second and last chances (pt 2/2)
title: second and last chances (pt 2/2)
pairing: baekris
rating: nc17
genre: romance, angst
length: ~7k
warnings: sex, kris being a fucking dick. highlight for additional warnings (spoilers!!) character death
summary: usually, you don't really get a second chance.
a/n: i don't know how this turned out so dAMN LONG.
part two
the morning brings with it a few seconds of ignorant bliss. for the moments after kris opens his eyes to the warm glow of the light streaming in through the blinds, everything feels normal. but then he is made aware of the silk in his hands, a painful heaviness engulfing him entirely. his body curls into itself. remembers seeing baekhyun in the taxi, remembers how his eyes had shed tears only minutes before and he’s never felt so empty in his life.
“you found my present.”
kris’s eyes go wide with fear; it’s way too early to start hallucinating baekhyun. he closes his eyes tightly, willing the voice to go away, afraid of what it will make him feel.
a hand snakes around his waist and he nearly jumps out of his skin as he stumbles off of bed and walks backwards into the wall.
baekhyun is sitting on his feet on the bed, head tilted to the side and eyebrows drawn together in confusion. his slender body is covered by one of kris’s shirts.
“you’re- you’re not su- how-” he stammers and spits, paralyzed by fear of that baekhyun really is there, but more so by the fear that he’s not.
baekhyun’s eyes grow worried and he moves forwards cautiously, making kris flinch and his against the wall again. baekhyun has his hands up, like he’s trying to approach a scared dog.
“it’s okay…” he says slowly, approaching kris until his hands are barely touching his arms. “it’s alright…”
baekhyun waits until he notices kris doesn’t pull away to place his hands down and slide them up around kris’s neck, hugging him tightly.
“b-but-” kris sputters.
“it was just a nightmare, kris, it’s alright,” he coos at him, nuzzling into his chest.
kris’s eyes are wildly and frantically searching the room, looking for anything that will tell him what the fuck is going on. his eyes land directly on the clock to see that it’s 7:39. on may 2nd, 2- wait. may 2nd?
“baek,” he says, keeping his eyes steady on the clock. “what day is it?”
baekhyun looks up at him, still looking like he’s wondering if kris has gone mad.
“may 2nd…” he starts, looking skeptical. “the day of my-”
“your recital, i know,” he finishes baekhyun’s sentence, running a hand through his hair. “i went. yesterday. i mean, today. i mean- ah.” baekhyun’s face lights up like fireworks and kris feels his stomach turn and flutter.
he wants to believe it was all a dream but that still doesn’t explain waking up with the tie or why the hell of all it feels so real and painful. baekhyun takes him by the shoulders and guides him to the edge of the bed, sitting him down.
“are you okay? i know you had a nightmare-- what happened in it? why are you so…” baekhyun just throws his hand up, gesturing at all of him and pretty much the entire morning.
kris rubs his temples, then moves to his eyes, opening them and half expecting baekhyun to be gone. but there he is still, looking at him with concerned eyes and thumbing circles on his thigh.
he closes the distance between them, pressing his lips to baekhyun’s hungrily and desperately, and baekhyun kisses him back cautiously. kris cups his face, trying to breathe him in, musky floral scent making him dizzy. he lets baekhyun’s tongue slip between his lips and tastes him entirely, exploring his mouth like he had forgotten what it was like.
he lays down, pulling baekhyun on top of him. he wants to feel him, in a desperate way he hasn’t really felt in a long time. as he’s running his hands up baekhyun’s bare chest, taking in every inch of smooth skin, he figures he kind of missed feeling this way.
he grabs the back of baekhyun’s neck, pulling him down into a kiss, while his other hand tugs at his pajama pants. baekhyun shudders and then sits up, looking at kris and tilting his head.
“what? we don’t have to do anything,” kris says, suddenly feeling nervous that he might have overstepped his boundaries.
baekhyun shakes his head and laughs. “it’s not that. you just, i don’t know. you don’t usually do this.”
it dawns on kris how often he had come home to baekhyun, sweet and gentle in his kisses, only to tell him all about how terrible work was without bothering to listen to him. he never realized how little attention he paid to baekhyun’s body and his eyes. or, maybe he really did pay attention but chose to ignore the blank look they got when kris forgot another dinner date or came home and went to bed without even one word to his boyfriend.
