today is febuary 14th. valintines day in the heads of others. to me its stephanies birthday... the only time i feel comfortable e-mailing her was today...

for 2 years... she openly disspised me without blocking my messages... and today thats changed....

... happy birthday steph.

i seem to fall further and further somehow... perhaps i deserve

i find myself counting down days till the 14th.... more renouned to me then my birthday...

what? feb 14th is valintines day? oh ya....

hmmmm...

for 2 years we havent spoken... and im starting to jsut lose hope we ever will....

it hurts... alot. its the only thing i stillcare about... my self destruction.

not alot really...

being shat on by girls...
being taken for granted...

friends... who arent really your friends...

everything... sucks?

thank god for LSD.
thank god for THC.

... the best thing. the ONLY thing thats going good is.

im the promotions manager for entaras. a all night psytrance event.


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the dim light of a candle flicks ( Read more... )

my plans didnt just cancle... they dicided to not call, e-mail, or tell me in any way that they are cancleing ( Read more... )

my life is being held together by strings... very weak strings at that ( Read more... )

i have the oddest sensation... of walking alone into a desert with no seeable hope of direction ( Read more... )

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im not feeling good at all... partying and drugs have taken their Health toll on me. i need a few days rest... i dont imagine id be doing anymore drugs least i really am in denial over my self destruction....  no, no more bad drugs.

hey check it.




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I feel great. i feel like the old me... affter i suffered a long long long sleepless 5-6 days and slept for 20 stright hours or so i feel great... today i acted, talked, adn expressed myself in what iv grown to knwo as the younger loveable me. sweet, nice, etc. i dance to my music. and i feel content in the world. when i feel this good in ( Read more... )