Elegy To Love You
Title: Elegy To Love You
Author: illuminationkey & ringdingdong19
Pairings: Onew/Key, Jonghyun/Key, Onew/Jessica
Ratings: NC-17
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: yes, we're SM in disguise.
A/N: yes! a collab fic xD
Kim Kibum and Lee Jinki led two very different lives. At least that’s what everyone thought when their eyes came across the two boys. Both of them were very popular but for two different reasons. Kibum was always the talk of the school, thanks to Kim Jonghyun: his boyfriend, wittiness, and his diva-like attitude. On the contrary, Lee Jinki was popular because of his grades, flawless reputation matched with his unbelievably good looks. Who would’ve thought their path would cross on that day when Jonghyun was being a total jerk and a horny bunny.
--
“I need you right now.” Jonghyun growled, pushing Kibum into the boy’s bathroom and roughly pinned him onto the nearest wall. The younger boy tried to make some disa pproving sounds as the other kept on kissing him and forcing his tongue down his throat.
Oblivious to the event happening behind close doors, Jinki skipped his way to the bathroom. He opened the door only to be greeted with the sight of two boys making out. When Kibum caught Jinki’s presence in the bathroom he breathed out in relief, because he thought Jonghyun would stop kissing him and he could finally breathe. But, no. It seemed that Jonghyun wouldn’t give a damn even if it were the teacher watching them. Jinki felt as though the floor had turned into something sticky and wouldn’t let him move. So he stood still on the spot until his eyes caught Kibum’s. His heart immediately twists around in something he later understood as guilt. He didn’t quite know what to do and why he was feeling so guilty when he did nothing wrong. After clearing his throat, he made a move into the cubicle on the far left (as far away from them as possible). Two minutes passed, and the sound of their lip smacking was finally gone. Jinki let out a relieved sigh before he deemed it safe to get out of the cubicle.
What Jinki saw when he opened the door, was far from the expected. The pretty boy was leaning against the wall, both of his eyes were closed, his lips all red and swollen, hair a mess, and his uniform looked like it just came out of the dryer. He looked vulnerable and vulnerable wasn’t the word Jinki heard when people talked about this boy.
“Um, Kim Kibum, right? I’m Lee Jinki. Are you alright?” Jinki said without expecting so much as a reply. Surprisingly, Kibum answered.
“I’m fine.”
“Really? You don’t look fine.” The older scoffed as though it was very obvious that Kibum lied. Kibum smirked then, walking and swaying his hips closer to Jinki.
“You’re right. Tell me, Lee Jinki, do you have a significant other?”
“I do. I have a girlfriend.”
“Oh, really? Girlfriend, huh?” By now, Jinki could feel the other’s breath tickling his ears and Jinki had to admit he liked it. “Tell me, Jinki, have you ever pushed your girlfriend into a public bathroom and kissed her senseless even when she told you she doesn’t want to?”
“Like forcing her? No.” He felt the other buried his face to his neck and in a second he could feel it getting wet. “Is that what happened to you earlier?” When he felt the other nod, he continued. “You’re… hot you know. Maybe he couldn’t resist himself. Because you know, you’re pretty irresistible. And he would be really stupid if he hurts you on purpose.”
“Are you just saying that because I look pathetic right now?” Kibum looked up. He had his brows scrunched up together to show his suspicion but he couldn’t hide the small smile that was forming.
“Nope. And I’ll tell you another thing, crying doesn’t suit you. See, you look so much cuter with a smile!” Jinki said excitedly when the smile on Kibum’s face kept growing. Without really thinking about it, Jinki’s fingers went up to touch Kibum’s chin, slightly tilting it upward and started to inched closer. They didn’t kiss though. They just stood like that. Kibum found comfort in the way the other boy’s breath fell on his slightly parted lips and Jinki, well Jinki found the person he really wanted to be with.
---
After that incident, Jinki and Kibum became closer, although not to the extent that people could know. They would meet up some times after school at the library faking concentration when all they could do was glance at each other and threw secret smiles. Kibum hadn’t felt like this in so long. The last time was probably the night Jonghyun wanted to have sex with him for the first time, after that he acted like he owned Kibum and all the sweetness disappeared.
It took 3 weeks, 2 days and 11 hours (Kibum counted) for Jinki to ask him out on a real date. Who would’ve thought that Kibum would come home to a post-it note stuck on his door?
Go out with me? Wear something warm. I’ll pick you up at 6.30 ☺
Kibum squealed in delight as he practically skipped his way to the bedroom. He immediately opened his wardrobe and started shuffling around. The clothes he picked out weren’t exactly out of the ordinary, just a plain shirt with a long cardigan he proudly bought last week matched with a pair of black skinnies, but he felt so confident in them and that’s what Kibum wanted tonight, confidence.
Jinki’s car showed up exactly at 6.30 and his smile grew wider, if that’s even possible. Jinki rolled down his window and waved a little. After they exchanged compliments, Jinki started driving without telling Kibum where they were going.
---
“We’re here!” Jinki said as he parked his car in front of a building. “Where I live.” Kibum looked to Jinki and tilted his head, did I ask out loud? He thought. “You were wondering.” He just nodded. Jinki helped Kibum out of the car and held his hand, leading them both inside the building.
“You’re taking me to your apartment on the first date?” Kibum asked suspiciously. As much as he liked Jinki, he didn’t want him to think that he’s just another whore. Sure, his diva-attitude could sometimes come off as slutty, but he sure wasn’t one. To his relief, Jinki shook his head just as they arrived in front of a door.
“I’m taking you for a picnic on the hill!” Jinki cheered. “Now, keep in mind that we’re on a hill, so no indoor stuff!” Kibum’s jaw literally dropped when he saw the inside of the apartment. It was somehow full of little plants, flowers, and fake grass. Sounds of grasshoppers coming out from the little speakers on the corner of the room and on the television screen: amazing view of the city at night, Kibum wondered for a bit where the video came from but he couldn’t care less. Turning around, he saw a picnic mat in the middle of the room complete with a picnic basket. “It took me awhile to think about where to take you, since you know, our situation.” Jinki finished off with a grin. It was probably one of the rare times that Kim Kibum actually lost the ability to comment or form a proper sentence.
“You…really, really shouldn’t have.” Kibum said in awe. The older let out a soft chuckled and tugged his hand to sit on the mat. He didn’t have to say anything else as Jinki started putting out some foods from the basket. He stayed quiet, looking at Jinki with so much adoration.
One meal, hundred glances, and thousand smiles later, Kibum found himself laying across the mat, head on Jinki’s lap with the latter’s fingers lost between his hair.
“Tell me about your girlfriend.” He whispered as if he were afraid of the answer he might get. Surprisingly, Jinki chuckled at the question.
“My girlfriend? Her name’s Jessica. She’s nice. She’s pretty. She’s perfect actually,” Kibum’s breath hitched. He wouldn’t ever admit it if anyone asks, but he was on the verge of crying right then and there. He calmed himself when Jinki continued. “But I’m not in love with her. We’re only together because of our parents. Arranged marriage, for business’s sake.” Jinki looked down the boy on his lap and secretly smiled when he saw Kibum relaxed. “What about your boyfriend?” Upon hearing that, Kibum tensed up again.
“Would you judge me if I said he’s with me just so he can take advantage of me?”
“Certainly not.”
“Well, that’s how I feel. We never do any romantic stuff together. Not even a fancy dinner or watching a movie. He doesn’t even bother to make me feel special anymore. I just wish he’d care more.” Kibum’s voice started to shake at the end, alerting Jinki that he was about to let out a tear or two.
“Then why are you still with him?” He asked with a tone just as soft as the other’s breathing.
“Too attached? I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to hold on just to see if he would ever change.” They ended up spending the night together. Not in a sexual way, they didn’t even kissed. They just lay down across the floor side by side, hands intertwined as it gave comforts to both of them, and exchanged stories throughout the night. Despite the sad stories they shared, Kibum never felt happier.
---
Their hide and seek relationship continued for three months. And both Jinki and Kibum never felt more content with their lives. It was the kind of relationship you truly cherish. The kind of relationship you hope would never end but at the same time kept you waiting for something to go wrong, because it was too good and too perfect to be real. They kept their relationship under the blanket, never really talked to each other at school or show any sign of affection in public. It was slowly killing them, not being able to really be with each other. But both were too scared to even bring up the topic, afraid the other might get offended and leave.
