Glee Fic : Try the Swing | Kurt/Blaine (AU) | 2/4 NC-17
Title : Try The Swing
Author : Jen
Rating : NC-17 overall (language & stuff that happens in a marriage...!)
Pairing : Kurt/Blaine AU
Series : sequel to Vows
Word Count : ~9,000 (this part) / ~39,000 (overall)
Spoilers : as it's an AU, none. But there's so many spoilers for "Vows" so can I suggest that if you've not read that first that you go do so. It's fine. We'll wait. Canon-wise it's references to stuff that if you've seen the episode in question you'll know about it.
Summary : Kurt and Blaine have survived a lot. A Vegas wedding to a stranger, a cross-country journey of discovery, and coast-to-coast separation. They came through all that to a second marriage, one that has been happy and successful for two years. The next logical step is parenthood. Only kids are rarely logical.
<< Part 1
*
Blaine tried over the next few months to establish contact but Ben refused to see him. He dropped off a card and present for Ben's fourteenth birthday but it was mailed back unopened a few days later. No matter how many times Kurt asked Blaine to focus on the family he did have Blaine refused to give up on Ben, sending cards and leaving messages. Once a week Blaine went to the diner where he waited, always waited, to see if Ben would take him up on his offer of dinner.
He never did.
After nearly three months of silence Blaine resigned himself to never hearing from Ben again.
He should have realised two things.
Firstly - he'd made that kind of resignation once before. He'd resigned himself, years ago, to never hearing from Kurt again and so had booked a flight out of New York.
Secondly - Ben wasn't the kind of kid who just gave up and went quietly.
He was reminded of both of these things when the Principal interrupted his lesson with an important phone call from Amelia's school.
*
He didn't even breathe until he'd crashed through the main doors of Amelia's school, given his name to the receptionist who ushered him through to the Principal's office. The police were already there and it was less than ten minutes before Kurt arrived, equally as frantic and wound up.
"We have circulated a description of Amelia to every officer in the area, we're canvassing shops and parks and sent someone to your apartment in case she makes it back there as well as to the children's home. If there's anyone else you think of she might have gone then let us know. The good news is that she's only been missing for thirty minutes. She can't have gotten far and in cases like this there is a very good chance that you'll all be home in time for dinner."
Kurt remembered Mr Shue and Miss Pillsbury coming to his French lesson to tell him about his dad's heart attack. He remembered the feeling of his stomach dropping to his feet, his own heart stopping for that second.
He remembered seeing Blaine for the first time in Vegas, how his heart had stilled for a second, his stomach flipping over. How, over the course of that week, he'd been pulled apart and put back together emotionally. Waking up alone in New York and going to Los Angeles. Of coming home and finding Blaine there.
When Blaine proposed, the wedding, the conversation where they decided to apply for adoption, getting the confirmation letter... So many moments in his life when he'd felt sick with nerves or excitement.
All of that combined didn't come close to this. His daughter was missing, a runaway. The Principal, Mrs Hastings, had stammered some report about her being bullied by some older boys at the end of lunch, by the time staff had arrived the boys were saying nothing and Amelia was missing.
*
"How can you not know if she's not on campus anymore?" Blaine all but yelled. "How many exits are there? They should be covered, security cameras...?"
"I wish we had the funding..." Mrs Hastings stammered but she soon fell silent when Kurt snapped a glare her. "I'm sorry."
"She'd better be OK," Blaine hissed as his cell began to ring. "Hello?"
"Blaine?" came a voice which was quiet, as if he were whispering.
"...Ben?"
"Yeah."
"Look, this isn't a good time but I do want to talk..."
"I know," Ben said quickly. "I know you're at the school. Can you come to the locker room?"
"Ben..."
"Please? It's important."
"What's going on?" Kurt asked.
"It's fine, love," Blaine said. "Ben..."
"If I tell you something you can't say anything to anyone. Except Kurt of course. Promise?"
"What?"
"Just say yes if you promise. They can't know."
"Fine. Yes."
"Come to the locker room. Right out of the Principal's, down the hall and left at the end. We're at the end of the hallway."
"We?"
"Quickly," Ben said before he hung up.
"Everything OK?" Kurt asked, studying Blaine's face.
"No, I... need a break. Some air."
"OK," Kurt said, not buying it for a second.
"Come with?" Blaine asked, catching Kurt's eye.
"Sure," he said carefully, reading Blaine's expression.
"Might help. We'll find you if there's news," the officer said as they walked out.
"What...?" Kurt asked quietly as they turned right and headed down the hall.
"I don't know," Blaine whispered, "but I know it's something."
They reached the end of the hall and Kurt followed Blaine to the left. "What did Ben want?"
"To see me. Us. And to not tell anyone."
"Tell anyone about what?" Kurt asked as Blaine pulled up outside the door.
Taking a deep breath Blaine pushed it open. "Ben? Ben it's just us."
"Back here," Ben called and they followed his voice around a locker stack.
"This is not a good time, kid," Blaine started. "Amelia's..."
"Dad!" Amelia called, pulling away from Ben and running over to Blaine.
He dropped to his knees, arms outstretched to pull her in, holding on as tight as she was to him. Blaine's hands were strong on her back and head, Kurt's over his, on her body as the pair of them held her close, scared to let go ever again.
"What happened?" Blaine asked.
"Why is she in here with you when half the NYPD is out there looking for her?" Kurt said, turning to and on Ben. "What did you do?" he almost yelled.
"These boys were giving her hell," Ben started, backing away from Kurt as he realised just how pissed he was. "I saw it, I stepped in, we came here. That's it, I swear."
"And you didn't think to tell the Principal?" Kurt yelled.
"I couldn't!" Ben replied.
"They don't stop," Amelia said quietly. "They won't stop and they don't care."
"What, sweetie?" Blaine asked softly. "Who doesn't care?"
"The teachers. I told them and they said the boys were being silly."
"Told them what?"
"They've been hassling her for weeks," Ben said. "Since... since they found out she was adopted by you two. When you both came for parent-teacher conference? It's just been names and giggles until now but..." He walked over to where Amelia was still clinging to Blaine. Moving into her line of sight he rested a hand gently on her arm. "Show them."
Amelia shook her head and clung to Blaine a little tighter.
"It's OK," Ben whispered. "What did I tell you?"
Amelia's first reply was muffled by Blaine's shoulder but after Ben gave her a little smile she lifted her head and repeated, "They won't hurt me while you're around."
"And I'm here, aren't I?"
"Yeah."
"So they're not going to get you. And I won't let them near you again. But you gotta show them."
"They'll be mad," Amelia whispered.
"No they won't," Ben replied. "I know Blaine, he doesn't get mad at no one. Not even me, and you know I'm trouble."
Amelia giggled at this and wiggled a bit so Blaine would let her go. She held out her left hand to Ben who took it carefully and pushed up the sleeve of her shirt.
There in black marker, scrawled up her arm in large letters were two words. FAG CHILD.
Amelia tried to pull back her hand but Ben held on, not tightly but firmly. "It's OK, princess," he said gently, his voice warm and quiet. "You can wash it off in a bit."
"They did this to her?" Blaine asked, trying not to cry or scream or run out and hurt someone.
"They... They weren't going to stop at this," Ben said. "One of them had a pen knife, he said he was going to make it permanent..."
"Ben came over, shoved them off me," Amelia said, pulling away so she could cover up the words. "He fought this boy and then he took my hand and we ran here."
"She was upset and by the time she'd calmed down and I'd found someone's cell in their locker..." Off Blaine's look he added, "What? I don't have one and I needed to call you. So I broke into a few lockers, you going to report me for that? I put it back."
"He did," Amelia confirmed. "I saw him."
"The teachers here are a joke," Ben said. "I wasn't kidding when I said they were useless. It's been going on for weeks and they haven't done anything."
Amelia stepped away from Blaine and wrapped her arms around Ben. "He saved me," she said, hugging him tightly.
Ben didn't even hesitate before his arms were around Amelia. Blaine wondered if Ben even knew he was pressing gentle kisses into her brown curls, one hand rubbing patterns on her back.
"We should let them know," Kurt said eventually. "Blaine, take Amelia back to the office. Say you found her hiding in a classroom or something. I want a word with Ben."
"Kurt..." Blaine began but when he met Kurt's gaze he quieted and nodded. "OK."
"It's OK, princess," Ben said when Amelia looked up at him. "It's gonna be OK now, I promise."
"You'll look after me?" she whispered, stepping back from the hug.
"Consider me your personal bodyguard for life," he grinned. "I'll see you soon, OK?"
"OK," she smiled.
"I won't be long," Kurt said as he turned to face Blaine.
"Come on, sweetie," Blaine said, taking one of Amelia's hands in his.
"I wanna wash my arm," she said.
"You can do when we're done, I promise."
As Blaine and Amelia left the locker room, Amelia giving Ben a small wave before the door swung shut, Kurt turned to face Ben and folded his arms.
*
To say that Blaine was furious would be an understatement. When he'd arrived with Amelia he'd asked her to show Mrs Hastings what was written on her arm. Then he asked one of the police officers to take her to wash it off while the other one stayed with him ("To stop me from doing something seriously illegal," he'd hissed).
By the time Kurt and Ben had joined them Blaine had already heard half-stammered apologies and excuses about no evidence and it being one child's word against another, how there was no proof - until now - of any homophobic bullying.
"If you think she's coming back here after this," Blaine said, his voice low and dangerous, "think again. I'll teach her at home until we can get her enrolled somewhere else. And once my husband and I have calmed down we are going to have a serious discussion about how to word our complaint against this school and the faculty."
"You know," Kurt added, "it was principals like you that made our life hell when we were in school. You act like you don't know or see what goes on and it's innocent kids that suffer because of it. If it weren't for Ben then things could have been so much worse."
"Ben?" Mrs Hastings asked, as if she was noticing him for the first time. "You mean he's tried to convince you that he saved her? Mr Anderson, I can assure you that Ben is not the kind of kid who would..."
"Yes he is," Kurt interrupted. "I know exactly what kind of kid he is, and so does Blaine. And I promise you that the second he's ours, the second those adoption papers are signed, he's out of here too."
"Fuck that," Ben said, "I'm coming now."
"But... you can't leave during the school day," Mrs Hastings said. "You aren't his legal guardians, you have no rights."
"They were going to scar my daughter's arm with abuse," Kurt hissed, "and Ben is the only reason I am not demanding that you are arrested for assault. If he wants to go then we both know he'll find a way."
Mrs Hastings shot a look at the police officer still stood in her office. He sighed, rolled his eyes, and turned to Kurt.
"You know where he lives?" he asked.
Kurt nodded. "Children's home, few blocks over."
"Then I trust you can... make sure he gets back there safely?"
Kurt caught the look in his eye and smiled. "Of course."
"Then I think it wise that we make sure this young man is in a place where he might not be tempted to... abscond from," the officer said. "Get your family home, we'll be in touch."
