Illumnaughty's guide to interwebz racism!
So this is my guide on how to make a racist comment and live. It is not “how to not make a racist comment,” because apparently that’s pretty hard.
1) Own up to it. Don’t go “ohshit, what I say?” you’re probably pretty aware of what you said. And if you aren’t, people will gladly point it out to you. Don’t pull intent, don’t try to weasel out of responsibility, claim it. Say “why yes, I DID just say that.” if only to yourself.
Intent is not some magical word that will get you out of trouble. Intent means precisely fuck-all in this situation. It doesn’t matter how you intended it to sound, it didn’t sound that way to other people. Your intentions, good and pure though they may be, do not come across as well as you think they do.
2) Don’t pull the “lol, don’t take it so seriously, gaiz!!!” move. People are not getting offended for your benefit. They do not go trawling through the internet going “hmmm, I think I’ll be offended by this today.” The burden is not on the offended to change. They don’t have to “stop being so sensitive” and “calm down”. They’re mad as hell, and they don’t have to take it anymore!
3) Don’t pull ancestry on us. “My gramma was African/Native/Mexican etc., etc, therefore I can’t be racist!”
Yes, you can. It doesn’t matter what race your gramma was. Hell, even if your gramma was a mighty Lakota shamaness, able to summon Thunderbird to do battle with the Unhcegila, it wouldn’t matter(although that would be incredibly cool.) Because we are not speaking with your gramma right now, we are speaking with you. Ditto for all your relatives.
Your anecdotal experience does not add up like rollover minutes. You do not get good karma points for what your parents were or where your ancestors came from. Your personal genetic history is not floating like a beacon above your head, visible to all who doubt you.
And please, please, please for the love of God and your own body, do not pull the “ethnic friend.” I’m sure you do X all the time and your friend laughs it off, or your friend says Y all the time because they’re cool with you. That’s great. Friends should get along. But your friend =/= the rest of the world. And have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, your friend might be made uncomfortable too, but chose to swallow it down so as not to hurt your feelings? You let a lot of things slide in a friendship, because the value of the bond seems greater to you than the little things that tick you off. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter, and that doesn’t make what you say alright.
4)Don’t pull “I’m X, I can’t be Y!” I’m African/Native/Mexican/whatever, I can’t be racist!!!”
Racism comes in all skin tones. All it really takes is for you to have a preconceived notion that is inherently false or harmful. Like I said earlier, what you are is not who you are.
5) Don’t say “well, everybody’s oppressed at one time or another.” Or “well, X repressed Y, does that count?”
This is not about keeping score. Some instances of oppression are closer to modern memory than others. Does that make them “worth” more? No. Does it make them more likely to upset someone? Yes. But they do not have that exclusive right. People can still be upset about something hundreds of years after the fact, and in most cases they have a pretty good reason to.
(also, don’t pull the “get over it” bullshit. The next person who tells me “let go of your hate, it’ll make you bitter lol” gets punched in the face. See how long that takes you to get over it.)
6)Don’t go the route of “why aren’t you out combating racism irl?” or “jeez, you act like I burned down a church!”
Many of the people who get offended do so because they have had to deal with racism one way or another in the real world, and your comment is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s a bit like walking around one day and having everybody slap your ass. Not hard(mostly) but you get kind of sensitive after a while, slap after slap, until you’re walking around with tenderized tush and ready to go off on the next person who invades your personal space. The people may not think much of slapping your ass, they might think “I’m not hitting that hard, it’s totally fine”, they may even do it because they think you’re “cool” with it. But you’re not. And your ass still hurts.
There are varying degrees of racism. You may say “well damn, I’m not Hitler!!!” and you would be right. In fact, did you know that out of the entire world, very few people were actually Hitler? (shock, I know) But you can still hurt people, whether you intended to or not. Sometimes it’s just a little hurt, but it can grow into a big hurt when you get defensive about it.
Think about it like this: the last person to slap you ass actually leaves a big purply bruise, and you go off on them. They explode. “well, what’s wrong with your ass, it was only a little slap! I think you’re just exaggerating the pain because you don’t like me!”
Now it’s not just physical pain, this person is actually denying they’ve hurt you at all, and while it may not entirely be due to them, they are responsible for that last slap that sent you over the edge. Their denial that you have any right to say what hurts only makes you more aware of the pain, and angrier.
7) Apologize. Not “I’m sorry you took that the wrong way.” Not “I’m sorry but I really don’t see anything wrong.” A-po-lo-gize. Acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused. Make amends. Give them an ice pack for their ass.
8) Learn from it. Please, for the love of god, learn from it. Take a step back and ask yourself: “what went wrong here? What went right? What should I avoid in the future?”
Don’t get defensive and think “this corner of the internet is full of big ol’ meanies!” don’t drop into the “it’s not me, it’s them” line of thinking. Walk away with a new perspective, and even if you didn’t get it this time, you possess the beginnings of an understanding for the next time.
You’re probably not a bad person. This comment is not characteristic of you, it’s probably just a stupid mistake and now people are yelling at you for it. The best thing? Give them a reason not to! Show you’re actually not a willfully ignorant person, and that you are capable of more. Sure; internet, people do not forget, etc. but you can change in people’s minds. What is better, “that idiot who said a bunch of racist shit.” or “that guy/gal who sounded kind of stupid at first but actually turned out to be okay.”? If you didn’t make the best impression, you can rectify that. Don’t try to hide what you were, acknowledge it and then try to distance yourself from it.
And one final thing:
There is something a whole lot worse than being called a racist. Know what it is?
Actual racism. It may suck to have a bunch of people think you’re an idiot, but at least you know the direct cause of it. Victims of racism are not given the chance to do that. They are singled out because of stuff they couldn’t possibly control: who their parents were, where their ancestors came from, all crap that happened before they were born. They can’t control when it happens or who it comes from.