Kibum had gathered up his courage to not let Jonghyun controlled him and to push him away when necessary. And Jinki… Well, he was beyond happy to have Kibum by his side, although he wasn’t really his. But the comfort Kibum brought had made Jinki felt so confident and just contented.
Jonghyun on the other hand, started to feel like he was losing Kibum. He watched as days passed the younger boy daydreaming, even when they had sex, Kibum’s eyes would just stare blankly at him, as if he wasn’t really there.
Surprised was Kibum when he came home to a bouquet of red roses on his doorstep, secretly wished that it was from Jinki. He didn’t expect to read Jonghyun’s name written on the card and for some absurd reason he was disappointed. Just a few minutes after, his phone started vibrating. He stared awhile at Jonghyun’s name on the screen before picking it up.
“Bummie~” The sweet voice from the other line seemed to be unbelievable for Kibum as he flinched a bit at the pet name. “Did you get the flowers?”
“Yeah, it’s lovely. Thank you, Jonghyun.” Kibum answered slowly as if he was trying to make sure that this was reality.
“Do you want to go out for dinner tonight? I know a great restaurant up the hill and it has amazing view of the city and we could drink some wine and get a little drunk.” Kibum’s heart started racing. This, this was he had been waiting for since ages ago. Jonghyun wanted to take him out for a romantic date, not just sex. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing and surprised himself when he didn’t feel even a slight giddiness.
“That sounds great Jjong, really. But I can’t tonight, I’m not feeling very well and I have tons of homework to do.” He closed his eyes, expecting the other to yell at him for not being available, but nothing came.
“Oh, well then… rest well and don’t overwork. Love you Bummie.”
“Yeah…” Kibum sighed before hanging up.
---
Kibum made his steps towards Jinki’s apartment that night, very much like the nights before, but somehow it felt different. The guilt started crashing down on him the moment he said no to Jonghyun. Jonghyun had finally asked him to a decent romantic date, but he blew the other off for Jinki. It felt more than wrong. After all, Jinki was supposed to be just a fling, just someone that would fill in his time and made him feel special until Jonghyun changed. Who would’ve thought his plans would change. He would blame Jinki’s romantic dates and his caring attitude.
It was silly, Kibum thought, how the sight of Jinki’s door made his heart flutter and his lips automatically curled up in a happy smile. He knocked the door twice before Jinki opened the door. Kibum’s jaw dropped when he saw the dimmed apartment with candles lit along the doorway leading on to the living room.
“I was planning to take you to a real restaurant but then you said Jonghyun asked you out, we can’t risk getting caught.” Jinki said, feeling the need to explain when he saw Kibum’s expression. “You like it?”
“I love it.” Came Kibum’s barely audible respond. The older just grinned and softly took Kibum’s hand, leading them both to the living room where a picnic blanket had been spread out across the floor with two plates of pasta sitting nicely on it. Kibum forgot about everything but Lee Jinki that moment.
---
Dinner went well. Despite Jinki’s constant whining about how hard it is to eat pasta without a proper table and how stupid he was for not thinking about it earlier. It should come off as annoying, but for Kibum, it was adorable. He honestly couldn’t care less about a person named Jonghyun and his relationship anymore, not when this man was giving him everything he ever wanted without even saying anything.
Soft music started playing then, a melody that was more than familiar to Kibum because it was his song. Or so he claimed it to be his. Dance with me, Jinki seemed to say as he stretched out his arms to Kibum. Without a slight hesitant, the other took it and immediately pulled into the older boy’s embrace. Another thought came across Kibum’s mind then, this is where I belong.
The slow dance made their steps went stuck to the floor and they both felt like they couldn’t pull away off of each other. Both were sure gravity was conspiring against them. It was Kibum who realized that they had drowned too deep into the longing feeling, distracting the restricted area of expanding their feelings into the sea of intimate. Not now, not when they were still in relationship with someone else. They shouldn’t belong to each other now. They were just someone else’s lovers.
But then again, Kibum who never asked their relationship status-and never want to-snapped back to reality that they already went across the line. And they never are able to go back. Not now, not with their passion for each other. It’s territorial area that is unlimited and the source made them have no control against it. It’s too beautiful to be thrown away but in the other hand it’s too risky to be maintained.
Jinki realized that Kibum’s stare was not fixed into his eyes again. His stare was lost. Like his mind was somewhere else, while his body was on his arms, dancing slowly to the silent rhythm inside their mind, it wasn’t even to the music anymore.
“Kibum?” Jinki tried to reach out to him, and Key looked into his eyes with teary eyes, clearly reflecting his worries.
Jinki didn’t say anything when Kibum leaned into him, his hot breath on his ear and he slightly caressed his lips along his cheek to his lips. They kissed slowly at first. No need to rush, the night was still young and they had long night to be spent together. Jinki held Kibum’s hand and intertwined their fingers, putting them between their chests. Kibum sighed into the kiss and broke it. They exchanged stares just to ask the silent question of assurance; no words were needed to answer it. Maybe the pregnant guilt grew between them, or maybe the unimaginable dream they want to share was no longer there. They were lost between their fingers.
But the only thing they feel now was they needed each other. Needed to fulfill their passions and lust. The reflections were no longer buried under the pretending act but it showed in their eyes. They knew it. As Kibum crashed his lips into Jinki’s soft one and opened his mouth so Jinki could slip his tongue into Kibum’s warm cavern and took the lead of their will. Kibum felt he was being dragged into the dark room, which was just illuminated by the light from the lamp on the night drawer. He didn’t feel scared or guilty, as Jinki slowly laid him onto the bed.
Jinki slowly kissed him again and with his skillful hand, he unbuttoned Key’s shirt and threw it somewhere beside the bed. Key moaned as Jinki’s finger trailed his bare torso, leaving the butterfly kisses on his chest. Key felt his fingers slipped into Jinki’s shirt, roaming his back to his chest and opened his shirt in rough way.
“You ripped my shirt… you should learn how to keep something precious.” Jinki whispered huskily into Kibum’s ear.
Kibum felt Jinki’s breath tickling his ear and slowly pulled Jinki’s face near to him.
“Punish me.”Jinki didn’t reply anything. At first Kibum was afraid Jinki wouldn’t continue but when he saw the other slowly unbuckled his pants and slowly crawled to him, Kibum felt better he back off and leaned waiting for Jinki’s movement. He felt Jinki’s plump lips on his and Jinki grinded himself above him. He felt their still clothed aroused member twitched. For that suffering moment, Kibum clawed into Jinki’s chest. Longing to the oldest to take him soon, he couldn’t bear the patience of wanting Jinki inside of him anymore. They kissed again for the millionth time that night.
But Jinki kept his track in slow steps. He kept teasing Kibum and urged the younger to get him easily. Jinki kissed him on the lips, down to his jaw line to his neck. He stopped longer there, enjoying the sensual sigh coming from Kibum’s mouth. He wanted to leave him a mark, something to remind him about this night. But then again he thought it was too dangerous for them both. He still wanted to enjoy these risky moments. Jinki felt Kibum’s fingers on his shoulder, urging him to move lower trailing his body. He continued his opened kiss to Kibum’s chest, his belly, and stop right at the top of his pelvic. He saw the bulge under Kibum’s pants and did nothing except continue his lips business in Kibum’s bare torso. His hand caressed Kibum’s inner thigh slowly, making Kibum cried his name out.
“Please, Jinki… please”
“Hnnn? You said you needed to be punished. Here I am doing it so …”
Kibum slammed his head to the soft pillow and cursed silently. He took Jinki’s hand to his chest, forcing Jinki to look him in the eyes. Kibum looked at him with pleaded eyes and mouthed please so slow till Jinki couldn’t reject his pleading because Kibum looked like he couldn’t hold his patience anymore.
“Please Jinki... don’t punish me anymore”
Jinki smiled and kissed Kibum’s hand with gentle manner and crashed their lips again while roaming his hands to Kibum’s slender body. Playfully playing with fabric of the younger’s pants but also unzipping it and leaving Kibum naked.
