. Jersey breakfast dogs.
An East Coast derivative with scrambled eggs and melted cheese.
3. Surfing Teahupoo, Tahiti.
4. Giving a buddy a kidney.
5. Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia Coffee & Tea.
6. Lyle Sankey's "Vision Quest" Bull Riding Adventure Experience, Branson, Missouri.
7. Bullfighting school at the California Academy of Tauromaquia.
8. Butter.
9. Drugs.
10. Cream puffs.
11. Blowhole diving.
12. Punching Barry Bonds in the face.
13. A Little Downhill.
14. Chopped Liver
15. Smoking Cubans (In Cuba).
16. A night on the town with Kiefer Sutherland.
17. Deep-fried Twinkies.
18. The schmaltz at Sammy's Roumanian, New York.
19. The Ramos ginfizz.
20. Paragliding Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, Wyoming.
21. Smashing the cameras of paparazzi mercilessly hounding Angie, Scarlett, or Halle.
22. Oysters Mosca at Mosca's in Avondale, Louisiana.
23. Mountain biking in Moab, Utah.
24. The Fat Darrell at the R. U. Grill & Pizza in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
25. Testing your cold-weather driving skills in Arjeplog, Sweden.
26. Combo No. 4 at the Varsity in Athens, Georgia.
For $6.90, you get a tray of Americana and grease: a chili cheese dog, a chili cheeseburger, french fries or onion rings, and a medium drink. Upgrade to the Frosted Orange for 30 cents more.
27. The dark-chocolate-and-peanut-butter gelato from Il Laboratorio del Gelato in New York.
laboratorio-delgelato.com.
28. The fugu (poisonous blowfish) tasting menu at Morimoto in New York and Philadelphia.
29. Playing tackle football past the age of 25.
30. Narco Diving.
31. Getting a Road Job.
32. Carousing with the Mob.
33. Drinking Alone.
34. Refried doughnuts.
35. Duck-fat potatoes.
36. Bodysurfing the Wedge, Newport Beach, California.
37. Speaking truth to power.
38. The Carpetbagger steak topped with blue cheese, a fried oyster, hollandaise, and caramelized onions at Jacques-Imo's in New Orleans, washed down with:
39. A "three-bagger" of Sazeracs at Tujague's.
Three strong rye-whiskey cocktails in a row at a bar with the perfect seedy charm.
40. Attending a Glasgow Rangers versus Glasgow Celtic soccer match.
Preferably in the Scottish Cup final. Imagine: Red Sox versus Yankees, if the ALCS involved sectarian hatred, hooligan rioting, and the occasional death threat.
41. Fried dill pickles at Cock of the Walk in Natchez, Mississippi.
42. Secondhand smoking.
43. A Home Firearm.
44-48. The Five Most Decadent Burgers in the United States of America:
The cheeseburger at Shady Glen Dairy Stores in Manchester, Connecticut.
Four carefully arranged pieces of cheese extending far beyond the border of the patty melt directly on the grill, creating a chewy crust that is as difficult to describe as it is to digest. $4.95.
The original DB burger at DB Bistro Moderne in New York.
A sirloin burger filled with braised short ribs, foie gras, and black truffles. $32.
Denny's Beer Barrel Belly Buster at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania.
The world's biggest burger: 11 pounds of beef, 22 slices of cheese, three whole tomatoes, and a jar's worth of pickles. No one person has ever finished it. $49.95.
The Krispy Kreme burger at the Gateway Grizzlies ballpark concession stand in St. Louis.
A bacon cheeseburger with glazed doughnuts in place of a bun. A thousand-plus calories. Minor league gimmick; major league angina. $4.50.
The deep-fried hamburger at Dyer's Burgers in Memphis.
Instead of a grill, Dyer's uses a cast-iron skillet filled with grease. Old grease. They've been using the same batch since they opened -- in 1912. $3.
49-59. The 18-Hour Vegas Vacation.
Sunning (sans sunscreen) to a robust burn while marinating in premium tequila after dozing off at the pool
Chain-smoking unfiltered Kamel Reds to intimidate fellow poker players
Agonizing over minor scoring fluctuations in a meaningless NBA game
Devouring hare stuffed with duck confit and foie-gras-and-blood sauce at Guy Savoy, not to mention the 12 other courses
Watching Cirque du Soleil's Love, at the Mirage. (No life sacrificed, just dignity)
Impersonating Nick Nolte with a bottle of Grey Goose at Tryst at the Wynn
Wandering downtown in search of the Four Queens, one of only two Vegas casinos that still offer single-deck, 3-2 payoff, dealer-hits-soft-17 blackjack
Talking shit to strangers with unplaceable accents at the table while alternating caffeinated and alcoholic drinks in ten-minute intervals
Threatening to exact bloody revenge on the firstborn child of a stingy dealer
Touching Brandie when it "feels rights" at Crazy Horse Too
"Date" with suspiciously underdressed woman sitting alone at the hotel bar
60. Directing.
1. Danger dogs.
The Tijuana delicacy -- a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo -- has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate. See also:
2. Jersey breakfast dogs.
An East Coast derivative with scrambled eggs and melted cheese.
