Used To This
Kyungsoo/Jongin ★ PG-13 ★ 2,607w (give or take)
Summary: After a few drinks during a night out with friends, and a heated make out session, Kyungsoo concludes that Jongin is just not that into him. Fortunately, they're both just idiots.
Jongin is drunk off his ass. Kyungsoo is only sort of drunk, but he is used to this- the cab ride home with Jongin draped over him after a night out drinking with their friends.
But Kyungsoo wanted tonight to be different. Jongin watches him at the bar as he chews on his bottom lip. Jongin knows Kyungsoo. He knows that Kyungsoo only chews on his lip when he is nervous or when something is bothering him.
He strains to hear over the music as Kyungsoo tells him not to drink so much, that they need to talk later. Jongin replies that it's Friday night, and Friday nights are for having fun, and that, "whatever it is hyung, it can wait until tomorrow". Kyungsoo has waited a thousand tomorrows to tell Jongin how he feels. He can wait one more.
They arrive at Kyungsoo's apartment, and he is used to this too. They always end up at his apartment or Jongin's after these kinds of cab rides. Sometimes they're so drunk, they pass out on the couch together. Sometimes they pass out on Kyungsoo's or Jongin's bed. But no matter the resting place, the outcome is always the same: Kyungsoo holds Jongin.
He holds Jongin, because Jongin doesn't like to wake up alone with a hangover, and because this is what best friends do. Kyungsoo cherishes these moments when he can hold Jongin as a best friend and nothing more. In moments like this, his feelings are too arrested by the alcohol to think of it any other way. His feelings are to drowned out to wonder why he can't hold Jongin like this every night, too drunk to wonder why Jongin doesn't love him too.
When Kyungsoo isn't drunk, his world is falling apart. He is too afraid of rejection, too afraid to screw up their friendship, but really, just too much of a coward to admit how he feels. Yet, he is strong enough and brave enough to take the pain when such thoughts and feelings make it hard for him to even function around Jongin, because best friends do that too; they suffer for each other. And boy does Kyungsoo suffer.
Tonight is no different; he'll hold Jongin just the same. He'll suffer like always.
They make it only as far as the couch tonight, and Jongin falls on top of Kyungsoo like usual. Sometimes Kyungsoo lets him stay this way, sometimes he pushes him off and snuggles into his back, arms wrapped around Jongin's waist. Tonight though, he lets him stay. He wraps his arms around Jongin and sighs forlonly. Because he knows he will never hold Jongin -like this- any other way.
He has already talked himself out of the tomorrow Jongin promised.
But suddenly-
"Hyung."
Kyungsoo's heart stops. Jongin's voice is laced with a type of need he has never heard before, and Jongin can be pretty needy. It's nothing like he is used to though. Not, 'hyung I need help with my physics homework' (why is he even taking this class if he can't do the work, Kyungsoo thinks), or 'hyung I need you to stop being so dramatic', (because really, Kyungsoo knows he can be). It's not even, 'hyung I just need you to be there with me' (Jongin is baby when it comes to Dr.'s appointments), but simply...
"Hyung, I need you."
Kyungsoo inhales sharply because he can't tell if he is hearing things or if Jongin actually just said-
"Hyung, I love you. Don't ever leave me."
And suddenly tonight is different. Everything Kyungsoo ever wanted to hear, wanted to feel.
There are lips on the side of his neck, and Jongin is looking Kyungsoo in the eyes. Kyungsoo is in heaven, because that's what Jongin's lips feel like against his own.
Finally.
Kyungsoo's head is spinning, and his hips are bucking. He swallows the moans that escape Jongin's lips, and Kyungsoo can't tell if it is moans or sobs escaping his own. He can't believe Jongin is here, and that this is happening, that Jongin could possibly want him too.
But then-
"Soo! I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry hyung!”
Jongin is on his feet staring at Kyungsoo. He looks.. surprised? Confused? Sick? And is that regret???
