sorry
I woke up not feeling queasy and hurriedly dressed and left the house. I haven't been out in a couple of days. I came to the coffee shop and got a latte and managed to drink like an inch of it. Then my stomach was like, "yeah, no." I also couldn't finish a plain croissant. I'd really like to eat some vegetables. I'm going to go get a salad now and eat it and my stomach can just deal. (I hope.) I've lost at least 7 pounds in the last week or so. That's really not good. I would like to lose weight, but like in a healthy way and at a moderate pace. D:
I feel awful. Anxious. Bad about myself. Pretty hopeless. Like a failure at everything. Being in my own skin is pretty miserable right now. I've got that feeling that nothing good will ever happen again and that bad things and disappointment are all I have to look forward to... it's crushing.
I'm going to try to make an appointment with that other psychiatrist tomorrow, because maybe I need a second opinion or someone else to manage my meds. IDEK.
Also the dry skin is still a problem. The eczema is so-so. I have it some seriously uncomfortable places. Places I didn't even know you could get eczema. D:
I feel like I am also just annoying everyone. I'm starting to get that paranoid feeling that people are about to abandon me because I'm just a mess.
I'm more than a little freaked out about David leaving for Austin next Monday. And every Monday until November. My self-care is dicey right now. I want to be able to take better care of myself. I don't want to be like this. I'm so frustrated. I don't want to be a burden and I feel like I am a constant burden on him.
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