Their breath became erratic and slowly all the clothes on their bodies were discarded to a forgotten spot in the room. Kibum felt so sensual as Jinki kept staring at his body, smirking his usual smirk when they’re together.
“You’re so beautiful, I can’t tear my eyes off of you.”
“Stop looking at me…” Kibum sighed.
Jinki positioned himself between Kibum’s legs and spread them wide. Leaning forward, Jinki kissed him again, hard on the lips and lingered a little longer, making Kibum wondered what was he waiting for. He felt Jinki’s hand on his aroused member, pumping it and satisfying him, but never move forward. Key ran his fingers on Jinki’s soft hair, and deepened the kiss. He felt Jinki’s poking him in his lower area and it was frustrating waiting for his movement. He broke the kiss and asked the oldest what made him took so long for that. Jinki just shook his head.
“I’m afraid to hurt you, Kibum… though I’ll do it slowly it’ll still be painful for you”
Speechless, Kibum just stared at the older without saying a word. A single tear fell down his cheek.
Jonghyun had never asked that, Kibum thought. Jonghyun never cared about how sore he would feel after they had sex. He bared the pain alone.
“Kibum, why are you crying?”
There was panic in Jinki’s voice. With his trembling hands, Kibum held Jinki’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He wanted to feel Jinki inside of him, and Jinki could see it in his eyes. He felt guilty and recollecting again the bravery he abandoned behind his logic for denying his needs. He slowly kissed Kibum’s head give him a sign that he was sorry for that. But he continued,
“I’ll be okay… take me please…”
Kibum pleaded voice took its toll on Jinki. Jinki held Kibum’s cheeks with his hands and kissed him passionately as if he were saying sorry. They didn’t care about anything. They didn’t want to think about what will happen next or who was waiting for them somewhere else. The thoughts of them had one step closer to the edge, to gamble with their status. They won’t think whether is it love or lust they had at the moment, they just wanted to pour out their feeling. They both knew that, they wanted to love and to be loved but they couldn’t cross the borderline.
Kibum bit his lower lip as Jinki was preparing himself to enter Kibum’s warm hole, he opened his legs wider and gave Jinki more access. Slowly Jinki pushed himself into him, leaving a low groan coming from his mouth and Kibum laid desperately underneath him. Kibum screamed as Jinki did that, making Jinki stopped and wipe the tears away from Kibum’s face but he demanded for him not to stop.
The painful awaited moment turned to be a bliss one for Kibum as Jinki moved inside of him, he saw stars as Jinki amazingly increased the speed and he couldn’t suppress his wanton moaning. Jinki muffled his moans with the reassuring kiss, while Kibum curled his toe in bliss and gripped the bed sheet so hard to prevent his hand pull Jinki’s hair off.
They locked their stares along that moment, groping the indescribable feeling they shared. Something longing in their gazes as the movement went faster and something grew in their stomach that soon need to be released. Also something burden their shoulder and fell down too their chests were also need to be burst. Kibum cupped Jinki’s face to show him the affection and Jinki lowered his head.
“I know this is wrong but it’s the most beautiful mistake I’ve ever made.” Kibum whispered between his desperate moans.
It was Jinki’s turn to drench inside Kibum’s pool of affection that made him trapped and couldn’t go out. It was Kibum’s confession, while he didn’t know how to react. Sadly, their affection couldn’t be spoken by words but actions talk louder. Words of love won’t be enough. They never shaped it in such words. It’s more than words.
Desperation found its way to the final destination, and Jinki wouldn’t cry over it. Neither would Kibum. But Jinki’s endurance to this love affair had gotten him to the edge of sanity. He suffered but he was also happy to have been able to share his sincere feeling. He needed to spill it.
“The sins pollute me, in my hands in my thoughts everything all of me… I never get it, but the more I’m with you… the more I want you…” Jinki said, locked his stare to Kibum’s magnificent eyes. “You’re the picture perfect of mine. Only mine”
Kibum couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear it. Though it was Jinki with his lust washed him over, it was how they said it; the desperation of being in love with somebody else’s lover.
It said, too many words for Jinki. Kibum must’ve caught the hidden meaning of it. They couldn’t stop and they wouldn’t. The erotic movements mingled them into one pleasure as Jinki unstoppable thrusting hit the sweet spot inside of Kibum, giving him the most enjoying pleasure to paradise. Soon they came together and cried each others’ names in pleasure.
“Don’t let go. Just don’t let go.” Jinki whispered as he collapsed next to Key, so exhausted but also so happy. Their feeling was getting clearer, almost transparent for each other to be read. Jinki caressed Kibum’s hair and held him tight in his chest, earning a sweet kiss from the younger. They said good night and covered their bodies under the warmth of the blanket.
---
It has been one week since their first intercourse, and since that time Jinki hardly found Kibum around. If he tried to look for him, it was always him with Jonghyun or nothing at all. He seemed to be avoiding him. Jinki just contemplated about it. No matter how broken he was inside, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Sometimes Jessica would text him just to say hello and checking up on him, but only replied with no more than a few words. He didn’t need somebody else’s attention. He only needed his Kibum. He never said it directly that he loves him, but wasn’t that much obvious?
Maybe it drove Kibum away. He tore his heart apart, brought half of him away, destroying the love he built with care. But maybe it was his own fault, loving someone that isn’t his.
The love had caught him in desperation, scattered his logic and pushed him into insanity. He struggled against the chaos inside. But he wasn’t the one to blame was he? He didn’t steal Kibum away from Jonghyun. Kibum came to him by himself. He knew he wanted Kibum the minute he met him, and he also knew Kibum felt the same way. He didn’t think both of them regret it.
Jinki was lying lazily in his bed after spending some times with his homework. He stared at the ceiling above and his mind flew to Kibum’s figure. He needed to see him. He couldn’t bear another single second without him. Jinki liked to think Kibum as his savior of his loveless life. And with Kibum on his side, he was saved from the loneliness. Jinki was up to a point where it was all felt too good and that he wasn't even aware of the consequences anymore.
The vibration coming from his phone snapped him back to reality. He took it and read the text that came from Kibum. He was so happy to hear from Kibum but couldn’t help but wonder why Kibum wanted to meet him at this hour. Jinki immediately took his hoodie and went outside, keeping in his mind a trust that Kibum wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.
Jinki found the other sitting on the park bench, looking at the ground, waiting for him alone. When Jinki came closer, he shifted his gaze to the older and smiled beautifully. Kibum stood and approached him, crashing his lips onto Jinki’s plump one as if to say he missed him. They kissed passionately like usual. They broke it due to the oxygen needed.
“Jinki… Just so you know, I broke up with Jonghyun today… We’re over now.” Kibum said with a smile. Jinki’s jaw dropped, too stunned to say anything. Kibum only chuckled and kissed him again.
“You said it, right? You want me to be only yours. I’m yours and I won’t let go.”
Jinki remained silent. He couldn’t ask for more. There, before his eyes the one he loved took a daring decision to choose him, his affair, over his real boyfriend. He felt a little guilty though, while Kibum had taken a brave step to clear up their status, he still did nothing about his relationship.
“I work so hard to maintain my relationship with Jonghyun, even though it forced me to show my fake smiles and always pretending to be happy. But then you showed up. Being with you always makes me beyond happy. Your love makes me feel so exposed, no need to be fake.” Kibum said while played with the hem of Jinki’s shirt. “I’m not lying. I love you. I really do.”
With that Kibum kissed Jinki again and when they broke it, Jinki could see the genuine feeling in Kibum’s eyes. Jinki closed his eyes and put his forehead to Kibum’s. He couldn’t think anymore, he should make a choice. He wanted to choose Kibum, but it would risk his future life as the successor of his father’s company. It wasn’t an easy choice for him.
“Me too. Kibum, I do love you, so much.” He sighed and kissed Kibum’s eyes.
Kibum smiled. They had finally arrived at their feeling’s destination, to be exposed to each other. No barrier between them. But something still annoyed Kibum. Somehow Jinki was still waved between him and his carrier. Kibum knew it wasn’t that easy to choose, but deep down inside he wanted Jinki to choose him above anything, just like what he did. Jinki was too precious for him to lose.
“Kibum,”
“Yeah?”
“Next week, my family and Jessica’s will have a meeting. I want you to come with me.”