"Thank you," Kurt said quietly.
The three of them walked out of the Principal's office, meeting Amelia in the hallway. She slipped one hand into Kurt's and the other into Ben's as they all walked out of that school for the last time.
*
"Yes... I know it's not... Well you come over here and tell Ben he can't stay!"
Blaine laughed softly as Kurt made his case to the home, turning his attention to the family room where Amelia and Ben were deeply ensconced in a game. Since they'd come back to the apartment that afternoon the two of them had been inseparable.
"Right, we'll see you in the morning," Kurt said, finishing off the call. "He can stay the night."
"We knew he was staying," Blaine laughed, "the question was whether the home agreed to it." He moved behind Kurt, slipping his arms around his waist and propping his chin on his shoulder. "Did you mean what you said? About Ben... being ours?"
"Another thing they're not happy about," Kurt said. "It's apparently not 'the done thing' to process two adoptions so close to each other."
"So they won't let us?"
"Oh they will, they just don't know it yet," Kurt said.
"So you were serious."
"Of course."
"What changed your mind?"
"Ben did. Today. He took his anger and his strength and he used it to protect Amelia. He made it something good. And you've seen them together. He treats her like..."
"Like she's his sister," Blaine finished.
"Why are you always right?" Kurt laughed. "You knew he was going to be part of our family. You just... knew."
"And you just needed time, same as you did after Vegas."
"I did not!" Kurt laughed, pulling himself out of Blaine's grasp. He turned and Blaine playfully. "You were the one holding back, not saying what you felt."
"If that helps you sleep at night then by all means..."
Blaine's teasing got no further as Kurt pulled him in close and silenced him with a kiss
"I said I wasn't dealing with no PDAs," Ben said, attracting their attention. "If I'm going to stay here you two gotta keep it PG. PG-13 on weekends and special occasions only."
"Is he serious?" Kurt asked Blaine, one eyebrow raising in mock disbelief.
"I warned him that we'd have some serious rules for him," Blaine interjected. "And I feel it only fair that ours are just as severe as his for us."
"I like this," Kurt said, turning a little so his body was angled into Blaine's. "If we're limited to PG then I feel his curfew should be... eight?"
"Seven. Eight on weekends."
"No way," Ben said.
"PG-13 buys you eight and nine."
"What rating buys me a time that doesn't make me a freak?" Ben asked and then scrunched up his face. "Don't tell me."
"You do your share around the apartment and you are on babysitting duties for Amelia on occasion," Kurt said.
"Does that include renovations because I seen your spare room. Or closet to give it its proper title."
"He has a point," Blaine said quietly into Kurt's ear.
"We'll sort it," Kurt said. "You know this isn't going to be sorted out quickly?"
"Why not?"
"We've only been Amelia's parents for a few months and..."
"You think it's too soon?" Ben said, anger rising in his voice. "So what? You want me to wait around?"
"OK, first rule," Kurt said firmly. "You shut up and listen before you fly off the handle. You keep that temper of yours in check and you do not, under any circumstances, act like that in front of Amelia. She adores you and she trusts you and you break that and any chance you have with us is gone, you understand?"
Ben nodded and, after meeting Blaine's glance, stayed silent.
"No, we do not want you to wait around. No, they're not happy about it but that doesn't mean we're out of options. We can do some residency thing and we will make it official. I meant what I said today.
"Second rule. You go to school and you stay in school. You have just over a year left of Middle School and you will not screw up High School. All we are going to ask of you is that you treat our home and the people in it with respect. Which means following our rules, no arguments or hassle.
"Third rule..."
"No having fun at any time?" Ben quipped. "I get it. Be a good boy and play nice. I know I'm not the poster child for this and I'm probably not what you had in mind when you went looking for a kid. But I know a good thing when I see it. Blaine's never given up on me and you're givin' me a chance. I 'ain't going to screw that up.
"I never thought I'd be the kid who got an Exit and now I've got one and it's not all that bad-"
"Thanks," Blaine laughed softly.
"-so I'll play nice, I promise."
"Ben!" Amelia called.
"Yeah, I'm coming!" he called back. "She wants a drink."
"Juice boxes in the fridge," Kurt said. "And Ben? I meant it. We do want you here."
"Thank you," Ben said as he picked up the drinks and went back to Amelia.
"So then, Mr Anderson," Blaine said quietly as he pulled Kurt back in close, "seems like we have ourselves a family."
"Yeah," Kurt hummed, "we do."
"What happened in the locker room?"
"That's between me and him."
"Well," Blaine mouthed against Kurt's neck, "I love that you're trying."
"How much?" Kurt laughed.
"Wait until the kids are in bed and..." Blaine began, then sighed. "Oh god, we are so parents."
"Yes we are," Kurt laughed.
*
It was a couple of months before Blaine was finally able to take stock of what Ben was doing to his family. He watched his daughter grow in ways he'd never imagined. It made sense to enrol both of them at Blaine's school and so he was able to see her at school and at home, growing into a strong young woman.
He watched them bond as siblings, the Anderson kids. In the yard Ben would have one eye on her, making sure that anyone who saw the slight young girl as a target knew that she was anything but, knew that she had someone in her corner. But she didn't always need her big brother looking out for her. Under Ben she grew in confidence, in strength. Their little princess wasn't the coy, defenceless little girl she'd been before.
It wasn't just one sided.
When he was around Amelia Ben was more focused than Blaine had ever known him. He settled into school, worked hard and was getting good reports from his teachers. His temper was in check, since moving in with them Blaine had really only heard frustrated yells aimed at the TV during the games they watched together.
That's not to say Ben was suddenly perfect. More than once Ben had to cool off before he blew, but he was learning to do it himself. Very aware of Kurt's warning he made sure that he never lost it in front of Amelia, a fact that Blaine was nothing but proud of him for. Ben was doing everything he could to make sure that he did right by them.
Blaine just wished he could say the same about Kurt.
They'd just closed on a house and were moving that weekend. A proper home for the four of them; basement downstairs, decent sized rooms (master bedroom on entrance level, two decent sized bedrooms with their own bathroom upstairs), a kitchen area just off an open plan family room Kurt was already in love with and an honest-to-god garden. Well, yard. Outside space. But it was all theirs.
Anyone who met them could see how much Kurt loved his husband and Blaine still looked at Kurt in a way that was a cross between complete adoration and astonishment that he'd been so lucky. Amelia was their little girl, an outpouring of love that was constant, tactile. Hugs and kisses and play wrestling.
Blaine and Ben watched games, talked, had dinner together (the diner one week, a place of Blaine's choice the next) and they worked out the dynamics of their new father-son relationship.
Kurt, on the other hand, did none of this and Blaine was slowly realising that his husband was keeping their son at arm's length. He just wished he knew why.
*
Blaine had tried everything he could think of. He took Amelia out for evenings and entire days to force Ben and Kurt to spend time together. More and more things "came up" last minute and so Kurt was forced to pick Ben up from school or a friend's or from his therapy sessions (which Blaine had tentatively suggested Ben might want to help deal with his anger issues).
To look at them you'd see a family who loved each other, two people providing a stable, safe and loving home to two children who were happy and loved and thriving. Ben and Amelia had everything they needed and more things than they ever wanted. Their own rooms, own things. And they grew together, forming a strong sibling bond which reminded Blaine so much of what he saw between Kurt and Finn.
Ben was trying so hard to make things right. They worked out strategies for his anger, identified triggers. (Math, apparently, was a big thing. Something Blaine could fully understand.) They found a therapist and Ben had standing appointments every few weeks and additional ones when needed. He followed every one of Kurt's rules about being restrained and respectful and helpful. He jumped through every hoop put in his way because he knew, because Ben knew how lucky he was.
So Blaine told Kurt this, repeatedly. He told Kurt about the conversations they'd had about Exits and not feeling like he was worth it. Kurt nodded and alluded to already knowing this (Blaine still didn't know what they talked about at the school that day).
Blaine used everything he could think of to get Kurt to at least consider Ben as his son - even if it meant lying by omission.
During his first week at his new school there had been a run in with the resident tough kid and Blaine had been called to the Principal's office not as a colleague but as a parent. It had been one moment, one shove, going no further but Ben had been outright terrified that it would be enough for Kurt to send him back. And so Blaine had promised him that if it never happened again, if he got help, that it would stay between them.
Sometimes though, Blaine wondered if Kurt knew anyway.
*
"He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"He does."
"Ben..."
"I really thought he'd come around, y'know? After... what he said? I thought that this was it, I'd got my Exits and they're actually pretty decent. And more than that I was getting a sister into the bargain. I never looked twice at Amelia when we were in the home but now... And you, you gave me chance when I didn't think I deserved one. And I will never forget that. But..."
"Don't you dare."
"What?"
"Don't you dare suggest what you're about to suggest."
"And how do you know what I'm about to suggest?"
"Because I know you, kid."
"Kid. Wow. Really playing that dad card aren't you?"
"Like you let me."
"I've been thinking about that actually."
"What? The whole dad thing?"
"Kinda. More like the name thing. I was wondering... if it would help... if I were..."
"An Anderson?"
"Yeah."
"Is it what you want?"
"I want to be part of the family."
"You are. Or did you miss the whole paperwork thing? Few more weeks and the supervision is up and you're ours."
"I mean like... properly. Not sure how I feel yet about the whole dad, papa thing. But I... kinda like the idea of being an Anderson."
"Amelia said something, didn't she?"
"...Maybe."
"She wants her big brother to have the same name as her."
"And we all know, what Amelia wants she tends to get..."
"Yeah. And she wants you to stay. So what does that tell you?"
"That I gotta do something."
"No. You don't."
*
Blaine had told Rachel to take the kids that evening - the fact that he'd told her betrayed how important it was and so she'd agreed without her usual protests. When Kurt came home he was surprised with an intimate dinner for two but had no complaints.
Since adopting Amelia they had had very little time for themselves, moments here and there. Since Ben came along that time had been even more rationed, especially given Kurt's... opinion.
"Can I ask you something?" Blaine ventured as they cleared away the table.
"You don't need to ask," Kurt laughed as he started to run the faucet.
"Do you want to adopt Ben?"
"What? Why would you ask me that?"
"Few more weeks and the adoption is finalised. If this isn't working then we need to do something sooner rather than later."
"So after all the meetings and supervisions and questions you think I'm going to turn around last minute and say 'no thanks, sorry, take him back'?"
"You tell me," Blaine said quietly.
"Blaine," Kurt started, shutting off the faucet and drying his hands. "I do care about him and I want him to stay. I know you and Amelia adore him..."
"But you don't?"
Kurt sighed. "It's just... hard for me."
"He thinks it's his fault."
"What?"
"Ben. He thinks it's his fault. He thinks that you don't love him because he's not worth it. He thinks all you see is the bad stuff and not how hard he's working. His caseworker has nothing but positive things to say about him..."
