mathematical!
mathematical!
Baekhyun and Chanyeol, the greatest heroes in the Land of Ooo, had spent their day lazily playing video games on TAO, their tiny living video game console. They lay on the couch upside down, heads hanging off the cushions and feet leaning against the backrest. Everything in their vision was upside down but it was the only thing that could make their boring day any interesting. There were no monsters to fight, royal duties or play dates with Prince Kris and thankfully, no stupid Xiumin, the Ice King, to deal with.
“Don’t you have any other game?” Chanyeol, the yellow, frizzy-haired bulldog sat rightside up and moved the joystick of his controller other down.
TAO changed his display to a list of games he currently had as Chanyeol scrolled. There seemed to be a lot but as Chanyeol read each title, none of them seemed to pique his interest the least bit.
“I am sorry, Chanyeol. This only what I have so far,” TAO apologized and the screen changed back to his sad 8-bit face.
They both notice Baekhyun staring out the window quietly. His gaze is directed far across the green plains in from the view of their window. He hasn’t moved since Chanyeol stopped the game.
“Baek. Dude,” Chanyeol poked Baekhyun’s nose. “Hey, dude, are you alright?”
Baekhyun’s lips parted slightly as a long fart filled the silence of the room. He even contorted his face to match the ups and downs of the sound coming from his butt. The smell of rotten eggs wafted the room thereafter and Baekhyun grinned in satisfaction of his fart.
“Siiiiiiiick!” Chanyeol exclaimed and covered his nose. He gave Baekhyun a high-five and stretched his body to the window to open it, letting the smell of Baekhyun’s unwanted fart escape their tree house.
---------------
Baekhyun and Chanyeol are invited to Prince Kris’ candy castle once again. They greet Sungmin, the hanging piñata from the main hall and are escorted to Prince Kris’ dining room by his royal and faithful peppermint butler, Joonmyun.
“Prince Kris, Baekhyun and Chanyeol have arrived,”Joonmyun announces to the tall, pink man sitting on chair and sipping his tea coolly.
The heroes walk in the room with friendly familiarity. Chanyeol stretched in loop de loops to a chair next to the Prince and Baekhyun followed behind, giggling and catching a seat too.
“What did you call us here for?” Chanyeol blinked as his arms stretched out to a plate of small sandwiches. He took two and gave one to Baekhyun who happily chomped on the little snack.
“I’ve done extensive research about the beings that existed before the Great Mushroom War,” Kris put his pink teacup back on its saucer. “There was this animal, called the alpaca. It’s quite interesting.”
Baekhyun took a sip from his own cup of tea that Joonmyun served. He made a small disgusted face after tasting it. After placing it on the saucer, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and looked at Kris. “So, uh, what does it look like?”
“That’s what I’m tried to figure out last night. I’ve read tons of books on the animals and,” Kris snapped his fingers. Joonmyun came to the room carrying a canvas of a badly-drawn creature with four legs. “I think this is what they’re supposed to look like.”
“Uhhhh,” Chanyeol and Baekhyun stare at the Prince’s horrible recreation of what was supposed to be an alpaca. Both of them were sure that alpacas weren’t supposed to look like that.
Baekhyun coughed and tried to change the topic. “So, uh, any other animals you discovered?”
“I also drew a crocodile,” The Prince held up another canvas of what looked like a 2 year-old would have drawn.
------------
In the next few hours, Baekhyun and Chanyeol find themselves in Chen’s underground swamp home. Chen had invited them on a day out to teach them about survival in the forest of Ooo. Though the heroes were experienced, they weren’t very skilled in camping. Chen, having lived a thousand years and travelling most of the Land of Ooo, wanted to teach them a thing or two about survival.
They go to the nearest forest, Chen floating and Baekhyun riding on Chanyeol, who grew ten times his real size for easy travelling. The group travelled late at night, perfect for Chen to go out without being burned. Baekhyun had sword ready in case anything attacks them.
“Perfect spot,” Chen stopped and gracefully landed on the ground. He smiled, two tiny fangs gleaming on the moonlight.
Chanyeol always got the chills when he did that. Though he and Chen were already friends, Chanyeol couldn’t shake off the fear he had when they initially met. Vampires always rubbed him the wrong way.