Kibum’s eyes widened. He didn’t believe Jinki would ask him to come to such an important meeting. Seeing worries painted on his lover’s eyes, Jinki gently cupped Kibum’s face and look him in the eyes.
“Whatever I do, please trust me… it’s for your sake”
Kibum nodded silently. Jinki felt relieved, he felt a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Jinki knew just from the way Kibum smiled and how he encircled his arms around Jinki’s neck, Kibum would never leave him. They smiled and kissed again and again.
---
Kibum felt nervous as he stepped on the lobby where Jinki had waited for him. They wore similar white suits, making them both looked stunning. Jinki smiled as he took KIbum’s hand and guide him to the restroom where he pinned Kibum to the wall and they shared a kiss again, after of course, approval from the younger boy.
“Tonight is supposed to be the engagement party between me and Jessica. But don’t worry, I’ll be always on your side, trust me.”
Kibum was shocked, when Jinki told him about this meeting, he thought it was just a normal gathering of some sort, not Jinki’s engagement party. But he stayed quiet and nodded silently. His heart was thumping so hard he was afraid his ribcage would break as Jinki led him to the ballroom where his and Jessica’s family were waiting for them. Jinki formally introduced Kibum to them as his special friend to join his happiness tonight. Something hurts in Kibum’s heart when he heard Jinki’s voice greeting Jessica. Without him realizing, his grip on Jinki hand got tigher. He looked at Jessica who was looking back him so friendly. He hated that, it would be easier if Jessica was a bitch. Jinki realized that and gave Kibum’s hand a reassuring squeeze.
The dinner went slow for Kibum. He was starting to think that this was his punishment for cheating and taking someone else’s boyfriend. He had to sit through all the dinner conversation about how perfect Jinki and Jessica are for each other and how good their future would be. Kibum just wondered, why didn’t Jinki say something to deny it? He just smiled and remained silent for anything their parents had said. It made Kibum jealous and somehow broken hearted. The rush of the blood to his head got faster and he wanted to leave, the more he looked at Jinki and Jessica the more his heart drenched in pain. The cheering atmosphere was not for Kibum, it felt heavier in his chest and it was starting to make breathing difficult. Kibum excused himself to the restroom and left Jinki wondering why.
The moment he could hear the sound of the bathroom door closing, he broke down. Kibum cried alone there. He knew he couldn’t borrow Jinki’s shoulder to cry on tonight. He had to be strong. He just needed to let out a tear or two then came back with full determination on his face. But somehow it all crumbled again when he saw Jessica stood before him with her back leaned on the wall next to the door. Kibum managed to give her a smile and she smiled back.
“I know what’s making you so worried, Kibum.” she said quietly, surprising the boy.
“You knew?“ Kibum bent his head in shame and almost, almost cried again.
“Yeah, and I’m on your side.” Jessica took her handkerchief and carefully wiped Kibum’s tears away.
“Don’t worry, Jinki and I are only engaged because our parents want to merged our companies together. We really don’t have any say in this.”
“So, what you’re going to do?”
Jessica sighed to the question.
“We never loved each other from the beginning, it’s just our parents’ plan. After that we hardly talk to each other. I love someone else, and he’s not Jinki. And I know Jinki loves you. I love him dearly, but not the way you love him. He’s like my brother… I want him to be happy too. So when he met me yesterday and told me about you, I want to help him. I’m on your side. I’ll accompany Jinki to break up this engagement.”
Kibum felt his lips curled into a sincere smile, making Jessica smiled too. Then they came back to the private dining room. He caught the worry stare from Jinki and as soon as he sat down Jinki held Kibum’s hand and asked if he’s okay. Kibum nodded. Finally it was the time for Jinki and Jessica’s engagement speech and the three of them exchanged stares, waiting for Jinki say his part. Kibum gave him a support with squeezing his cold hand and he swore Jessica just winked. Jinki smiled and stood up, collecting all the pieces of strength to his heart. He smiled to all the people in front of him and started speaking.
“First I want to apologize for tonight and for saying this. I’ve been thinking deeply about this and I can’t continue this engagement. Because my heart already belonged to someone else: someone who loves me as much as I love him. I’m sorry I have fallen in love at the wrong time. Everyone knows that Jessica and I are betrothed just because of our parents’ plan to merge the company, so we agreed that we don’t want to build the relationship that is based on money. We want it build based on love and affection.”
The room was filled with gasped as Jinki continued his statement. They didn’t expect the young man would say such words. Even Jinki’s mother held his hand, pleading him to stop. Everyone looked at Jessica, but she showed no emotion in her face, okay maybe she was smiling. Jinki and Jessica exchanged gazes and nodded.
“I’m sorry. Someday you’ll find someone who’s better than me. Someone who will truly love you, but it’s not me.” Jinki sighed deeply.
Jessica nodded, “Thank you, Jinki. In fact, I already found one. But I still haven’t revealed it… because we couldn’t continue this relationship without hiding from everyone else.”
They were all shocked. Jessica’s parents just shook their heads and immediately went out the door. Jinki fell to the chair with heavy breaths, and Kibum immediately held his hand. They smiled in relieved. It took all of Jinki’s energy to pour out his bravery confronting their family’s will. Jessica stood and smiled at them, mouthing thank you then ran chasing her parents.
While Jinki’s parents still sat in shock in their seats. They didn’t know how to react. Jinki’s father threw the napkins and ready to leave with his wife. Jinki chased them but they seemed to have no interest in talking to Jinki that time. Kibum looked at them with guilt. He walked slowly just to hear what they said.
“How dare you did that to us?”
Kibum heard Jinki’s father shouted angrily to his son, who’s officially his lover now. His heart drenched in painful guilt that time. He heard Jinki tried to explain everything but it was beyond his hand to control. Silently he peeked them from behind the glass door. And his eyes met with Jinki’s father’s. He stopped speaking making Jinki turned around and saw his lover standing next to the door with innocent face. Jinki felt guilty for dragging Kibum along into his family matters.
Jinki’s father pointed at Kibum and Jinki nodded silently. He sighed and tapped his son’s shoulder. He didn’t have the heart to blame everything to the innocent boy who was standing before him looking all fragile and really felt like he was the cause of these matters even though he didn’t do anything wrong.
“We and Jessica’s parents will have important business to be solved soon. And I won’t blame you and that boy there.” His father sighed in defeat.
Jinki just nodded and hugged them, whispering sorry for the nth time. After their departure, Jinki came to Kibum and held him tight.
“We did it!” Kibum said between his tears making Jinki caressed his hair lovingly to assure him that they were clear.
---
The night was bright and clear, they could see the stars glittering in the dark sky. This time, Jinki really took Kibum for a picnic on the hill to see stars, just like their first date. They sat side by side, holding hands and smiling to dark sky above.
“How’s your parents?” Kibum asked suddenly. Jinki remained silent for a few minutes and answered.
“They’re fine and they have adult business to solve, the business that I won’t interfere because technically, I’m not an adult yet. Maybe it sounds selfish but I still have teenage matters that I need to think about.”
Kibum caught Jinki’s face and smiled, “But with you being so determined choosing one of your life’s choice, you’re on your way to be one of them. You’re mature now.”
“Are you complimenting me?” Jinki teased him and the other just giggled.
“But I wish grow older with you by my side.” Kibum said while leaning his head on Jinki’s wide shoulder, receiving a soft caress on his hair by Jinki’s warm fingers.
“Always, you’ll always have me on your side.” Jinki said. “Because whatever happens, I won’t let you go… never. Not after all we’ve been through.”
Kibum held Jinki’s hand tight and intertwined it with his.
“I don’t need a falling star to grant my wish if I already have you by my side.” Kibum whispered.
“I love you so much, Kibum” Jinki said earning the same reply from his lover.
“As much as I love you.”
And they shared kisses again under the night sky declaring their love and enjoying the moment they had together, and it wouldn’t matter if the whole world knows.
*****
A/N:
okay first of all we don't actually encourage you to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend! this story is pure fiction seriously HAHA.
so yeah, this is me and illuminationkey collab fic~ and also my first NC-17 HOHOHO, never thought the day would come, eh? xD
and! jjong stans......please forgive us? teehee
so, enjoy and comment! it means so much to both of us!
and since this is ignyte_passion, the post's gonna be member-locked in 72h! join! :D
Author: illuminationkey & ringdingdong19
Pairings: Onew/Key, Jonghyun/Key, Onew/Jessica
Ratings: NC-17
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: yes, we're SM in disguise.