"Like he's fixed?" Kurt said sharply. "Like he comes and lives with us and suddenly all his anger and his problems, they just go away? I know he's trying, I get it, I do. But I'm not standing here thinking that he's suddenly the perfect kid because he's not. He's got issues and he's got problems and they are not going to be fixed because he's here and he's talking to someone every other week."
"No one has ever said that he's..."
"No, but it's what you expect," Kurt interrupted. "Because I'm not treating him like some normal kid..."
"Normal?" Blaine spluttered. "What exactly would be normal?"
"Normal is not pretending to be something you're not. Normal is being honest about what you can and you can't do. Normal is not putting innocent people in harm's way."
"When have any of us been in harm's way? I know Ben's... He never would. Not us."
"And so that's OK. Because we're not the ones in the firing line it's OK?" Kurt asked. "What about other people? We are responsible for him, Blaine. For the next seven years we are one hundred percent responsible for him and even after that. We are the ones they are going to call..." Kurt stilled, taking a deep breath.
"When he fucks up?" Blaine finished. "What? When the police are on our door because he's beaten someone up? That really where you see him ending up?"
"It's a possibility and you know it," Kurt challenged. "If you weren't worried about him and his temper then why the hell did you find him the therapist?"
"Because of you," Blaine snapped. "Because he's terrified that he's going to fuck this up. He's terrified that he is going to slip up and you are going to kick him out. He's on probabation not only with the State but with you and he is convinced that he is just going to be shipped off when it all gets too much.
"Ever since his mom died he has been shipped off, moved around without consideration or anyone asking him how he feels about things. Did you know this is the first time he's ever felt really settled somewhere? He calls this home, Kurt He calls this home."
"Do you dare make me into a bad guy here," Kurt snapped. "I am trying to keep a level head, trying to make sure we don't get in too deep too quick."
"Two words, Vegas wedding."
"Different situation."
"Not really," Blaine said. "You and I have a habit of jumping in..."
"This is a child we're talking about, Blaine. You and me? That's something else. When we got married the only lives we could fuck up were our own. We did fuck it up! We cannot get it wrong with them."
"What makes you think that we will?" Blaine asked. "We haven't so far..."
"Because it could happen," Kurt said firmly. "Because right now I feel it's a very real possibility and... I just can't. I can't attach myself to him when he's like this. I can't just stand by and watch people I love get hurt."
"The only person getting hurt here is Ben, Kurt. He doesn't know what he can do to fix this. He thinks he needs to fix this."
"So what? It's my fault?"
"You're the parent here, Kurt. We're the adults. It's our job to provide a home for him, not his job to... fit in."
"It's my job to love you," Kurt said quietly, remembering something.
"What?"
"Nothing," he dismissed. "I'm not saying he has to go and I am not saying that he..."
"What are you saying?" Blaine asked.
"I just... need time, that's all."
"Time? For what? For him to prove himself?"
"Blaine, please," Kurt said softly. "Just... give me time."
"What is it you're not telling me?" Blaine asked, studying Kurt's expression for anything that would give him away. "Kurt..."
Kurt took a deep breath, letting his eyes drift shut. "I just... I'll get there, OK? But please don't push it and please don't try and analyse it. This is something... I need to deal with."
"That we need to deal with," Blaine tried to correct. "We do things together remember? Team us. No secrets and no hiding stuff because that does not work out well for us."
"I know, love," Kurt sighed. "But... I need this one. For now. Because Ben needs you in his corner and..."
"Why does he need me in his corner?" Blaine asked. "Kurt..."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it?"
"Blaine... shit, this is not... I can't..."
"If you just told me what is going in that head of yours then maybe I would be able to help."
"You can't, OK? You can't help with this so you just need to let me deal with it."
"Let you deal with it?"
"Blaine..."
"So it's not just Ben you're shutting out now, it's me."
"No, Blaine, that's not..."
"That is exactly what is happening here. Kurt, please," he begged. "Tell me what is wrong and we can..."
"You can't fix this," Kurt whispered. "Please, Blaine..."
"You know what? Be like that." Blaine snapped. "You want to keep pushing people away then you are going to wake up alone, just like you did once before."
The memory stung them both but neither of them said anything. After a long moment when they seemed to be waiting for the other to say something, do something.
Then the door opened and they heard Rachel and Amelia and Ben and the issue was left.
*
The last few weeks of Ben's supervision period flew by and once it was finally legal and he was theirs, Burt and Carole, Harry and Eliza came to New York to spend some quality time with their grandchildren.
The first thing Ben did when he opened the door to find four people standing there who'd only ever existed in a computer screen?
"Got my presents?" he asked. When the four of them exchanged "What?" looks Ben shrugged and pushed the door shut. "Shops are still open," he called out. "You just got yourself a grandson and heir. Least you can do is buy me something expensive."
When Kurt and Blaine finally managed to get the door open they were all ready to apologise until they saw that Burt and Eliza were doing a very bad job of hiding their giggles and Carole and Harry were grinning.
"Got your hands full with that one," Harry said. "He's an Anderson alright."
"Is this a good thing?" Ben asked from behind them.
"Jury's out," Blaine teased, shooting him a warning look. "You? Be nice."
Ben folded his arms and grinned. "Give me one reason why."
"Our wills," Harry said, walking into the house and shrugging off his coat. "Everything was going to our boys here but now you could get a cut when we die."
"I'd get it anyway when these two kick the bucket," Ben pointed out.
"Yeah, but you'd have to wait."
"This is true."
"And then there's my dad," Harry continued. "He may not be the most... forward thinking man, but he's got great-grandkids now..."
"OK, I'm sold. I'll be good. May I take your coat, sir?"
Harry laughed and draped it over Ben's outstretched hand. "You're an Anderson alright."
"Got the paperwork to prove it an' everything," Ben grinned.
"Anderson Pops!" Amelia called, running from the family room room and throwing her arms around Harry's waist. She only pulled free when the three other grandparents were available for hugs and kisses.
"Hey Dad," Kurt said as Burt pulled him into a hug. "How was the trip?"
"Fine, long, usual. How're you?"
"I'm good. Great."
"Getting used to the family life?"
"Something like that."
"Only you and Blaine could go from it being just you to having a couple of kids in a year," Burt laughed. "Tell me you're going to slow down because Carole and I are just about keeping up but we're not as young as we used to be. If you're going for a whole team..."
"No, we're done, Dad," Kurt laughed. "Got our hands full with these two."
"But in a good way, right?" Carole asked. "Blaine told us about... about Ben."
"What?"
"We do talk, love," Carole smiled. "Blaine wanted... some advice."
"About what?" Kurt asked.
"About bringing Ben into this house. With you."
"What did you tell him?" Kurt asked, keeping his gaze locked with his dad's.
"Do you mean, did we tell him?" But asked. "No. Which raises the question, why haven't you?"
"Because it's in the past."
"Really?"
"Really, Dad. What happened... It happened and I can't change that."
"You know it wasn't your fault, right? I don't want you taking it out on Ben because..."
"I wouldn't do that," Kurt said forcefully but quietly. "I know he's not... But we learn from our mistakes and that's what I'm doing."
"So long as you don't shut him out. He's your son now, Kurt. Your job in this is simple. You care for him, you support him, you make sure he's happy and safe. And everything else is negotiable."
"Even his future? Our future?"
"Especially that," Burt said. "I never would have chosen a Vegas wedding to a stranger for you, especially seeing how hurt you were over it. But I'd not change any of this for anything. You and Blaine, you're making an amazing life for all of you. Amelia is an amazing kid and from what we've seen about Ben..."
"It's different day to day though."
"You don't need to tell us, love," Carole said, putting a reassuring hand on Kurt's arm. "We raised our own boys, both of you..."
"But this isn't that. You got to be there from day one, you got to..." Kurt stopped and took a deep breath. "It's just... hard, that's all."
"You and Blaine, you guys OK?" Carole asked, narrowing her eyes a little.
No. "Yes, of course we are," Kurt said effortlessly. "Trying to find time for us between the two of them but we'll get there."
"Well we can get some quality grandparent time in while we're here if you want? Date nights are important when you've got kids."
"Carole and I made sure we had them, even though you and Finn were old enough to do your own thing," Burt added. "It was important that we had time as a couple..."
"You guys OK?" Blaine interrupted and in that moment Kurt had never loved him more. "Amelia's wondering where 'Hummel Pops and Nanna' are."
"I still don't know if I like nanna," Carole said. "Makes me... sound old."
"But you are doing it gracefully," Burt laughed, putting an arm around her shoulders.
"Come on," Blaine said softly, "the family are waiting for you."
For a second Kurt wondered if the comment had been aimed at him rather than them. Blaine turned and walked from the hallway to the family room, leaving Kurt's hand feeling cold and empty.
*
Carole and Burt were true to their word and took Ben and Amelia out on Saturday morning. Harry and Eliza were scheduled to meet them for lunch and take the afternoon shift, giving Kurt and Blaine an entire day kid-free. Normally this idea would have been welcomed and put to good use.
After seeing the kids off, however, they spent the morning working, each of them doing things that could feasibly wait. Over lunch they made small talk, deciding to watch a movie that was rated higher than PG-13 for once.
"Can I ask you something?" Blaine said again after the opening ten minutes.
"Of course," Kurt replied again.
"...Are we OK?"
Kurt felt his chest tighten and he tried to stay composed enough to turn and look at his husband. "What?"
"I just feel like... like we're not what we were. Before."
"We're parents now, Blaine. They warned us this would happen. All those meetings, all those adoptive parents. They said that our relationship would change. Hell, our parents told us!"
"You know what I mean," Blaine said softly. "I love you, probably more than I have ever loved you. We have a family together, kids... They call us dad and papa, well, OK, Amelia does, but we are their dads."
"But?" Kurt prompted.
"But I don't feel like I'm your husband anymore."
Kurt opened his mouth to say something but words failed him.
"This is the closest we've been in weeks, we're not talking..."
"What do you call this then?" Kurt asked.
"You know what I mean," Blaine replied. "We don't talk and you're hiding things from me."
"Blaine..."
"But more than that... We're not us anymore."
"I don't know what you mean," Kurt said quietly.
"Look at us, Kurt. Sitting side by side on the couch as if the kids were here and so we need to hold back. How many times have we watched a movie?" he stressed. "And it's not just about becoming parents. When Amelia came we still made time, we still..."
"Ben," Kurt sighed in frustration. "I thought we'd talked about this."
"We talked but we didn't sort anything out."
"Who says there's anything to sort out?" Kurt asked, standing up and clearing away the untouched bowl of popcorn.
"Kurt..."
"Why can't you just let it be? Things are fine, we're doing OK. The adoption has been finalised, he changed his name. We're all Anderson, we're all one big happy family."
"Except we're not," Blaine said. "You're not. I can see it."
