on Kuroro Lucifer
There was a time when Kurapika's opinion of Kuroro could be summed up with "I hate him, he killed my clan and sold their eyes for profit and I'll make him pay for his crimes." Kuroro is the leader of a notorious group of thieves and murderers and Kurapika spent half of his life training to get stronger and trying to stop their activities, but when the moment came and he actually had Kuroro trussed up in front of him, he couldn't make himself deal the fatal blow despite having already killed one of Kuroro's subordinates. It was a weakness that would come back to haunt him repeatedly from then on; every time he encountered Kuroro, the man would taunt him, exchange a few playful blows with him, and then leave him fuming in the dust. It got so bad that his primary goal for getting stronger went from "bring the Geneiryodan to justice" to "kick Kuroro Lucifer's ass".
But then a magical tool from another world pulled them both to a place where their abilities are nonexistent and everything is different, and things stopped being so simple. He can't exactly continue his goal of finding his clan's eyes, and his turbulent background with Kuroro has been reduced to a memory because the Kuruta and the Geneiryodan don't exist here. Suddenly his revenge doesn't feel quite as important as finding a way back home, and he can't focus on that if he's still trying to gut Kuroro every time they see each other - which is far more often than he would like, seeing as how Kuroro lives right above him in the Casualty Communal.
So Kurapika's managed to convince himself that he's allowed to put his vengeance on hold for as long as they're in Death City - not that he could get to it even if he really wanted to. With their nen sealed, the already large gap between his and Kuroro's strength just got even wider. Before it was just a question of experience and nen stamina, which he eventually would have overcome with time and training, but now all Kuroro has to do to soundly trash him is force him into a restraining hold or sit on him. Kurapika's never been so self-conscious of his build before now, by the way. Kuroro has 30 pounds of muscle on him and he can't beat that in a pure physical brawl. Just as well that Kuroro's the meister between the two of them--
That, by the way. This entire meister-weapon business. Just who the heck decided that he's better off as a weapon? Now Kuroro refuses to leave him alone because he wants them to be partners, and tells him weird things like Kurapika's the only one he trusts in the entire city--which is maybe sort of flattering to hear, but this is Kuroro, bane of his life and enemy of his dead relatives. If not for that little tidbit, Kurapika might actually feel secure at being partnered to Kuroro, because as a meister, there is no one more reliable than the man, especially if he's fully committed to the partnership. It goes against the very grain of his being, to acknowledge that Kuroro might be good at something, but Kurapika knows just how capable Kuroro is. He's probably the one person in Death City who's fully aware of just what lengths Kuroro can reach once he's put his mind to the task. It's the only thing keeping him partnered to Kuroro for the moment - the fact that, despite not liking his situation one bit, he can actually trust Kuroro to keep them both alive while fighting in the partnered setup. Not that he's ever going to admit it aloud without intense needling from the concerned parties.
And anyway, Kuroro's getting quite adept at wielding him. Kurapika had threatened to look for another meister before, but he's not quite so inclined to do that now because it would waste all their training with China. Oh, and that's another thing. Kuroro's been bending over backwards to make things work with him, which is a very tall order considering their history. It's odd, but he's actually doing a satisfactory job? Dude hasn't killed anyone. He's been keeping his teasing to a minimum--or at least, he's more playful, and he stays away from volatile topics. The stealing - which Kurapika totally doesn't know and should probably stop ignoring - is minor, and there hasn't been any complaints yet. For the moment Kurapika figures that Kuroro's changed behavior has something to do with their truce, and Kuroro wanting to keep a weapon that he trusts--the foolishly idealistic part of him hopes that Kuroro's criminal ways had gone with his nen, but it's not something he's tried to think on too deeply for the moment. He's also considered that Kuroro might be sincere in telling him that he sees no benefit in killing anyone here, and would sooner believe that this is the case, rather than anything suspiciously fluffy like Kuroro holding back for his sake.
But it's a big mess right there. Kurapika's quite possibly... maybe getting a bit attached to Kuroro. The man is something familiar in this strange world, after all, like a grounding presence to remind him that he has something he needs to get back to. Kuroro is also almost obscenely familiar with Kurapika's capabilities, and knows how far to push while they're training, and what and what not to expect from him. Kurapika doesn't take well to strangers, normally--finds it difficult to get close to someone without visible effort from the other person to get close to him first, and he doesn't need to do that with Kuroro. The ease with which they're able to work together, provided he keeps all his baggage off the table almost, almost makes up for everything else. The fact that they're compatible is undeniable, at least in terms of soul resonation, which means that there has to be some level of affection on both sides? But Kurapika just doesn't have the emotional capacity needed to accept that concern and caring for him might come from the man. Or he refuses to let himself accept any such sentiment, because then he'll be morally compelled to reciprocate. And he's still using the image of how many turns his dead kin might be making in their graves to judge every decision he makes regarding Kuroro. He's starting to realize that it's an unhealthy mindset to have in his current situation, but he doesn't know how to deal with it at the moment.