A/N: yes! a collab fic xD
Kim Kibum and Lee Jinki led two very different lives. At least that’s what everyone thought when their eyes came across the two boys. Both of them were very popular but for two different reasons. Kibum was always the talk of the school, thanks to Kim Jonghyun: his boyfriend, wittiness, and his diva-like attitude. On the contrary, Lee Jinki was popular because of his grades, flawless reputation matched with his unbelievably good looks. Who would’ve thought their path would cross on that day when Jonghyun was being a total jerk and a horny bunny.
--
“I need you right now.” Jonghyun growled, pushing Kibum into the boy’s bathroom and roughly pinned him onto the nearest wall. The younger boy tried to make some disa pproving sounds as the other kept on kissing him and forcing his tongue down his throat.
Oblivious to the event happening behind close doors, Jinki skipped his way to the bathroom. He opened the door only to be greeted with the sight of two boys making out. When Kibum caught Jinki’s presence in the bathroom he breathed out in relief, because he thought Jonghyun would stop kissing him and he could finally breathe. But, no. It seemed that Jonghyun wouldn’t give a damn even if it were the teacher watching them. Jinki felt as though the floor had turned into something sticky and wouldn’t let him move. So he stood still on the spot until his eyes caught Kibum’s. His heart immediately twists around in something he later understood as guilt. He didn’t quite know what to do and why he was feeling so guilty when he did nothing wrong. After clearing his throat, he made a move into the cubicle on the far left (as far away from them as possible). Two minutes passed, and the sound of their lip smacking was finally gone. Jinki let out a relieved sigh before he deemed it safe to get out of the cubicle.
What Jinki saw when he opened the door, was far from the expected. The pretty boy was leaning against the wall, both of his eyes were closed, his lips all red and swollen, hair a mess, and his uniform looked like it just came out of the dryer. He looked vulnerable and vulnerable wasn’t the word Jinki heard when people talked about this boy.
“Um, Kim Kibum, right? I’m Lee Jinki. Are you alright?” Jinki said without expecting so much as a reply. Surprisingly, Kibum answered.
“I’m fine.”
“Really? You don’t look fine.” The older scoffed as though it was very obvious that Kibum lied. Kibum smirked then, walking and swaying his hips closer to Jinki.
“You’re right. Tell me, Lee Jinki, do you have a significant other?”
“I do. I have a girlfriend.”
“Oh, really? Girlfriend, huh?” By now, Jinki could feel the other’s breath tickling his ears and Jinki had to admit he liked it. “Tell me, Jinki, have you ever pushed your girlfriend into a public bathroom and kissed her senseless even when she told you she doesn’t want to?”
“Like forcing her? No.” He felt the other buried his face to his neck and in a second he could feel it getting wet. “Is that what happened to you earlier?” When he felt the other nod, he continued. “You’re… hot you know. Maybe he couldn’t resist himself. Because you know, you’re pretty irresistible. And he would be really stupid if he hurts you on purpose.”
“Are you just saying that because I look pathetic right now?” Kibum looked up. He had his brows scrunched up together to show his suspicion but he couldn’t hide the small smile that was forming.
“Nope. And I’ll tell you another thing, crying doesn’t suit you. See, you look so much cuter with a smile!” Jinki said excitedly when the smile on Kibum’s face kept growing. Without really thinking about it, Jinki’s fingers went up to touch Kibum’s chin, slightly tilting it upward and started to inched closer. They didn’t kiss though. They just stood like that. Kibum found comfort in the way the other boy’s breath fell on his slightly parted lips and Jinki, well Jinki found the person he really wanted to be with.
---
After that incident, Jinki and Kibum became closer, although not to the extent that people could know. They would meet up some times after school at the library faking concentration when all they could do was glance at each other and threw secret smiles. Kibum hadn’t felt like this in so long. The last time was probably the night Jonghyun wanted to have sex with him for the first time, after that he acted like he owned Kibum and all the sweetness disappeared.
It took 3 weeks, 2 days and 11 hours (Kibum counted) for Jinki to ask him out on a real date. Who would’ve thought that Kibum would come home to a post-it note stuck on his door?
Go out with me? Wear something warm. I’ll pick you up at 6.30 ☺
Kibum squealed in delight as he practically skipped his way to the bedroom. He immediately opened his wardrobe and started shuffling around. The clothes he picked out weren’t exactly out of the ordinary, just a plain shirt with a long cardigan he proudly bought last week matched with a pair of black skinnies, but he felt so confident in them and that’s what Kibum wanted tonight, confidence.
Jinki’s car showed up exactly at 6.30 and his smile grew wider, if that’s even possible. Jinki rolled down his window and waved a little. After they exchanged compliments, Jinki started driving without telling Kibum where they were going.
---
“We’re here!” Jinki said as he parked his car in front of a building. “Where I live.” Kibum looked to Jinki and tilted his head, did I ask out loud? He thought. “You were wondering.” He just nodded. Jinki helped Kibum out of the car and held his hand, leading them both inside the building.
“You’re taking me to your apartment on the first date?” Kibum asked suspiciously. As much as he liked Jinki, he didn’t want him to think that he’s just another whore. Sure, his diva-attitude could sometimes come off as slutty, but he sure wasn’t one. To his relief, Jinki shook his head just as they arrived in front of a door.
“I’m taking you for a picnic on the hill!” Jinki cheered. “Now, keep in mind that we’re on a hill, so no indoor stuff!” Kibum’s jaw literally dropped when he saw the inside of the apartment. It was somehow full of little plants, flowers, and fake grass. Sounds of grasshoppers coming out from the little speakers on the corner of the room and on the television screen: amazing view of the city at night, Kibum wondered for a bit where the video came from but he couldn’t care less. Turning around, he saw a picnic mat in the middle of the room complete with a picnic basket. “It took me awhile to think about where to take you, since you know, our situation.” Jinki finished off with a grin. It was probably one of the rare times that Kim Kibum actually lost the ability to comment or form a proper sentence.
“You…really, really shouldn’t have.” Kibum said in awe. The older let out a soft chuckled and tugged his hand to sit on the mat. He didn’t have to say anything else as Jinki started putting out some foods from the basket. He stayed quiet, looking at Jinki with so much adoration.
One meal, hundred glances, and thousand smiles later, Kibum found himself laying across the mat, head on Jinki’s lap with the latter’s fingers lost between his hair.
“Tell me about your girlfriend.” He whispered as if he were afraid of the answer he might get. Surprisingly, Jinki chuckled at the question.
“My girlfriend? Her name’s Jessica. She’s nice. She’s pretty. She’s perfect actually,” Kibum’s breath hitched. He wouldn’t ever admit it if anyone asks, but he was on the verge of crying right then and there. He calmed himself when Jinki continued. “But I’m not in love with her. We’re only together because of our parents. Arranged marriage, for business’s sake.” Jinki looked down the boy on his lap and secretly smiled when he saw Kibum relaxed. “What about your boyfriend?” Upon hearing that, Kibum tensed up again.
“Would you judge me if I said he’s with me just so he can take advantage of me?”
“Certainly not.”
“Well, that’s how I feel. We never do any romantic stuff together. Not even a fancy dinner or watching a movie. He doesn’t even bother to make me feel special anymore. I just wish he’d care more.” Kibum’s voice started to shake at the end, alerting Jinki that he was about to let out a tear or two.
“Then why are you still with him?” He asked with a tone just as soft as the other’s breathing.
“Too attached? I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to hold on just to see if he would ever change.” They ended up spending the night together. Not in a sexual way, they didn’t even kissed. They just lay down across the floor side by side, hands intertwined as it gave comforts to both of them, and exchanged stories throughout the night. Despite the sad stories they shared, Kibum never felt happier.
---
Their hide and seek relationship continued for three months. And both Jinki and Kibum never felt more content with their lives. It was the kind of relationship you truly cherish. The kind of relationship you hope would never end but at the same time kept you waiting for something to go wrong, because it was too good and too perfect to be real. They kept their relationship under the blanket, never really talked to each other at school or show any sign of affection in public. It was slowly killing them, not being able to really be with each other. But both were too scared to even bring up the topic, afraid the other might get offended and leave.
