[10_orders] Who Do You Think You Are?
Title: Who Do You Think You Are?
Author: defy_n_gravity
Prompt: 100_tales: 049. Love
Characters: Sophie Devereaux, Parker, mentions of Nate Ford and Alec Hardison
Rating: T
Words: 1,807
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the show, just using them for entertainment.
Warning: post 402: The Ten Lil' Grifters Job.
Author's Notes: A song fic. Kinda. I can't help it, as much as it breaks my heart this is so a Sophie song re: Nate. Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri. This didn't exactly come out as planned and...there might be more from it. Maybe.
Summary: You can't judge love by Nate and myself. We're...we're not typical."
No, I can't take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
Her heart pounded in her chest as she walked out the door, and she started down the sidewalk. She had to breathe slowly, pulling the air in her lungs and letting it out with precision. If she didn't she wasn't sure if she would be able to walk without...without something. She was angry, and she was hurt, and she was sick and bloody tired of Nathan Ford.
She really did hate him sometimes. She hated the fact that he could make her hate him. That she cared enough to still feel something for him, even when he was at his worst. She really had thought she was done with him, but maybe it was her own stupidity to think anything would ever really be done between them as long as they shared a life. In the end he was still Nate, and he was still something to her.
She truly wanted him to be happy, and there were times that she wanted to be what could make him happy, but she knew she couldn't. She knew she never would. That part just might have been the part that hurt most of all. She was tired. She was tired of him and them and it.
Maybe that night in San Lorenzo hadn't been the beginning of anything. Maybe it had been the end.
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are-
"Where're you going?"
The blond landed on soft feet beside Sophie, and Sophie jumped with a shriek. She glanced over at Parker, who just stood there staring at her, oblivious. "Parker!"
"What?"
Sophie looked around. "Where on earth did you come from?"
"Where're you going?" Parker asked again, ignoring her friend's question.
"I...I have no idea," Sophie said with realization. She hardly wanted to go home, and she wasn't going back to McRory's.
"Can I come?"
Sophie sighed, her heartbeat still trying to find some normalcy, and she nodded. "Of course. I suppose I'm walking right now."
"I can walk," Parker nodded. She fell into step beside Sophie and watched their feet as they went.
Sophie wasn't sure that she was in the mood to talk, especially to Parker of all people, and Parker didn't seem to have much to say herself. The quiet was okay. The quiet was good actually. Sophie took another few deep breaths and tried to push away all thought of Nate and that conversation, and she tried to just enjoy the evening with Parker at her side.
She wasn't sure how far they had walked or for how long, but eventually they stopped at the same time on a corner, and they looked either way. One direction would take Sophie home and the other would take Parker. They glanced at each other, the question silent, then Parker tugged on Sophie's arm gently and started in the direction that would lead to where Sophie lived.
A small smile crept onto Sophie's lips as they began to walk again. Parker was walking her home. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever walked her home.
The silence continued, and Sophie felt some of the tension leave her. Her chin raised up and she walked on. She kept trying to push Nate and his words and his eyes from her mind, and it actually got a bit easier with each step she took.
It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are-
"Can I come in?"
Parker's voice cut through the silence, and Sophie realized they had arrived at her place. She looked over at Parker with a slight brow raise. Usually Parker didn't ask, but showed up instead. She considered it for a moment and nodded. She didn't particularly want to be alone anyway. "Of course," she said gently.
Who do you think you are?
Runin' round leaving scars-
"Why were you walking?"
Sophie smirked a bit as they walked in the door, and she watched Parker start to wander around and brush her fingers over everything. Sophie discarded her jacket and purse and moved towards the liquor cabinet. Nate wasn't the only one who could drink, was he?
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts-
"Sophie?"
"I needed a bit of air," she answered the girl, shaking out of her thoughts. "Why were you out and about?" She poured two drinks and handed one out to Parker.
"Needed air," Parker nodded, taking the glass. She brought it up to her nose and sniffed it, but Sophie shot hers back. Parker watched that and raised her brow, but she didn't say anything. She sipped at her drink as Sophie poured another.
"Should we drink to something?" Sophie asked, downing her drink before a proper toast could be made.
Parker watched her a bit apprehensively and shrugged. "We have to drink to something?"
Sophie saw the look in Parker's eye and she knew it well. She paused, the bottle and glass frozen. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's been a long night."
"This is supposed to make everything feel better, right?" Parker gazed down into her own glass. Sophie watched her, and the words burned through her. No. No it wasn't. Unless you're Nate bloody Ford. Her head shook and she set the bottle down.
"No, not at all. It makes everything..." She was trying to think of a good way to say it, a way that wouldn't make her a hypocrite.
