ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
OKAY! Too much crap has been going on for me. Like gnarly stuff. I'm serious.
On Friday I had a party and drank a whole bottle of tequila and was just generally beyond belligerent. Surprise, surprise right? I don’t remember a thing but I guess I freaked out by the time everyone except the roomies and Rachel left and they got all scared blah blah whatev but I guess Shaina and my mom said they have never in their life seen me be so out of my mind. Jake took care of me and held my hand which was actually nice of him but I think it was really hard for him to handle. So yeah, I feel bad about that whole thing but it's like if I flipped out like that it means that I have a LOT of pent up shit that I REALLY need to find the time and energy to deal with.
****Just a little side note before I go on, Mothers Against Drunk Driving just called me at work and said, and I quote, "If you’re going to drink please remember to designate a driver!" and I go "you too and good luck" haha I didn’t even know what to say.****
So I wake up on the couch on Saturday morning still drunk and the first thing that Shaina says to me is "you have a problem" so I pretty much told her to fuck off and grabbed my 40 from the fridge haha. I stayed drunk ALL day because I was scared to sober up and have to deal with everything from the night before. I did apologize to Shaina and my mom though in the morning so things were pretty fine with that but they were kind of mad that I was drinking in the morning. Haha.
Saturday night Jake and I went to Long Beach for a little bit and then hung out just the 2 of us which was a bad idea and he was OUT OF FREAKING CONTROL. At like 2 in the morning I decided that I couldn’t party ANYMORE, my body was like giving up so I forced myself to go to bed but woke up super early feeling like crap. Jake like barely slept and was just majorly fucked up.
By that point I couldn’t even think about drinking or anything else and just sat there all day trying to sober up and figure out what the fuck had happened in the past 2 days. I had to go to dinner with my grandparents that night and it was kind of unpleasant because I felt so sick. Jake was supposed to come with me but he said he didn’t want to meet my family when he was like that which was totally for the best but I was a tiny bit peeved at the time. When I got home fucking Neighbor Neighbor is in MY kitchen cooking dinner. What the heck? I was not in the mood. My keys had been at Meghan’s in long beach since Halloween so Jake and Rachel and I took my moms car to go pick it up. It was awkward to say the least so we didn’t stay for long. I came home and went the heck to bed.
This brings us to Monday. I woke up feeling okay, just in a little bit of shock from the crazy weekend and made a mental note that things were going to change, actually I think I might have written about that in here. After work I go to the grocery store and spent $100, carry them all up the stairs by myself and took the dog for a walk. By the time I got upstairs again I literally almost fainted.
This is where the trippy stuff starts! Jakes car was at the house when I got home from the store but he wasn’t there. After a couple of hours I called him to tell him to come home and clean the kitchen that was still trashed from Neighbor Neighbor and he tells me that he’s at his Moms house and he’s probably going to spend the night because he was so sick from the weekend and he was going to tell his parents that he’s addicted to drugs. I told him to get better and wished him luck and told him that I would see him tomorrow or whatever. Maybe an hour later he comes in the door and I was really surprised to see him and he said that he came to get his stuff because he was going to stay at his parents for a "while" to get better. I was cool about it and didn’t really say anything and I for sure didnt ask him when he was coming back or anything. I just knew that he wasn’t ever going to come back for some reason. I walked him out to his car gave him a hug and said goodbye. I came back inside and was just like "what the fuck just happened" I was SO weirded out. I didn’t even know what to think about it so Rubedog, Shaina and I just smoked a bunch of pot and went to Kabuki and had the best sushi dinner. I came home and just had to go to bed.
Woke up on Tuesday and tried to get my mind around the whole situation. I PROMISED myself that I was in no way going to try and contact him before he called me first. Jake is a weird kid and I just had the strongest feeling that I wasn’t even going to hear from him for at least a couple months let alone see him. I was more depressed then I should have been. After I got off work I hung out with Rachel so we could talk. She said that Jake called her and said that he was in fact moving out for good and he had to figure out what he was going to tell me and stuff. So it was confirmed and I was even more sad/furious to hear that he actually said that. He never called me by the way.
