i can't fucking stand it any longer. i'm not myself. i'm a fucking monster. i don't feel like myself when i'm around him. i feel like killing him or something, anything to get him out of my life.

why does he do this to me?

none of this is my fault...

before, i used to hit myself on the arm. i hit myself to prevent myself from hitting other people. i was the only one holding myself back from injuring other people. it was the only way that i felt safe around myself. the only way i made other people safe around me ( Read more... )

i knew i shouldn't have done some of the things ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

now that i'm still drunk from yesturday:
that really blows.

i need alota potatos or i'm going to work like this.

:(

i'm an alcoholic again. I don't drink to have fun. I drink to get drunk and not remember the next day how good sex was with jim. I drink so that i can smile and act like i'm having fun, when really it's the feeling of beeing boozed up that makes me happy. I drink so that i'm invisible and when someone see's me, they won't remember who i am the next ( Read more... )

everything seems to crumble ( Read more... )

yes, it is proof.
that my liver will soon fail.

and that i'll need to get a new one.

and as soon as i get that new one?

i'll never touch another drink to get drunk every night.

i'll be on the list.
hopefully i don't see you on the same list too.
poka::

starbucks.
sucks.
balls.

wtf man.... wtf...

POKA!;p

so, i've basicly gone mad. the only way i know that is that i've already went to work two days stright with a huge thing of gatoraide and a hang over. i don't look good, i don't act nice, i'm a bitch, and i hate you! :D ( Read more... )