Chen walked to a bush with yellow flowers and crouched down. “Guys, come here.”
Baekhyun hopped from Chanyeol’s back and crouched next to Chen.
“What’s that?”
“They’re living flowers,” Chen whispered and carefully held the head of one of the closed buds.
“Watch this.”
Chen lightly tickled a petal. It slowly opened, revealing a small ray of light. Baekhyun and Chanyeol watched it with amazement. Although, they can’t say they expected what had happened next.
When the flower fully opened, it revealed to have small beady eyes and a large, angry and open mouth with big sharp teeth. It growled at them, most likely angry because it was woken up. In a moment of panic, the trio jumped back until Baekhyun decapitated it with his sword. The head of the flower lays limp on the ground and the stem spurts out purple blood on Baekhyun’s face.
“Big mistake,” Chen murmured, amused. He flew right back up in the air. “Now the party’s really going to start!”
“Huh?” Baekhyun looks back at Chen, confused.
Just then, the ground shakes and a great, brown, tree-like monster tore out from below the ground, the bush of yellow flowers on its back. It roared as it took blind steps towards the trio. Its face was a bigger version of the flowers on its back.
“WHAT IS THAT?!” Chanyeol exclaimed, elongating his body to reach Chen’s level of levitation.
“A hidden threat among plants,” Chen answered coolly. “Just thought you’d want to know.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHH,” Baekhyun charged at the monster with his sword raised up into the air. “EAT THIS!”
He swung at the monster’s body, switching from left to right, leaving cut marks on its bark. Moving behind, he jumped on its back and hit its head with the butt of his sword. “YOU’RE GOING DOWNNNNN!”
“I got your back, man!” Chanyeol wound himself around the monster’s legs. The monster tripped, sending the three of them onto the ground. They rolled on the ground with the roaring monster.
Chen was still afloat in the air, in a sitting position. He picked his nails and looked below. “You guys are handling this worse than I thought.”
“THEN WE’RE GOING TO HANDLE THIS WEEEELL! AAAAAAAARRRGHH!” Baekhyun continuously clubbed the monster on the head with his sword. “TAKE THAT! AND THAT, STUPID MONSTER!”
“Wow,” Chen flew to the ground, leveling his head with the monster’s while his body was floating. In a snap, his he bore his fangs and hissed his tongue out at the monster. The monster shook Baekhyun and Chanyeol off in fright and scurried back to the hole it made in the ground.
“Underground root monsters have a natural fear of vampires,” Chen landed on the ground once again. “They’ve seen a bit of the Nightosphere so they can see exactly how nasty I can get when I want to.”
Chanyeol and Baekhyun sat up, panting and sweating from their brawl.
“Well, if that was the case, why didn’t you do anything earlier?” Chanyeol asked, helping Baekhyun up to his feet.
“I thought it’d be more fun this way.”
-----------
Luhan Space Princess had enough of his parents. They never wanted him to be free like the sexy, independent and grown-up lump he is. He’s sick and tired of being treated like a baby because what the lump, that was so 19 years ago. Luhan’s a go-getter. He always has to get what he wants and if he wants independence from his lumpin’ parents, he’s going to get independence.
(Though, occasionally, he does return to his parents’ for a basket of sandwiches or two.)
For the 15th time this year, Luhan has run away. He wrapped his cute clothes, all the sandwiches in his house and some magazines in a blanket and tied the bunch to a stick. What made him run away this time was the fact that his parents tried tricking him into staying for good by saying he could sleepover. At least that’s what Luhan thought. Carrying his stuff over his shoulder, he ran (floated) out of his parents’ door in anger.
“Sweetheart, come back!” They cried, attempting to call their rebellious child back.
“No!” Luhan turned around. “I’m not a child anymore. Stop chaining me down!”
Much to his parents’ dismay, Luhan had taken the next portal to the Land of Ooo. Grumbling as he searched for a new home, he came across the forest he always stayed in when he needed to get away. No. Too predictable. This time he really needed to hide before his parents could find him and make him come back home. Luhan settled on the last place anybody would suspect him-
The Ice Kingdom.