“hey, you okay?” baekhyun’s warm breath on his lips brings him back and he wants to apologize for not being with him, emotionally and mentally, in the ways he should have. he wants to say he’s sorry for everything, but it doesn’t quite feel right yet.
kris nods, and baekhyun dives for his lips again, this time more aggressive and needy, moving his hips to meet kris’s. he feels something like electricity down his spine and he’s throwing off his shirt, hands shaking as he pulls off his pants and helps baekhyun out of his.
it’s all messy and their teeth and sometimes hit each other but when he slides his hand under baekhyun’s boxers, taking his half-hard cock in his hands and hearing baekhyun’s breath hitch, he figures he wouldn’t have it any other way. he lazily pumps baekhyun, relishing in the soft languid moans that leave baekhyun’s mouth. he kisses him softly, pumping faster and hearing baekhyun’s breath speed up. he loves this, watching baekhyun arch his back off the bed, trying to keep his eyes open to watch kris’s hand but only lasting a few seconds before he lets his head fall back down with a groan.
“kris,” baekhyun says, voice hoarse and needy.
“what is it, baek?” he asks, leaning down to kiss baekhyun’s neck, feeling the pulse there flutter under his lips.
baekhyun’s hands tug at kris’s hair. “i need you,” he half-groans, half-sobs, and the sound makes heat pool at the bottom of kris’s stomach. he lifts himself up, looking at baekhyun. his mouth is open, pink tongue peeking out between his lips. he could do this forever, he thinks. just stare at baekhyun’s face and memorize every bit of it. he doesn’t want to forget.
his hands reach into the nightstand, knocking over things to find a small tube and a fail wrapper. baekhyun lifts his hips off the mattress, closing his eyes and sighing.
he fucks baekhyun with slick fingers, increasing the amount slowly and watching baekhyun react to every movement. he’s pushing on the headboard, trying to deepen the contact. kris moves up, kissing baekhyun’s lips as he positions himself comfortably between his legs. he kisses him deeply and swallows his moans as he pushes in slowly, trying desperately not to hurt him.
he pushes into him and out of him at a painfully slow speed, until baekhyun is whimpering. he decides he still wants to take it slow, really wants it to last, so he only speeds up a little and licks into baekhyun’s mouth with languid enthusiasm.
baekhyun has one hand tangled in kris’s hair, other lazily working up and down his cock. kris is fucking him slowly but deeply and he can see the strain in baekhyun’s features every time he hits the perfect spot. he speeds up, drawing a long moan from his boyfriend. within a couple of minutes baekhyun is coming on his own stomach, scrunching his nose and biting his lip.
satisfied and still coming down from the orgasm, baekhyun opens his mouth to kris’s and he has to tear away when the heat crashes over him and he’s coming, breathing baekhyun’s name into his collarbone.
they’re cleaning up, shooting glances and fleeting smiles at each other, when baekhyun sees the clock and panics.
“kris, it’s so late. you won’t make it on time,” he’s nervously rubbing his eyes. “i’ll go make breakfast--”
“NO!”
the sudden outburst shocks baekhyun and kris retreats sheepishly. “i mean, we can just get something on our way. i’d rather spend the morning getting ready with you.” kris smiles, closing the distance between them and kissing baekhyun again. they start walking backwards, bodies headed for the bed, when baekhyun’s leg hits the nightstand and there’s a brief pause before a mug falls off of it, shattering on the floor.
kris stares at it blankly.
“crap,” baekhyun mutters, picking up the broken pieces and walking to the kitchen. kris continues to stare at the spot.
he tried to avoid this, he thinks. he told baekhyun not to make breakfast so why did something break? he tries to shake the goosebumps and fear off his body and goes to his closet to throw on a suit.
when he sees baekhyun in the kitchen once he’s ready, baekhyun walks over to him, running his fingers on the newly gifted tie and uses it to pull kris into a mind-numbing kiss.