"It makes it stop feeling?" The blonds words were soft and it made Sophie's gaze hold on her for a long time.
"It does," she replied. She watched as Parker nodded, then shot the drink back, and immediately the worry began to set in. She poured herself another glass, then took the bottle over to the couch where Parker sat and refilled hers. Maybe she shouldn't have been encouraging it, but she needed a little bit of blur in her evening, and it seemed Parker did as well. She took comfort in the fact that it wasn't typical for them, and at least she knew when to come up for air.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
and tearing love apart-
"Do you love Nate?"
The question came so quickly that it hardly registered, and she replied without thought. "Unfortunately." She stopped suddenly as soon as the word was out, and she cleared her throat before glancing Parker's way. "Why?"
Parker shrugged and sipped from her glass some more, not meeting Sophie's eyes. "Love is stupid."
Sophie snorted. "It is that." Her head tipped and she watched Parker closely. "What's wrong, Parker?"
"I think Hardison loves me."
She paused to consider how to respond to that. She wasn't sure at the moment if confirming that was what Parker wanted to hear or not, so she didn't. "How do you feel about that?" She watched the girl, but Parker still wouldn't look up at her.
"I don't want to hate him."
"What do you mean?"
Finally Parker did look up, and she looked into Sophie's eyes with a directness Sophie wasn't used to. "Love messes up everything. Like you and Nate."
"Parker. You can't judge love by Nate and myself. We're..." Sophie sighed and waved her hand a bit. "We're not typical."
"But you don't love each other the same, right?"
Sophie thought about that and shrugged. "I suppose we don't."
"Hardison thinks I'm perfect."
"What's so wrong with that?" Sophie smiled. "Everyone wants to feel like someone thinks they're perfect." God knows she did. Even though she knew she was far from it.
"But I'm not. I'm not perfect." Parker took the bottle from Sophie and poured another glass, then started to drink it.
"You're scared, Parker. It's natural to be scared of what you feel for someone and what they feel for you. It's...natural to be scared of getting hurt." Sophie's words rang out more bitter than she intended, but she was several drinks in to not caring. God knows she knew how that felt. She was scared of Nate, Nate was scared of her...hell, Nate was scared of Nate.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold-
"I told him I don't want that," Parker's voice broke in timidly.
"Don't want what? To be with him?" Sophie watched Parker nod, and something broke in her heart. "Oh Parker." She reached out to set a hand to Parker's shoulder, and it wasn't pushed away. She closed her eyes for a moment when the room suddenly started to spin a bit.
Parker glanced up at Sophie and frowned. "Are you going to hurl?"
"No, I'm not going to...I just...I think I need to lay down."
Without a word, Parker got up and helped Sophie to her feet, then took her back to the bedroom. She helped Sophie lay down and sat on the edge of the bed. Sophie stretched on her side and looked over at her. "Do you need to lay down, too?" She watched Parker debate it for awhile, but then the girl nodded and kicked her shoes off before stretching out as well.
They lay beside each other, curled on their sides and watching one another. Sophie closed her eyes for a moment as the alcohol swam through her veins. She sighed and reached a hand out to gently brush Parker's cheek. Parker didn't shrink away.
"If you don't love Hardison enough to be with him, you shouldn't," Sophie finally said. "Alright?" She opened her eyes to look at Parker, and Parker nodded.
"You shouldn't be with Nate," Parker spoke up quietly.
"No?"
"He doesn't get it." Parker's eyes closed, but Sophie continued watching her.
"Doesn't get what?"
"You make it okay to not be perfect. You...make me feel like I'm okay this way." Her words came out sleepy and slow.
Sophie bit her lip for a moment at those words. She wasn't sure she completely understood what Parker was trying to say to her, but she did know that she liked it. "It's perfectly okay to be the way you are," she replied.
"I don't have to be perfect for you," Parker murmured.
"No, you don't."
"Nate doesn't get it." The words came out in a breath, and the words sent a jolt through Sophie. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath.
Parker somehow understood things far more than anyone gave her credit for, even Sophie. She was right. Nate didn't understand what Sophie wanted or needed, and he didn't understand that he could be enough for her if he just let himself. That not letting himself hurt more than anything else. And somehow Parker got it.
"Can I stay here forever?" The words were so soft that Sophie almost missed them, and she knew that Parker was mere inches from sleep. She smiled a bit and scooted closer to her, moving an arm around her friend.
"Funny, I was going to ask the same thing," she whispered. She felt Parker curl into her a bit, and she sighed. How was it Nate had managed to not only screw up their relationship, but everyone else's as well?