It was chilly there, sure, but at least Luhan brought his cute jacket and he could totally show it off to the jealous animals that wish they had his clothes. He strut his stuff in between the frostbitten trees of the ice kingdom, looking for a good spot to set up camp-scratch that his new, lumping awesome abode. I’m going to show them, he thought. I’m going to make, like, the awesomest, coolest, prettiest campsite ever and like, they can’t join.
Luhan dumped his stuff on a pile of snow. He broke off branches from some of the trees and put them together to make a little hut. Throwing a blanket over them, Luhan put his hands on his lumpy waist and looked over at his campsite in satisfaction. He dusted his hands off to check for supplies in his bags because being independent sure made him hungry. Luhan had hoped he packed enough sandwiches to last him for forever and not 2 hours like the last time he ran away. He looked inside his little branch hut and found nothing but crusts and 5 cans of beans. Then he remembered he got hungry about 10 times on the way to the Ice Kingdom.
“Oh my Glob,” Luhan gasped and took a can of beans in his hand. “At least I still have you.”
Although he had already found a food source, Luhan realized that he had nothing to cook his can of beans with. He hated himself for even forgetting that necessary detail. Ugh, you can’t do anything right, he thought.
And so, he wandered off to look for more twigs.
Unbeknownst to Luhan he was being watched by two large eyes in the distance. “Wenk, wenk!” The creature chirruped behind a tree at the sight of the Lumpy Prince. Yixing, the Ice King’s beloved little penguin waddled off to the direction of the Ice King’s castle, but not without falling and rolling downhill to the entrance.
“Wenk, wenk!” Yixing called out to his master, who was lying down on his ice bed with little dumplings on his blue-cloaked tummy.
The Ice King, Xiumin, drew on the little black faces on the dumplings, even putting a pink bow on a handful, as he played with them on the bed. He picked up one dumpling with a crown similar to his own and put it next to a group of ‘princess dumplings.’
“Oh, hello, ladies,” Xiumin moved the dumpling in accordance to his voice.
“Heeeey, Ice King,” He made his voice an octave higher, in attempt to imitate a girl’s voice. “Are you guys having a party? ‘Oh, we through a surprise party for you, Ice King!’ For me? You shouldn’t have! ‘But you deserve it! You’re so hard-working and cool and handsome and you could totally marry one of us any day!’ You said it.”
“Wenk,” Yixing coughed, entering the room.
“Xingxing, what did you find?”
“Wenk!” Yixing flapped his flippers in the air and jumped.
“A princess?! Which one? Out with it, Yixing, you’re making me wait too long. What’s a guy have to do to get an answer out of you?”
“Wenk,” Yixing stared at him angrily and left the room, leaving Xiumin flying after him. Xiumin carried the little penguin in his arms and looked it straight in the eye.
“Aw, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cut you off. Daddy’s sorry. Will you forgive me?”
“Wenk wenk.”
“What do you mean check it out myself?”
“Wenk!”
“Fine, fine. I spoil you too much.”
Meanwhile, in the middle of the thick ice-covered forest, Luhan was rubbing two frozen twigs together to make a fire. After rubbing them together in frustration, he only manages to break in half the stick that was standing in the snow.
“WHAT THE LUMP,” Luhan shouted in frustration, throwing the broken sticks behind him to a large of pile of other broken sticks. “WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO GET A LUMPING FIRE AROUND HERE?”
He looked to the sky and thought about all the clothes he didn’t get to buy, the boyfriend that his best friend stole and the. “WHAT DO YOU LUMPING WANT FROM ME?”
Just up in the air, Xiumin had been flying by, Yixing in hand, searching for the reported wandering Princess. He had seen nothing so far but a scattering of trees and snow. “Yixing, nothing’s here have you been lying to me?”
Suddenly, he heard a scream in the distance. He flew faster towards the direction of the scream, thinking maybe he could save the lost Princess and maybe she’d like to marry him so they can grow fat and cuddle for the rest of their lives. When he arrived to the source of the incessant screaming, he hit a nearby pine tree. He fell on his back just near Luhan’s campsite.
Luhan screamed at the object that just fell. Realizing that it was the Ice King, Luhan screamed even louder and began hitting the unconscious man on the head with a twig. When the Ice King’s body stopped reacting to his hits, he turned it over, face-up.
“Oh my glob,” Luhan poked the Ice King’s chubby cheek. “Oh my glob, oh my glob, oh my glob. I killed you!”