3. Surfing Teahupoo, Tahiti.
4. Giving a buddy a kidney.
5. Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia Coffee & Tea.
6. Lyle Sankey's "Vision Quest" Bull Riding Adventure Experience, Branson, Missouri.
7. Bullfighting school at the California Academy of Tauromaquia.
8. Butter.
9. Drugs.
10. Cream puffs.
11. Blowhole diving.
12. Punching Barry Bonds in the face.
13. A Little Downhill.
14. Chopped Liver
15. Smoking Cubans (In Cuba).
16. A night on the town with Kiefer Sutherland.
17. Deep-fried Twinkies.
18. The schmaltz at Sammy's Roumanian, New York.
19. The Ramos ginfizz.
20. Paragliding Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, Wyoming.
21. Smashing the cameras of paparazzi mercilessly hounding Angie, Scarlett, or Halle.
22. Oysters Mosca at Mosca's in Avondale, Louisiana.
23. Mountain biking in Moab, Utah.
24. The Fat Darrell at the R. U. Grill & Pizza in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
25. Testing your cold-weather driving skills in Arjeplog, Sweden.
26. Combo No. 4 at the Varsity in Athens, Georgia.
For $6.90, you get a tray of Americana and grease: a chili cheese dog, a chili cheeseburger, french fries or onion rings, and a medium drink. Upgrade to the Frosted Orange for 30 cents more.
27. The dark-chocolate-and-peanut-butter gelato from Il Laboratorio del Gelato in New York.
laboratorio-delgelato.com.
28. The fugu (poisonous blowfish) tasting menu at Morimoto in New York and Philadelphia.
29. Playing tackle football past the age of 25.
30. Narco Diving.
31. Getting a Road Job.
32. Carousing with the Mob.
33. Drinking Alone.
34. Refried doughnuts.
35. Duck-fat potatoes.
36. Bodysurfing the Wedge, Newport Beach, California.
37. Speaking truth to power.
38. The Carpetbagger steak topped with blue cheese, a fried oyster, hollandaise, and caramelized onions at Jacques-Imo's in New Orleans, washed down with:
39. A "three-bagger" of Sazeracs at Tujague's.
Three strong rye-whiskey cocktails in a row at a bar with the perfect seedy charm.
40. Attending a Glasgow Rangers versus Glasgow Celtic soccer match.
Preferably in the Scottish Cup final. Imagine: Red Sox versus Yankees, if the ALCS involved sectarian hatred, hooligan rioting, and the occasional death threat.
41. Fried dill pickles at Cock of the Walk in Natchez, Mississippi.
42. Secondhand smoking.
43. A Home Firearm.
44-48. The Five Most Decadent Burgers in the United States of America:
The cheeseburger at Shady Glen Dairy Stores in Manchester, Connecticut.
Four carefully arranged pieces of cheese extending far beyond the border of the patty melt directly on the grill, creating a chewy crust that is as difficult to describe as it is to digest. $4.95.
The original DB burger at DB Bistro Moderne in New York.
A sirloin burger filled with braised short ribs, foie gras, and black truffles. $32.
Denny's Beer Barrel Belly Buster at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania.
The world's biggest burger: 11 pounds of beef, 22 slices of cheese, three whole tomatoes, and a jar's worth of pickles. No one person has ever finished it. $49.95.
The Krispy Kreme burger at the Gateway Grizzlies ballpark concession stand in St. Louis.
A bacon cheeseburger with glazed doughnuts in place of a bun. A thousand-plus calories. Minor league gimmick; major league angina. $4.50.
The deep-fried hamburger at Dyer's Burgers in Memphis.
Instead of a grill, Dyer's uses a cast-iron skillet filled with grease. Old grease. They've been using the same batch since they opened -- in 1912. $3.
49-59. The 18-Hour Vegas Vacation.
Sunning (sans sunscreen) to a robust burn while marinating in premium tequila after dozing off at the pool
Chain-smoking unfiltered Kamel Reds to intimidate fellow poker players
Agonizing over minor scoring fluctuations in a meaningless NBA game
Devouring hare stuffed with duck confit and foie-gras-and-blood sauce at Guy Savoy, not to mention the 12 other courses
Watching Cirque du Soleil's Love, at the Mirage. (No life sacrificed, just dignity)
Impersonating Nick Nolte with a bottle of Grey Goose at Tryst at the Wynn
Wandering downtown in search of the Four Queens, one of only two Vegas casinos that still offer single-deck, 3-2 payoff, dealer-hits-soft-17 blackjack
Talking shit to strangers with unplaceable accents at the table while alternating caffeinated and alcoholic drinks in ten-minute intervals
Threatening to exact bloody revenge on the firstborn child of a stingy dealer
Touching Brandie when it "feels rights" at Crazy Horse Too
"Date" with suspiciously underdressed woman sitting alone at the hotel bar
60. Directing.