Finally we are at Yesterday. I realized that I was extremely bitter at Jake but that I needed to get over it. I went to work and by the time I got off I was feeling pretty good about the whole situation and trying to think of all the POSITIVE things that would come from Jake being gone and possibly out of my life for good. I decided that he had one week to call me and if he didn’t he wouldn’t be welcome in my life anymore. I was all pumped up about it as a matter of fact and I made another promise to myself (which I plan on keeping) that I would not let Jake make me look like an idiot ever again! So that’s what I was telling myself on my way home from work. I took PCH even though its way far out of my way and was feeling okay about life or so I thought. Once I got home though I was bad. I called Kelly and we had a pity party and we decided that we should take shots over the phone (don’t judge me haha) so I did. I wasn’t going to drink this week but at least I made it to Wednesday easily right? Anyway, I haven’t eaten in like 2 days so I got drunk really fast oh and it was only like 430 which makes it way worse. So here I am talk talk talking away to Kelly matching stories about how horrible our lives are completely toasted on a Wednesday afternoon. I think I talked to her for like 3 hours and then everyone started coming home from work. My mom, Megan, Ruban, Marcella, Rachel. We were out of vodka so my mom went and bought more (worse idea then drinking in the first place)and I just kept drinking and drinking. Everything was fine though, I was keeping my cool kind of. I don’t really remember what happened after that I just know that my mom came and took the vodka away and we got in a little confrontation and then Shaina came home and she had a card for me and was mad that I was too drunk to read it and then we talked and everything was fine but I was nearing passing out and THEN you will not believe who walked through the front door. Fucking Jake Fuller with all his shit AND the skank that I hate. I was not a happy camper. I didn’t say anything to him because I literally had no words and he didn’t say anything to me. He just went upstairs with the skank right away. Thank god I couldn’t walk/talk because I probably would have punched him in the face (which I’m still debating upon doing). Somehow I had enough sense to know that I was close to becoming hysterical but I couldn’t go to sleep so we went to go get pot and I yelled "Stop staring at me you fucking immigrant" at some Mexican guy in a gardening truck. How bad is that? I'm one of the least racist people that you will ever meet and then the guy that we actually got the pot from was black and he hands it to Rachel and starts to walk away and for some god awful unknown reason which I am MORTIFIED about yelled out the window something about "Don’t look at me like that just because your black" or something I’m almost 100% positive that I said it in a joking way and I think that’s how he took it. OH MY GOD! Ruban and Rachel were just looking at me like "Madeline, what the hell?". So we come home I smoke my pot which was chocolate FYI and I didn’t know it at the time and was pissed because that is my all time least favorite flavor in general let alone chocolate pot EW! So I finally pass out all hidden status on the floor in the corner of the living room that we never use and Jake came down but didn’t see me and I heard him talking to Rachel and he was saying that he felt bad or something, I don’t remember I just know that it was pretty nice stuff which is the ONLY reason I am not kicking his ass right to the fucking curb NOW.
Alright. That’s the end of my story. But like what the fuck should I do in this situation? I know what I SHOULD do but I don’t think I can just make him leave so I don’t know and I’m completely and utterly confused now.
On Friday I had a party and drank a whole bottle of tequila and was just generally beyond belligerent. Surprise, surprise right? I don’t remember a thing but I guess I freaked out by the time everyone except the roomies and Rachel left and they got all scared blah blah whatev but I guess Shaina and my mom said they have never in their life seen me be so out of my mind. Jake took care of me and held my hand which was actually nice of him but I think it was really hard for him to handle. So yeah, I feel bad about that whole thing but it's like if I flipped out like that it means that I have a LOT of pent up shit that I REALLY need to find the time and energy to deal with.
****Just a little side note before I go on, Mothers Against Drunk Driving just called me at work and said, and I quote, "If you’re going to drink please remember to designate a driver!" and I go "you too and good luck" haha I didn’t even know what to say.****
So I wake up on the couch on Saturday morning still drunk and the first thing that Shaina says to me is "you have a problem" so I pretty much told her to fuck off and grabbed my 40 from the fridge haha. I stayed drunk ALL day because I was scared to sober up and have to deal with everything from the night before. I did apologize to Shaina and my mom though in the morning so things were pretty fine with that but they were kind of mad that I was drinking in the morning. Haha.
Saturday night Jake and I went to Long Beach for a little bit and then hung out just the 2 of us which was a bad idea and he was OUT OF FREAKING CONTROL. At like 2 in the morning I decided that I couldn’t party ANYMORE, my body was like giving up so I forced myself to go to bed but woke up super early feeling like crap. Jake like barely slept and was just majorly fucked up.
By that point I couldn’t even think about drinking or anything else and just sat there all day trying to sober up and figure out what the fuck had happened in the past 2 days. I had to go to dinner with my grandparents that night and it was kind of unpleasant because I felt so sick. Jake was supposed to come with me but he said he didn’t want to meet my family when he was like that which was totally for the best but I was a tiny bit peeved at the time. When I got home fucking Neighbor Neighbor is in MY kitchen cooking dinner. What the heck? I was not in the mood. My keys had been at Meghan’s in long beach since Halloween so Jake and Rachel and I took my moms car to go pick it up. It was awkward to say the least so we didn’t stay for long. I came home and went the heck to bed.
This brings us to Monday. I woke up feeling okay, just in a little bit of shock from the crazy weekend and made a mental note that things were going to change, actually I think I might have written about that in here. After work I go to the grocery store and spent $100, carry them all up the stairs by myself and took the dog for a walk. By the time I got upstairs again I literally almost fainted.
