i agree with jon. i hate faking. i know i do it and i know i shouldnt and i dont want to but i just cant not fake. i just need to get a fucken clue. and learn to be not selfish. and i know i am being selfish. emily has told me at least a dozen times. but....i just dont know how. i lack the capacity to do it. i cant. and i probably wont but i need
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