Comments | iguanahey: Cardiac Algesia

iguanahey

Cardiac Algesia

Jan 15, 2009 16:44

My heart hurts. Not from the few incidents of cardiac arythmia that I've had in the past few weeks. Rather it's that asphyxiating, hollow crushing in the middle of the sternum one feels when one has been uncontrollably crying for too long ( Read more... )

Comments 6

wandawonka January 16 2009, 03:24:38 UTC

You may feel like scum, but you aren't. Nothing is harder than when the heart and the head don't agree. You didn't act impulsively but tried to think things through. It may not have been the best course, but you did what you thought was best. So try not to be too hard on yourself and understand that we all have made mistakes. You are not alone.

My empathy is with you emersonsphinx January 16 2009, 03:37:13 UTC

I second what is said below. You are not scum. Blame is never entirely ones own. Unfortunately true deep understanding often only comes to me in time. And often by then the time is not as right as it might have been earlier. I hope that you find a path through this that isn't strewn too heavily with nettles.

Re: My empathy is with you iguanahey January 16 2009, 04:44:09 UTC

Thanks for your thoughts. I place a lot of value in your perspective.

mystic_savage January 16 2009, 06:04:57 UTC

Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs. Until the heart stops aching. I love you.

heya cchanteuse January 17 2009, 05:03:39 UTC

So sorry to hear of your difficulties. I think many of us have had the same experience as you. Exploring new territory is hard work. What's a real "no go" zone v. a "go" zone with big and possibly artificial barriers (perhaps societally trained) is tough to tease out. Especially for those of us who are not used to listening more closely to our bodies and hearts and whose interests may be a bit muddled and conflicted. :-) Don't know if that's you but it feels like me quite often ( ... )

Re: heya iguanahey January 21 2009, 00:13:32 UTC

Thank you very much for your thoughts and support! I've valued your insights very much and they are particularly helpful to me right now. Your posts are anything but annoying and I read them carefully and take them to heart. Thank you.

You're spot on with all of your observations. This is indeed my first adult male-male relationship, and we do communicate differently than I do with my other partners. I think that has less to do with our gender though than that this is the first relationship I've had with someone that I hadn't known as a friend for a long time prior to dating them. It changes the dynamics quite a bit and I keep making stupid assumptions about how much we know about each other. This dating stuff is tough to get used to!