Jongin is backing up towards the door, his eye bigger than Kyungsoo's, as apologies still slip from his lips. Kyungsoo looks hurt. But Jongin doesn't notice. Jongin is drunk. And Kyungsoo feels stupid for thinking tonight would be different.
"I can't... this shouldn't have happened!"
Jongin spits word vomit to keep the real vomit from rising, and Kyungsoo can't say anything for fear that he'll embarrass himself by crying. Jongin doesn't trip once before reaching the door, and Kyungsoo can't help but think, he has never seen such a graceful Jongin in all the time they've known each other. And that hurts him even more.
Jongin doesn't even put on his shoes, just grabs them in his hands before slipping out of the door with one last apology. It was all in slow motion to Kyungsoo, but truthfully, it all happened in less than a minute.
And now, everything is different. Yet it's nothing like what Kyungsoo wanted. He finally lets himself cry.
Jongin walks two blocks to a busy street to hail a cab. His face flushes with the thought of what happened with Kyungsoo, but his heart clenches in his chest. He regrets being so careless, and kicks himself for being so stupid.
Neither of them get any sleep that night.
_______________
It's been a week, and it's the longest they've ever gone without talking to, or seeing each other. Neither calls, nor texts the other, and neither goes out with their group of shared friends for fear that the other might be there. Kyungsoo doesn't have lunch with them at school, opting to go to the library or just leave the university campus if he is hungry enough.
When Jongin finally decides to join them, his friends don't let him off so easily.
"Jongin, what's going on with soo?" Suho asks.
"Huh? Oh, I don't know. I guess he is busy."
"What do you mean you don't know. Since when don't you know?" Tao asks sweetly with a hint of -I know you're lying- because everyone knows Jongin and Kyungsoo are joined at the hip.
Jongin sighs with exasperation, and Baekhyun throws a french fry at him, glaring.
"What did you do to him?"
Jongin stares at Baekhyun with hurt in his eyes. "What makes you think this is my fault?"
Before Baekhyun can answer, Jongdae does it for him. "Because between you and Kyungsoo, you're the stupid one bro."
Jongin pushes his chair back and leaves the table. He knows it's his fault. He just can't admit it, and he isn't in the mood to deal with their judging stares.
Later that night, Baekhyun shows up at Kyungsoo's apartment- same as he has done every night for the past week since Kyungsoo refuses to hang out with them.
Kyungsoo still hasn't told him what's wrong, but Baekhyun checks on him anyway. Kyungsoo is kind of glad that Bakhyun has always been so persistent. Baehyunk never takes no for an answer, hasn't for the past three years. He knows Kyungsoo will open up eventually.
"I know something happened between you and Jongin.” he says.
Kyungsoo eyes Baekhyun. “I don't know what you mean.”
"That's crap Kyungsoo! I didn't know you two weren't even talking. Not until he said at lunch today that he didn't know what was going on with you. I knew then something wasn't right, because really, since when does Jongin not know."
It's more of a statement than a question. Kyungsoo just looks at the floor.
"So tell me what it is. Did you confess? Did he hurt you??? That bitch could have let you down gently. I'll kick his ass!"
Kyungsoo throws Baekhyun a smile while shaking his head. Because he knows Baekhyun is too small to kick anyone's ass.
"No Baek, he didn't hurt me... not on purpose."
"So what is it?"
Kyungsoo sighs. "We kissed. Actually we kind of full on made out."
And with that, Baekhyun's face softens a little. "What's so bad about that Soo? Isn't that what you wanted?"
Kyungsoo bites his lip to keep the tears from falling from his eyes.
"He was drunk Baek. And I was kinda drunk, but no where near as bad as him. He kissed me and I kissed him back and it was amazing. But then I guess he realized what was going on.” Kyungsoo chuckles softly. "I'm so stupid that I didn't even stop to think that maybe he was too drunk to know what he was doing. He jumped up so fast. And-". Kyungsoo looks up at Baekhyun and now he can't help but let tears spill over.
"Baek you should have seen the way he looked at me. Like... like he was disgusted!"