What he does know is that he might have to stop telling people about the part of Kuroro that won't even blink while he's slitting someone's throat - or at the very least, he can't go announcing it over the network like what he did the first day they got here. It would be unfair to Kuroro, if Kuroro's actually trying to turn over a new leaf here, and vaguely underhanded--almost like he's trying to gather an anti-Kuroro club just because he can't solve his own problems. And Kuroro is his own problem, and it's all issues he has to deal with by himself, without having to drag unrelated people into the crossfire. It's because Kuroro's been incredibly well-behaved ever since they got here, damn him. Somehow things went from "he's a dangerous criminal you shouldn't ever talk to him" to "aah but he looks like he's having fun it should be okay as long as he doesn't pull Ryodan shit over here"--and in any case, reporting Kuroro's past misdeeds will also hurt him, i.e. if Kuroro's so horrible, then why is he partnered to the man? Kurapika won't even know where to begin. Saying that it's complicated won't be enough. So at the moment his priorities regarding Kuroro and his fellow guests is to make sure that Kuroro stays out of trouble, rather than warning people about the trouble he can cause.
Kurapika doesn't know what Kuroro thinks of him. At his angriest, he feels like Kuroro looks at him as something amusing, like a plaything. The kid who stupidly let him live and so forever missed his chance at revenge. Or maybe something like a gold mine he has to keep close so it won't get away from him. It's a very dark thought leading to an even blacker mess of unresolved issues that Crane's fear toxin had dug up recently, which implies that Kurapika might be afraid of what Kuroro is doing to him, or--since he'll never admit that he might be scared of Kuroro and the Geneiryodan, he's at least worried of what Kuroro can do to him now that it's all but established that he can't win in a serious fight.
But at his calmest, most objective moods, Kurapika remembers Kuroro coming to his rescue during the sandstorm, and Kuroro stopping him from killing Crane, Kuroro taking his punches and kicks if it meant bringing him back from his uncontrollable rages, Kuroro comforting him after his shadow raised hell on the network, and all the quiet afternoons they've spent together in his flat, and Kuroro having him under his mercy far more times than he can count, and yet deciding to spare him each and every time.
And then he gets confused all over again.
Told you that it's complicated.
But then a magical tool from another world pulled them both to a place where their abilities are nonexistent and everything is different, and things stopped being so simple. He can't exactly continue his goal of finding his clan's eyes, and his turbulent background with Kuroro has been reduced to a memory because the Kuruta and the Geneiryodan don't exist here. Suddenly his revenge doesn't feel quite as important as finding a way back home, and he can't focus on that if he's still trying to gut Kuroro every time they see each other - which is far more often than he would like, seeing as how Kuroro lives right above him in the Casualty Communal.
So Kurapika's managed to convince himself that he's allowed to put his vengeance on hold for as long as they're in Death City - not that he could get to it even if he really wanted to. With their nen sealed, the already large gap between his and Kuroro's strength just got even wider. Before it was just a question of experience and nen stamina, which he eventually would have overcome with time and training, but now all Kuroro has to do to soundly trash him is force him into a restraining hold or sit on him. Kurapika's never been so self-conscious of his build before now, by the way. Kuroro has 30 pounds of muscle on him and he can't beat that in a pure physical brawl. Just as well that Kuroro's the meister between the two of them--
That, by the way. This entire meister-weapon business. Just who the heck decided that he's better off as a weapon? Now Kuroro refuses to leave him alone because he wants them to be partners, and tells him weird things like Kurapika's the only one he trusts in the entire city--which is maybe sort of flattering to hear, but this is Kuroro, bane of his life and enemy of his dead relatives. If not for that little tidbit, Kurapika might actually feel secure at being partnered to Kuroro, because as a meister, there is no one more reliable than the man, especially if he's fully committed to the partnership. It goes against the very grain of his being, to acknowledge that Kuroro might be good at something, but Kurapika knows just how capable Kuroro is. He's probably the one person in Death City who's fully aware of just what lengths Kuroro can reach once he's put his mind to the task. It's the only thing keeping him partnered to Kuroro for the moment - the fact that, despite not liking his situation one bit, he can actually trust Kuroro to keep them both alive while fighting in the partnered setup. Not that he's ever going to admit it aloud without intense needling from the concerned parties.
