You Made My Soul A Burning Fire;

[imaginarylove]

god, i feel so fucking defeated these days i barely have the energy to tell you the specifics and the whatevers. i've lost the vocabularily to describe what it means to lose the battle; of the bulge, of the anger, of the bitterness, of the sadness, of the hurt. the battle of overcoming the ideas that steal your breath and batter your stupid lonely

Comments

[thebobo]

If it's any small consolation I still care.

[imaginarylove]

thanks, larry.

[thebobo]

You're always more than welcome...

[notashamed]

i was thinking i'd tell you a couple good things, but then you go and say "i block out good things" so is it really worth it? and does it mean anythign coming from some woman halfway across the country that you've never met in real life and that spends her day posting about television shows and celebrities? I don't know. I do know that it takes a smart, emotional, caring person to feel any of these emotions that you describe here. And it takes intelligence and bravery and courage to write about them the way that you do. i love your eloquence.

and i'm going to write this on my bathroom mirror: "for the fucking love, get your shit together. you could be really happy."

[imaginarylove]

it does mean something. i mean, really. i just, you know, wish i could, at some point, believe some of it. i do, though. believe people mean it when they say things to me. i just don't believe them about myself.

there's too many believes in that paragraph. but thank you,

ps, i should totally write that on my mirror, too.

[raneshadow]

Nieces and nephews can have that affect. They remind you that life really is good and pure and innocent sometimes, if we can just remember what that feels like.

I find that, sometimes, if you pretend something and keep saying it to yourself (like in this case, that you are a person of consequence, one worthy of so many good things -- which, by the way, I am sure is true) that after a while, it starts to sink in more and more and, before you know it, you do believe it and you do feel better.

[imaginarylove]

they do. it's like, hm, love without boundries with neices and nephews. and for me, that's huge.

"I find that, sometimes, if you pretend something and keep saying it to yourself (like in this case, that you are a person of consequence, one worthy of so many good things -- which, by the way, I am sure is true) that after a while, it starts to sink in more and more and, before you know it, you do believe it and you do feel better."

i've heard that's true. and it probably is. i heard once, on some make-yourself-better tv show, that you build confidence through doing things, not necessarily just thinking about them and hoping to feel better (i.e. "if i were more confident, i would..." etc). i think i've spent a lot of time trying to build a sense of self with words and other peoples opinions instead of taking chances and pushing myself to be something more than afraid. but i digress.

thank you for the comment. and i think i'm going to add you now. :)

[raneshadow]

Thanks. I just added you back. By the way, you've obviously got some writing skill, as it is difficult for most people to express themselves in the way you did.

Re: Vote?

[imaginarylove]

gladly!