Baekhyun puts his arms around Kyungsoo and lets him cry on his shoulder.
"He has been my best friend for five years and he has NEVER looked at me that way. Like he couldn't stand to fucking be near me. Baek, am I that gross??!" He sobs.
"No! Of course not Soo! You're gorgeous. Jongin is fucking stupid. He is crazy to not want you."
Kyungsoo isn't so sure about that. He is lame, too quiet, reserved. While Jongin is funny, cool, sexy, everything Kyungsoo wants, and everything he thinks he's not.
"But you two should fix this. We can't have another Yixing/Jongdae episode." He is wiping the tears from Kyungsoo's eyes. "It almost tore us apart, and I need all of you guys. Especially you Soo.
Kyungsoo gives him a wry smile.
“But if I have to choose a side, you know I'm gonna choose yours. And if I have to scratch Jongin's eyes out, I'll do that too. He annoys me sometimes anyways."
They both laugh. And that's all Baekhyun can ask for at this point. Then there is a knock at Kyungsoo's door. Baekhyun goes to answer, but slams it immediately.
"Go away jack ass. He doesn't wanna see you!"
They can both hear Jongin sigh on the other side of the door. "Baek please, I need to talk to him." Jongin begs.
Baekhyun looks over at Kyungsoo, eyes full of sympathy for his friend. "You said we should fix it Baek. Its ok." Kyungsoo says.
With that, Baekhyun opens the door to let Jongin inside. He narrows his eyes at Jongin, and before he walks out the door he says, "I might be small, but I'll get Chanyeol to kick your ass if you don't fucking fix this."
Looking back, he tells Kyungsoo that he loves him and closes the door gently as he leaves.
Jongin walks over to sit next to Kyungsoo on the couch. They sit in silence for awhile before Jongin finally speaks.
"Soo, I'm so sorry for..." He swallows hard. "For that night."
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin, who is staring at the floor."Why?"
Jongin looks up at Kyungsoo, and their eyes lock.
"Why did you kiss me? Why did you tell me you love me?"
Jongin grabs both of Kyungsoo's hands to hold, and answers, "Because I do love you hyung! You're my best friend, of course I love you."
Kyungsoo doesn't answer but Jongin can see the sadness in his eyes. He knows he's fucked up. He still remembers when Yixing and Jongdae got too drunk one night and let carelessness take control, except it was much worse because they actually had sex. It was months before the embarrassment of what happened between them allowed the gang to be together again. Yixing and Jongdae couldn't stand the sight of each other, and everyone else choose sides. It was a disaster.
He didn't want that with Kyungsoo, but here they were.
"Hyung I was drunk that night." Kyungsoo winces at the words. "And so were you. I didn't want to take advantage of you that way. I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't wanna be like our friends. I didn't want so many things, yet that's not exactly it. I just..”
He is rambling and he knows it, so he doesn't finish his sentence. He never thought he would be trying to save face with Kyungsoo.
"I wasn't as drunk as you think I was Jongin. And anyways, I think I'm capable of making decisions for myself." He doesn't mean to sound bitter, but he is, so whatever.
Jongin sighs again, and it's starting to annoy Kyungsoo. He should be the only one upset, because he is the one who is being rejected.
"I didn't want to hurt you. I could never hurt you hyung.”
Kyungsoo's face softens. "The only thing that hurt me was the look on your face after you left this apartment! Like you couldn't wait to get home to wash the feel and taste of me off of you."
Kyungsoo drops his eyes from Jongin's and pulls his hands away, resting them on his own lap. Jongin's heart drops because Kyungsoo has never sounded so sad and this is all his fault. Jongin stays quiet; thinking.
And then it hits him! But then again, he isn't sure if it has. He has always been a little slow. He lifts Kyungsoo's head and cups his face with both hands, so that Kyungsoo has to look him in the eyes.
"Hyung, do you love me?"
Kyungsoo looks away. "Of course I love you. You're my best friend."