✰
it starts to rain as they walk the long way to work, as suggested by kris with a voice that bordered on shaking. baekhyun pulls out an umbrella, smiling at him. he starts to push it open, but kris pulls it from his hands hastily.
“i can-- i can open it. i’ll do it. trust me i can open this umbrella.”
baekhyun looks at him like he just spoke in tongues but then just shrugs. kris opens the umbrella slowly and careful, being sure to point it in the opposite direction of baekhyun and to not hurt himself.
they walk under the umbrella together, talking about what the smell of rain reminds them of. as they approach the intersection where they have to part, baekhyun looks down at his messenger bag.
“damn it, i left. it open.” he reaches to zip it, “my notebooks probably got-- fuck.”
he brings his finger to his mouth, pained expression lighting up his face. when he takes the finger out of his mouth he can see a red pool of blood under the skin, creating a small bump.
“did you just,” kris starts, grabbing baekhyun’s finger and examining the injury. “cut your finger?”
baekhyun shrugs, looking at kris with confusion. “you’ve been acting so weird this morning. i’m fine, it doesn’t even hurt.” even when baekhyun brings his hand into his pocket, kris is staring at the spot where it just was, wondering what this means. he doesn’t find an answer because baekhyun is tiptoeing to kiss him before he’s walking away, umbrella held in the uninjured hand and a bit of a bounce in his step.
kris is visibly shaken when he gets to his office, holding his sleeves protectively. he knows that junmyeon is going to exit his office right now and talk to him. he knows that’ll be when junmyeon notices the string. he panics, looking through drawers until he findsa pair of scissors. careful to not worsen it, he cuts the loose culprit.
when junmyeon comes out, he looks at kris’s sleeves and squints before shrugging and walking away. kris takes this as a good sign and feels a weight lift off of him. he walks back to his office and sits in his chair. these coincidences are just dejavu, it was all clearly a dream. he laughs at his own absurdity as he reaches over his desk, over paperclips and thumbtacks and sharpened pencils. who in their right mind would think something so--
as soon as it happens he knows. a particularly stubborn thumbtack caught the slightly exposed edge of the sewing, pulling on the thread and leaving a tear in his sleeve. panic washes over him. he doesn’t have a doubt in his mind that the day is repeating and that there is next to nothing he can do to stop what’s going to happen tonight.
he stands up from his chair and heads out the door, shouting a quick “i’m sick, i’ll see you tomorrow” at junmyeon before opening him phone and calling baekhyun.
✰
“what’s wrong?” baekhyun sounds panicked when he walks into the apartment, eyes wide.
kris is in the kitchen, looking down and kicking the floor. “kris, you said it was an emergency and i should come home immediately. i called out from work.”
kris picks up two pieces of paper that were resting on the counter and holds them up to baekhyun.
“these are…” he squints at the papers, “train tickets?”
kris nods, smiling and pocketing the papers. baekhyun’s mouth hangs open and he keeps huffing like he wants to say something.
“wh-- where-- why did i call out of work for this? where are we going?”
kris just smiles. “are you ready to go? do you need anything?”
“you said it was an emergency. i even told my boss--”
kris walks close to him and runs a thumb over his lips, quieting him and watching some of the worry leave his eyes. “please, baek. just today. i need this today,” he frowns. “we need this today.”
baekhyun looks happy and still a bit confused still a bit confused, but he kisses kris and takes his hand, walking out the door with him in tow.
✰
“this is, um, where i grew up,” kris says, hands in his back pockets as he paces nervously in the empty living room.
the house is gigantic, all dark wood and white walls. it’s dusty and unused but it’s not difficult to see the beauty is had at it’s peak. it’s almost like he can still see the furniture, clean and white and new, can still see his mother walking from the living room to the kitchen, smiling up at him peeking from the staircase. when he breathes it smells like dust but he thinks he can still smell rosebushes and apples under it.
baekhyun is walking up the stairs, one finger sliding across the handrail, “it’s beautiful.”
“my, uh. my dad never sold it after my mom passed,” kris isn’t really looking at anything, more like existing in the room. “said he couldn’t do her the disservice of selling the house she had fallen in love with after they got married. i always think she would have liked it better if someone had lived in it. i think she would have wanted it to make another family happy like it did us.”
he doesn’t notice baekhyun when he walks back to him, placing his hands on kris’s chest and looking up at him with soft eyes.