This is where the trippy stuff starts! Jakes car was at the house when I got home from the store but he wasn’t there. After a couple of hours I called him to tell him to come home and clean the kitchen that was still trashed from Neighbor Neighbor and he tells me that he’s at his Moms house and he’s probably going to spend the night because he was so sick from the weekend and he was going to tell his parents that he’s addicted to drugs. I told him to get better and wished him luck and told him that I would see him tomorrow or whatever. Maybe an hour later he comes in the door and I was really surprised to see him and he said that he came to get his stuff because he was going to stay at his parents for a "while" to get better. I was cool about it and didn’t really say anything and I for sure didnt ask him when he was coming back or anything. I just knew that he wasn’t ever going to come back for some reason. I walked him out to his car gave him a hug and said goodbye. I came back inside and was just like "what the fuck just happened" I was SO weirded out. I didn’t even know what to think about it so Rubedog, Shaina and I just smoked a bunch of pot and went to Kabuki and had the best sushi dinner. I came home and just had to go to bed.
Woke up on Tuesday and tried to get my mind around the whole situation. I PROMISED myself that I was in no way going to try and contact him before he called me first. Jake is a weird kid and I just had the strongest feeling that I wasn’t even going to hear from him for at least a couple months let alone see him. I was more depressed then I should have been. After I got off work I hung out with Rachel so we could talk. She said that Jake called her and said that he was in fact moving out for good and he had to figure out what he was going to tell me and stuff. So it was confirmed and I was even more sad/furious to hear that he actually said that. He never called me by the way.
Finally we are at Yesterday. I realized that I was extremely bitter at Jake but that I needed to get over it. I went to work and by the time I got off I was feeling pretty good about the whole situation and trying to think of all the POSITIVE things that would come from Jake being gone and possibly out of my life for good. I decided that he had one week to call me and if he didn’t he wouldn’t be welcome in my life anymore. I was all pumped up about it as a matter of fact and I made another promise to myself (which I plan on keeping) that I would not let Jake make me look like an idiot ever again! So that’s what I was telling myself on my way home from work. I took PCH even though its way far out of my way and was feeling okay about life or so I thought. Once I got home though I was bad. I called Kelly and we had a pity party and we decided that we should take shots over the phone (don’t judge me haha) so I did. I wasn’t going to drink this week but at least I made it to Wednesday easily right? Anyway, I haven’t eaten in like 2 days so I got drunk really fast oh and it was only like 430 which makes it way worse. So here I am talk talk talking away to Kelly matching stories about how horrible our lives are completely toasted on a Wednesday afternoon. I think I talked to her for like 3 hours and then everyone started coming home from work. My mom, Megan, Ruban, Marcella, Rachel. We were out of vodka so my mom went and bought more (worse idea then drinking in the first place)and I just kept drinking and drinking. Everything was fine though, I was keeping my cool kind of. I don’t really remember what happened after that I just know that my mom came and took the vodka away and we got in a little confrontation and then Shaina came home and she had a card for me and was mad that I was too drunk to read it and then we talked and everything was fine but I was nearing passing out and THEN you will not believe who walked through the front door. Fucking Jake Fuller with all his shit AND the skank that I hate. I was not a happy camper. I didn’t say anything to him because I literally had no words and he didn’t say anything to me. He just went upstairs with the skank right away. Thank god I couldn’t walk/talk because I probably would have punched him in the face (which I’m still debating upon doing). Somehow I had enough sense to know that I was close to becoming hysterical but I couldn’t go to sleep so we went to go get pot and I yelled "Stop staring at me you fucking immigrant" at some Mexican guy in a gardening truck. How bad is that? I'm one of the least racist people that you will ever meet and then the guy that we actually got the pot from was black and he hands it to Rachel and starts to walk away and for some god awful unknown reason which I am MORTIFIED about yelled out the window something about "Don’t look at me like that just because your black" or something I’m almost 100% positive that I said it in a joking way and I think that’s how he took it. OH MY GOD! Ruban and Rachel were just looking at me like "Madeline, what the hell?". So we come home I smoke my pot which was chocolate FYI and I didn’t know it at the time and was pissed because that is my all time least favorite flavor in general let alone chocolate pot EW! So I finally pass out all hidden status on the floor in the corner of the living room that we never use and Jake came down but didn’t see me and I heard him talking to Rachel and he was saying that he felt bad or something, I don’t remember I just know that it was pretty nice stuff which is the ONLY reason I am not kicking his ass right to the fucking curb NOW.
Alright. That’s the end of my story. But like what the fuck should I do in this situation? I know what I SHOULD do but I don’t think I can just make him leave so I don’t know and I’m completely and utterly confused now.