Kibum had gathered up his courage to not let Jonghyun controlled him and to push him away when necessary. And Jinki… Well, he was beyond happy to have Kibum by his side, although he wasn’t really his. But the comfort Kibum brought had made Jinki felt so confident and just contented.
Jonghyun on the other hand, started to feel like he was losing Kibum. He watched as days passed the younger boy daydreaming, even when they had sex, Kibum’s eyes would just stare blankly at him, as if he wasn’t really there.
Surprised was Kibum when he came home to a bouquet of red roses on his doorstep, secretly wished that it was from Jinki. He didn’t expect to read Jonghyun’s name written on the card and for some absurd reason he was disappointed. Just a few minutes after, his phone started vibrating. He stared awhile at Jonghyun’s name on the screen before picking it up.
“Bummie~” The sweet voice from the other line seemed to be unbelievable for Kibum as he flinched a bit at the pet name. “Did you get the flowers?”
“Yeah, it’s lovely. Thank you, Jonghyun.” Kibum answered slowly as if he was trying to make sure that this was reality.
“Do you want to go out for dinner tonight? I know a great restaurant up the hill and it has amazing view of the city and we could drink some wine and get a little drunk.” Kibum’s heart started racing. This, this was he had been waiting for since ages ago. Jonghyun wanted to take him out for a romantic date, not just sex. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing and surprised himself when he didn’t feel even a slight giddiness.
“That sounds great Jjong, really. But I can’t tonight, I’m not feeling very well and I have tons of homework to do.” He closed his eyes, expecting the other to yell at him for not being available, but nothing came.
“Oh, well then… rest well and don’t overwork. Love you Bummie.”
“Yeah…” Kibum sighed before hanging up.
---
Kibum made his steps towards Jinki’s apartment that night, very much like the nights before, but somehow it felt different. The guilt started crashing down on him the moment he said no to Jonghyun. Jonghyun had finally asked him to a decent romantic date, but he blew the other off for Jinki. It felt more than wrong. After all, Jinki was supposed to be just a fling, just someone that would fill in his time and made him feel special until Jonghyun changed. Who would’ve thought his plans would change. He would blame Jinki’s romantic dates and his caring attitude.
It was silly, Kibum thought, how the sight of Jinki’s door made his heart flutter and his lips automatically curled up in a happy smile. He knocked the door twice before Jinki opened the door. Kibum’s jaw dropped when he saw the dimmed apartment with candles lit along the doorway leading on to the living room.
“I was planning to take you to a real restaurant but then you said Jonghyun asked you out, we can’t risk getting caught.” Jinki said, feeling the need to explain when he saw Kibum’s expression. “You like it?”
“I love it.” Came Kibum’s barely audible respond. The older just grinned and softly took Kibum’s hand, leading them both to the living room where a picnic blanket had been spread out across the floor with two plates of pasta sitting nicely on it. Kibum forgot about everything but Lee Jinki that moment.
---
Dinner went well. Despite Jinki’s constant whining about how hard it is to eat pasta without a proper table and how stupid he was for not thinking about it earlier. It should come off as annoying, but for Kibum, it was adorable. He honestly couldn’t care less about a person named Jonghyun and his relationship anymore, not when this man was giving him everything he ever wanted without even saying anything.
Soft music started playing then, a melody that was more than familiar to Kibum because it was his song. Or so he claimed it to be his. Dance with me, Jinki seemed to say as he stretched out his arms to Kibum. Without a slight hesitant, the other took it and immediately pulled into the older boy’s embrace. Another thought came across Kibum’s mind then, this is where I belong.
The slow dance made their steps went stuck to the floor and they both felt like they couldn’t pull away off of each other. Both were sure gravity was conspiring against them. It was Kibum who realized that they had drowned too deep into the longing feeling, distracting the restricted area of expanding their feelings into the sea of intimate. Not now, not when they were still in relationship with someone else. They shouldn’t belong to each other now. They were just someone else’s lovers.
But then again, Kibum who never asked their relationship status-and never want to-snapped back to reality that they already went across the line. And they never are able to go back. Not now, not with their passion for each other. It’s territorial area that is unlimited and the source made them have no control against it. It’s too beautiful to be thrown away but in the other hand it’s too risky to be maintained.
Jinki realized that Kibum’s stare was not fixed into his eyes again. His stare was lost. Like his mind was somewhere else, while his body was on his arms, dancing slowly to the silent rhythm inside their mind, it wasn’t even to the music anymore.
“Kibum?” Jinki tried to reach out to him, and Key looked into his eyes with teary eyes, clearly reflecting his worries.
Jinki didn’t say anything when Kibum leaned into him, his hot breath on his ear and he slightly caressed his lips along his cheek to his lips. They kissed slowly at first. No need to rush, the night was still young and they had long night to be spent together. Jinki held Kibum’s hand and intertwined their fingers, putting them between their chests. Kibum sighed into the kiss and broke it. They exchanged stares just to ask the silent question of assurance; no words were needed to answer it. Maybe the pregnant guilt grew between them, or maybe the unimaginable dream they want to share was no longer there. They were lost between their fingers.
But the only thing they feel now was they needed each other. Needed to fulfill their passions and lust. The reflections were no longer buried under the pretending act but it showed in their eyes. They knew it. As Kibum crashed his lips into Jinki’s soft one and opened his mouth so Jinki could slip his tongue into Kibum’s warm cavern and took the lead of their will. Kibum felt he was being dragged into the dark room, which was just illuminated by the light from the lamp on the night drawer. He didn’t feel scared or guilty, as Jinki slowly laid him onto the bed.
Jinki slowly kissed him again and with his skillful hand, he unbuttoned Key’s shirt and threw it somewhere beside the bed. Key moaned as Jinki’s finger trailed his bare torso, leaving the butterfly kisses on his chest. Key felt his fingers slipped into Jinki’s shirt, roaming his back to his chest and opened his shirt in rough way.
“You ripped my shirt… you should learn how to keep something precious.” Jinki whispered huskily into Kibum’s ear.
Kibum felt Jinki’s breath tickling his ear and slowly pulled Jinki’s face near to him.
“Punish me.”Jinki didn’t reply anything. At first Kibum was afraid Jinki wouldn’t continue but when he saw the other slowly unbuckled his pants and slowly crawled to him, Kibum felt better he back off and leaned waiting for Jinki’s movement. He felt Jinki’s plump lips on his and Jinki grinded himself above him. He felt their still clothed aroused member twitched. For that suffering moment, Kibum clawed into Jinki’s chest. Longing to the oldest to take him soon, he couldn’t bear the patience of wanting Jinki inside of him anymore. They kissed again for the millionth time that night.
But Jinki kept his track in slow steps. He kept teasing Kibum and urged the younger to get him easily. Jinki kissed him on the lips, down to his jaw line to his neck. He stopped longer there, enjoying the sensual sigh coming from Kibum’s mouth. He wanted to leave him a mark, something to remind him about this night. But then again he thought it was too dangerous for them both. He still wanted to enjoy these risky moments. Jinki felt Kibum’s fingers on his shoulder, urging him to move lower trailing his body. He continued his opened kiss to Kibum’s chest, his belly, and stop right at the top of his pelvic. He saw the bulge under Kibum’s pants and did nothing except continue his lips business in Kibum’s bare torso. His hand caressed Kibum’s inner thigh slowly, making Kibum cried his name out.
“Please, Jinki… please”
“Hnnn? You said you needed to be punished. Here I am doing it so …”
Kibum slammed his head to the soft pillow and cursed silently. He took Jinki’s hand to his chest, forcing Jinki to look him in the eyes. Kibum looked at him with pleaded eyes and mouthed please so slow till Jinki couldn’t reject his pleading because Kibum looked like he couldn’t hold his patience anymore.
“Please Jinki... don’t punish me anymore”
Jinki smiled and kissed Kibum’s hand with gentle manner and crashed their lips again while roaming his hands to Kibum’s slender body. Playfully playing with fabric of the younger’s pants but also unzipping it and leaving Kibum naked.
Their breath became erratic and slowly all the clothes on their bodies were discarded to a forgotten spot in the room. Kibum felt so sensual as Jinki kept staring at his body, smirking his usual smirk when they’re together.