“we could live here one day, you know. together. we could be the family.”
the sentence lifts kris’s heart out of atmosphere before dropping it and shattering it all over the living room floor. he has to try to keep the pain out of his eyes when he smiles at baekhyun and says “we will be.” he kisses baekhyun in the living room until the sunset paints it pink.
✰
“we’re gonna be late,” baekhyun is saying, out of breath, as they run down the crowded street, kris looking over ever couple of seconds to make sure he hasn’t lost baekhyun. he grabs his hands and jolts them to a halt.
“what are you doing?” baekhyun huffs. kris waves his hand, flagging down a taxi.
baekhyun purses his lips. “do you know how expensive that’ll be?”
kris just shrugs and pulls baekhyun into the taxi after him.
inside baekhyun laughs, cheeks red from running and small beads of sweat forming on his hairline. kris could kiss every inch of him, until all he could breathe is the scent of baekhyun. he almost forgets they’re in a taxi, until the driver clears his throat. “so, where are you headed?”
kris looks up to give the address to baekhyun’s recital but stops when he catches a glimpse of familiar eyes, all-knowingly looking at him. panicked, he peers down at the stereo. sure enough, there’s the picture, poorly taped and exactly as he remembered it. kris starts to shake, pushing towards the door against baekhyun.
“to the pearl recital hall please-- kris, stop pushing me.”
kris swallows dryly. “let’s just walk instead.”
baekhyun looks at him strangely, maybe trying to decipher the entire day or maybe just thinking he’s lost it. “we’re already moving. if we walk we’ll be late.” he grabs kris’s hand and puts his head on kris’s large shoulders. he starts humming and kris can feel it vibrating through his chest; he uses the low hum to calm himself all the way to the concert hall.
✰
inside, chanyeol and jongdae are already at their seats, though the concert has not started. kris waves at them as smiles, feeling their arms around him lighter than usual. chanyeol makes and obscene and stupid joke and when jongdae rolls his eyes and scolds him, kris feels strangely endeared.
the lights dim as a group of black-clad students, some with instruments and some without, shuffle into their places on the stage. his eyes scan for baekhyun in the same area where he had been yesterday-- or, today, or whatever. he catches his eye and waves, smiling and giving him a thumbs up. baekhyun waves back, earning him a small job from the boy next to him.
the show starts and it’s much better than kris remembers. the voices in the room blend perfectly, growing and shrinking with the violins and flutes. he stares at baekhyun, watching his eyes close when the notes get high.
the number comes to an end and as they begin to transition to the soloist, kris’s leg begins to shake. “dude are you alright?” jongdae asks, looking down at the vibrating knee.
“yeah it’s just that--”
the voice of the announcer interrupts him. “now for our soloist, byun baekhyun.”
the entire room goes silent. jongdae is looking at kris with his mouth wide open, eyes looking like they’re going to escape his sockets.
the same kid who had jabbed baekhyun earlier is now pushing him forward to the center of the stage. he looks stunned, mouth opening and closing.
“did you do this?” jongdae hisses, but even though his tone is threatening there’s a smile haunting the corner of his lip. kris doesn’t respond, instead just turns to the stage, watching baekhyun and swelling with pride.
it takes him a bit longer than is comfortable, but baekhyun begins to sing. his voice rises and when it does, baekhyun bends, like the song is taking the air directly from his lungs. the veins in his neck bulge and kris thinks baekhyun was always meant to be in the spotlight.
the song ends and the entire crowd erupts, standing for the heavy-breathing, blushing boy. he doesn’t shrink when he stops singing, like some people do. he’s as big as the stage itself and kris can’t imagine seeing anyone else.
he slips out of the room as everyone is taking bows, earning a disapproving look from jongdae. he knows how this must look to chanyeol and jongdae. he doesn’t even want to imagine what it looks like to baekhyun.
fifteen minutes later, baekhyun is coming out of the dressing room, still looking flushed, especially as he’s swarmed by people congratulating him. on all sides, hands are slapping his shoulders and voices are saying his name.
he sees kris towering over the rest of the people and beams, almost as if he hadn’t expected him to still be there. baekhyun walks over to him, staring down at his feet.