He stared down at the Ice King’s face and slapped it multiple times, alternating between each chubby cheek. “Hey, wake up!”
Xiumin slowly opened his eyes to see Luhan, doe eyes, lumps and all hovering above. He is about to smile softly when Luhan’s hand comes to slap him in the face again. He winced in pain at the succeeding slaps and finally grabbed Luhan’s hand to stop anymore coming his way.
Slowly getting up, Xiumin kissed Luhan’s hand with his blue lips. “My angel, you saved me.”
“What? No, I didn’t-”
“I’ve misjudged you all this time! You are no longer my least favorite princess.”
“Hey! I think my lumps deserve first place-”
“Come over for dinner, would you?”
Luhan looked at the Ice King at disgust, then at his grumbling tummy and back at the Ice King who pouted with his lower lip out. “Sure. Whatever.”
------------
Luhan ended up living with the Ice King for a while, despite that the Ice King was the only one who enjoyed his presence. All the penguins and snowmen disliked Luhan very much for his bossy and bratty attitude. He’s managed to drive out five penguins and destroy fifteen snowmen in his bouts of anger.
Although Luhan did appreciate being spoiled by the Ice King, Xiumin’s creepy behavior made Luhan keep his distance. On the first night Luhan stayed, he refused to sleep on Xiumin’s bed, saying he’d only sleep alone. He forced the Ice King to sleep on the hard, icy floor. Xiumin didn’t seem to mind though. “Anything for my princess,” he said with his hands as his pillows.
Things got weirder when the next night, Luhan felt a hand squeezing one of his sensitive lumps. He screamed at the touch and slapped the intruder.
“Ow!” The intruder exclaimed in pain. “It’s just me, sweetie! It’s just Xiuminnie.”
“DON’T TOUCH MY LUMPS, YOU SICK-O! STAY ON THE FLOOR!”
“Yes, dear.”
The next morning, Luhan woke up to the penguins sitting on high chairs all around the room. They were all holding canvas and had paintbrushes in their hands. As if Luhan were a freak show, they stared at him with their large eyes and every now and then, they would turn to their canvas and paint with their brushes dipped in the same shade of purple Luhan’s skin was.
“WHAT THE LUMP IS HAPPENING?”
“Good morning, sweetie!” Xiumin popped out from behind the door. “Don’t worry about them. They’re just painting portraits of you while I consult this tattoo artist.”
“Tattoo artist? Portrait?”
“I’m getting you tattooed in my eyelids. I want you to be the last thing I see every night before I go to sleep, darling. Just relax.”
Finally, Luhan lost it and started screaming in absolute rage and fright. “GET OUUUUUUUT!”
All the penguins followed suit, scurrying and waddling out after clogging up the exit with the chubby bodies. Luhan floated to his stuff and found his cellphone. He called up the only people he knew that could help him.
“Baekhyun, Chanyeol! You have to lumpin’ help me!” Luhan cried into his phone. “The Ice King’s keeping me captive and he’s doing creepy stuff-I DON’T LUMPING CARE! JUST HELP ME!”
As soon as the heroes arrive at the bedroom window, Chanyeol’s body stretched from the ground and Baekhyun riding on his back, Luhan threw his all stuff one by one in their direction. He hoped for a quick, clean getaway. Nothing would be worse than Ice King stalking you around.
“Will you-ow, explain-ow, what is-ow, HAPPENING?” Chanyeol asked, pausing at every time a can of beans would hit his face.
“JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Luhan jumped out of the window and onto Chanyeol’s face. “GO.”
“Why is there a hand mark on your lump?”
“WHO SAID YOU COULD LOOK THERE?”
------
"They aren't that bad, right, Kyungsoo?" Prince Kris asked his loyal Rainicorn.
"에.... 아니요. 이고는 아름다운이에요."
"Thanks, buddy."