She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about him. She just...wanted to sleep.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Author: defy_n_gravity
Prompt: 100_tales: 049. Love
Characters: Sophie Devereaux, Parker, mentions of Nate Ford and Alec Hardison
Rating: T
Words: 1,807
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the show, just using them for entertainment.
Warning: post 402: The Ten Lil' Grifters Job.
Author's Notes: A song fic. Kinda. I can't help it, as much as it breaks my heart this is so a Sophie song re: Nate. Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri. This didn't exactly come out as planned and...there might be more from it. Maybe.
Summary: You can't judge love by Nate and myself. We're...we're not typical."
No, I can't take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
Her heart pounded in her chest as she walked out the door, and she started down the sidewalk. She had to breathe slowly, pulling the air in her lungs and letting it out with precision. If she didn't she wasn't sure if she would be able to walk without...without something. She was angry, and she was hurt, and she was sick and bloody tired of Nathan Ford.
She really did hate him sometimes. She hated the fact that he could make her hate him. That she cared enough to still feel something for him, even when he was at his worst. She really had thought she was done with him, but maybe it was her own stupidity to think anything would ever really be done between them as long as they shared a life. In the end he was still Nate, and he was still something to her.
She truly wanted him to be happy, and there were times that she wanted to be what could make him happy, but she knew she couldn't. She knew she never would. That part just might have been the part that hurt most of all. She was tired. She was tired of him and them and it.
Maybe that night in San Lorenzo hadn't been the beginning of anything. Maybe it had been the end.
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are-
"Where're you going?"
The blond landed on soft feet beside Sophie, and Sophie jumped with a shriek. She glanced over at Parker, who just stood there staring at her, oblivious. "Parker!"
"What?"
Sophie looked around. "Where on earth did you come from?"
"Where're you going?" Parker asked again, ignoring her friend's question.
"I...I have no idea," Sophie said with realization. She hardly wanted to go home, and she wasn't going back to McRory's.
"Can I come?"
Sophie sighed, her heartbeat still trying to find some normalcy, and she nodded. "Of course. I suppose I'm walking right now."
"I can walk," Parker nodded. She fell into step beside Sophie and watched their feet as they went.
Sophie wasn't sure that she was in the mood to talk, especially to Parker of all people, and Parker didn't seem to have much to say herself. The quiet was okay. The quiet was good actually. Sophie took another few deep breaths and tried to push away all thought of Nate and that conversation, and she tried to just enjoy the evening with Parker at her side.
She wasn't sure how far they had walked or for how long, but eventually they stopped at the same time on a corner, and they looked either way. One direction would take Sophie home and the other would take Parker. They glanced at each other, the question silent, then Parker tugged on Sophie's arm gently and started in the direction that would lead to where Sophie lived.
A small smile crept onto Sophie's lips as they began to walk again. Parker was walking her home. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever walked her home.
The silence continued, and Sophie felt some of the tension leave her. Her chin raised up and she walked on. She kept trying to push Nate and his words and his eyes from her mind, and it actually got a bit easier with each step she took.
It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are-
"Can I come in?"
Parker's voice cut through the silence, and Sophie realized they had arrived at her place. She looked over at Parker with a slight brow raise. Usually Parker didn't ask, but showed up instead. She considered it for a moment and nodded. She didn't particularly want to be alone anyway. "Of course," she said gently.
Who do you think you are?
Runin' round leaving scars-
"Why were you walking?"
Sophie smirked a bit as they walked in the door, and she watched Parker start to wander around and brush her fingers over everything. Sophie discarded her jacket and purse and moved towards the liquor cabinet. Nate wasn't the only one who could drink, was he?
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts-
"Sophie?"
"I needed a bit of air," she answered the girl, shaking out of her thoughts. "Why were you out and about?" She poured two drinks and handed one out to Parker.
"Needed air," Parker nodded, taking the glass. She brought it up to her nose and sniffed it, but Sophie shot hers back. Parker watched that and raised her brow, but she didn't say anything. She sipped at her drink as Sophie poured another.
"Should we drink to something?" Sophie asked, downing her drink before a proper toast could be made.
Parker watched her a bit apprehensively and shrugged. "We have to drink to something?"
Sophie saw the look in Parker's eye and she knew it well. She paused, the bottle and glass frozen. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's been a long night."
"This is supposed to make everything feel better, right?" Parker gazed down into her own glass. Sophie watched her, and the words burned through her. No. No it wasn't. Unless you're Nate bloody Ford. Her head shook and she set the bottle down.
"No, not at all. It makes everything..." She was trying to think of a good way to say it, a way that wouldn't make her a hypocrite.