"Can you now?" Kurt said sharply.
"I know you," Blaine replied. "And I know you're not... you're not happy. Not really. Not like you have been and not how you should be. This should be the best times of our lives. We have a family and a proper home and everything we said we wanted. But instead of enjoying it you're holding something back."
"Am I now?" Kurt asked, not daring to look at Blaine.
"You know you are. Same way you were holding back after Vegas."
"That was different."
"You held back from me because you didn't want to get hurt, because you didn't know... But I don't get it with Ben. He wants to be here, Kurt. He is trying so hard and..."
"And it's easy when he has you in his corner," Kurt snapped. "When he's got you covering for him."
"What...?"
"The fight at school? We're both listed as his parents, they do tell me things too you know," Kurt snapped. "So what else are you keeping from me?"
"Nothing," Blaine said quickly. "It was a mistake, it was one thing early on and I swear that there's been nothing..."
"Makes it hard for me to believe you when I know you've lied to me already."
"Can you blame me?" Blaine yelled, standing up. "He was terrified that one mistake was going to be it. You told him that you would send him back if he got into trouble, like he should be perfect and not have a temper any more. He is trying so hard and what are you doing? Standing around waiting as if it's just a matter of time before he blows."
"Maybe it is just a matter of time," Kurt replied, "have you thought about that?"
"What? No! Why would I?"
"Because it's who he is, Blaine. He has anger problems. Real, identified anger management issues and there is no switch we can flip to make everything better. Yes, he's getting better but he's also going to slip up and one day it's going to be too much and..." we'll lose him, he finished silently.
"So what? You've already written him off? Is this why you won't get close to him?"
"Blaine..."
"You never stop hugging or kissing Amelia but Ben's lucky if he gets an arm slung around his shoulders. He isn't against physical contact."
"I know," Kurt sighed, thinking about all the times Blaine had pulled Ben into tight hugs or even kissed the top of his head. "I just..."
"Don't love him," Blaine said dully. "You care but you don't love him."
"Blaine..."
"I get it, I do. It's hard. We fell quick for Amelia but she made it easy and I had time with Ben... Maybe, with time, you could...?"
"I don't need time," Kurt said quickly. "Blaine..."
"Then you need to learn how to deal with it," Blaine snapped. "Because I swear to you that I will put him first. If you can't deal with this, if you are going to make him feel like he's not a part of this family..." Blaine stopped short on his threat, taking a deep breath. "You're his dad now. That comes with responsibilities."
"You think I don't know that?" Kurt yelled. "You think that I want to be like this? You think I want to keep a child at arm's length and make him feel like this?"
"Then why the hell are you?" Blaine shouted. "Why can't you just show him that you care?"
"Because he's broken!" Kurt yelled without thinking. "Because he is going to snap one day and we can't fix that. Because he's..."
"Broken," Blaine repeated quietly.
"I can't get attached, I just can't."
"Because he's broken," Blaine continued. "I was broken."
"What?"
"When we met, I was broken. I was broken for a long time. In Vegas, at my parents', at yours, here in New York."
"No, Blaine, I didn't mean..." Kurt started, his brain desperately scrambling to try and fix this.
"I get it." Blaine's voice was suddenly cold, detached, and it made Kurt still. "He's screwed up and he's not perfect and he's got issues. I run but he lashes out. I nearly ran so many times, you know that. I was so scared it was all going to go wrong and I couldn't deal with losing someone I loved so much and so... But I didn't run because I knew that you loved me and you wanted me and that kept me grounded.
"Ben doesn't have that. He doesn't have you to keep him grounded and I am trying for both of us but I can't do it on my own. I don't want to do it on my own but if I have to..."
"What?" Kurt whispered.
"It's not just us anymore, Kurt. You can't just pick and choose your affection. And I can't do this if we're not on the same side. It won't work." He lifted his head a touch, rolling his eyes upwards as he tried to fight back the tears. "This isn't me running... but it is you refusing to admit when it's not right. It is you not wanting to... end it."
"End it?" Kurt stammered. "Us? Is that what you mean?"
"I... don't know," he admitted. "I just don't know any more. I just feel like you're making me choose between my husband and my kids. And I can't, Kurt, because they feel like my kids. Both of them. I love them and I can't imagine not having them around... but you... us..."
"I don't want that," Kurt said quickly, moving over to where Blaine was stood. "Please... believe me... I don't want..." He reached out and took Blaine's left hand, his thumb running over the wedding band. "I don't want to make you choose."
"Then what is going on?" Blaine pleaded. "Something is, I know it."
"It's my issue, I'll deal with it."
"Why can't we deal with it?"
"Because... because Ben needs you in his corner."
"Fine," Blaine said, pulling his hand free from Kurt's.
"Blaine..."
"I've got work to do."
"Don't..." Kurt started but Blaine ignored him and left. When he was alone he sank back onto the couch, leant his head against the back and let the tears slide quietly down his cheeks.
*
It was early when Kurt woke up, although to say he woke up would suggest that he'd slept for any real length of time. For the last few days it had been hard to sleep and he was now at the point where exhaustion was taking over most nights.
He shuffled out of his room, covering his mouth as he yawned. In the kitchen he turned on the coffee maker before he moved back into the family room and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder.
"'m 'wake," he muttered.
"Coffee's on," Kurt said. "I'm going to go get ready."
"Thanks."
Blaine watched as Kurt left the family room, crossing the hallway to their room. Once the door was shut Blaine pushed off the blanket and rolled it up with the pillows. Once they were stored away in the hall closet he went into the kitchen and poured two mugs of coffee. He left Kurt's on the side, passing him in the hallway as he went into their room to shower and get ready.
When he came out Kurt would have breakfast underway just in time for the kids getting up and the pair of them would fuss over them, make sure they got ready, exchange chaste kisses on cheeks before heading off to school.
At least they were able to give the impression of being happily married.
*
Blaine looked up from his lunch as his colleague Amy walked in. "Hey," he greeted.
"Hey yourself, Romantic," she replied, slipping into the chair opposite him.
"Everything OK? Ben behaving himself?"
"He's fine," she laughed. "For the most part."
"Most part?" Blaine asked.
"Things OK at home?"
"Yeah, why?"
Amy just looked at him.
"Amy..."
"Look, tell me if I'm prying..."
"You're prying."
"But he's clearly not happy about something."
"Since when is Ben happy about everything?" Blaine challenged. "We're just getting used to not being under the watchful eye of the City, maybe that's it..."
Amy sighed. "This is me, Romantic."
Blaine raised his eyebrow. "When are you going to stop calling me that?"
"When I get a new nickname for you. Right now I'd go with... Storyteller."
"What?"
"Things are not fine, Blaine. You and I know it. We have been around kids long enough to know when things are not fine at home. And I have known you long enough to know when things are fine and when they're not. So how about you stop telling me fiction and start with the fact."
"It's nothing, really. Just... a rough patch. Everyone has them, right?"
"How rough?" Amy asked.
"Are you asking as my friend, my colleague or my son's teacher?"
"All three? But let's start with a friend first and go from there."
"It's just harder, dealing with two kids rather than one. Especially if one of those kids is Ben."
"Ben is lovely and it's clear he adores you. He's working hard, he's getting support... What about Kurt?"
"Kurt always works hard," Blaine quips.
"And Romantic resorts to a joke so I know something is bad."
"I'm sleeping on the couch," Blaine said quickly.
"Fuck," Amy muttered under her breath.
"Kurt and Ben... they're not getting on. I don't know what it is but it's something and he's refusing to talk to me about it."
"Ben isn't?"
"Kurt."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. But it's something. Burt and Carole were over last week with my parents. Kurt talked a lot with his dad, like a lot. Stuff I never got to hear about, stuff that always happened when I was somewhere else. And if it weren't for the fact that there's this... distance... And I'm losing him, I know it."
"You don't know that, Rom-"
"Don't call me that and I do know it," Blaine snapped.
"OK, I'm sorry."
"I know Kurt, I know him as well as I know myself. I... run, Kurt shuts down. He knows when things are not right and instead of doing what he should do he shuts down. He knows that we're..."
"But he's not doing anything and you've run away to the couch. And there was me thinking you'd figured stuff out after Vegas."
"What can I do if he's shutting me out?"
"Call Kurt's dad, ask him."
"You think I've not thought of that?" Blaine asked. "But that's... I don't know. A step too far? Burt and I get along great and I don't want to make him feel like he's choosing between us."
"This is the guy who calls you his son, right?" Amy asked. "His step-son is his son, his son-in-law is his son... And you think he won't answer a question?"
"What if there's nothing to answer?" Blaine said quietly. "What if he just can't... bond with Ben? One of those things? Nothing going on, nothing being kept from me, nothing..."
"Stop, stop, stop," Amy said quickly. "What does your instinct tell you?"
"...That he's hiding something. That Burt knows and neither of them are telling me. He's keeping Ben at arm's length and he's pushing me away and I don't know why."
"You know more than that, Blaine, keep thinking."
"I know..." He sighed before continuing. "I know that he thinks he's doing the right thing. I know he loves me and I know that this is killing him. I know he hates me being on the couch."
"He wanted Ben to come and live with you, it was his choice wasn't it?"
"I know he wants us to be a family."
"So what's stopping him?"
"That I don't know."
"Then that's what you need to figure out, Romantic," Amy said, grinning as she got the well-used glare. "Because it's going to get to the point where it won't matter how much you and Kurt love each other, the damage will be permanent."
*
Kurt loved the walk home from the subway. It gave him time in the fresh air, time to clear his head and think. Recently it had given him time to put his 'game face' on. Time to prepare himself to face the house, the kids, everything.
He hated it.
He hated what the house had become - just that. It wasn't a home anymore, it wasn't theirs any more. It was a place where they ate, slept, and life went on around them. They looked after their kids; made sure they did their homework, ate right, brushed their teeth and went to bed at a reasonable hour.
As soon as they'd seen the place the four of them had just known it was theirs. The rooms upstairs had been quickly claimed by the kids, no arguments over which was whose. The oversized bathroom with a bathtub and shower unit that was easy for them to share and for the parents to commandeer on occasion. So much space for them to share and grow into, take over and fill with laughter and love.
And a husband sleeping on the couch.
He knew how much Blaine wanted to talk, wanted to know exactly what was going on in his mind. And he wanted to tell him, he hated not being able to share something with Blaine. But it was necessary. He had to do this. He'd been hurt once before. He'd trusted once before in change and promises and he'd paid the price for it. He knew Ben was trying, he knew that he was making progress and that had to be a good thing. It was a good thing, of course it was. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad when things...
Maybe Ben wouldn't be as bad as Dave.
And maybe this time he'd be able to deal with the fallout.
He climbed the steps to the front door, slipping his key into the lock. The door was pushed open and shut behind him before he noticed them. Well, tripped over them would have been more accurate.