First of all, this is a prompt I filled from exopromptmeme and I hope anon enjoyed it! I hope I did your request some justice! Second, I'm sorry I didn't get to incorporate as much Rainicorn Kyungsoo here like you wanted but I had a severe Writer's Block along the way and I just couldn't stall this fic! I promised you a day or two, right? Enjoy!! and sorry again anon OTL
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Baekhyun and Chanyeol, the greatest heroes in the Land of Ooo, had spent their day lazily playing video games on TAO, their tiny living video game console. They lay on the couch upside down, heads hanging off the cushions and feet leaning against the backrest. Everything in their vision was upside down but it was the only thing that could make their boring day any interesting. There were no monsters to fight, royal duties or play dates with Prince Kris and thankfully, no stupid Xiumin, the Ice King, to deal with.
“Don’t you have any other game?” Chanyeol, the yellow, frizzy-haired bulldog sat rightside up and moved the joystick of his controller other down.
TAO changed his display to a list of games he currently had as Chanyeol scrolled. There seemed to be a lot but as Chanyeol read each title, none of them seemed to pique his interest the least bit.
“I am sorry, Chanyeol. This only what I have so far,” TAO apologized and the screen changed back to his sad 8-bit face.
They both notice Baekhyun staring out the window quietly. His gaze is directed far across the green plains in from the view of their window. He hasn’t moved since Chanyeol stopped the game.
“Baek. Dude,” Chanyeol poked Baekhyun’s nose. “Hey, dude, are you alright?”
Baekhyun’s lips parted slightly as a long fart filled the silence of the room. He even contorted his face to match the ups and downs of the sound coming from his butt. The smell of rotten eggs wafted the room thereafter and Baekhyun grinned in satisfaction of his fart.
“Siiiiiiiick!” Chanyeol exclaimed and covered his nose. He gave Baekhyun a high-five and stretched his body to the window to open it, letting the smell of Baekhyun’s unwanted fart escape their tree house.
---------------
Baekhyun and Chanyeol are invited to Prince Kris’ candy castle once again. They greet Sungmin, the hanging piñata from the main hall and are escorted to Prince Kris’ dining room by his royal and faithful peppermint butler, Joonmyun.
“Prince Kris, Baekhyun and Chanyeol have arrived,”Joonmyun announces to the tall, pink man sitting on chair and sipping his tea coolly.
The heroes walk in the room with friendly familiarity. Chanyeol stretched in loop de loops to a chair next to the Prince and Baekhyun followed behind, giggling and catching a seat too.
“What did you call us here for?” Chanyeol blinked as his arms stretched out to a plate of small sandwiches. He took two and gave one to Baekhyun who happily chomped on the little snack.
“I’ve done extensive research about the beings that existed before the Great Mushroom War,” Kris put his pink teacup back on its saucer. “There was this animal, called the alpaca. It’s quite interesting.”
Baekhyun took a sip from his own cup of tea that Joonmyun served. He made a small disgusted face after tasting it. After placing it on the saucer, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and looked at Kris. “So, uh, what does it look like?”
“That’s what I’m tried to figure out last night. I’ve read tons of books on the animals and,” Kris snapped his fingers. Joonmyun came to the room carrying a canvas of a badly-drawn creature with four legs. “I think this is what they’re supposed to look like.”
“Uhhhh,” Chanyeol and Baekhyun stare at the Prince’s horrible recreation of what was supposed to be an alpaca. Both of them were sure that alpacas weren’t supposed to look like that.
Baekhyun coughed and tried to change the topic. “So, uh, any other animals you discovered?”
“I also drew a crocodile,” The Prince held up another canvas of what looked like a 2 year-old would have drawn.
------------
In the next few hours, Baekhyun and Chanyeol find themselves in Chen’s underground swamp home. Chen had invited them on a day out to teach them about survival in the forest of Ooo. Though the heroes were experienced, they weren’t very skilled in camping. Chen, having lived a thousand years and travelling most of the Land of Ooo, wanted to teach them a thing or two about survival.
They go to the nearest forest, Chen floating and Baekhyun riding on Chanyeol, who grew ten times his real size for easy travelling. The group travelled late at night, perfect for Chen to go out without being burned. Baekhyun had sword ready in case anything attacks them.
“Perfect spot,” Chen stopped and gracefully landed on the ground. He smiled, two tiny fangs gleaming on the moonlight.
Chanyeol always got the chills when he did that. Though he and Chen were already friends, Chanyeol couldn’t shake off the fear he had when they initially met. Vampires always rubbed him the wrong way.