He echos Jongin's words so low that Jongin hardly hears him. But Jongin wants so badly to be right. So he forces Kyungsoo to look at him again.
"No hyung, do you LOVE me?"
It's then that Kyungsoo realizes what Jongin is asking. He wants to know if Kyungsoo is in love with him. So many times he's pumped himself up to confess, then talked himself out of it. And here he is, Jongin's hands still cupping his face. Jongin waiting, wanting, expecting answer.
He finally has the chance, and he can't. He just can't. But he doesn't have to for Jongin to know that the answer is yes.
"Why didn't u tell me?"
His voice is soft, but stern.
Kyungsoo still can't answer.
There are what feels like minutes, but are only seconds of silence. Jongin takes a deep breath.
"Is it the same reason I couldn't tell you?"
Kyungsoo looks up, eyes wider than they have ever been, but Jongin isn't looking at him. He is too embarrassed, but he continues to speak.
"I was afraid you wouldn't love me back hyung. I was scared to lose you. I didn't wanna lose any part of you. And if you didn't return my feelings, well how else would it have turned out? We wouldn't be friends and I couldn't take that."
Kyungsoo still can't speak. He just sits there, eyes wide and mouth open.
"You know," Jongin says, "I don't even like soju that much. But I like when you hold me after I've had too much." Jongin squeezes his hands a little tighter. "I didn't wanna loose that either. I've loved you for so long hyung. I was just scared."
And now it's Kyungsoo's turn to lift Jongin's face so that they can look into each others' eyes.
_____________
They make it past the couch that night, to Kyungsoo's bed. Jongin falls on top of Kyungsoo. He wraps his arms around Jongin, and sighs contently. He knows this won't be the last time he gets to hold Jongin this way. And this time, with heavenly lips on his neck, everything is different, and most definitely everything Kyungsoo ever wanted.
He could get used to this.
"Hyung, I love you. Don't ever leave me."
END
_______________
A/N: So this was the very first fic I ever wrote. I think my writing has changed, even if just a little.
Thanks for reading! I'll be adding more soon :)
Summary: After a few drinks during a night out with friends, and a heated make out session, Kyungsoo concludes that Jongin is just not that into him. Fortunately, they're both just idiots.
Jongin is drunk off his ass. Kyungsoo is only sort of drunk, but he is used to this- the cab ride home with Jongin draped over him after a night out drinking with their friends.
But Kyungsoo wanted tonight to be different. Jongin watches him at the bar as he chews on his bottom lip. Jongin knows Kyungsoo. He knows that Kyungsoo only chews on his lip when he is nervous or when something is bothering him.
He strains to hear over the music as Kyungsoo tells him not to drink so much, that they need to talk later. Jongin replies that it's Friday night, and Friday nights are for having fun, and that, "whatever it is hyung, it can wait until tomorrow". Kyungsoo has waited a thousand tomorrows to tell Jongin how he feels. He can wait one more.
They arrive at Kyungsoo's apartment, and he is used to this too. They always end up at his apartment or Jongin's after these kinds of cab rides. Sometimes they're so drunk, they pass out on the couch together. Sometimes they pass out on Kyungsoo's or Jongin's bed. But no matter the resting place, the outcome is always the same: Kyungsoo holds Jongin.
He holds Jongin, because Jongin doesn't like to wake up alone with a hangover, and because this is what best friends do. Kyungsoo cherishes these moments when he can hold Jongin as a best friend and nothing more. In moments like this, his feelings are too arrested by the alcohol to think of it any other way. His feelings are to drowned out to wonder why he can't hold Jongin like this every night, too drunk to wonder why Jongin doesn't love him too.
When Kyungsoo isn't drunk, his world is falling apart. He is too afraid of rejection, too afraid to screw up their friendship, but really, just too much of a coward to admit how he feels. Yet, he is strong enough and brave enough to take the pain when such thoughts and feelings make it hard for him to even function around Jongin, because best friends do that too; they suffer for each other. And boy does Kyungsoo suffer.