“You’re so beautiful, I can’t tear my eyes off of you.”
“Stop looking at me…” Kibum sighed.
Jinki positioned himself between Kibum’s legs and spread them wide. Leaning forward, Jinki kissed him again, hard on the lips and lingered a little longer, making Kibum wondered what was he waiting for. He felt Jinki’s hand on his aroused member, pumping it and satisfying him, but never move forward. Key ran his fingers on Jinki’s soft hair, and deepened the kiss. He felt Jinki’s poking him in his lower area and it was frustrating waiting for his movement. He broke the kiss and asked the oldest what made him took so long for that. Jinki just shook his head.
“I’m afraid to hurt you, Kibum… though I’ll do it slowly it’ll still be painful for you”
Speechless, Kibum just stared at the older without saying a word. A single tear fell down his cheek.
Jonghyun had never asked that, Kibum thought. Jonghyun never cared about how sore he would feel after they had sex. He bared the pain alone.
“Kibum, why are you crying?”
There was panic in Jinki’s voice. With his trembling hands, Kibum held Jinki’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He wanted to feel Jinki inside of him, and Jinki could see it in his eyes. He felt guilty and recollecting again the bravery he abandoned behind his logic for denying his needs. He slowly kissed Kibum’s head give him a sign that he was sorry for that. But he continued,
“I’ll be okay… take me please…”
Kibum pleaded voice took its toll on Jinki. Jinki held Kibum’s cheeks with his hands and kissed him passionately as if he were saying sorry. They didn’t care about anything. They didn’t want to think about what will happen next or who was waiting for them somewhere else. The thoughts of them had one step closer to the edge, to gamble with their status. They won’t think whether is it love or lust they had at the moment, they just wanted to pour out their feeling. They both knew that, they wanted to love and to be loved but they couldn’t cross the borderline.
Kibum bit his lower lip as Jinki was preparing himself to enter Kibum’s warm hole, he opened his legs wider and gave Jinki more access. Slowly Jinki pushed himself into him, leaving a low groan coming from his mouth and Kibum laid desperately underneath him. Kibum screamed as Jinki did that, making Jinki stopped and wipe the tears away from Kibum’s face but he demanded for him not to stop.
The painful awaited moment turned to be a bliss one for Kibum as Jinki moved inside of him, he saw stars as Jinki amazingly increased the speed and he couldn’t suppress his wanton moaning. Jinki muffled his moans with the reassuring kiss, while Kibum curled his toe in bliss and gripped the bed sheet so hard to prevent his hand pull Jinki’s hair off.
They locked their stares along that moment, groping the indescribable feeling they shared. Something longing in their gazes as the movement went faster and something grew in their stomach that soon need to be released. Also something burden their shoulder and fell down too their chests were also need to be burst. Kibum cupped Jinki’s face to show him the affection and Jinki lowered his head.
“I know this is wrong but it’s the most beautiful mistake I’ve ever made.” Kibum whispered between his desperate moans.
It was Jinki’s turn to drench inside Kibum’s pool of affection that made him trapped and couldn’t go out. It was Kibum’s confession, while he didn’t know how to react. Sadly, their affection couldn’t be spoken by words but actions talk louder. Words of love won’t be enough. They never shaped it in such words. It’s more than words.
Desperation found its way to the final destination, and Jinki wouldn’t cry over it. Neither would Kibum. But Jinki’s endurance to this love affair had gotten him to the edge of sanity. He suffered but he was also happy to have been able to share his sincere feeling. He needed to spill it.
“The sins pollute me, in my hands in my thoughts everything all of me… I never get it, but the more I’m with you… the more I want you…” Jinki said, locked his stare to Kibum’s magnificent eyes. “You’re the picture perfect of mine. Only mine”
Kibum couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear it. Though it was Jinki with his lust washed him over, it was how they said it; the desperation of being in love with somebody else’s lover.
It said, too many words for Jinki. Kibum must’ve caught the hidden meaning of it. They couldn’t stop and they wouldn’t. The erotic movements mingled them into one pleasure as Jinki unstoppable thrusting hit the sweet spot inside of Kibum, giving him the most enjoying pleasure to paradise. Soon they came together and cried each others’ names in pleasure.
“Don’t let go. Just don’t let go.” Jinki whispered as he collapsed next to Key, so exhausted but also so happy. Their feeling was getting clearer, almost transparent for each other to be read. Jinki caressed Kibum’s hair and held him tight in his chest, earning a sweet kiss from the younger. They said good night and covered their bodies under the warmth of the blanket.
---
It has been one week since their first intercourse, and since that time Jinki hardly found Kibum around. If he tried to look for him, it was always him with Jonghyun or nothing at all. He seemed to be avoiding him. Jinki just contemplated about it. No matter how broken he was inside, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Sometimes Jessica would text him just to say hello and checking up on him, but only replied with no more than a few words. He didn’t need somebody else’s attention. He only needed his Kibum. He never said it directly that he loves him, but wasn’t that much obvious?
Maybe it drove Kibum away. He tore his heart apart, brought half of him away, destroying the love he built with care. But maybe it was his own fault, loving someone that isn’t his.
The love had caught him in desperation, scattered his logic and pushed him into insanity. He struggled against the chaos inside. But he wasn’t the one to blame was he? He didn’t steal Kibum away from Jonghyun. Kibum came to him by himself. He knew he wanted Kibum the minute he met him, and he also knew Kibum felt the same way. He didn’t think both of them regret it.
Jinki was lying lazily in his bed after spending some times with his homework. He stared at the ceiling above and his mind flew to Kibum’s figure. He needed to see him. He couldn’t bear another single second without him. Jinki liked to think Kibum as his savior of his loveless life. And with Kibum on his side, he was saved from the loneliness. Jinki was up to a point where it was all felt too good and that he wasn't even aware of the consequences anymore.
The vibration coming from his phone snapped him back to reality. He took it and read the text that came from Kibum. He was so happy to hear from Kibum but couldn’t help but wonder why Kibum wanted to meet him at this hour. Jinki immediately took his hoodie and went outside, keeping in his mind a trust that Kibum wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.
Jinki found the other sitting on the park bench, looking at the ground, waiting for him alone. When Jinki came closer, he shifted his gaze to the older and smiled beautifully. Kibum stood and approached him, crashing his lips onto Jinki’s plump one as if to say he missed him. They kissed passionately like usual. They broke it due to the oxygen needed.
“Jinki… Just so you know, I broke up with Jonghyun today… We’re over now.” Kibum said with a smile. Jinki’s jaw dropped, too stunned to say anything. Kibum only chuckled and kissed him again.
“You said it, right? You want me to be only yours. I’m yours and I won’t let go.”
Jinki remained silent. He couldn’t ask for more. There, before his eyes the one he loved took a daring decision to choose him, his affair, over his real boyfriend. He felt a little guilty though, while Kibum had taken a brave step to clear up their status, he still did nothing about his relationship.
“I work so hard to maintain my relationship with Jonghyun, even though it forced me to show my fake smiles and always pretending to be happy. But then you showed up. Being with you always makes me beyond happy. Your love makes me feel so exposed, no need to be fake.” Kibum said while played with the hem of Jinki’s shirt. “I’m not lying. I love you. I really do.”
With that Kibum kissed Jinki again and when they broke it, Jinki could see the genuine feeling in Kibum’s eyes. Jinki closed his eyes and put his forehead to Kibum’s. He couldn’t think anymore, he should make a choice. He wanted to choose Kibum, but it would risk his future life as the successor of his father’s company. It wasn’t an easy choice for him.
“Me too. Kibum, I do love you, so much.” He sighed and kissed Kibum’s eyes.
Kibum smiled. They had finally arrived at their feeling’s destination, to be exposed to each other. No barrier between them. But something still annoyed Kibum. Somehow Jinki was still waved between him and his carrier. Kibum knew it wasn’t that easy to choose, but deep down inside he wanted Jinki to choose him above anything, just like what he did. Jinki was too precious for him to lose.
“Kibum,”
“Yeah?”
“Next week, my family and Jessica’s will have a meeting. I want you to come with me.”