Chen walked to a bush with yellow flowers and crouched down. “Guys, come here.”
Baekhyun hopped from Chanyeol’s back and crouched next to Chen.
“What’s that?”
“They’re living flowers,” Chen whispered and carefully held the head of one of the closed buds.
“Watch this.”
Chen lightly tickled a petal. It slowly opened, revealing a small ray of light. Baekhyun and Chanyeol watched it with amazement. Although, they can’t say they expected what had happened next.
When the flower fully opened, it revealed to have small beady eyes and a large, angry and open mouth with big sharp teeth. It growled at them, most likely angry because it was woken up. In a moment of panic, the trio jumped back until Baekhyun decapitated it with his sword. The head of the flower lays limp on the ground and the stem spurts out purple blood on Baekhyun’s face.
“Big mistake,” Chen murmured, amused. He flew right back up in the air. “Now the party’s really going to start!”
“Huh?” Baekhyun looks back at Chen, confused.
Just then, the ground shakes and a great, brown, tree-like monster tore out from below the ground, the bush of yellow flowers on its back. It roared as it took blind steps towards the trio. Its face was a bigger version of the flowers on its back.
“WHAT IS THAT?!” Chanyeol exclaimed, elongating his body to reach Chen’s level of levitation.
“A hidden threat among plants,” Chen answered coolly. “Just thought you’d want to know.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHH,” Baekhyun charged at the monster with his sword raised up into the air. “EAT THIS!”
He swung at the monster’s body, switching from left to right, leaving cut marks on its bark. Moving behind, he jumped on its back and hit its head with the butt of his sword. “YOU’RE GOING DOWNNNNN!”
“I got your back, man!” Chanyeol wound himself around the monster’s legs. The monster tripped, sending the three of them onto the ground. They rolled on the ground with the roaring monster.
Chen was still afloat in the air, in a sitting position. He picked his nails and looked below. “You guys are handling this worse than I thought.”
“THEN WE’RE GOING TO HANDLE THIS WEEEELL! AAAAAAAARRRGHH!” Baekhyun continuously clubbed the monster on the head with his sword. “TAKE THAT! AND THAT, STUPID MONSTER!”
“Wow,” Chen flew to the ground, leveling his head with the monster’s while his body was floating. In a snap, his he bore his fangs and hissed his tongue out at the monster. The monster shook Baekhyun and Chanyeol off in fright and scurried back to the hole it made in the ground.
“Underground root monsters have a natural fear of vampires,” Chen landed on the ground once again. “They’ve seen a bit of the Nightosphere so they can see exactly how nasty I can get when I want to.”
Chanyeol and Baekhyun sat up, panting and sweating from their brawl.
“Well, if that was the case, why didn’t you do anything earlier?” Chanyeol asked, helping Baekhyun up to his feet.
“I thought it’d be more fun this way.”
-----------
Luhan Space Princess had enough of his parents. They never wanted him to be free like the sexy, independent and grown-up lump he is. He’s sick and tired of being treated like a baby because what the lump, that was so 19 years ago. Luhan’s a go-getter. He always has to get what he wants and if he wants independence from his lumpin’ parents, he’s going to get independence.
(Though, occasionally, he does return to his parents’ for a basket of sandwiches or two.)
For the 15th time this year, Luhan has run away. He wrapped his cute clothes, all the sandwiches in his house and some magazines in a blanket and tied the bunch to a stick. What made him run away this time was the fact that his parents tried tricking him into staying for good by saying he could sleepover. At least that’s what Luhan thought. Carrying his stuff over his shoulder, he ran (floated) out of his parents’ door in anger.
“Sweetheart, come back!” They cried, attempting to call their rebellious child back.
“No!” Luhan turned around. “I’m not a child anymore. Stop chaining me down!”
Much to his parents’ dismay, Luhan had taken the next portal to the Land of Ooo. Grumbling as he searched for a new home, he came across the forest he always stayed in when he needed to get away. No. Too predictable. This time he really needed to hide before his parents could find him and make him come back home. Luhan settled on the last place anybody would suspect him-
The Ice Kingdom.