Two packed suitcases.
Blaine's suitcases.
Part 3
Author : Jen
Rating : NC-17 overall (language & stuff that happens in a marriage...!)
Pairing : Kurt/Blaine AU
Series : sequel to Vows
Word Count : ~9,000 (this part) / ~39,000 (overall)
Spoilers : as it's an AU, none. But there's so many spoilers for "Vows" so can I suggest that if you've not read that first that you go do so. It's fine. We'll wait. Canon-wise it's references to stuff that if you've seen the episode in question you'll know about it.
Summary : Kurt and Blaine have survived a lot. A Vegas wedding to a stranger, a cross-country journey of discovery, and coast-to-coast separation. They came through all that to a second marriage, one that has been happy and successful for two years. The next logical step is parenthood. Only kids are rarely logical.
<< Part 1
*
Blaine tried over the next few months to establish contact but Ben refused to see him. He dropped off a card and present for Ben's fourteenth birthday but it was mailed back unopened a few days later. No matter how many times Kurt asked Blaine to focus on the family he did have Blaine refused to give up on Ben, sending cards and leaving messages. Once a week Blaine went to the diner where he waited, always waited, to see if Ben would take him up on his offer of dinner.
He never did.
After nearly three months of silence Blaine resigned himself to never hearing from Ben again.
He should have realised two things.
Firstly - he'd made that kind of resignation once before. He'd resigned himself, years ago, to never hearing from Kurt again and so had booked a flight out of New York.
Secondly - Ben wasn't the kind of kid who just gave up and went quietly.
He was reminded of both of these things when the Principal interrupted his lesson with an important phone call from Amelia's school.
*
He didn't even breathe until he'd crashed through the main doors of Amelia's school, given his name to the receptionist who ushered him through to the Principal's office. The police were already there and it was less than ten minutes before Kurt arrived, equally as frantic and wound up.
"We have circulated a description of Amelia to every officer in the area, we're canvassing shops and parks and sent someone to your apartment in case she makes it back there as well as to the children's home. If there's anyone else you think of she might have gone then let us know. The good news is that she's only been missing for thirty minutes. She can't have gotten far and in cases like this there is a very good chance that you'll all be home in time for dinner."
Kurt remembered Mr Shue and Miss Pillsbury coming to his French lesson to tell him about his dad's heart attack. He remembered the feeling of his stomach dropping to his feet, his own heart stopping for that second.
He remembered seeing Blaine for the first time in Vegas, how his heart had stilled for a second, his stomach flipping over. How, over the course of that week, he'd been pulled apart and put back together emotionally. Waking up alone in New York and going to Los Angeles. Of coming home and finding Blaine there.
When Blaine proposed, the wedding, the conversation where they decided to apply for adoption, getting the confirmation letter... So many moments in his life when he'd felt sick with nerves or excitement.
All of that combined didn't come close to this. His daughter was missing, a runaway. The Principal, Mrs Hastings, had stammered some report about her being bullied by some older boys at the end of lunch, by the time staff had arrived the boys were saying nothing and Amelia was missing.
*
"How can you not know if she's not on campus anymore?" Blaine all but yelled. "How many exits are there? They should be covered, security cameras...?"
"I wish we had the funding..." Mrs Hastings stammered but she soon fell silent when Kurt snapped a glare her. "I'm sorry."
"She'd better be OK," Blaine hissed as his cell began to ring. "Hello?"
"Blaine?" came a voice which was quiet, as if he were whispering.
"...Ben?"
"Yeah."
"Look, this isn't a good time but I do want to talk..."
"I know," Ben said quickly. "I know you're at the school. Can you come to the locker room?"
"Ben..."
"Please? It's important."
"What's going on?" Kurt asked.
"It's fine, love," Blaine said. "Ben..."
"If I tell you something you can't say anything to anyone. Except Kurt of course. Promise?"
"What?"
"Just say yes if you promise. They can't know."
"Fine. Yes."
"Come to the locker room. Right out of the Principal's, down the hall and left at the end. We're at the end of the hallway."
"We?"
"Quickly," Ben said before he hung up.
"Everything OK?" Kurt asked, studying Blaine's face.
"No, I... need a break. Some air."
"OK," Kurt said, not buying it for a second.
"Come with?" Blaine asked, catching Kurt's eye.
"Sure," he said carefully, reading Blaine's expression.
"Might help. We'll find you if there's news," the officer said as they walked out.
"What...?" Kurt asked quietly as they turned right and headed down the hall.
"I don't know," Blaine whispered, "but I know it's something."
They reached the end of the hall and Kurt followed Blaine to the left. "What did Ben want?"
"To see me. Us. And to not tell anyone."
"Tell anyone about what?" Kurt asked as Blaine pulled up outside the door.
Taking a deep breath Blaine pushed it open. "Ben? Ben it's just us."
"Back here," Ben called and they followed his voice around a locker stack.
"This is not a good time, kid," Blaine started. "Amelia's..."
"Dad!" Amelia called, pulling away from Ben and running over to Blaine.
He dropped to his knees, arms outstretched to pull her in, holding on as tight as she was to him. Blaine's hands were strong on her back and head, Kurt's over his, on her body as the pair of them held her close, scared to let go ever again.
"What happened?" Blaine asked.
"Why is she in here with you when half the NYPD is out there looking for her?" Kurt said, turning to and on Ben. "What did you do?" he almost yelled.
"These boys were giving her hell," Ben started, backing away from Kurt as he realised just how pissed he was. "I saw it, I stepped in, we came here. That's it, I swear."
"And you didn't think to tell the Principal?" Kurt yelled.
"I couldn't!" Ben replied.
"They don't stop," Amelia said quietly. "They won't stop and they don't care."
"What, sweetie?" Blaine asked softly. "Who doesn't care?"
"The teachers. I told them and they said the boys were being silly."
"Told them what?"
"They've been hassling her for weeks," Ben said. "Since... since they found out she was adopted by you two. When you both came for parent-teacher conference? It's just been names and giggles until now but..." He walked over to where Amelia was still clinging to Blaine. Moving into her line of sight he rested a hand gently on her arm. "Show them."
Amelia shook her head and clung to Blaine a little tighter.
"It's OK," Ben whispered. "What did I tell you?"
Amelia's first reply was muffled by Blaine's shoulder but after Ben gave her a little smile she lifted her head and repeated, "They won't hurt me while you're around."
"And I'm here, aren't I?"
"Yeah."
"So they're not going to get you. And I won't let them near you again. But you gotta show them."
"They'll be mad," Amelia whispered.
"No they won't," Ben replied. "I know Blaine, he doesn't get mad at no one. Not even me, and you know I'm trouble."
Amelia giggled at this and wiggled a bit so Blaine would let her go. She held out her left hand to Ben who took it carefully and pushed up the sleeve of her shirt.
There in black marker, scrawled up her arm in large letters were two words. FAG CHILD.
Amelia tried to pull back her hand but Ben held on, not tightly but firmly. "It's OK, princess," he said gently, his voice warm and quiet. "You can wash it off in a bit."
"They did this to her?" Blaine asked, trying not to cry or scream or run out and hurt someone.
"They... They weren't going to stop at this," Ben said. "One of them had a pen knife, he said he was going to make it permanent..."
"Ben came over, shoved them off me," Amelia said, pulling away so she could cover up the words. "He fought this boy and then he took my hand and we ran here."
"She was upset and by the time she'd calmed down and I'd found someone's cell in their locker..." Off Blaine's look he added, "What? I don't have one and I needed to call you. So I broke into a few lockers, you going to report me for that? I put it back."
"He did," Amelia confirmed. "I saw him."
"The teachers here are a joke," Ben said. "I wasn't kidding when I said they were useless. It's been going on for weeks and they haven't done anything."
Amelia stepped away from Blaine and wrapped her arms around Ben. "He saved me," she said, hugging him tightly.
Ben didn't even hesitate before his arms were around Amelia. Blaine wondered if Ben even knew he was pressing gentle kisses into her brown curls, one hand rubbing patterns on her back.
"We should let them know," Kurt said eventually. "Blaine, take Amelia back to the office. Say you found her hiding in a classroom or something. I want a word with Ben."
"Kurt..." Blaine began but when he met Kurt's gaze he quieted and nodded. "OK."
"It's OK, princess," Ben said when Amelia looked up at him. "It's gonna be OK now, I promise."
"You'll look after me?" she whispered, stepping back from the hug.
"Consider me your personal bodyguard for life," he grinned. "I'll see you soon, OK?"
"OK," she smiled.
"I won't be long," Kurt said as he turned to face Blaine.
"Come on, sweetie," Blaine said, taking one of Amelia's hands in his.
"I wanna wash my arm," she said.
"You can do when we're done, I promise."
As Blaine and Amelia left the locker room, Amelia giving Ben a small wave before the door swung shut, Kurt turned to face Ben and folded his arms.
*
To say that Blaine was furious would be an understatement. When he'd arrived with Amelia he'd asked her to show Mrs Hastings what was written on her arm. Then he asked one of the police officers to take her to wash it off while the other one stayed with him ("To stop me from doing something seriously illegal," he'd hissed).
By the time Kurt and Ben had joined them Blaine had already heard half-stammered apologies and excuses about no evidence and it being one child's word against another, how there was no proof - until now - of any homophobic bullying.
"If you think she's coming back here after this," Blaine said, his voice low and dangerous, "think again. I'll teach her at home until we can get her enrolled somewhere else. And once my husband and I have calmed down we are going to have a serious discussion about how to word our complaint against this school and the faculty."
"You know," Kurt added, "it was principals like you that made our life hell when we were in school. You act like you don't know or see what goes on and it's innocent kids that suffer because of it. If it weren't for Ben then things could have been so much worse."
"Ben?" Mrs Hastings asked, as if she was noticing him for the first time. "You mean he's tried to convince you that he saved her? Mr Anderson, I can assure you that Ben is not the kind of kid who would..."
"Yes he is," Kurt interrupted. "I know exactly what kind of kid he is, and so does Blaine. And I promise you that the second he's ours, the second those adoption papers are signed, he's out of here too."
"Fuck that," Ben said, "I'm coming now."
"But... you can't leave during the school day," Mrs Hastings said. "You aren't his legal guardians, you have no rights."
"They were going to scar my daughter's arm with abuse," Kurt hissed, "and Ben is the only reason I am not demanding that you are arrested for assault. If he wants to go then we both know he'll find a way."
Mrs Hastings shot a look at the police officer still stood in her office. He sighed, rolled his eyes, and turned to Kurt.
"You know where he lives?" he asked.
Kurt nodded. "Children's home, few blocks over."
"Then I trust you can... make sure he gets back there safely?"
Kurt caught the look in his eye and smiled. "Of course."
"Then I think it wise that we make sure this young man is in a place where he might not be tempted to... abscond from," the officer said. "Get your family home, we'll be in touch."
