(no subject)
Okay, two and a half years ago I made the best decision of my life.
I asked Marcie, if she would go out with me and keep me safe.
Not going into details, done that too many times, and you all know the shit I went through...
If not, ask. I don't mind telling...
For someone as kind as Marcie to sit up with me till dawns break quite a few times durring the week when I wasn't sleeping much, and didn't trust myself to be alone. Someone who at this point knew me as a friend of a friend..She didn't know me at all, yet she would sit with me, be with me and keep me company. After a few weeks, I worked up the courage, which i didn't know existed and asked her...luckly she accepted.
So...as the rant was originailly stating...that was two and a half years ago.
Sure we have our moments, mainly my fault due to me horrible attitude most of the time. I can be a real stubborn and thick headed at times, and god love her, she is still by my side.
Now yesterday was Mary's birthday party...and she finially announced that Josh (her crackhead boyfriend) proposed, and she said yes. She then proceded to walk around and shove the ring in everyones face. I took that as a kick in the nuts. She should have just walked up to me and kicked me in the nuts, then laugh while i fall to the ground wrenching in pain. Marcie looked at it, then looked at me with this sad little puppy dog face...and that finished me off...Mary kicked me in the nuts, and Marcie set me on fire... I felt horrible, worthless, a piece of shit. No matter how much Marcie says she doesn't want a ring, I know she does...everyone woman wants an engagement ring...something to show her friends and family. She doesn't mean to make me feel bad, I know that deep down, cause she is a good person, someone that can't hurt anyone; my own little mother teressa mormon. It kills me though, to know that i can't get it for her...i want to get her one, but i just can't afford it, and I want it to be one she can be proud of. Little does she know that last winter, I had planned on getting her one, i was going to propose at christmas...but I didnt have the money...i was barely getting buy paying the rent and keeping food in the fridge. So as most of the things in my life I had to put it off for another time.
I dont know where i was going with this, like I said im half asleep...and really dont even know what I'm typing... So if you read this...god bless and i'm sorry for being a tool
asshat out