And anyway, Kuroro's getting quite adept at wielding him. Kurapika had threatened to look for another meister before, but he's not quite so inclined to do that now because it would waste all their training with China. Oh, and that's another thing. Kuroro's been bending over backwards to make things work with him, which is a very tall order considering their history. It's odd, but he's actually doing a satisfactory job? Dude hasn't killed anyone. He's been keeping his teasing to a minimum--or at least, he's more playful, and he stays away from volatile topics. The stealing - which Kurapika totally doesn't know and should probably stop ignoring - is minor, and there hasn't been any complaints yet. For the moment Kurapika figures that Kuroro's changed behavior has something to do with their truce, and Kuroro wanting to keep a weapon that he trusts--the foolishly idealistic part of him hopes that Kuroro's criminal ways had gone with his nen, but it's not something he's tried to think on too deeply for the moment. He's also considered that Kuroro might be sincere in telling him that he sees no benefit in killing anyone here, and would sooner believe that this is the case, rather than anything suspiciously fluffy like Kuroro holding back for his sake.
But it's a big mess right there. Kurapika's quite possibly... maybe getting a bit attached to Kuroro. The man is something familiar in this strange world, after all, like a grounding presence to remind him that he has something he needs to get back to. Kuroro is also almost obscenely familiar with Kurapika's capabilities, and knows how far to push while they're training, and what and what not to expect from him. Kurapika doesn't take well to strangers, normally--finds it difficult to get close to someone without visible effort from the other person to get close to him first, and he doesn't need to do that with Kuroro. The ease with which they're able to work together, provided he keeps all his baggage off the table almost, almost makes up for everything else. The fact that they're compatible is undeniable, at least in terms of soul resonation, which means that there has to be some level of affection on both sides? But Kurapika just doesn't have the emotional capacity needed to accept that concern and caring for him might come from the man. Or he refuses to let himself accept any such sentiment, because then he'll be morally compelled to reciprocate. And he's still using the image of how many turns his dead kin might be making in their graves to judge every decision he makes regarding Kuroro. He's starting to realize that it's an unhealthy mindset to have in his current situation, but he doesn't know how to deal with it at the moment.
What he does know is that he might have to stop telling people about the part of Kuroro that won't even blink while he's slitting someone's throat - or at the very least, he can't go announcing it over the network like what he did the first day they got here. It would be unfair to Kuroro, if Kuroro's actually trying to turn over a new leaf here, and vaguely underhanded--almost like he's trying to gather an anti-Kuroro club just because he can't solve his own problems. And Kuroro is his own problem, and it's all issues he has to deal with by himself, without having to drag unrelated people into the crossfire. It's because Kuroro's been incredibly well-behaved ever since they got here, damn him. Somehow things went from "he's a dangerous criminal you shouldn't ever talk to him" to "aah but he looks like he's having fun it should be okay as long as he doesn't pull Ryodan shit over here"--and in any case, reporting Kuroro's past misdeeds will also hurt him, i.e. if Kuroro's so horrible, then why is he partnered to the man? Kurapika won't even know where to begin. Saying that it's complicated won't be enough. So at the moment his priorities regarding Kuroro and his fellow guests is to make sure that Kuroro stays out of trouble, rather than warning people about the trouble he can cause.
Kurapika doesn't know what Kuroro thinks of him. At his angriest, he feels like Kuroro looks at him as something amusing, like a plaything. The kid who stupidly let him live and so forever missed his chance at revenge. Or maybe something like a gold mine he has to keep close so it won't get away from him. It's a very dark thought leading to an even blacker mess of unresolved issues that Crane's fear toxin had dug up recently, which implies that Kurapika might be afraid of what Kuroro is doing to him, or--since he'll never admit that he might be scared of Kuroro and the Geneiryodan, he's at least worried of what Kuroro can do to him now that it's all but established that he can't win in a serious fight.
But at his calmest, most objective moods, Kurapika remembers Kuroro coming to his rescue during the sandstorm, and Kuroro stopping him from killing Crane, Kuroro taking his punches and kicks if it meant bringing him back from his uncontrollable rages, Kuroro comforting him after his shadow raised hell on the network, and all the quiet afternoons they've spent together in his flat, and Kuroro having him under his mercy far more times than he can count, and yet deciding to spare him each and every time.
And then he gets confused all over again.
Told you that it's complicated.