"Thank you," Kurt said quietly.
The three of them walked out of the Principal's office, meeting Amelia in the hallway. She slipped one hand into Kurt's and the other into Ben's as they all walked out of that school for the last time.
*
"Yes... I know it's not... Well you come over here and tell Ben he can't stay!"
Blaine laughed softly as Kurt made his case to the home, turning his attention to the family room where Amelia and Ben were deeply ensconced in a game. Since they'd come back to the apartment that afternoon the two of them had been inseparable.
"Right, we'll see you in the morning," Kurt said, finishing off the call. "He can stay the night."
"We knew he was staying," Blaine laughed, "the question was whether the home agreed to it." He moved behind Kurt, slipping his arms around his waist and propping his chin on his shoulder. "Did you mean what you said? About Ben... being ours?"
"Another thing they're not happy about," Kurt said. "It's apparently not 'the done thing' to process two adoptions so close to each other."
"So they won't let us?"
"Oh they will, they just don't know it yet," Kurt said.
"So you were serious."
"Of course."
"What changed your mind?"
"Ben did. Today. He took his anger and his strength and he used it to protect Amelia. He made it something good. And you've seen them together. He treats her like..."
"Like she's his sister," Blaine finished.
"Why are you always right?" Kurt laughed. "You knew he was going to be part of our family. You just... knew."
"And you just needed time, same as you did after Vegas."
"I did not!" Kurt laughed, pulling himself out of Blaine's grasp. He turned and Blaine playfully. "You were the one holding back, not saying what you felt."
"If that helps you sleep at night then by all means..."
Blaine's teasing got no further as Kurt pulled him in close and silenced him with a kiss
"I said I wasn't dealing with no PDAs," Ben said, attracting their attention. "If I'm going to stay here you two gotta keep it PG. PG-13 on weekends and special occasions only."
"Is he serious?" Kurt asked Blaine, one eyebrow raising in mock disbelief.
"I warned him that we'd have some serious rules for him," Blaine interjected. "And I feel it only fair that ours are just as severe as his for us."
"I like this," Kurt said, turning a little so his body was angled into Blaine's. "If we're limited to PG then I feel his curfew should be... eight?"
"Seven. Eight on weekends."
"No way," Ben said.
"PG-13 buys you eight and nine."
"What rating buys me a time that doesn't make me a freak?" Ben asked and then scrunched up his face. "Don't tell me."
"You do your share around the apartment and you are on babysitting duties for Amelia on occasion," Kurt said.
"Does that include renovations because I seen your spare room. Or closet to give it its proper title."
"He has a point," Blaine said quietly into Kurt's ear.
"We'll sort it," Kurt said. "You know this isn't going to be sorted out quickly?"
"Why not?"
"We've only been Amelia's parents for a few months and..."
"You think it's too soon?" Ben said, anger rising in his voice. "So what? You want me to wait around?"
"OK, first rule," Kurt said firmly. "You shut up and listen before you fly off the handle. You keep that temper of yours in check and you do not, under any circumstances, act like that in front of Amelia. She adores you and she trusts you and you break that and any chance you have with us is gone, you understand?"
Ben nodded and, after meeting Blaine's glance, stayed silent.
"No, we do not want you to wait around. No, they're not happy about it but that doesn't mean we're out of options. We can do some residency thing and we will make it official. I meant what I said today.
"Second rule. You go to school and you stay in school. You have just over a year left of Middle School and you will not screw up High School. All we are going to ask of you is that you treat our home and the people in it with respect. Which means following our rules, no arguments or hassle.
"Third rule..."
"No having fun at any time?" Ben quipped. "I get it. Be a good boy and play nice. I know I'm not the poster child for this and I'm probably not what you had in mind when you went looking for a kid. But I know a good thing when I see it. Blaine's never given up on me and you're givin' me a chance. I 'ain't going to screw that up.
"I never thought I'd be the kid who got an Exit and now I've got one and it's not all that bad-"
"Thanks," Blaine laughed softly.
"-so I'll play nice, I promise."
"Ben!" Amelia called.
"Yeah, I'm coming!" he called back. "She wants a drink."
"Juice boxes in the fridge," Kurt said. "And Ben? I meant it. We do want you here."
"Thank you," Ben said as he picked up the drinks and went back to Amelia.
"So then, Mr Anderson," Blaine said quietly as he pulled Kurt back in close, "seems like we have ourselves a family."
"Yeah," Kurt hummed, "we do."
"What happened in the locker room?"
"That's between me and him."
"Well," Blaine mouthed against Kurt's neck, "I love that you're trying."
"How much?" Kurt laughed.
"Wait until the kids are in bed and..." Blaine began, then sighed. "Oh god, we are so parents."
"Yes we are," Kurt laughed.
*
It was a couple of months before Blaine was finally able to take stock of what Ben was doing to his family. He watched his daughter grow in ways he'd never imagined. It made sense to enrol both of them at Blaine's school and so he was able to see her at school and at home, growing into a strong young woman.
He watched them bond as siblings, the Anderson kids. In the yard Ben would have one eye on her, making sure that anyone who saw the slight young girl as a target knew that she was anything but, knew that she had someone in her corner. But she didn't always need her big brother looking out for her. Under Ben she grew in confidence, in strength. Their little princess wasn't the coy, defenceless little girl she'd been before.
It wasn't just one sided.
When he was around Amelia Ben was more focused than Blaine had ever known him. He settled into school, worked hard and was getting good reports from his teachers. His temper was in check, since moving in with them Blaine had really only heard frustrated yells aimed at the TV during the games they watched together.
That's not to say Ben was suddenly perfect. More than once Ben had to cool off before he blew, but he was learning to do it himself. Very aware of Kurt's warning he made sure that he never lost it in front of Amelia, a fact that Blaine was nothing but proud of him for. Ben was doing everything he could to make sure that he did right by them.
Blaine just wished he could say the same about Kurt.
They'd just closed on a house and were moving that weekend. A proper home for the four of them; basement downstairs, decent sized rooms (master bedroom on entrance level, two decent sized bedrooms with their own bathroom upstairs), a kitchen area just off an open plan family room Kurt was already in love with and an honest-to-god garden. Well, yard. Outside space. But it was all theirs.
Anyone who met them could see how much Kurt loved his husband and Blaine still looked at Kurt in a way that was a cross between complete adoration and astonishment that he'd been so lucky. Amelia was their little girl, an outpouring of love that was constant, tactile. Hugs and kisses and play wrestling.
Blaine and Ben watched games, talked, had dinner together (the diner one week, a place of Blaine's choice the next) and they worked out the dynamics of their new father-son relationship.
Kurt, on the other hand, did none of this and Blaine was slowly realising that his husband was keeping their son at arm's length. He just wished he knew why.
*
Blaine had tried everything he could think of. He took Amelia out for evenings and entire days to force Ben and Kurt to spend time together. More and more things "came up" last minute and so Kurt was forced to pick Ben up from school or a friend's or from his therapy sessions (which Blaine had tentatively suggested Ben might want to help deal with his anger issues).
To look at them you'd see a family who loved each other, two people providing a stable, safe and loving home to two children who were happy and loved and thriving. Ben and Amelia had everything they needed and more things than they ever wanted. Their own rooms, own things. And they grew together, forming a strong sibling bond which reminded Blaine so much of what he saw between Kurt and Finn.
Ben was trying so hard to make things right. They worked out strategies for his anger, identified triggers. (Math, apparently, was a big thing. Something Blaine could fully understand.) They found a therapist and Ben had standing appointments every few weeks and additional ones when needed. He followed every one of Kurt's rules about being restrained and respectful and helpful. He jumped through every hoop put in his way because he knew, because Ben knew how lucky he was.
So Blaine told Kurt this, repeatedly. He told Kurt about the conversations they'd had about Exits and not feeling like he was worth it. Kurt nodded and alluded to already knowing this (Blaine still didn't know what they talked about at the school that day).
Blaine used everything he could think of to get Kurt to at least consider Ben as his son - even if it meant lying by omission.
During his first week at his new school there had been a run in with the resident tough kid and Blaine had been called to the Principal's office not as a colleague but as a parent. It had been one moment, one shove, going no further but Ben had been outright terrified that it would be enough for Kurt to send him back. And so Blaine had promised him that if it never happened again, if he got help, that it would stay between them.
Sometimes though, Blaine wondered if Kurt knew anyway.
*
"He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"He does."
"Ben..."
"I really thought he'd come around, y'know? After... what he said? I thought that this was it, I'd got my Exits and they're actually pretty decent. And more than that I was getting a sister into the bargain. I never looked twice at Amelia when we were in the home but now... And you, you gave me chance when I didn't think I deserved one. And I will never forget that. But..."
"Don't you dare."
"What?"
"Don't you dare suggest what you're about to suggest."
"And how do you know what I'm about to suggest?"
"Because I know you, kid."
"Kid. Wow. Really playing that dad card aren't you?"
"Like you let me."
"I've been thinking about that actually."
"What? The whole dad thing?"
"Kinda. More like the name thing. I was wondering... if it would help... if I were..."
"An Anderson?"
"Yeah."
"Is it what you want?"
"I want to be part of the family."
"You are. Or did you miss the whole paperwork thing? Few more weeks and the supervision is up and you're ours."
"I mean like... properly. Not sure how I feel yet about the whole dad, papa thing. But I... kinda like the idea of being an Anderson."
"Amelia said something, didn't she?"
"...Maybe."
"She wants her big brother to have the same name as her."
"And we all know, what Amelia wants she tends to get..."
"Yeah. And she wants you to stay. So what does that tell you?"
"That I gotta do something."
"No. You don't."
*
Blaine had told Rachel to take the kids that evening - the fact that he'd told her betrayed how important it was and so she'd agreed without her usual protests. When Kurt came home he was surprised with an intimate dinner for two but had no complaints.
Since adopting Amelia they had had very little time for themselves, moments here and there. Since Ben came along that time had been even more rationed, especially given Kurt's... opinion.
"Can I ask you something?" Blaine ventured as they cleared away the table.
"You don't need to ask," Kurt laughed as he started to run the faucet.
"Do you want to adopt Ben?"
"What? Why would you ask me that?"
"Few more weeks and the adoption is finalised. If this isn't working then we need to do something sooner rather than later."
"So after all the meetings and supervisions and questions you think I'm going to turn around last minute and say 'no thanks, sorry, take him back'?"
"You tell me," Blaine said quietly.
"Blaine," Kurt started, shutting off the faucet and drying his hands. "I do care about him and I want him to stay. I know you and Amelia adore him..."
"But you don't?"
Kurt sighed. "It's just... hard for me."
"He thinks it's his fault."
"What?"
"Ben. He thinks it's his fault. He thinks that you don't love him because he's not worth it. He thinks all you see is the bad stuff and not how hard he's working. His caseworker has nothing but positive things to say about him..."
