Hey, you actually managed to post this really well! You even linked it right, so no worries there. ^^ Glad to be of help somehow!
Now on to the fic. I'll nitpick on the grammar first as you're making quite a few of those mistakes. The usual "your" when it's supposed to be "you're", and the changes from past to present tense.
But other than that, your story is interesting. I've never really seen Hiruma as a womanizer, but oh, how true that he could so charm a woman's socks off if he wanted. I'm curious to see where you're taking this fic. Looking forward to it!
Oh,Thank you. Thank you so much. I only managed to pull it off because of your help cherry_tiger-chan. I am so glad you were there to guide me in such a, I daresay, perilous path. LOL ^_^ I really appreciate you pointing out my grammatical mistakes thank you for that, I'll change them right away.
Glad that you find the story interesting. The thought just occurred to me because he made me fall for him that damned guy. But don't get me wrong, I still want him to end up with Mamori because let's face it,they're just perfect for each other in every sense. Wonder why no one thought about a womanizer Hiruma before though. It's not really that impossible for him to turn as such right?
Haha, I'm glad I could be of help somehow! I know it can be tricky to learn things from scratch, so I'm more than happy to help out.
I think because even though Hiruma's quite a charmer, he's only been interested in one thing... Football. He only uses his "charm" only to attain that. It's obvious if he changed his "target" to women, he'd be quite a womanizer. So I'm really looking forward to see how your fic progresses!
There was a particular scene where he used that 'charm' of his in women. You saw episode 16 right? Remember those American women from New York that he fetched in order to clear Kurita's name so he will still be able to play in the upcoming fall tournament? I am intrigued to how Hiruma manage to convince those girls to come back with him to Japan. Did you see how those girls cling to him in the end? Oh God seriously... I never expected that those girls will be that fond of him.
Now that's a promising prologue! I look forward to seeing what you're up to XD Hiruma sounds rather different but that's what makes this so interesting. I'll just leave your English alone since I'm still fighting with it as well :D
Though the story has a lot of potential, problem is, writing the next chapters possess a lot of problem. But it's not like I have no idea what to write, it's just that I can't organize my thoughts because of so many ideas running on my mind. Also, managing not to make the characters OOC is really quite a challenge.
Anyway,thank you very much for your comment and I'll try my best to update as soon as I finished my exams.
Glad to hear you like it. Don't worry. I'll definitely finish this fanfic since it would bother me if I won't. I have so many ideas stuck in my mind on how the story would go and I wouldn't be able to get rid of it unless I write it here. Your comment was very much appreciated.
Oh, I can see you added me as a friend. Thank you for that ^_^
Comments 14
Now on to the fic. I'll nitpick on the grammar first as you're making quite a few of those mistakes. The usual "your" when it's supposed to be "you're", and the changes from past to present tense.
But other than that, your story is interesting. I've never really seen Hiruma as a womanizer, but oh, how true that he could so charm a woman's socks off if he wanted. I'm curious to see where you're taking this fic. Looking forward to it!
Reply
I really appreciate you pointing out my grammatical mistakes thank you for that, I'll change them right away.
Glad that you find the story interesting. The thought just occurred to me because he made me fall for him that damned guy. But don't get me wrong, I still want him to end up with Mamori because let's face it,they're just perfect for each other in every sense. Wonder why no one thought about a womanizer Hiruma before though. It's not really that impossible for him to turn as such right?
Again thank you for reading my first fic ^_^
Reply
I think because even though Hiruma's quite a charmer, he's only been interested in one thing... Football. He only uses his "charm" only to attain that. It's obvious if he changed his "target" to women, he'd be quite a womanizer. So I'm really looking forward to see how your fic progresses!
Reply
Reply
I'll just leave your English alone since I'm still fighting with it as well :D
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Though the story has a lot of potential, problem is, writing the next chapters possess a lot of problem. But it's not like I have no idea what to write, it's just that I can't organize my thoughts because of so many ideas running on my mind. Also, managing not to make the characters OOC is really quite a challenge.
Anyway,thank you very much for your comment and I'll try my best to update as soon as I finished my exams.
Reply
thanks for posting this..
hope u'll continue this fics...
Reply
Oh, I can see you added me as a friend. Thank you for that ^_^
Reply
Leave a comment