Tonight is no different; he'll hold Jongin just the same. He'll suffer like always.
They make it only as far as the couch tonight, and Jongin falls on top of Kyungsoo like usual. Sometimes Kyungsoo lets him stay this way, sometimes he pushes him off and snuggles into his back, arms wrapped around Jongin's waist. Tonight though, he lets him stay. He wraps his arms around Jongin and sighs forlonly. Because he knows he will never hold Jongin -like this- any other way.
He has already talked himself out of the tomorrow Jongin promised.
But suddenly-
"Hyung."
Kyungsoo's heart stops. Jongin's voice is laced with a type of need he has never heard before, and Jongin can be pretty needy. It's nothing like he is used to though. Not, 'hyung I need help with my physics homework' (why is he even taking this class if he can't do the work, Kyungsoo thinks), or 'hyung I need you to stop being so dramatic', (because really, Kyungsoo knows he can be). It's not even, 'hyung I just need you to be there with me' (Jongin is baby when it comes to Dr.'s appointments), but simply...
"Hyung, I need you."
Kyungsoo inhales sharply because he can't tell if he is hearing things or if Jongin actually just said-
"Hyung, I love you. Don't ever leave me."
And suddenly tonight is different. Everything Kyungsoo ever wanted to hear, wanted to feel.
There are lips on the side of his neck, and Jongin is looking Kyungsoo in the eyes. Kyungsoo is in heaven, because that's what Jongin's lips feel like against his own.
Finally.
Kyungsoo's head is spinning, and his hips are bucking. He swallows the moans that escape Jongin's lips, and Kyungsoo can't tell if it is moans or sobs escaping his own. He can't believe Jongin is here, and that this is happening, that Jongin could possibly want him too.
But then-
"Soo! I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry hyung!”
Jongin is on his feet staring at Kyungsoo. He looks.. surprised? Confused? Sick? And is that regret???
Jongin is backing up towards the door, his eye bigger than Kyungsoo's, as apologies still slip from his lips. Kyungsoo looks hurt. But Jongin doesn't notice. Jongin is drunk. And Kyungsoo feels stupid for thinking tonight would be different.
"I can't... this shouldn't have happened!"
Jongin spits word vomit to keep the real vomit from rising, and Kyungsoo can't say anything for fear that he'll embarrass himself by crying. Jongin doesn't trip once before reaching the door, and Kyungsoo can't help but think, he has never seen such a graceful Jongin in all the time they've known each other. And that hurts him even more.
Jongin doesn't even put on his shoes, just grabs them in his hands before slipping out of the door with one last apology. It was all in slow motion to Kyungsoo, but truthfully, it all happened in less than a minute.
And now, everything is different. Yet it's nothing like what Kyungsoo wanted. He finally lets himself cry.
Jongin walks two blocks to a busy street to hail a cab. His face flushes with the thought of what happened with Kyungsoo, but his heart clenches in his chest. He regrets being so careless, and kicks himself for being so stupid.
Neither of them get any sleep that night.
_______________
It's been a week, and it's the longest they've ever gone without talking to, or seeing each other. Neither calls, nor texts the other, and neither goes out with their group of shared friends for fear that the other might be there. Kyungsoo doesn't have lunch with them at school, opting to go to the library or just leave the university campus if he is hungry enough.
When Jongin finally decides to join them, his friends don't let him off so easily.
"Jongin, what's going on with soo?" Suho asks.
"Huh? Oh, I don't know. I guess he is busy."
"What do you mean you don't know. Since when don't you know?" Tao asks sweetly with a hint of -I know you're lying- because everyone knows Jongin and Kyungsoo are joined at the hip.
Jongin sighs with exasperation, and Baekhyun throws a french fry at him, glaring.
"What did you do to him?"
Jongin stares at Baekhyun with hurt in his eyes. "What makes you think this is my fault?"
Before Baekhyun can answer, Jongdae does it for him. "Because between you and Kyungsoo, you're the stupid one bro."