"It makes it stop feeling?" The blonds words were soft and it made Sophie's gaze hold on her for a long time.
"It does," she replied. She watched as Parker nodded, then shot the drink back, and immediately the worry began to set in. She poured herself another glass, then took the bottle over to the couch where Parker sat and refilled hers. Maybe she shouldn't have been encouraging it, but she needed a little bit of blur in her evening, and it seemed Parker did as well. She took comfort in the fact that it wasn't typical for them, and at least she knew when to come up for air.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
and tearing love apart-
"Do you love Nate?"
The question came so quickly that it hardly registered, and she replied without thought. "Unfortunately." She stopped suddenly as soon as the word was out, and she cleared her throat before glancing Parker's way. "Why?"
Parker shrugged and sipped from her glass some more, not meeting Sophie's eyes. "Love is stupid."
Sophie snorted. "It is that." Her head tipped and she watched Parker closely. "What's wrong, Parker?"
"I think Hardison loves me."
She paused to consider how to respond to that. She wasn't sure at the moment if confirming that was what Parker wanted to hear or not, so she didn't. "How do you feel about that?" She watched the girl, but Parker still wouldn't look up at her.
"I don't want to hate him."
"What do you mean?"
Finally Parker did look up, and she looked into Sophie's eyes with a directness Sophie wasn't used to. "Love messes up everything. Like you and Nate."
"Parker. You can't judge love by Nate and myself. We're..." Sophie sighed and waved her hand a bit. "We're not typical."
"But you don't love each other the same, right?"
Sophie thought about that and shrugged. "I suppose we don't."
"Hardison thinks I'm perfect."
"What's so wrong with that?" Sophie smiled. "Everyone wants to feel like someone thinks they're perfect." God knows she did. Even though she knew she was far from it.
"But I'm not. I'm not perfect." Parker took the bottle from Sophie and poured another glass, then started to drink it.
"You're scared, Parker. It's natural to be scared of what you feel for someone and what they feel for you. It's...natural to be scared of getting hurt." Sophie's words rang out more bitter than she intended, but she was several drinks in to not caring. God knows she knew how that felt. She was scared of Nate, Nate was scared of her...hell, Nate was scared of Nate.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold-
"I told him I don't want that," Parker's voice broke in timidly.
"Don't want what? To be with him?" Sophie watched Parker nod, and something broke in her heart. "Oh Parker." She reached out to set a hand to Parker's shoulder, and it wasn't pushed away. She closed her eyes for a moment when the room suddenly started to spin a bit.
Parker glanced up at Sophie and frowned. "Are you going to hurl?"
"No, I'm not going to...I just...I think I need to lay down."
Without a word, Parker got up and helped Sophie to her feet, then took her back to the bedroom. She helped Sophie lay down and sat on the edge of the bed. Sophie stretched on her side and looked over at her. "Do you need to lay down, too?" She watched Parker debate it for awhile, but then the girl nodded and kicked her shoes off before stretching out as well.
They lay beside each other, curled on their sides and watching one another. Sophie closed her eyes for a moment as the alcohol swam through her veins. She sighed and reached a hand out to gently brush Parker's cheek. Parker didn't shrink away.
"If you don't love Hardison enough to be with him, you shouldn't," Sophie finally said. "Alright?" She opened her eyes to look at Parker, and Parker nodded.
"You shouldn't be with Nate," Parker spoke up quietly.
"No?"
"He doesn't get it." Parker's eyes closed, but Sophie continued watching her.
"Doesn't get what?"
"You make it okay to not be perfect. You...make me feel like I'm okay this way." Her words came out sleepy and slow.
Sophie bit her lip for a moment at those words. She wasn't sure she completely understood what Parker was trying to say to her, but she did know that she liked it. "It's perfectly okay to be the way you are," she replied.
"I don't have to be perfect for you," Parker murmured.
"No, you don't."
"Nate doesn't get it." The words came out in a breath, and the words sent a jolt through Sophie. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath.
Parker somehow understood things far more than anyone gave her credit for, even Sophie. She was right. Nate didn't understand what Sophie wanted or needed, and he didn't understand that he could be enough for her if he just let himself. That not letting himself hurt more than anything else. And somehow Parker got it.
"Can I stay here forever?" The words were so soft that Sophie almost missed them, and she knew that Parker was mere inches from sleep. She smiled a bit and scooted closer to her, moving an arm around her friend.
"Funny, I was going to ask the same thing," she whispered. She felt Parker curl into her a bit, and she sighed. How was it Nate had managed to not only screw up their relationship, but everyone else's as well?
She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about him. She just...wanted to sleep.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?