“kris…” he starts, looking up and smiling with tears in his eyes. “did you do that? the solo?”
kris just smiles, avoiding the question for the second time today. truth is, lu han (he found out was the name of the cute chinese soloist) was more than happy to allow baekhyun the solo spot. and once he had gained his permission, the director and assistant director had no problem letting baekhyun sing. the assistant director even pulled him aside and thanked him, telling him baekhyun had never really given himself the chance to shine.
he snaps back to here and now, with baekhyun’s dark eyes staring into his, and pulls a bouquet out of behind his back. it’s enormous, bursting with purple hyancinths.
✰
he’s tense at the restaurant. baekhyun doesn’t really notice, taking mouthfuls of steak and winking at him over wine. even though he knows baekhyun has no idea what is coming, he wonders how he can be so content. an air of ominous dread is surrounding him, to be honest, and he doesn’t know how it doesn’t taint the air baekhyun breathes. he figures baekhyun’s always been that way-- untouchable and bright.
as their finishing their meal, in the midst of putting their silverware down on empty plates, kris grabs baekhyun’s hands, holding them down on the table.
“baek,” his voice is shaking again; he wants baekhyun to know the truth, to know what he knows. “there’s something i have to tell you.” he knows he looks too serious. his thoughts are confirmed when baekhyun lifts himself, obscenely leaning over the table to plant a kiss on his lips.
“can the serious stuff wait? we could always talk about it tomorrow. let’s just enjoy today.”
kris tries to smile past the pain that is spreading through his veins as he pays and puts his arm out for baekhyun to hold on to.
outside, the night air is crisp, lifting some of the heat off their skin. baekhyun is almost skipping, waving his hands for a cab. one stops and baekhyun gets inside.
kris is paralyzed by the door. he wants to ask baekhyun if they can walk but fears how that could turn out. he wants to run and scream and maybe hold them together somewhere no one can see them until the danger has passed. but he knows to soberly that it’s no use.
in the rearview mirror, two eyes are glinting with something that might look like pride. he doesn’t look at the stereo because he already knows, and this time when the driver asks him if he’s getting in or not, he doesn’t miss a beat before landing on the upholstery and kissing baekhyun on the cheek.
the taxi starts, moving toward the red light too fast, and kris can hear his heart in his ears. one day was not enough. a hundred days wouldn’t have been enough.
“baekhyun,” he says, and when baekhyun turns with wide eyes he realizes his voice is shaking. “i never got to tell you that i’m sorry. i really am.”
baekhyun looks confused and then smiles, teeth glowing and eyes sparkling at him. “what are you sorry for?”
kris shakes his head and smiles when the taxi stops at the red light. the question sounded like forgiveness so he leans over and kisses baekhyun softly, seeing the light turn green in his peripheral vision. he keeps their faces close together and it’s not until baekhyun’s hand is wiping something wet from his cheek that he realizes that he’s crying. he turns and kisses baekhyun’s thumb and looks at him as the car starts moving. he knows how this story ends.
“i love you.”
the lights of the oncoming car shine on baekhyun’s face and he thinks that this is exactly what heaven looks like. even before today, baekhyun had always been an angel.
he wraps his arms around baekhyun as the car slams into the taxi, the deafening crash of metal echoing even after everything turns black.
✰
he wonders why hospital walls are always white. it seems to really try to juxtapose the darkness that fills them. he wonders how long it’s been, looks up at the clock and finds that it’s past midnight. the door opens.
jongdae’s eyes are red and chanyeol’s cheeks are splotchy. jongdae is the first to wrap his arms around him, followed by chanyeol’s long arms engulfing them both.
“baekhyun, i’m so sorry.”
baekhyun sobs loudly, face puffy and pounding. he shakes his head, tilting his head back to try to calm down enough to talk. he wants to tell jongdae about what kris said in the taxi, wants to tell him about the surrealness of the entire day but when he opens his mouth the door swings open.
the doctor walks in.