Jongin pushes his chair back and leaves the table. He knows it's his fault. He just can't admit it, and he isn't in the mood to deal with their judging stares.
Later that night, Baekhyun shows up at Kyungsoo's apartment- same as he has done every night for the past week since Kyungsoo refuses to hang out with them.
Kyungsoo still hasn't told him what's wrong, but Baekhyun checks on him anyway. Kyungsoo is kind of glad that Bakhyun has always been so persistent. Baehyunk never takes no for an answer, hasn't for the past three years. He knows Kyungsoo will open up eventually.
"I know something happened between you and Jongin.” he says.
Kyungsoo eyes Baekhyun. “I don't know what you mean.”
"That's crap Kyungsoo! I didn't know you two weren't even talking. Not until he said at lunch today that he didn't know what was going on with you. I knew then something wasn't right, because really, since when does Jongin not know."
It's more of a statement than a question. Kyungsoo just looks at the floor.
"So tell me what it is. Did you confess? Did he hurt you??? That bitch could have let you down gently. I'll kick his ass!"
Kyungsoo throws Baekhyun a smile while shaking his head. Because he knows Baekhyun is too small to kick anyone's ass.
"No Baek, he didn't hurt me... not on purpose."
"So what is it?"
Kyungsoo sighs. "We kissed. Actually we kind of full on made out."
And with that, Baekhyun's face softens a little. "What's so bad about that Soo? Isn't that what you wanted?"
Kyungsoo bites his lip to keep the tears from falling from his eyes.
"He was drunk Baek. And I was kinda drunk, but no where near as bad as him. He kissed me and I kissed him back and it was amazing. But then I guess he realized what was going on.” Kyungsoo chuckles softly. "I'm so stupid that I didn't even stop to think that maybe he was too drunk to know what he was doing. He jumped up so fast. And-". Kyungsoo looks up at Baekhyun and now he can't help but let tears spill over.
"Baek you should have seen the way he looked at me. Like... like he was disgusted!"
Baekhyun puts his arms around Kyungsoo and lets him cry on his shoulder.
"He has been my best friend for five years and he has NEVER looked at me that way. Like he couldn't stand to fucking be near me. Baek, am I that gross??!" He sobs.
"No! Of course not Soo! You're gorgeous. Jongin is fucking stupid. He is crazy to not want you."
Kyungsoo isn't so sure about that. He is lame, too quiet, reserved. While Jongin is funny, cool, sexy, everything Kyungsoo wants, and everything he thinks he's not.
"But you two should fix this. We can't have another Yixing/Jongdae episode." He is wiping the tears from Kyungsoo's eyes. "It almost tore us apart, and I need all of you guys. Especially you Soo.
Kyungsoo gives him a wry smile.
“But if I have to choose a side, you know I'm gonna choose yours. And if I have to scratch Jongin's eyes out, I'll do that too. He annoys me sometimes anyways."
They both laugh. And that's all Baekhyun can ask for at this point. Then there is a knock at Kyungsoo's door. Baekhyun goes to answer, but slams it immediately.
"Go away jack ass. He doesn't wanna see you!"
They can both hear Jongin sigh on the other side of the door. "Baek please, I need to talk to him." Jongin begs.
Baekhyun looks over at Kyungsoo, eyes full of sympathy for his friend. "You said we should fix it Baek. Its ok." Kyungsoo says.
With that, Baekhyun opens the door to let Jongin inside. He narrows his eyes at Jongin, and before he walks out the door he says, "I might be small, but I'll get Chanyeol to kick your ass if you don't fucking fix this."
Looking back, he tells Kyungsoo that he loves him and closes the door gently as he leaves.
Jongin walks over to sit next to Kyungsoo on the couch. They sit in silence for awhile before Jongin finally speaks.
"Soo, I'm so sorry for..." He swallows hard. "For that night."
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin, who is staring at the floor."Why?"
Jongin looks up at Kyungsoo, and their eyes lock.
"Why did you kiss me? Why did you tell me you love me?"
