my experience
i'm still so emotionally raw, as i had my just abortion yesterday.
i was am really lucky, in all aspects. i am lucky that i found out that i was pregnant when i was still pretty early, 5 weeks, and that i was able to have the abortion only 7 days later. i am so lucky that i had my one of my best friends (the father) to accompany me, support me, and take care of me afterwards. i am lucky that there wasn't a single protester to deal with. i am lucky that i had a doctor who did not condescend to me, and answered my medical questions before and after.
i made an instant decision as soon as i discovered i was pregnant. i spent the rest of the week struggling with my upended emotions. a couple of times i doubted myself, but i knew it was only my emotions and my depression, but that my decision was truly right. no matter how much it hurt. my emotions were a mess, but logically i was prepared and was truly comfortable with my decision. it didn't really feel like it, but i knew i was.
i wasn't prepared for what it felt like, physically. i don't normally have cramps when i have my period, so i totally underestimated what they meant by 'some cramping'. to me, it felt like LOTS of really strong cramping. ow, but there was a nice nurse who rubbed my hand and gave me tissues, and it was quick. the shots of lydocaine and epinephrine into my cervix were not pleasant at all. i'm glad the doctor warned me about the epinephrine, so i wasn't nervous when i felt my heart speed up so suddenly.
i was really surprised at the room it was performed in: a normal exam room with it's poor lighting and blue/pink country theme and stacks of periodicals. i just assumed it would be more sterile feeling, like an operating room.
my doctor was a shorter, rounder, furrier, more elf-like version of robin williams, and he was very nice. he asked what i wanted to listen to and offered Dave Matthews Band. i was like "ummm, no. i don't really listen to them and if they come on the radio, i don't want to associate them with this before i can turn it off." ok. how about blues traveler? "well, no. the same reason." ok. how about the red hot chili peppers? "NO! i LOVE the chili peppers! no way!" he chuckles. ok, how about just some classical? so i say ok, and he tunes the radio to the most maudlin, death and destruction, vikings and heavy drums/thunder clap classical music i've ever heard, then proceeded to leave the room for a few minutes so i could get ready. so i sat, waiting, naked from the waist down with the damn pink paper cloth on my lap for about 10 minutes listening to doom and gloom classical music. wow, that was interesting. while crappy at the time, i was glad for it, b/c the whole music interaction gave me a funny story to tell, and a giggle when i think back on it from now on. and i really needed that.
i've barely had any cramping or soreness or bleeding afterward, so far. i definitely don't feel 100%, but i'm feeling much better than expected. my heart is still heavy, but i know it will pass.
thank you for being someone i could write to about this, it feels good to get it out.
i was am really lucky, in all aspects. i am lucky that i found out that i was pregnant when i was still pretty early, 5 weeks, and that i was able to have the abortion only 7 days later. i am so lucky that i had my one of my best friends (the father) to accompany me, support me, and take care of me afterwards. i am lucky that there wasn't a single protester to deal with. i am lucky that i had a doctor who did not condescend to me, and answered my medical questions before and after.
i made an instant decision as soon as i discovered i was pregnant. i spent the rest of the week struggling with my upended emotions. a couple of times i doubted myself, but i knew it was only my emotions and my depression, but that my decision was truly right. no matter how much it hurt. my emotions were a mess, but logically i was prepared and was truly comfortable with my decision. it didn't really feel like it, but i knew i was.
i wasn't prepared for what it felt like, physically. i don't normally have cramps when i have my period, so i totally underestimated what they meant by 'some cramping'. to me, it felt like LOTS of really strong cramping. ow, but there was a nice nurse who rubbed my hand and gave me tissues, and it was quick. the shots of lydocaine and epinephrine into my cervix were not pleasant at all. i'm glad the doctor warned me about the epinephrine, so i wasn't nervous when i felt my heart speed up so suddenly.
i was really surprised at the room it was performed in: a normal exam room with it's poor lighting and blue/pink country theme and stacks of periodicals. i just assumed it would be more sterile feeling, like an operating room.
my doctor was a shorter, rounder, furrier, more elf-like version of robin williams, and he was very nice. he asked what i wanted to listen to and offered Dave Matthews Band. i was like "ummm, no. i don't really listen to them and if they come on the radio, i don't want to associate them with this before i can turn it off." ok. how about blues traveler? "well, no. the same reason." ok. how about the red hot chili peppers? "NO! i LOVE the chili peppers! no way!" he chuckles. ok, how about just some classical? so i say ok, and he tunes the radio to the most maudlin, death and destruction, vikings and heavy drums/thunder clap classical music i've ever heard, then proceeded to leave the room for a few minutes so i could get ready. so i sat, waiting, naked from the waist down with the damn pink paper cloth on my lap for about 10 minutes listening to doom and gloom classical music. wow, that was interesting. while crappy at the time, i was glad for it, b/c the whole music interaction gave me a funny story to tell, and a giggle when i think back on it from now on. and i really needed that.
i've barely had any cramping or soreness or bleeding afterward, so far. i definitely don't feel 100%, but i'm feeling much better than expected. my heart is still heavy, but i know it will pass.
thank you for being someone i could write to about this, it feels good to get it out.