Freewrite

[immaterial]

It was like this once

Comments

[progress]

I like:

"gravity rising"
"tides of fear"
"sides of mountains caving"
"sideways and diagonal down"
"ghost towns of your room"

but I think it would do well with
"the subtly surgical precision of a disneyland tram driver"

[immaterial]

That's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one!!!!

You are the inventor of the Extended Oxymoron.

Everyone's a critic

[scorpy1]

Interesting Read.
I love your fourth stanza (great imagery).

Just a Suggestion:
Given that "it was like this once", would it be out of place to show how it is now.
Is there a possibility of hope?

Re: Everyone's a critic

[immaterial]

I'm not sure. I feel as though there is a feeling of hope in this poem--but you're right. There's nothing that clearly indicates that the situation is different now. There is always revision.

Thank you for the kind words, Mr. Stello. Your critique is always welcome!