The undiscovered continent needs a festival!

[imomus]

1. Although you, my dear Click Opera readers, will never know the 50-year-old Momus "directly" (I'll have slung my blog hook by the time I turn that corner), this unlikely person is arriving, and imminently. I wonder what it will be like to be such a farcically old age? I read in today's Guardian, in an interview with Martin Amis, that there's a "

Comments

50 years old

[anonymous]

do something new!

Re: 50 years old

[anonymous]

Yes, take a serious left turn. Dude rock, sponsorship by WalMart, Ted Nugent-style YouTube rants on crack, finally arrested for punching a cop whilst strong-arming a ho.

[bluesman]

I wish you had written this before my fiftieth (but then there would have been no reason for you to, eighteen months ago). I might have felt inclined to celebrate it rather than feel terrified of it.

[anonymous]

"To celebrate my fiftieth birthday," Hemingway wrote Charles Scribner in 1949, "I fucked three times, shot ten straight at pigeons (very fast ones) at the club, drank with five friends a case of Piper Heidsick Brut and looked the ocean for big fish all afternoon."

[imomus]

Looked the ocean?

[anonymous]

Maybe that's what you do when you've fucked, shot, and drank a couple of bottles of champagne...

(Mind you, Hemingway is not the example to follow, unless you're planning on blowing your brains out in 12 years' time.)

[anonymous]

Hemingway was a fucking anti-semitic, homophobic, racist and sexist square. his macho bullshit hasn't worked for ages.

[anonymous]

Momus, do you find yourself thinking more about death as the half-century hoves into view? In some ways 40 doesn't seem that different from 50, after all they're both solidly middle-aged type ages to be. But then the next milestone is decidedly different, 60 is the beginning of the end.

what wii death be like

[petit_paradis]

momus already wrote "what wiill death be like" in his 20s

[anonymous]

Think you're being too generous to fifty. If my fifties are anything to go by they mark the time when you become parent to your parents (illness, mortality), the kids are starting familes of their own, friends start dying, illnesses once acquired are hard to shake off, the body starts cracking up...

Sixty just looks like more of the same.

And, paradoxically, life s good!

[anonymous]

Momus, as you creep into late middle age, do you fear impotence at all? After all, erectile dysfunction can be a significant problem for men in their fifties. Erections can take longer to occur. Even then, they often require direct manual stimulation, and may be not quite as firm as they used to be. Also, the urge to ejaculate may be not as insistent as in your thirties and forties. Nor is the force of ejaculation as strong. Desire for and frequency of masturbation may lessen as well. The testicles often shrink too, and the scrotal sack drops. And the sack doesn't bunch up so much during arousal for fifty year old men. Just wondering if any of this worries you at all, Momus? Or are you Zen-like in your insouciance, faced with these bodily changes?

[imomus]

Jeez, do you Viagra spammers never give up?

[anonymous]

Quite possibly the single funniest response you've ever given. Nice to see you're going out at the top of your game.

[womanonfire]