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Hate...
I hate everyone around me. I hate the pretty girls. The skinny girls. I hate when I have to work so hard for things that come so easily to other people. I hate that I have to compete constantly. I hate my body. I hate myself. I just want to die. -
Unhappy...
Somehow I lost control for the first time in a very long time over the weekend. I don't know how much I ate and I don't even want to know. All I know was that I felt normal for a couple days. It felt good eating out with my boyfriend. It felt good making myself a plate of food and knowing I was going to eat it. I let myself go crazy ( Read more... ) -
ED Survey...
Got this from in_thedeep's journal.
ED SURVEY
*Height?: 5'7
*Weight?: 127
*Lowest Weight?: 120
*Highest Weight?: 144 recently, but 175-180 before...
*What weight do you want to weigh?: I don't know anymore.
*What eating disorder do you have?: EDNOS
In Depth
*How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: Technically about 1,000-1,500... but I'm ( Read more... ) -
Shoot Me Now...
I'm too upset to really write anything, but I'm so unhappy... if anyone ever reads this, you have my permission to just shoot me now.
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Guh...
So the doughnuts that were harassing me yesterday were still around this morning and I had one :( I thought it'd be okay... I told myself it's fine. I'll just be careful for the rest of the day and run extra or something. For a few minutes I felt like, "Yay! Doughnut!" And now I want to cry. I've reached my damn plateau on the scale which I've ( Read more... ) -
WHY?!
I'm being followed by doughnuts today and it's driving me insane. My dad came in to my room this morning with a cake doughnut covered in strawberry icing and sprinkles :s Those were my favorite when I was little and he said he got it especially for me. I woke up and looked at it... I even smelled it... and then I gave it to my dog. I felt bad ( Read more... )