OOC: I am an application
In-Character Information
Name : Bowser
Game/Series: Super Mario Twins
Age & Teaching Position: 41, Kidnapping 101 Etiquette and Social Graces
Living Arrangements: An airship
Personality: Ooooooh Gaaaaaaaaaawd. Bowser is a self-righteous, pompus ass. He's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Heck, he's the greatest thing since ever. You just don't know, man. Okay? You just don't know.
I suppose the base of his personality is selfishness. If he does a thing, it's generally out of selfishness. He cares about himself very much. Very little else is worth caring about. When you're God's gift to the world, why should you? And Bowser is totally God's gift to the world. You guys just don't realize it yet. But Bowser knows. Oh, he knows. Anyway, he likes to get his way. He insists on getting his way. And when he insists on getting something, he gets it via any means possible. In his case it usually means just taking it and laughing at whatever loser he took it from.
He's also prideful, and if you hurt his pride (easily enough done) he finds himself upset. Quickly. He's got a short temper and the nasty ability to fock you up, mang. He spends a lot of his time being angry when he's not being full of himself.
He does, evidently, have a heart somewhere in all of this douchebaggery. But it's a rather exclusive club: Things he likes, in order of liking them: Himself. Junior. His other children. Peach . His minions. He actually does seem to have actual affection for his son. He's actually an almost caring father. Of course, he's the sort of father who encourages his son to be a vandal but hey, it's Bowser. He also cares for his other, less important children. But Junior is his favorite and, currently anyway, his declared heir.
Peach is something of an obsession with him. He seems to have feelings for her in that, at the very least, he thinks she's a total hottie and would like to make her his bride. So that one time that he sort of almost married her was great. For him anyway. Less so for her. It's safe to say he's got a thing for blondes. But Peach in particular. Sorry, Samoose, you'll always be playing second fiddle
There are times when he's willing to set aside some of his goals - re: kidnapping Peach, punching plumbers in the face - when something more pressing occurs. Something that threatens an even larger goal of his - namely his ability to run around and be a jerkass all of the time and/or have a castle. Generally if something worse than him comes around, he'll manage to put aside his burning hatred towards his enemies and work with them to defeat whoever the new kid on the block is. He can also be smooth talked into helping, especially by, again, Peach. He's a narcissist.
He's sort of not the brightest bulb in the box. At all. "Let's kidnap Peach" and then he does and sits around and waits for the Mario Twins to come rescue her. He can also be flummoxed by hiccups in his glorious plans. He just tries so hard okay? So the fact that he lets Peach constantly somehow have access to letters and power ups and his diary whenever she's kidnapped, well… is that really his fault? Okay yes, yes it is. But still, he's a big picture guy, all of those annoying details are for people who are less awesome and brilliant than he.
Backstory:
Some years ago there lived a Koopa King who was not Bowser, but rather his father. And his father decided the safest thing to do with his progeny was to stick him in a tower with a decrepit magikoopa to look after him - Kamek. This worked out quite well until some annoying green donkey showed up with some idiot baby on its back, and wouldn't let baby Bowser ride it so he got ANGRY and then the world exploded with giant eggs and Bowser cried. It was a sad moment.
Many years later, he would ascend to the throne of the Koopa Kingdom after his father (may he rest in peace) died. He was basically a spoiled brat of a child who had turned into spoiled brat of an adult. And so he set his sights on how he could use the AMAZING FORCES OF TINY MUSHROOM GUYS AND TURTLES at his disposal to dick around with the world, increase his power and influence, and get more people to grovel at his terrible clawed feet.
And that's when he saw her. The beautiful young princess of the neighboring kingdom. She was like a beautiful star that lit up the corners of his dark and grumpy soul. A fresh of breath air in the unopened rooms of his heart. A [adjective noun] for the [metaphysical part of Bowser]. He didn't even know her name but he did the only reasonable thing one could ever do - he ordered his troops to kidnap her.
And then some idiot plumbers showed up and no matter how many fireballs and/or hammers he threw at them they just kept coming and so they rescued the girl. And thus began a long, long history of plumber hating.
And then at some point in here he had some children with, one assumes, a female of some sort.
And then he took over a bunch of places and kidnapped that princess again and he left his children in charge of stopping Mario in giant airships. His kids failed. He failed. The princess got unkidnapped again.
And then everyone went to a place with a dinosaur theme and the same thing that happened last time happened exactly the same way here, but with GREEN DONKEYS and also castles instead of airships.
This sort of thing went on a lot. Kidnap the princess, a couple plumbers show up to rescue her, and then everything goes back to normal.
That is, of course, until a large sword fell into Bowser's castle in the middle of one of these little kidnapping sprees. An army from ANOTHER WORLD came pouring out and Bowser got kicked out of his castle. This eventually led to his eventual pairing up with Mario, Peach, and a couple other lameasses, to get his castle back. He was still an arrogant jerk the entire time he was helping them out, of course.
