Social Crisis

[ikcelaks]

My middle brother (Ryan, for convenience) graduated from college this spring and has moved back home for what will probably be the last two months of his life lived in Bridgman, and I've just now realized how awesome it is to have him living here and how disappointing it is that this is basically the last hurrah.  It isn't that my brother and I are

Comments

[jeeperstseepers]

and generally don't derive any pleasure from social situations.

By "social situations" do you mean all situations in which you're being social? Or do you mean hanging out and socializing in a group of people you don't know too well?

[ikcelaks]

I meant any situation where I'm grouped with more than one or two other people. Communicating with a large group of people (even people I know and like) is both tedious and overwhelming to me. I'll either attach myself to one person in the group or withdraw completely (which isn't necessarily such an awful experience, since I quite enjoy playing in my head).

When I connect with people, it is almost always in a one-to-one situation. Although one-to-two can work for me, it's usually not nearly as fulfilling. For example, I felt much more comfortable and engaged when I did things with you alone compared to the time I spent with you and lamb or you and Michelle. This is despite the fact that both of them are friendly and interesting people who I am glad to have met. Similarly, I much preferred being with you alone and Suzy alone than being with both of you together. I just feel much more disconnected from the whole happenings, even though we're only talking about one extra person. The disconnect grows proportionally as more

[jeeperstseepers]

Ah, so it's inaccurate to say you hate all social situations. You do enjoy small, direct, one-on-one social situations. That's good.

I think you need to force yourself to tolerate more group interaction in order to get yourself some of the one-on-one that you like. Find small groups that you can participate in as a means to an end. Aren't there any church or community thingies you can participate in?

[ikcelaks]

Ah, so it's inaccurate to say you hate all social situations.

Yes. In fact, that is precisely the reason why I used neither "hate" nor "all". :)

I did misrepresent myself with the use of "social" when I really meant "social group".

I think you need to force yourself to tolerate more group interaction in order to get yourself some of the one-on-one that you like.

More than tolerance, I think I need to force legitimate participation. Also, I need to find people who are more like me, which is not easy.

[smrou]

Basically, it comes down to a combination of not making any new friends since leaving college and having all of my old local friends leave the state. Making friends has never been something that I've excelled at. With few exceptions, friends have made me. However, for the last four years I haven't even made myself available to be made into a friend. Well hey, there's something I easily could have written. Actually, I never had many--the best friends I ever had were my college friends and we never lived in the same state, but it doesn't help matters that not one of my three best college friends even lives in the continental US anymore (one's in Bahrain, one's in France, and one's in a practically unreachable village in Alaska). I have one good friend who lives in MA--over an hour from me--and she's moving to Tortola in September. Fantastic

[smrou]

Argh, I hate when I make errors in comments since I can't edit. I meant to say "I never had many friends in the state".

[ikcelaks]

I don't talk to the other players on any subject other than basketball. Part of this is the fact that the type of people I like to play ball with (intense, fiery, brash) are not the type of people that I really find interesting and enjoyable on a personal level. Yet, mostly it's a case of not being interested in engaging in social talk in a large group setting beyond this intellectual realization that I need to want.

You and I share far too many limiting qualities. We share good ones too, of course, but way too many of the defeating ones. Maybe one of us will suddenly discover the magic bullet to solve both our problems, although I suspect it doesn't exist.