It was chilly there, sure, but at least Luhan brought his cute jacket and he could totally show it off to the jealous animals that wish they had his clothes. He strut his stuff in between the frostbitten trees of the ice kingdom, looking for a good spot to set up camp-scratch that his new, lumping awesome abode. I’m going to show them, he thought. I’m going to make, like, the awesomest, coolest, prettiest campsite ever and like, they can’t join.
Luhan dumped his stuff on a pile of snow. He broke off branches from some of the trees and put them together to make a little hut. Throwing a blanket over them, Luhan put his hands on his lumpy waist and looked over at his campsite in satisfaction. He dusted his hands off to check for supplies in his bags because being independent sure made him hungry. Luhan had hoped he packed enough sandwiches to last him for forever and not 2 hours like the last time he ran away. He looked inside his little branch hut and found nothing but crusts and 5 cans of beans. Then he remembered he got hungry about 10 times on the way to the Ice Kingdom.
“Oh my Glob,” Luhan gasped and took a can of beans in his hand. “At least I still have you.”
Although he had already found a food source, Luhan realized that he had nothing to cook his can of beans with. He hated himself for even forgetting that necessary detail. Ugh, you can’t do anything right, he thought.
And so, he wandered off to look for more twigs.
Unbeknownst to Luhan he was being watched by two large eyes in the distance. “Wenk, wenk!” The creature chirruped behind a tree at the sight of the Lumpy Prince. Yixing, the Ice King’s beloved little penguin waddled off to the direction of the Ice King’s castle, but not without falling and rolling downhill to the entrance.
“Wenk, wenk!” Yixing called out to his master, who was lying down on his ice bed with little dumplings on his blue-cloaked tummy.
The Ice King, Xiumin, drew on the little black faces on the dumplings, even putting a pink bow on a handful, as he played with them on the bed. He picked up one dumpling with a crown similar to his own and put it next to a group of ‘princess dumplings.’
“Oh, hello, ladies,” Xiumin moved the dumpling in accordance to his voice.
“Heeeey, Ice King,” He made his voice an octave higher, in attempt to imitate a girl’s voice. “Are you guys having a party? ‘Oh, we through a surprise party for you, Ice King!’ For me? You shouldn’t have! ‘But you deserve it! You’re so hard-working and cool and handsome and you could totally marry one of us any day!’ You said it.”
“Wenk,” Yixing coughed, entering the room.
“Xingxing, what did you find?”
“Wenk!” Yixing flapped his flippers in the air and jumped.
“A princess?! Which one? Out with it, Yixing, you’re making me wait too long. What’s a guy have to do to get an answer out of you?”
“Wenk,” Yixing stared at him angrily and left the room, leaving Xiumin flying after him. Xiumin carried the little penguin in his arms and looked it straight in the eye.
“Aw, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cut you off. Daddy’s sorry. Will you forgive me?”
“Wenk wenk.”
“What do you mean check it out myself?”
“Wenk!”
“Fine, fine. I spoil you too much.”
Meanwhile, in the middle of the thick ice-covered forest, Luhan was rubbing two frozen twigs together to make a fire. After rubbing them together in frustration, he only manages to break in half the stick that was standing in the snow.
“WHAT THE LUMP,” Luhan shouted in frustration, throwing the broken sticks behind him to a large of pile of other broken sticks. “WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO GET A LUMPING FIRE AROUND HERE?”
He looked to the sky and thought about all the clothes he didn’t get to buy, the boyfriend that his best friend stole and the. “WHAT DO YOU LUMPING WANT FROM ME?”
Just up in the air, Xiumin had been flying by, Yixing in hand, searching for the reported wandering Princess. He had seen nothing so far but a scattering of trees and snow. “Yixing, nothing’s here have you been lying to me?”
Suddenly, he heard a scream in the distance. He flew faster towards the direction of the scream, thinking maybe he could save the lost Princess and maybe she’d like to marry him so they can grow fat and cuddle for the rest of their lives. When he arrived to the source of the incessant screaming, he hit a nearby pine tree. He fell on his back just near Luhan’s campsite.
Luhan screamed at the object that just fell. Realizing that it was the Ice King, Luhan screamed even louder and began hitting the unconscious man on the head with a twig. When the Ice King’s body stopped reacting to his hits, he turned it over, face-up.
“Oh my glob,” Luhan poked the Ice King’s chubby cheek. “Oh my glob, oh my glob, oh my glob. I killed you!”
