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[lux_atomica]

I started dating a guy who is pro-life. He knows that I had an abortion with my ex's baby and despite the fact that he doesn't agree with what I did (I intend to post the story later), he respects my decision

Comments

[destinydai]

my husband's father went to a peaceful, catholic, anti-abortion protest while we visited them last year. i kept my mouth shut.

one - it's none of their damned business what i do
two - it's none of my damned business what they do

it's different when you're married i guess, but my husband's supportive none the less. went to my performance in the vagina monologues and all that. i've just learned to pick my battles.

[selfcomposed]

I think that there is also a comparable distinction between dating someone pro-life and someone's family being pro-life

my husband's family is anti-abortion as well, but some believe that it's still a "choice" but they would never do it. Some believe that abortion is wrong.

However, none do know that I have had two abortions. It is none of thier business. However, if they asked, I would tell them the truth. I think that it would break a lot of thier stereotypes about people who have abortions/multiple abortions.

[eyelid]

However, if they asked, I would tell them the truth. I think that it would break a lot of thier stereotypes about people who have abortions/multiple abortions.

IAWTC. I feel the same way.

[boudiceaborn]

I don't know you, or how you think about your abortion, but I don't go around happily talking about my abortion as if it's everyday news. It's the sort of thing I would only tell people whom I trust - and part of that trust is knowing that they either support a woman's choice or won't judge me for it regardless of their own beliefs.

I don't think that it's necessarily suppressing of your boyfriend to ask you not to mention it, he just likes you and wants you to be thought well of by his parents.

I do think the abortion/sex angle is something you should consider, though. Even though I would always support a woman's right to choose over the father's wishes, I think that it is unfair to the person that you're dating to give them no say in the matter. If you know that you would abort a child of his, maybe both of you should consider non-vaginal sex or other preventative means. It isn't about being anti-choice, it's about respecting the wishes of the person you're with.

[lux_atomica]

No, I don't broadcast what I did to any and everyone. It's something that only a few people that I trust know about. I shouldn't have worded this as "I started dating this guy..." We've been together for quite a while and were close friends for a long time before that.

I do understand what you mean about being well thought of by his parents. I suppose I forgot that people can change their opinions when they find out such things, so I was angry about that.

We've had this discussion quite a few times before (we love debating). Just today he said that he is pro-choice for everyone else, but he would be pro-life if I were to ever get pregnant. To paraphrase what he said, "If you were to ever get pregnant, we would have to have a loooong talk. And you would have to thoroughly convince me that we shouldn't be having a child."

There is a minimal chance of that happening, since we use condoms and the pill.

[eyelid]

I don't think that it's necessarily suppressing of your boyfriend to ask you not to mention it, he just likes you and wants you to be thought well of by his parents.

To me it's like saying "don't tell my racist parents that you have a black ancestor, I want them to think well of you."

I think that it is unfair to the person that you're dating to give them no say in the matter.

At this point, she's made her position clear. If he wants to continue having sex with her knowing her position, that's his choice.

[boudiceaborn]

"To me it's like saying "don't tell my racist parents that you have a black ancestor, I want them to think well of you.""
-In my experience that's not a valid analogy because I think that relatively intelligent, nice people whom I respect might be pro-life based on their religious beliefs. While I might have a beef with their take on the science, or not care for their religion, I wouldn't put them on the same shelf with the racists.

I agree with your comments that the OP should challege her boyfriend's parents' views on abortions, but I think I'd go about it differently - by arguing the point when it came up in political discussions, and telling my personal story when they've had a bit more on which to base their opinion of me.

[eyelid]

I haven't had this problem exactly; I haven't explicitly told my in-laws that I've had an abortion, but neither has my husband asked me NOT to tell them. I would tell them if it came up in some way. They certainly know I'm a pro-choice activist.

This is really about you and your comfort level, but here's my two cents. It sounds like you don't want to meekly sit back and take it if they start ranting about how women who have abortions are whores who don't take responsibility, etc. And you shouldn't have to, IMO. If your boyfriend expects you to just let that kind of talk go, he needs to wake up. It's as if he knew you were 1/4 black, but wanted you to ignore racist comments that his family spouts just to keep the peace, which is ridiculous. Why shouldn't THEY be considerate towards YOU instead?

Like you say, you aren't ashamed of it. If you are open about it you might change some minds, or at least get people to be more circumspect about what they say.