You can.
1) Own up to it. Don’t go “ohshit, what I say?” you’re probably pretty aware of what you said. And if you aren’t, people will gladly point it out to you. Don’t pull intent, don’t try to weasel out of responsibility, claim it. Say “why yes, I DID just say that.” if only to yourself.
Intent is not some magical word that will get you out of trouble. Intent means precisely fuck-all in this situation. It doesn’t matter how you intended it to sound, it didn’t sound that way to other people. Your intentions, good and pure though they may be, do not come across as well as you think they do.
2) Don’t pull the “lol, don’t take it so seriously, gaiz!!!” move. People are not getting offended for your benefit. They do not go trawling through the internet going “hmmm, I think I’ll be offended by this today.” The burden is not on the offended to change. They don’t have to “stop being so sensitive” and “calm down”. They’re mad as hell, and they don’t have to take it anymore!
3) Don’t pull ancestry on us. “My gramma was African/Native/Mexican etc., etc, therefore I can’t be racist!”
Yes, you can. It doesn’t matter what race your gramma was. Hell, even if your gramma was a mighty Lakota shamaness, able to summon Thunderbird to do battle with the Unhcegila, it wouldn’t matter(although that would be incredibly cool.) Because we are not speaking with your gramma right now, we are speaking with you. Ditto for all your relatives.
Your anecdotal experience does not add up like rollover minutes. You do not get good karma points for what your parents were or where your ancestors came from. Your personal genetic history is not floating like a beacon above your head, visible to all who doubt you.
And please, please, please for the love of God and your own body, do not pull the “ethnic friend.” I’m sure you do X all the time and your friend laughs it off, or your friend says Y all the time because they’re cool with you. That’s great. Friends should get along. But your friend =/= the rest of the world. And have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, your friend might be made uncomfortable too, but chose to swallow it down so as not to hurt your feelings? You let a lot of things slide in a friendship, because the value of the bond seems greater to you than the little things that tick you off. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter, and that doesn’t make what you say alright.
4)Don’t pull “I’m X, I can’t be Y!” I’m African/Native/Mexican/whatever, I can’t be racist!!!”
Racism comes in all skin tones. All it really takes is for you to have a preconceived notion that is inherently false or harmful. Like I said earlier, what you are is not who you are.
5) Don’t say “well, everybody’s oppressed at one time or another.” Or “well, X repressed Y, does that count?”
This is not about keeping score. Some instances of oppression are closer to modern memory than others. Does that make them “worth” more? No. Does it make them more likely to upset someone? Yes. But they do not have that exclusive right. People can still be upset about something hundreds of years after the fact, and in most cases they have a pretty good reason to.
(also, don’t pull the “get over it” bullshit. The next person who tells me “let go of your hate, it’ll make you bitter lol” gets punched in the face. See how long that takes you to get over it.)
6)Don’t go the route of “why aren’t you out combating racism irl?” or “jeez, you act like I burned down a church!”
Many of the people who get offended do so because they have had to deal with racism one way or another in the real world, and your comment is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s a bit like walking around one day and having everybody slap your ass. Not hard(mostly) but you get kind of sensitive after a while, slap after slap, until you’re walking around with tenderized tush and ready to go off on the next person who invades your personal space. The people may not think much of slapping your ass, they might think “I’m not hitting that hard, it’s totally fine”, they may even do it because they think you’re “cool” with it. But you’re not. And your ass still hurts.
There are varying degrees of racism. You may say “well damn, I’m not Hitler!!!” and you would be right. In fact, did you know that out of the entire world, very few people were actually Hitler? (shock, I know) But you can still hurt people, whether you intended to or not. Sometimes it’s just a little hurt, but it can grow into a big hurt when you get defensive about it.
Think about it like this: the last person to slap you ass actually leaves a big purply bruise, and you go off on them. They explode. “well, what’s wrong with your ass, it was only a little slap! I think you’re just exaggerating the pain because you don’t like me!”
Now it’s not just physical pain, this person is actually denying they’ve hurt you at all, and while it may not entirely be due to them, they are responsible for that last slap that sent you over the edge. Their denial that you have any right to say what hurts only makes you more aware of the pain, and angrier.
7) Apologize. Not “I’m sorry you took that the wrong way.” Not “I’m sorry but I really don’t see anything wrong.” A-po-lo-gize. Acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused. Make amends. Give them an ice pack for their ass.
8) Learn from it. Please, for the love of god, learn from it. Take a step back and ask yourself: “what went wrong here? What went right? What should I avoid in the future?”
Don’t get defensive and think “this corner of the internet is full of big ol’ meanies!” don’t drop into the “it’s not me, it’s them” line of thinking. Walk away with a new perspective, and even if you didn’t get it this time, you possess the beginnings of an understanding for the next time.
You’re probably not a bad person. This comment is not characteristic of you, it’s probably just a stupid mistake and now people are yelling at you for it. The best thing? Give them a reason not to! Show you’re actually not a willfully ignorant person, and that you are capable of more. Sure; internet, people do not forget, etc. but you can change in people’s minds. What is better, “that idiot who said a bunch of racist shit.” or “that guy/gal who sounded kind of stupid at first but actually turned out to be okay.”? If you didn’t make the best impression, you can rectify that. Don’t try to hide what you were, acknowledge it and then try to distance yourself from it.
And one final thing:
There is something a whole lot worse than being called a racist. Know what it is?
Actual racism. It may suck to have a bunch of people think you’re an idiot, but at least you know the direct cause of it. Victims of racism are not given the chance to do that. They are singled out because of stuff they couldn’t possibly control: who their parents were, where their ancestors came from, all crap that happened before they were born. They can’t control when it happens or who it comes from.
You can.