Kibum’s eyes widened. He didn’t believe Jinki would ask him to come to such an important meeting. Seeing worries painted on his lover’s eyes, Jinki gently cupped Kibum’s face and look him in the eyes.
“Whatever I do, please trust me… it’s for your sake”
Kibum nodded silently. Jinki felt relieved, he felt a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Jinki knew just from the way Kibum smiled and how he encircled his arms around Jinki’s neck, Kibum would never leave him. They smiled and kissed again and again.
---
Kibum felt nervous as he stepped on the lobby where Jinki had waited for him. They wore similar white suits, making them both looked stunning. Jinki smiled as he took KIbum’s hand and guide him to the restroom where he pinned Kibum to the wall and they shared a kiss again, after of course, approval from the younger boy.
“Tonight is supposed to be the engagement party between me and Jessica. But don’t worry, I’ll be always on your side, trust me.”
Kibum was shocked, when Jinki told him about this meeting, he thought it was just a normal gathering of some sort, not Jinki’s engagement party. But he stayed quiet and nodded silently. His heart was thumping so hard he was afraid his ribcage would break as Jinki led him to the ballroom where his and Jessica’s family were waiting for them. Jinki formally introduced Kibum to them as his special friend to join his happiness tonight. Something hurts in Kibum’s heart when he heard Jinki’s voice greeting Jessica. Without him realizing, his grip on Jinki hand got tigher. He looked at Jessica who was looking back him so friendly. He hated that, it would be easier if Jessica was a bitch. Jinki realized that and gave Kibum’s hand a reassuring squeeze.
The dinner went slow for Kibum. He was starting to think that this was his punishment for cheating and taking someone else’s boyfriend. He had to sit through all the dinner conversation about how perfect Jinki and Jessica are for each other and how good their future would be. Kibum just wondered, why didn’t Jinki say something to deny it? He just smiled and remained silent for anything their parents had said. It made Kibum jealous and somehow broken hearted. The rush of the blood to his head got faster and he wanted to leave, the more he looked at Jinki and Jessica the more his heart drenched in pain. The cheering atmosphere was not for Kibum, it felt heavier in his chest and it was starting to make breathing difficult. Kibum excused himself to the restroom and left Jinki wondering why.
The moment he could hear the sound of the bathroom door closing, he broke down. Kibum cried alone there. He knew he couldn’t borrow Jinki’s shoulder to cry on tonight. He had to be strong. He just needed to let out a tear or two then came back with full determination on his face. But somehow it all crumbled again when he saw Jessica stood before him with her back leaned on the wall next to the door. Kibum managed to give her a smile and she smiled back.
“I know what’s making you so worried, Kibum.” she said quietly, surprising the boy.
“You knew?“ Kibum bent his head in shame and almost, almost cried again.
“Yeah, and I’m on your side.” Jessica took her handkerchief and carefully wiped Kibum’s tears away.
“Don’t worry, Jinki and I are only engaged because our parents want to merged our companies together. We really don’t have any say in this.”
“So, what you’re going to do?”
Jessica sighed to the question.
“We never loved each other from the beginning, it’s just our parents’ plan. After that we hardly talk to each other. I love someone else, and he’s not Jinki. And I know Jinki loves you. I love him dearly, but not the way you love him. He’s like my brother… I want him to be happy too. So when he met me yesterday and told me about you, I want to help him. I’m on your side. I’ll accompany Jinki to break up this engagement.”
Kibum felt his lips curled into a sincere smile, making Jessica smiled too. Then they came back to the private dining room. He caught the worry stare from Jinki and as soon as he sat down Jinki held Kibum’s hand and asked if he’s okay. Kibum nodded. Finally it was the time for Jinki and Jessica’s engagement speech and the three of them exchanged stares, waiting for Jinki say his part. Kibum gave him a support with squeezing his cold hand and he swore Jessica just winked. Jinki smiled and stood up, collecting all the pieces of strength to his heart. He smiled to all the people in front of him and started speaking.
“First I want to apologize for tonight and for saying this. I’ve been thinking deeply about this and I can’t continue this engagement. Because my heart already belonged to someone else: someone who loves me as much as I love him. I’m sorry I have fallen in love at the wrong time. Everyone knows that Jessica and I are betrothed just because of our parents’ plan to merge the company, so we agreed that we don’t want to build the relationship that is based on money. We want it build based on love and affection.”
The room was filled with gasped as Jinki continued his statement. They didn’t expect the young man would say such words. Even Jinki’s mother held his hand, pleading him to stop. Everyone looked at Jessica, but she showed no emotion in her face, okay maybe she was smiling. Jinki and Jessica exchanged gazes and nodded.
“I’m sorry. Someday you’ll find someone who’s better than me. Someone who will truly love you, but it’s not me.” Jinki sighed deeply.
Jessica nodded, “Thank you, Jinki. In fact, I already found one. But I still haven’t revealed it… because we couldn’t continue this relationship without hiding from everyone else.”
They were all shocked. Jessica’s parents just shook their heads and immediately went out the door. Jinki fell to the chair with heavy breaths, and Kibum immediately held his hand. They smiled in relieved. It took all of Jinki’s energy to pour out his bravery confronting their family’s will. Jessica stood and smiled at them, mouthing thank you then ran chasing her parents.
While Jinki’s parents still sat in shock in their seats. They didn’t know how to react. Jinki’s father threw the napkins and ready to leave with his wife. Jinki chased them but they seemed to have no interest in talking to Jinki that time. Kibum looked at them with guilt. He walked slowly just to hear what they said.
“How dare you did that to us?”
Kibum heard Jinki’s father shouted angrily to his son, who’s officially his lover now. His heart drenched in painful guilt that time. He heard Jinki tried to explain everything but it was beyond his hand to control. Silently he peeked them from behind the glass door. And his eyes met with Jinki’s father’s. He stopped speaking making Jinki turned around and saw his lover standing next to the door with innocent face. Jinki felt guilty for dragging Kibum along into his family matters.
Jinki’s father pointed at Kibum and Jinki nodded silently. He sighed and tapped his son’s shoulder. He didn’t have the heart to blame everything to the innocent boy who was standing before him looking all fragile and really felt like he was the cause of these matters even though he didn’t do anything wrong.
“We and Jessica’s parents will have important business to be solved soon. And I won’t blame you and that boy there.” His father sighed in defeat.
Jinki just nodded and hugged them, whispering sorry for the nth time. After their departure, Jinki came to Kibum and held him tight.
“We did it!” Kibum said between his tears making Jinki caressed his hair lovingly to assure him that they were clear.
---
The night was bright and clear, they could see the stars glittering in the dark sky. This time, Jinki really took Kibum for a picnic on the hill to see stars, just like their first date. They sat side by side, holding hands and smiling to dark sky above.
“How’s your parents?” Kibum asked suddenly. Jinki remained silent for a few minutes and answered.
“They’re fine and they have adult business to solve, the business that I won’t interfere because technically, I’m not an adult yet. Maybe it sounds selfish but I still have teenage matters that I need to think about.”
Kibum caught Jinki’s face and smiled, “But with you being so determined choosing one of your life’s choice, you’re on your way to be one of them. You’re mature now.”
“Are you complimenting me?” Jinki teased him and the other just giggled.
“But I wish grow older with you by my side.” Kibum said while leaning his head on Jinki’s wide shoulder, receiving a soft caress on his hair by Jinki’s warm fingers.
“Always, you’ll always have me on your side.” Jinki said. “Because whatever happens, I won’t let you go… never. Not after all we’ve been through.”
Kibum held Jinki’s hand tight and intertwined it with his.
“I don’t need a falling star to grant my wish if I already have you by my side.” Kibum whispered.
“I love you so much, Kibum” Jinki said earning the same reply from his lover.
“As much as I love you.”
And they shared kisses again under the night sky declaring their love and enjoying the moment they had together, and it wouldn’t matter if the whole world knows.
*****
A/N:
okay first of all we don't actually encourage you to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend! this story is pure fiction seriously HAHA.
so yeah, this is me and illuminationkey collab fic~ and also my first NC-17 HOHOHO, never thought the day would come, eh? xD
and! jjong stans......please forgive us? teehee
so, enjoy and comment! it means so much to both of us!
and since this is ignyte_passion, the post's gonna be member-locked in 72h! join! :D