There were more kidnappings, more rescues, more kidnappings, more rescues, etc, etc, etc. Really, Bowser had gotten stuck in a groove. Finally something knocked him out of it - he decided to go about kidnapping the princess a little more differently. And so he broke into Star Haven, and stole the Star Rod, and then everything went super awesome for him. He was invincible! He kidnapped Peach and stuck her entire castle on top of his own, it was great. And then Mario ran around like the jerkwad that he is and freed the Star Spirits and blah blah blah hubris, blah blah blah, Peach's wish is over 9000, blah blah blah, stop reading his diary, blah blah blah he got defeated. Again.
At some point Bowser had another child, only one, whom he named Bowser Junior. And he actually sort of liked this one more than the others. Jr. eventually started asking crazy questions like "who is my mom?" and Bowser, probably out of wishful thinking, said it was Peach. And then there was an airplane crash and a lot of Goop and in the end Bowser was all "she's not your real mom, Junior" and he was all "What aaaaaaaaw" and then they plotted their revenge on stupid Mario for saving the princess again.
And then Mario gathered some Crystal Stars and Bowser was like "yes, I'm totally in on this deal" and nothing came of it really, except he sort of blew up his entire army and an army of X-Nauts by accident
And then Bowser tried to make an entire universe but Mario screwed that up, too. GDIT MARIO.
And then Bowser got married to Peach in the most wonderful moment of his life. Even though she wasn't in control of her actions at the time and didn't actually count as a real wedding. It was still the most wonderful moment of his life. Eventually Peach went back to normal and she managed to sweet talk him into helping out that stupid Mario and so he did and they saved the world again, blah blah blah.
And then Bowser came to SBG, supposedly to kidnap Princess Peach but he got too distracted by being an English teacher and grading all of those horrible essays that always got Fs. So instead of kidnapping Peach, or really ever doing anything with her at all, since she was hardly around for some reason, he started hitting on the next blond he happened to find. And that was Samus Aran. This is probably not the smartest of ideas, but nobody ever said that Bowser was the smartest of characters. Listen, all of those really bad essays really got to him, it made him extra crabby. Let's see you recton this.
Anyway, eventually he got fed up with grading English papers and he got sick of everything and in a huff, he left. Then he came back to fight against the stupid Aparoids because he wasn't about to leave his son around with only a bunch of idiots to protect him.
He's come to a realization - he can't kidnap Peach if she's going to be spending all of her time at SBG instead of back at home. So, clearly if he wants to kidnap Peach (I swear guys this time he will) he has to come back to school. So he's decided to come back to SBG but instead of teaching English, which has already been filled anyway, he's come back to teach Etiquette, because Bowser is an authority on how everyone else should be acting. And there aren't any essays to grade. And Bowser thinks it's hilarious to watch kids not have any idea what fork to use. Not that he really knows, but whatever.
Anything Else?:
The mother of the Koopalings and Junior is and forevermore shall remain a mystery.
In addition to kidnapping Peach, Bowser's other hobbies include: Tennis, trying to melt Antarctica, golf, running a chain of hotels, baseball, soccer, time traveling to steal things from history for no good reason, go-kart racing, ruining other people's board games, basketball, and the Olympics. And if the cartoon were canon, I'd have to say cosplay as well
In human form he bears a striking resemblance to a certain red-headed Miami CSI type with a penchant for spiky bracelets:
Please don't hate me, I swear I'm trying.
In-Character Example Post:
Outer Space sucks more than dealing with the rest of you, so your favorite, bravest, most handsome teacher has decided to come back.
I'm back and since someone else has so kindly offered to teach English, Crazy Hand and I have had a little chat and I'll be teaching Etiquette and Social Graces. Good luck on grading all of their essays, I have a rubber stamp marked "F" I'd be happy to sell you.
Evidently even Crazy thinks you're all a bunch of unmannered slobs.
Don't worry, I'll be happy to tell you all exactly how you should be acting. It's a special gift I have, among many others.
Junior, come see me soon. Papa brought you back a 50 gallon drum of Goop from outer space.
THIRD PERSON:
He wasn't certain, there were so many options in front of him. He paused to give it some serious thought. Which to go with, which to go with? The way before him was cloudy and uncertain, but he was a man (turtle?) of action! Something had to be done.
He thought for a moment of Peach. Yes, yes what would Peach have done in this situation? Bake a cake? Would she have baked a cake? She probably would have baked a cake. For Bowser. Yes, that's it.
Sadly the knowledge of cake baking had never been in his specific repertoire. Finally, yes, he made his choice. He reached out with a beclawed hand and snatched up his prey, and grinned at it cruely.
Oh yes, Cool Ranch Doritos, yes, you belonged to Bowser now, and there was nothing anyone could do that would stop him from eating them - staff room rules be damned. He didn't even bother to see whose snack he was eating - probably Ollimar or Goose or Falcon or some other idiot - he just ripped the top off the bag off with his mighty claws and dumped the contents into his ravenous mouth. A few terrifyingly fangy grinds of his teeth later, and the deed was done. He scribbled a little note next to the now empty bag of chips - "You need to buy more of this." He signed it, "Resetti."
"Gwa ha ha ha ha," he chortled. Oh yes, he was evil. Beautifully evil. And also still hungry. Beautifully hungry.