He stared down at the Ice King’s face and slapped it multiple times, alternating between each chubby cheek. “Hey, wake up!”
Xiumin slowly opened his eyes to see Luhan, doe eyes, lumps and all hovering above. He is about to smile softly when Luhan’s hand comes to slap him in the face again. He winced in pain at the succeeding slaps and finally grabbed Luhan’s hand to stop anymore coming his way.
Slowly getting up, Xiumin kissed Luhan’s hand with his blue lips. “My angel, you saved me.”
“What? No, I didn’t-”
“I’ve misjudged you all this time! You are no longer my least favorite princess.”
“Hey! I think my lumps deserve first place-”
“Come over for dinner, would you?”
Luhan looked at the Ice King at disgust, then at his grumbling tummy and back at the Ice King who pouted with his lower lip out. “Sure. Whatever.”
------------
Luhan ended up living with the Ice King for a while, despite that the Ice King was the only one who enjoyed his presence. All the penguins and snowmen disliked Luhan very much for his bossy and bratty attitude. He’s managed to drive out five penguins and destroy fifteen snowmen in his bouts of anger.
Although Luhan did appreciate being spoiled by the Ice King, Xiumin’s creepy behavior made Luhan keep his distance. On the first night Luhan stayed, he refused to sleep on Xiumin’s bed, saying he’d only sleep alone. He forced the Ice King to sleep on the hard, icy floor. Xiumin didn’t seem to mind though. “Anything for my princess,” he said with his hands as his pillows.
Things got weirder when the next night, Luhan felt a hand squeezing one of his sensitive lumps. He screamed at the touch and slapped the intruder.
“Ow!” The intruder exclaimed in pain. “It’s just me, sweetie! It’s just Xiuminnie.”
“DON’T TOUCH MY LUMPS, YOU SICK-O! STAY ON THE FLOOR!”
“Yes, dear.”
The next morning, Luhan woke up to the penguins sitting on high chairs all around the room. They were all holding canvas and had paintbrushes in their hands. As if Luhan were a freak show, they stared at him with their large eyes and every now and then, they would turn to their canvas and paint with their brushes dipped in the same shade of purple Luhan’s skin was.
“WHAT THE LUMP IS HAPPENING?”
“Good morning, sweetie!” Xiumin popped out from behind the door. “Don’t worry about them. They’re just painting portraits of you while I consult this tattoo artist.”
“Tattoo artist? Portrait?”
“I’m getting you tattooed in my eyelids. I want you to be the last thing I see every night before I go to sleep, darling. Just relax.”
Finally, Luhan lost it and started screaming in absolute rage and fright. “GET OUUUUUUUT!”
All the penguins followed suit, scurrying and waddling out after clogging up the exit with the chubby bodies. Luhan floated to his stuff and found his cellphone. He called up the only people he knew that could help him.
“Baekhyun, Chanyeol! You have to lumpin’ help me!” Luhan cried into his phone. “The Ice King’s keeping me captive and he’s doing creepy stuff-I DON’T LUMPING CARE! JUST HELP ME!”
As soon as the heroes arrive at the bedroom window, Chanyeol’s body stretched from the ground and Baekhyun riding on his back, Luhan threw his all stuff one by one in their direction. He hoped for a quick, clean getaway. Nothing would be worse than Ice King stalking you around.
“Will you-ow, explain-ow, what is-ow, HAPPENING?” Chanyeol asked, pausing at every time a can of beans would hit his face.
“JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!” Luhan jumped out of the window and onto Chanyeol’s face. “GO.”
“Why is there a hand mark on your lump?”
“WHO SAID YOU COULD LOOK THERE?”
------
"They aren't that bad, right, Kyungsoo?" Prince Kris asked his loyal Rainicorn.
"에.... 아니요. 이고는 아름다운이에요."
"Thanks, buddy."
First of all, this is a prompt I filled from exopromptmeme and I hope anon enjoyed it! I hope I did your request some justice! Second, I'm sorry I didn't get to incorporate as much Rainicorn Kyungsoo here like you wanted but I had a severe Writer's Block along the way and I just couldn't stall this fic! I promised you a day or two, right? Enjoy!! and sorry again anon OTL
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