"Like he's fixed?" Kurt said sharply. "Like he comes and lives with us and suddenly all his anger and his problems, they just go away? I know he's trying, I get it, I do. But I'm not standing here thinking that he's suddenly the perfect kid because he's not. He's got issues and he's got problems and they are not going to be fixed because he's here and he's talking to someone every other week."
"No one has ever said that he's..."
"No, but it's what you expect," Kurt interrupted. "Because I'm not treating him like some normal kid..."
"Normal?" Blaine spluttered. "What exactly would be normal?"
"Normal is not pretending to be something you're not. Normal is being honest about what you can and you can't do. Normal is not putting innocent people in harm's way."
"When have any of us been in harm's way? I know Ben's... He never would. Not us."
"And so that's OK. Because we're not the ones in the firing line it's OK?" Kurt asked. "What about other people? We are responsible for him, Blaine. For the next seven years we are one hundred percent responsible for him and even after that. We are the ones they are going to call..." Kurt stilled, taking a deep breath.
"When he fucks up?" Blaine finished. "What? When the police are on our door because he's beaten someone up? That really where you see him ending up?"
"It's a possibility and you know it," Kurt challenged. "If you weren't worried about him and his temper then why the hell did you find him the therapist?"
"Because of you," Blaine snapped. "Because he's terrified that he's going to fuck this up. He's terrified that he is going to slip up and you are going to kick him out. He's on probabation not only with the State but with you and he is convinced that he is just going to be shipped off when it all gets too much.
"Ever since his mom died he has been shipped off, moved around without consideration or anyone asking him how he feels about things. Did you know this is the first time he's ever felt really settled somewhere? He calls this home, Kurt He calls this home."
"Do you dare make me into a bad guy here," Kurt snapped. "I am trying to keep a level head, trying to make sure we don't get in too deep too quick."
"Two words, Vegas wedding."
"Different situation."
"Not really," Blaine said. "You and I have a habit of jumping in..."
"This is a child we're talking about, Blaine. You and me? That's something else. When we got married the only lives we could fuck up were our own. We did fuck it up! We cannot get it wrong with them."
"What makes you think that we will?" Blaine asked. "We haven't so far..."
"Because it could happen," Kurt said firmly. "Because right now I feel it's a very real possibility and... I just can't. I can't attach myself to him when he's like this. I can't just stand by and watch people I love get hurt."
"The only person getting hurt here is Ben, Kurt. He doesn't know what he can do to fix this. He thinks he needs to fix this."
"So what? It's my fault?"
"You're the parent here, Kurt. We're the adults. It's our job to provide a home for him, not his job to... fit in."
"It's my job to love you," Kurt said quietly, remembering something.
"What?"
"Nothing," he dismissed. "I'm not saying he has to go and I am not saying that he..."
"What are you saying?" Blaine asked.
"I just... need time, that's all."
"Time? For what? For him to prove himself?"
"Blaine, please," Kurt said softly. "Just... give me time."
"What is it you're not telling me?" Blaine asked, studying Kurt's expression for anything that would give him away. "Kurt..."
Kurt took a deep breath, letting his eyes drift shut. "I just... I'll get there, OK? But please don't push it and please don't try and analyse it. This is something... I need to deal with."
"That we need to deal with," Blaine tried to correct. "We do things together remember? Team us. No secrets and no hiding stuff because that does not work out well for us."
"I know, love," Kurt sighed. "But... I need this one. For now. Because Ben needs you in his corner and..."
"Why does he need me in his corner?" Blaine asked. "Kurt..."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it?"
"Blaine... shit, this is not... I can't..."
"If you just told me what is going in that head of yours then maybe I would be able to help."
"You can't, OK? You can't help with this so you just need to let me deal with it."
"Let you deal with it?"
"Blaine..."
"So it's not just Ben you're shutting out now, it's me."
"No, Blaine, that's not..."
"That is exactly what is happening here. Kurt, please," he begged. "Tell me what is wrong and we can..."
"You can't fix this," Kurt whispered. "Please, Blaine..."
"You know what? Be like that." Blaine snapped. "You want to keep pushing people away then you are going to wake up alone, just like you did once before."
The memory stung them both but neither of them said anything. After a long moment when they seemed to be waiting for the other to say something, do something.
Then the door opened and they heard Rachel and Amelia and Ben and the issue was left.
*
The last few weeks of Ben's supervision period flew by and once it was finally legal and he was theirs, Burt and Carole, Harry and Eliza came to New York to spend some quality time with their grandchildren.
The first thing Ben did when he opened the door to find four people standing there who'd only ever existed in a computer screen?
"Got my presents?" he asked. When the four of them exchanged "What?" looks Ben shrugged and pushed the door shut. "Shops are still open," he called out. "You just got yourself a grandson and heir. Least you can do is buy me something expensive."
When Kurt and Blaine finally managed to get the door open they were all ready to apologise until they saw that Burt and Eliza were doing a very bad job of hiding their giggles and Carole and Harry were grinning.
"Got your hands full with that one," Harry said. "He's an Anderson alright."
"Is this a good thing?" Ben asked from behind them.
"Jury's out," Blaine teased, shooting him a warning look. "You? Be nice."
Ben folded his arms and grinned. "Give me one reason why."
"Our wills," Harry said, walking into the house and shrugging off his coat. "Everything was going to our boys here but now you could get a cut when we die."
"I'd get it anyway when these two kick the bucket," Ben pointed out.
"Yeah, but you'd have to wait."
"This is true."
"And then there's my dad," Harry continued. "He may not be the most... forward thinking man, but he's got great-grandkids now..."
"OK, I'm sold. I'll be good. May I take your coat, sir?"
Harry laughed and draped it over Ben's outstretched hand. "You're an Anderson alright."
"Got the paperwork to prove it an' everything," Ben grinned.
"Anderson Pops!" Amelia called, running from the family room room and throwing her arms around Harry's waist. She only pulled free when the three other grandparents were available for hugs and kisses.
"Hey Dad," Kurt said as Burt pulled him into a hug. "How was the trip?"
"Fine, long, usual. How're you?"
"I'm good. Great."
"Getting used to the family life?"
"Something like that."
"Only you and Blaine could go from it being just you to having a couple of kids in a year," Burt laughed. "Tell me you're going to slow down because Carole and I are just about keeping up but we're not as young as we used to be. If you're going for a whole team..."
"No, we're done, Dad," Kurt laughed. "Got our hands full with these two."
"But in a good way, right?" Carole asked. "Blaine told us about... about Ben."
"What?"
"We do talk, love," Carole smiled. "Blaine wanted... some advice."
"About what?" Kurt asked.
"About bringing Ben into this house. With you."
"What did you tell him?" Kurt asked, keeping his gaze locked with his dad's.
"Do you mean, did we tell him?" But asked. "No. Which raises the question, why haven't you?"
"Because it's in the past."
"Really?"
"Really, Dad. What happened... It happened and I can't change that."
"You know it wasn't your fault, right? I don't want you taking it out on Ben because..."
"I wouldn't do that," Kurt said forcefully but quietly. "I know he's not... But we learn from our mistakes and that's what I'm doing."
"So long as you don't shut him out. He's your son now, Kurt. Your job in this is simple. You care for him, you support him, you make sure he's happy and safe. And everything else is negotiable."
"Even his future? Our future?"
"Especially that," Burt said. "I never would have chosen a Vegas wedding to a stranger for you, especially seeing how hurt you were over it. But I'd not change any of this for anything. You and Blaine, you're making an amazing life for all of you. Amelia is an amazing kid and from what we've seen about Ben..."
"It's different day to day though."
"You don't need to tell us, love," Carole said, putting a reassuring hand on Kurt's arm. "We raised our own boys, both of you..."
"But this isn't that. You got to be there from day one, you got to..." Kurt stopped and took a deep breath. "It's just... hard, that's all."
"You and Blaine, you guys OK?" Carole asked, narrowing her eyes a little.
No. "Yes, of course we are," Kurt said effortlessly. "Trying to find time for us between the two of them but we'll get there."
"Well we can get some quality grandparent time in while we're here if you want? Date nights are important when you've got kids."
"Carole and I made sure we had them, even though you and Finn were old enough to do your own thing," Burt added. "It was important that we had time as a couple..."
"You guys OK?" Blaine interrupted and in that moment Kurt had never loved him more. "Amelia's wondering where 'Hummel Pops and Nanna' are."
"I still don't know if I like nanna," Carole said. "Makes me... sound old."
"But you are doing it gracefully," Burt laughed, putting an arm around her shoulders.
"Come on," Blaine said softly, "the family are waiting for you."
For a second Kurt wondered if the comment had been aimed at him rather than them. Blaine turned and walked from the hallway to the family room, leaving Kurt's hand feeling cold and empty.
*
Carole and Burt were true to their word and took Ben and Amelia out on Saturday morning. Harry and Eliza were scheduled to meet them for lunch and take the afternoon shift, giving Kurt and Blaine an entire day kid-free. Normally this idea would have been welcomed and put to good use.
After seeing the kids off, however, they spent the morning working, each of them doing things that could feasibly wait. Over lunch they made small talk, deciding to watch a movie that was rated higher than PG-13 for once.
"Can I ask you something?" Blaine said again after the opening ten minutes.
"Of course," Kurt replied again.
"...Are we OK?"
Kurt felt his chest tighten and he tried to stay composed enough to turn and look at his husband. "What?"
"I just feel like... like we're not what we were. Before."
"We're parents now, Blaine. They warned us this would happen. All those meetings, all those adoptive parents. They said that our relationship would change. Hell, our parents told us!"
"You know what I mean," Blaine said softly. "I love you, probably more than I have ever loved you. We have a family together, kids... They call us dad and papa, well, OK, Amelia does, but we are their dads."
"But?" Kurt prompted.
"But I don't feel like I'm your husband anymore."
Kurt opened his mouth to say something but words failed him.
"This is the closest we've been in weeks, we're not talking..."
"What do you call this then?" Kurt asked.
"You know what I mean," Blaine replied. "We don't talk and you're hiding things from me."
"Blaine..."
"But more than that... We're not us anymore."
"I don't know what you mean," Kurt said quietly.
"Look at us, Kurt. Sitting side by side on the couch as if the kids were here and so we need to hold back. How many times have we watched a movie?" he stressed. "And it's not just about becoming parents. When Amelia came we still made time, we still..."
"Ben," Kurt sighed in frustration. "I thought we'd talked about this."
"We talked but we didn't sort anything out."
"Who says there's anything to sort out?" Kurt asked, standing up and clearing away the untouched bowl of popcorn.
"Kurt..."
"Why can't you just let it be? Things are fine, we're doing OK. The adoption has been finalised, he changed his name. We're all Anderson, we're all one big happy family."
"Except we're not," Blaine said. "You're not. I can see it."
"Can you now?" Kurt said sharply.