Jongin grabs both of Kyungsoo's hands to hold, and answers, "Because I do love you hyung! You're my best friend, of course I love you."
Kyungsoo doesn't answer but Jongin can see the sadness in his eyes. He knows he's fucked up. He still remembers when Yixing and Jongdae got too drunk one night and let carelessness take control, except it was much worse because they actually had sex. It was months before the embarrassment of what happened between them allowed the gang to be together again. Yixing and Jongdae couldn't stand the sight of each other, and everyone else choose sides. It was a disaster.
He didn't want that with Kyungsoo, but here they were.
"Hyung I was drunk that night." Kyungsoo winces at the words. "And so were you. I didn't want to take advantage of you that way. I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't wanna be like our friends. I didn't want so many things, yet that's not exactly it. I just..”
He is rambling and he knows it, so he doesn't finish his sentence. He never thought he would be trying to save face with Kyungsoo.
"I wasn't as drunk as you think I was Jongin. And anyways, I think I'm capable of making decisions for myself." He doesn't mean to sound bitter, but he is, so whatever.
Jongin sighs again, and it's starting to annoy Kyungsoo. He should be the only one upset, because he is the one who is being rejected.
"I didn't want to hurt you. I could never hurt you hyung.”
Kyungsoo's face softens. "The only thing that hurt me was the look on your face after you left this apartment! Like you couldn't wait to get home to wash the feel and taste of me off of you."
Kyungsoo drops his eyes from Jongin's and pulls his hands away, resting them on his own lap. Jongin's heart drops because Kyungsoo has never sounded so sad and this is all his fault. Jongin stays quiet; thinking.
And then it hits him! But then again, he isn't sure if it has. He has always been a little slow. He lifts Kyungsoo's head and cups his face with both hands, so that Kyungsoo has to look him in the eyes.
"Hyung, do you love me?"
Kyungsoo looks away. "Of course I love you. You're my best friend."
He echos Jongin's words so low that Jongin hardly hears him. But Jongin wants so badly to be right. So he forces Kyungsoo to look at him again.
"No hyung, do you LOVE me?"
It's then that Kyungsoo realizes what Jongin is asking. He wants to know if Kyungsoo is in love with him. So many times he's pumped himself up to confess, then talked himself out of it. And here he is, Jongin's hands still cupping his face. Jongin waiting, wanting, expecting answer.
He finally has the chance, and he can't. He just can't. But he doesn't have to for Jongin to know that the answer is yes.
"Why didn't u tell me?"
His voice is soft, but stern.
Kyungsoo still can't answer.
There are what feels like minutes, but are only seconds of silence. Jongin takes a deep breath.
"Is it the same reason I couldn't tell you?"
Kyungsoo looks up, eyes wider than they have ever been, but Jongin isn't looking at him. He is too embarrassed, but he continues to speak.
"I was afraid you wouldn't love me back hyung. I was scared to lose you. I didn't wanna lose any part of you. And if you didn't return my feelings, well how else would it have turned out? We wouldn't be friends and I couldn't take that."
Kyungsoo still can't speak. He just sits there, eyes wide and mouth open.
"You know," Jongin says, "I don't even like soju that much. But I like when you hold me after I've had too much." Jongin squeezes his hands a little tighter. "I didn't wanna loose that either. I've loved you for so long hyung. I was just scared."
And now it's Kyungsoo's turn to lift Jongin's face so that they can look into each others' eyes.
_____________
They make it past the couch that night, to Kyungsoo's bed. Jongin falls on top of Kyungsoo. He wraps his arms around Jongin, and sighs contently. He knows this won't be the last time he gets to hold Jongin this way. And this time, with heavenly lips on his neck, everything is different, and most definitely everything Kyungsoo ever wanted.
He could get used to this.
"Hyung, I love you. Don't ever leave me."
END
_______________
A/N: So this was the very first fic I ever wrote. I think my writing has changed, even if just a little.
Thanks for reading! I'll be adding more soon :)