"I know you," Blaine replied. "And I know you're not... you're not happy. Not really. Not like you have been and not how you should be. This should be the best times of our lives. We have a family and a proper home and everything we said we wanted. But instead of enjoying it you're holding something back."
"Am I now?" Kurt asked, not daring to look at Blaine.
"You know you are. Same way you were holding back after Vegas."
"That was different."
"You held back from me because you didn't want to get hurt, because you didn't know... But I don't get it with Ben. He wants to be here, Kurt. He is trying so hard and..."
"And it's easy when he has you in his corner," Kurt snapped. "When he's got you covering for him."
"What...?"
"The fight at school? We're both listed as his parents, they do tell me things too you know," Kurt snapped. "So what else are you keeping from me?"
"Nothing," Blaine said quickly. "It was a mistake, it was one thing early on and I swear that there's been nothing..."
"Makes it hard for me to believe you when I know you've lied to me already."
"Can you blame me?" Blaine yelled, standing up. "He was terrified that one mistake was going to be it. You told him that you would send him back if he got into trouble, like he should be perfect and not have a temper any more. He is trying so hard and what are you doing? Standing around waiting as if it's just a matter of time before he blows."
"Maybe it is just a matter of time," Kurt replied, "have you thought about that?"
"What? No! Why would I?"
"Because it's who he is, Blaine. He has anger problems. Real, identified anger management issues and there is no switch we can flip to make everything better. Yes, he's getting better but he's also going to slip up and one day it's going to be too much and..." we'll lose him, he finished silently.
"So what? You've already written him off? Is this why you won't get close to him?"
"Blaine..."
"You never stop hugging or kissing Amelia but Ben's lucky if he gets an arm slung around his shoulders. He isn't against physical contact."
"I know," Kurt sighed, thinking about all the times Blaine had pulled Ben into tight hugs or even kissed the top of his head. "I just..."
"Don't love him," Blaine said dully. "You care but you don't love him."
"Blaine..."
"I get it, I do. It's hard. We fell quick for Amelia but she made it easy and I had time with Ben... Maybe, with time, you could...?"
"I don't need time," Kurt said quickly. "Blaine..."
"Then you need to learn how to deal with it," Blaine snapped. "Because I swear to you that I will put him first. If you can't deal with this, if you are going to make him feel like he's not a part of this family..." Blaine stopped short on his threat, taking a deep breath. "You're his dad now. That comes with responsibilities."
"You think I don't know that?" Kurt yelled. "You think that I want to be like this? You think I want to keep a child at arm's length and make him feel like this?"
"Then why the hell are you?" Blaine shouted. "Why can't you just show him that you care?"
"Because he's broken!" Kurt yelled without thinking. "Because he is going to snap one day and we can't fix that. Because he's..."
"Broken," Blaine repeated quietly.
"I can't get attached, I just can't."
"Because he's broken," Blaine continued. "I was broken."
"What?"
"When we met, I was broken. I was broken for a long time. In Vegas, at my parents', at yours, here in New York."
"No, Blaine, I didn't mean..." Kurt started, his brain desperately scrambling to try and fix this.
"I get it." Blaine's voice was suddenly cold, detached, and it made Kurt still. "He's screwed up and he's not perfect and he's got issues. I run but he lashes out. I nearly ran so many times, you know that. I was so scared it was all going to go wrong and I couldn't deal with losing someone I loved so much and so... But I didn't run because I knew that you loved me and you wanted me and that kept me grounded.
"Ben doesn't have that. He doesn't have you to keep him grounded and I am trying for both of us but I can't do it on my own. I don't want to do it on my own but if I have to..."
"What?" Kurt whispered.
"It's not just us anymore, Kurt. You can't just pick and choose your affection. And I can't do this if we're not on the same side. It won't work." He lifted his head a touch, rolling his eyes upwards as he tried to fight back the tears. "This isn't me running... but it is you refusing to admit when it's not right. It is you not wanting to... end it."
"End it?" Kurt stammered. "Us? Is that what you mean?"
"I... don't know," he admitted. "I just don't know any more. I just feel like you're making me choose between my husband and my kids. And I can't, Kurt, because they feel like my kids. Both of them. I love them and I can't imagine not having them around... but you... us..."
"I don't want that," Kurt said quickly, moving over to where Blaine was stood. "Please... believe me... I don't want..." He reached out and took Blaine's left hand, his thumb running over the wedding band. "I don't want to make you choose."
"Then what is going on?" Blaine pleaded. "Something is, I know it."
"It's my issue, I'll deal with it."
"Why can't we deal with it?"
"Because... because Ben needs you in his corner."
"Fine," Blaine said, pulling his hand free from Kurt's.
"Blaine..."
"I've got work to do."
"Don't..." Kurt started but Blaine ignored him and left. When he was alone he sank back onto the couch, leant his head against the back and let the tears slide quietly down his cheeks.
*
It was early when Kurt woke up, although to say he woke up would suggest that he'd slept for any real length of time. For the last few days it had been hard to sleep and he was now at the point where exhaustion was taking over most nights.
He shuffled out of his room, covering his mouth as he yawned. In the kitchen he turned on the coffee maker before he moved back into the family room and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder.
"'m 'wake," he muttered.
"Coffee's on," Kurt said. "I'm going to go get ready."
"Thanks."
Blaine watched as Kurt left the family room, crossing the hallway to their room. Once the door was shut Blaine pushed off the blanket and rolled it up with the pillows. Once they were stored away in the hall closet he went into the kitchen and poured two mugs of coffee. He left Kurt's on the side, passing him in the hallway as he went into their room to shower and get ready.
When he came out Kurt would have breakfast underway just in time for the kids getting up and the pair of them would fuss over them, make sure they got ready, exchange chaste kisses on cheeks before heading off to school.
At least they were able to give the impression of being happily married.
*
Blaine looked up from his lunch as his colleague Amy walked in. "Hey," he greeted.
"Hey yourself, Romantic," she replied, slipping into the chair opposite him.
"Everything OK? Ben behaving himself?"
"He's fine," she laughed. "For the most part."
"Most part?" Blaine asked.
"Things OK at home?"
"Yeah, why?"
Amy just looked at him.
"Amy..."
"Look, tell me if I'm prying..."
"You're prying."
"But he's clearly not happy about something."
"Since when is Ben happy about everything?" Blaine challenged. "We're just getting used to not being under the watchful eye of the City, maybe that's it..."
Amy sighed. "This is me, Romantic."
Blaine raised his eyebrow. "When are you going to stop calling me that?"
"When I get a new nickname for you. Right now I'd go with... Storyteller."
"What?"
"Things are not fine, Blaine. You and I know it. We have been around kids long enough to know when things are not fine at home. And I have known you long enough to know when things are fine and when they're not. So how about you stop telling me fiction and start with the fact."
"It's nothing, really. Just... a rough patch. Everyone has them, right?"
"How rough?" Amy asked.
"Are you asking as my friend, my colleague or my son's teacher?"
"All three? But let's start with a friend first and go from there."
"It's just harder, dealing with two kids rather than one. Especially if one of those kids is Ben."
"Ben is lovely and it's clear he adores you. He's working hard, he's getting support... What about Kurt?"
"Kurt always works hard," Blaine quips.
"And Romantic resorts to a joke so I know something is bad."
"I'm sleeping on the couch," Blaine said quickly.
"Fuck," Amy muttered under her breath.
"Kurt and Ben... they're not getting on. I don't know what it is but it's something and he's refusing to talk to me about it."
"Ben isn't?"
"Kurt."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. But it's something. Burt and Carole were over last week with my parents. Kurt talked a lot with his dad, like a lot. Stuff I never got to hear about, stuff that always happened when I was somewhere else. And if it weren't for the fact that there's this... distance... And I'm losing him, I know it."
"You don't know that, Rom-"
"Don't call me that and I do know it," Blaine snapped.
"OK, I'm sorry."
"I know Kurt, I know him as well as I know myself. I... run, Kurt shuts down. He knows when things are not right and instead of doing what he should do he shuts down. He knows that we're..."
"But he's not doing anything and you've run away to the couch. And there was me thinking you'd figured stuff out after Vegas."
"What can I do if he's shutting me out?"
"Call Kurt's dad, ask him."
"You think I've not thought of that?" Blaine asked. "But that's... I don't know. A step too far? Burt and I get along great and I don't want to make him feel like he's choosing between us."
"This is the guy who calls you his son, right?" Amy asked. "His step-son is his son, his son-in-law is his son... And you think he won't answer a question?"
"What if there's nothing to answer?" Blaine said quietly. "What if he just can't... bond with Ben? One of those things? Nothing going on, nothing being kept from me, nothing..."
"Stop, stop, stop," Amy said quickly. "What does your instinct tell you?"
"...That he's hiding something. That Burt knows and neither of them are telling me. He's keeping Ben at arm's length and he's pushing me away and I don't know why."
"You know more than that, Blaine, keep thinking."
"I know..." He sighed before continuing. "I know that he thinks he's doing the right thing. I know he loves me and I know that this is killing him. I know he hates me being on the couch."
"He wanted Ben to come and live with you, it was his choice wasn't it?"
"I know he wants us to be a family."
"So what's stopping him?"
"That I don't know."
"Then that's what you need to figure out, Romantic," Amy said, grinning as she got the well-used glare. "Because it's going to get to the point where it won't matter how much you and Kurt love each other, the damage will be permanent."
*
Kurt loved the walk home from the subway. It gave him time in the fresh air, time to clear his head and think. Recently it had given him time to put his 'game face' on. Time to prepare himself to face the house, the kids, everything.
He hated it.
He hated what the house had become - just that. It wasn't a home anymore, it wasn't theirs any more. It was a place where they ate, slept, and life went on around them. They looked after their kids; made sure they did their homework, ate right, brushed their teeth and went to bed at a reasonable hour.
As soon as they'd seen the place the four of them had just known it was theirs. The rooms upstairs had been quickly claimed by the kids, no arguments over which was whose. The oversized bathroom with a bathtub and shower unit that was easy for them to share and for the parents to commandeer on occasion. So much space for them to share and grow into, take over and fill with laughter and love.
And a husband sleeping on the couch.
He knew how much Blaine wanted to talk, wanted to know exactly what was going on in his mind. And he wanted to tell him, he hated not being able to share something with Blaine. But it was necessary. He had to do this. He'd been hurt once before. He'd trusted once before in change and promises and he'd paid the price for it. He knew Ben was trying, he knew that he was making progress and that had to be a good thing. It was a good thing, of course it was. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad when things...
Maybe Ben wouldn't be as bad as Dave.
And maybe this time he'd be able to deal with the fallout.
He climbed the steps to the front door, slipping his key into the lock. The door was pushed open and shut behind him before he noticed them. Well, tripped over them would have been more accurate.
Two packed suitcases.
Blaine's suitcases.
Part 3